mercurial me

after a week of sobriety I had a tough day at work and hit the liquor store Thurs. i hate myself enough but my girlfriend is let down enough for the both of us. i know this is negative talk, but what the f**k is the point of staying sober for a week only to slip once and have all expectations come crashing down to earth 10x harder than ever before? i can't tell if that's a sign that she just cares a lot or that she's given up hope on me or that she was just waiting for the inevitable. anywayz, just a pissed off & confused drunk writing here. i am totally on the verge of cutting my losses and giving up on my relationship with her. i realize it's not comparing apples to apples, but it seem like everything i've done doesn't mean **** as long as i can't achieve total sobriety. being an alcoholic is pure hell

God bless all the strong sober people here and all of the strong willed people struggling to stay sober tonight.

ayla zaire

mercurial.......don't beat up on yourself......most of us take a few tries before we achieve sobriety......it's not easy......

try again......try a different way.......go to a doctor, AA, rehab, whatever works for you......some people see an addiction counsellor.....

you can do this.....you made it a week, some people can't even go one day......keep trying....

hugs
ayla

Pilgrim

Hi there Mercurial,

I don't know if I should be giving advice - I have only been sober 6 days. But I am one of those struggling to stay sober tonight and nearly lost my partner a couple of days ago insisting he didn'k get drunk around me. I would rather be alone. He gets that. It's simple.

Your partner will need support at the moment and you are not in a position to give it to her. She loves you but she is scared. So are you probably. You have enough on your plate staying sober. You need to give each other a break! Chill! Don't make any big changes and decisions right now. Tell each other what you need from each other. Hugs are good. I found not doing the big issues and keeping things simple helps. Peace helps for me.

Good luck

Sunflower

Don't give up---stand back up--brush yourself off and start again.....

teej

#1, I can see something positive in this. And that is the fact that you came on here and told us about your relapse. This tells me that you STILL want sobriety! Otherwise, you would have taken this site off your bookmarks and not looked back. Correct?

#2, chit man, don't beat yourself up! Your not superman, you are human. Humans make mistakes. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

#3, This time, try to find a way to get through the evening after having a bad day at work. Do whatever you have to do, AND DON"T take that route home anymore. You already knew this was a trigger for you. Go a different way home, even if it means you have to travel 10 miles or more further. You are wayyyyy worth it!!!!

Hang in there hon, we've ALL been there!!
(((((MM))))))
tj

Missymae737

Hello Mercurial,


You made it back here, and that is important!

Forgive yourself, for some it takes several attempts to stay sober. Keep trying, don't give up.

Come back here and keep posting.

WantsOut

MM, from way out here she sound co-dependant. That means that her moods, feelings, and many other aspects of her being are wrapped around you and your issues. Maybe you could strongly suggest alanon to her. They would show her that she needs to care about herself at least as much as, if not more than, she cares about you. (I hope you understand that that's positive and not negative).

You're under a lot of pressure, but she's putting herself under a lot of pressure too. It's true that alanon might help her to find that she doesn't want to deal with alcoholism. If that's what happens you're both better off for knowing that sooner rather than later. Maybe she'll learn how to detach so you can focus on you, and she on herself, and you'll be happy together for a long time.

But as I would say if I were on the codie board, what about YOU? The real issue here is YOUR recovery and you've relapsed. Make a plan, get back on the wagon, and focus. I know you can do it

teej

How are you today MM? Get on here and talk to us ok?

mercurial me

hello hello. hi TJ. thoroughly read and re-read everyone's posts and i'm hugely grateful for the support and the advice. going to get back on the wagon today and try going to an AA meeting this afternoon. thanx for the suggestion of my partner trying alanon as I'm going to mention it to her. i promise I'll come up with a new route coming home from work TJ, that is such a simple idea but thanx for pointing it out for me. A big thanx once again to everyone for their support and being there during the tough times. hope everyone is having a good, sober Sunday

teej

YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
I'm so happy, this is a great day! Welcome back to the wagon. Hop on up here, and lets get this baby rollin!
Hey MM, your wife might benefit from reading the friends & family section on here too. "I" actually benefit from reading threads over there myself.
I'm so happy for you MM!!!

TryingisDying

Good, that is how you get sober!.....just get right back in there and listen at the meetings.....LISTEN to the advice and oldtimers....((((HUGS)))))

ayla zaire

how are you doing today??? i hope you are feeling well.........keep posting, isn't it great, the amount of support you get here??? i love this place...

CarolD

AA meetings are vital to my recovery.

Good for you!

1_day@_a_time

"what is the point of staying sober for a week only to slip......"

Hmm, not to be harsh, but maybe you aren't ready to get sober.

Mecurial:suggest, get sober for you, not someone else.

My experience, whatever you do, don't do sobriety alone........get involved in some sort of formal program.

AA saved my life.

Tom

Anna

Hi Mercurial,

I hope you had a good and sober day today and that things are looking brighter for you.

mercurial me

Hi again and huge gratitude once again for all of the support & advice. I'm on day 2 of sobriety even though it's been a rough 2 days. My body (abdomen) was incredibly painful on Sunday when I decided to sober up again. I'm seeing my doc again this week for test results and I'm 95% sure that I've overdone it with my liver. I'm only 28 but I've drank heavily for 10 years and I believe my body is telling me I've/it's had enough. I hope I won't end up like Larry Hagman going through a liver transplant in the months to come (not to sound arrogant by saying I deserve such a gift from someone else). Very scared & confused right now and trying my best to stay on track. If my liver is done, I know a lot of people are going to say it was my own fault for the lifestyle I've lived and I deserve my own fate. It's tough though because I've never drank to party it up, I've usually drank by myself to numb my anxieties. I'm sure everyone has gone through major things in life here & have probably been a lot stronger than I have and dealt with things a lot better. I couldn't find a way over these past years to cope with my legal issues, family issues, etc. without booze. It dulled my "worst case scenario thinking" to the point where it gave me a consistent perspective. I've always been the type of person who was always under the influence so many people never knew I had a problem. This post is so self-absorbed but my thanx again for everyone's support & concern. Congrats to everyone else making progress and for those who may have slipped my hope that you'll get back on the wagon

teej

MM, I was just asking you about your day on my thread that I started. Then I found this, so you dont have to retype everything. What did the doc do for tests???

Sunflower

Don't worry about your liver---it is natural for your liver to be a mess right now-all your lab results will be off the charts.The liver has the ability to heal itself--if you continue to drink that would be a different story.The Doctor told my son at25 if he continued to drink he would be dead in 10 years most likely---scary isn't it??Just think of how good you are going to feel once you get past all the crappy stuff...my son has been sober 6 months and went from 150 pounds to 200 pounds (he is 6ft4) His skin looks good--his thinking is clear---I wish you the best of luck--you CAN do it...FYI--my son took Camphor and said it really helped take away the cravings--he credits it with saving him,,,,,

mercurial me

Hi TJ. I had bloodwork taken for the works last week. I was on a drug some years ago called Methotrexate that I wasn't supposed to consume alcohol with. I admitted to him I drank heavily during that time and he's worried that my liver may be severely compromised and I may have to be booked in to the hospital for a liver biopsy. Nervous times I'm trying to get through without booze. I make sure to provide updates. Have a good night/week

teej

MM,
I was on super high doses of Methotrexate when I was on chemo. That was 1 of the 3 different "chemo's" they put me on. I drank like a fish while on it too. What were you on it for??? If you dont want to say, thats ok. Or if you want to pm me thats cool too.