I got some issues
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: CA
Posts: 115
miss u are doing a great job and very motivating to me i haven't even made 58 hrs sober so to do that on your own is completly awesome. being young and realizing your issues is a great start I'm 31 and have not figured out as much as u have. I think all of us are looking for happyness we just all looked in the wrong place, maybee we should not expect so much for ourselves??????
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by best 
I moved out and stayed away from my parents. My mom and your mom sound like the same person.
You did good by removing yourself from your brother's rants as well.
By removing myself from such, I was better able to see who I am and who I am was not the same as what they said.
Mom with all her negative words, I found that she was that way because of her own issues. I know it hurts but when I realized where it comes from I was better able to deal with it.
You are doing so many things right. Good job.
Congratulations on 58 days sober.
You are worth it.
You did good by removing yourself from your brother's rants as well.
By removing myself from such, I was better able to see who I am and who I am was not the same as what they said.
Mom with all her negative words, I found that she was that way because of her own issues. I know it hurts but when I realized where it comes from I was better able to deal with it.
You are doing so many things right. Good job.
Congratulations on 58 days sober.
You are worth it.
My mom had alot of issues, she has taken care of most of them now and she is a totally new person. But she sure gave me hell before she realized what she did. Her mom was like this to her and she had a hard life. She once told me that she wish that i never get a daughter when i have kids (i doubt i ever will, it would be great but im too scared that i will be like my mom). Cause its been like this since.. forever. Mother and daughter has never get along in my familiy. My brothers gets along very well with my mom and have always said im a trouble maker when ive tried to talk to them.
Things changed when she invited me to a trip to italy just her and me when i was 15 and we went there for a week. We sat up all night before we went home and i told her everything! Every feeling i had, all the hate i felt towards her and she wouldnt stop crying. Best thing that could happend to us. She bought me an appartment and i moved 3 months later (same month that i turned 16). We get along much better now and i dont hate her anymore but she knows that i cant forgive what she did to me and it breaks her heart.
I blame her for everything.
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by h4lov909
miss u are doing a great job and very motivating to me i haven't even made 58 hrs sober so to do that on your own is completly awesome. being young and realizing your issues is a great start I'm 31 and have not figured out as much as u have. I think all of us are looking for happyness we just all looked in the wrong place, maybee we should not expect so much for ourselves??????
I have no doubt you can stay sober for 58 days and alot more! All the things ive learn about myself is when i was sober, a clear mind does wonders when youre thinking hihi :P Once you get past the first week you will see things clear up. Im very emotional but i guess it can be nice for a change. Please let me know how youre doing. Stay sober, stay sharp! *hugs*
Originally Posted by Tazman53
Hon (Southern term) I was 52 when I quit drinking, crying is the beginning of healing. When I was drinking I drank away my emotions or the ability to express them. Sobriety for me was the first time in over thirty years I had actually felt anything inside.
I still get emotional easy today, but I feel my emations are closer to normal now. For quite a while after getting sober I would cry at the drop of a hat, but with more sober time I am finding a true happiness thanks to AA and my Higher Power.
Congrats on the 58 days, if you have AA it may not be a bad thing to go there and just check things out, AA saved this old drunks life and brought happiness and joy to a lost soul that walked through hell for years.
I still get emotional easy today, but I feel my emations are closer to normal now. For quite a while after getting sober I would cry at the drop of a hat, but with more sober time I am finding a true happiness thanks to AA and my Higher Power.
Congrats on the 58 days, if you have AA it may not be a bad thing to go there and just check things out, AA saved this old drunks life and brought happiness and joy to a lost soul that walked through hell for years.
And about AA.. i think i would be so much younger then everyone else, and i cant find time for it either. I have to try alone this time. Reading other peoples posts and answers to my posts has helped alot.
Originally Posted by I_am_tj
Hi Sweetie,
Hang in there and WAY TO GO on 58 days, wow!!! Thats awesome!
(((shhhh, told tell anyone I told you this, but the next time you go to your moms, put Vaseline in her mascara!! It wont dry!!
)))
Hang in there and WAY TO GO on 58 days, wow!!! Thats awesome!
(((shhhh, told tell anyone I told you this, but the next time you go to your moms, put Vaseline in her mascara!! It wont dry!!
)))Haha, that made me laugh. And thank you. Ye i cant belive it myself 58 days! its even 59 now. Kept myself very busy for these weeks (hey its months soon!!) Cant say its been too easy but im having a good day so im saying that i have no doubt that i can do this. My goal was 3 months without alchol and sex etc but im learing so much about myself so i will make it atleast 6 months and ill see what my goal after that will be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Hey Miss,
I was going to go and try to get some sleep until I read this.
I have the same Mum as you. Telling her how I felt didn't work for me though and we are still on pretty bad terms. I know exactly what you mean about creeping around the house trying to stay invisible. I don't remember much of my childhood but I know it was horrible. I remember how mad she was the first day I got my period because it meant she had to go back to the store. She hadn't told me what it was so I thought I was dying and she and my sister laughed at my naivity. I remember her slapping me and telling me I was a **** because my friend and I went for a bike ride in shorts. My friend was horrified and it was the first time I realised that Mum was mixed up. I was 13 and I had no idea about sex. When I was born, she said I ruined her and she couldn't have any more kids. She was mad that I was a girl because as a result, she couldn't give her husband a son. She was very sick after I was born and in hospital for 10 months. I was raised by a nanny and when she left, I started having big problems apparently. I thought nanny lady was my Mum. I know it was hard for her and your Mum was probably going through hard times too but it's time to stop caring about that and protecting and mothering ourselves.
I have abandonment stuff because of all this. I bought a book two years ago but it has always been too painful for me to read.
And you wonder why we pick men who make us unhappy? It's because unhappiness was normal in our childhood and we feel more comfortable with it. I hope we can both find some happiness now. When we stop drinking we have to face up to all this stuff and find other ways to cope instead of hitting the bottle. Stay stong and safe.
P.S. I think it is time for us to stop being brave and to start asking for help. The poor people on this site have a big job!!!
I was going to go and try to get some sleep until I read this.
I have the same Mum as you. Telling her how I felt didn't work for me though and we are still on pretty bad terms. I know exactly what you mean about creeping around the house trying to stay invisible. I don't remember much of my childhood but I know it was horrible. I remember how mad she was the first day I got my period because it meant she had to go back to the store. She hadn't told me what it was so I thought I was dying and she and my sister laughed at my naivity. I remember her slapping me and telling me I was a **** because my friend and I went for a bike ride in shorts. My friend was horrified and it was the first time I realised that Mum was mixed up. I was 13 and I had no idea about sex. When I was born, she said I ruined her and she couldn't have any more kids. She was mad that I was a girl because as a result, she couldn't give her husband a son. She was very sick after I was born and in hospital for 10 months. I was raised by a nanny and when she left, I started having big problems apparently. I thought nanny lady was my Mum. I know it was hard for her and your Mum was probably going through hard times too but it's time to stop caring about that and protecting and mothering ourselves.
I have abandonment stuff because of all this. I bought a book two years ago but it has always been too painful for me to read.
And you wonder why we pick men who make us unhappy? It's because unhappiness was normal in our childhood and we feel more comfortable with it. I hope we can both find some happiness now. When we stop drinking we have to face up to all this stuff and find other ways to cope instead of hitting the bottle. Stay stong and safe.
P.S. I think it is time for us to stop being brave and to start asking for help. The poor people on this site have a big job!!!
Last edited by Pilgrim; 02-28-2007 at 01:56 AM. Reason: Forgot the P.S.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
welcome to SR and post as often as you feel like. This can certainly be like a journal for you and will help you begin to sort out all the stuff that's inside your head. Getting it out will feel so much better. Then you can sort through it later.
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by dubsnz1964
Hey Miss,
I was going to go and try to get some sleep until I read this.
I have the same Mum as you. Telling her how I felt didn't work for me though and we are still on pretty bad terms. I know exactly what you mean about creeping around the house trying to stay invisible. I don't remember much of my childhood but I know it was horrible. I remember how mad she was the first day I got my period because it meant she had to go back to the store. She hadn't told me what it was so I thought I was dying and she and my sister laughed at my naivity. I remember her slapping me and telling me I was a **** because my friend and I went for a bike ride in shorts. My friend was horrified and it was the first time I realised that Mum was mixed up. I was 13 and I had no idea about sex. When I was born, she said I ruined her and she couldn't have any more kids. She was mad that I was a girl because as a result, she couldn't give her husband a son. She was very sick after I was born and in hospital for 10 months. I was raised by a nanny and when she left, I started having big problems apparently. I thought nanny lady was my Mum. I know it was hard for her and your Mum was probably going through hard times too but it's time to stop caring about that and protecting and mothering ourselves.
I have abandonment stuff because of all this. I bought a book two years ago but it has always been too painful for me to read.
And you wonder why we pick men who make us unhappy? It's because unhappiness was normal in our childhood and we feel more comfortable with it. I hope we can both find some happiness now. When we stop drinking we have to face up to all this stuff and find other ways to cope instead of hitting the bottle. Stay stong and safe.
P.S. I think it is time for us to stop being brave and to start asking for help. The poor people on this site have a big job!!!
I was going to go and try to get some sleep until I read this.
I have the same Mum as you. Telling her how I felt didn't work for me though and we are still on pretty bad terms. I know exactly what you mean about creeping around the house trying to stay invisible. I don't remember much of my childhood but I know it was horrible. I remember how mad she was the first day I got my period because it meant she had to go back to the store. She hadn't told me what it was so I thought I was dying and she and my sister laughed at my naivity. I remember her slapping me and telling me I was a **** because my friend and I went for a bike ride in shorts. My friend was horrified and it was the first time I realised that Mum was mixed up. I was 13 and I had no idea about sex. When I was born, she said I ruined her and she couldn't have any more kids. She was mad that I was a girl because as a result, she couldn't give her husband a son. She was very sick after I was born and in hospital for 10 months. I was raised by a nanny and when she left, I started having big problems apparently. I thought nanny lady was my Mum. I know it was hard for her and your Mum was probably going through hard times too but it's time to stop caring about that and protecting and mothering ourselves.
I have abandonment stuff because of all this. I bought a book two years ago but it has always been too painful for me to read.
And you wonder why we pick men who make us unhappy? It's because unhappiness was normal in our childhood and we feel more comfortable with it. I hope we can both find some happiness now. When we stop drinking we have to face up to all this stuff and find other ways to cope instead of hitting the bottle. Stay stong and safe.
P.S. I think it is time for us to stop being brave and to start asking for help. The poor people on this site have a big job!!!
That couldve been my mom in many ways. its a comfort reading your post. I feel for you, cause i know the feelings you had. Im sorry you couldnt work things out like me and my mom have.. kindof, still things i will never forgive her for. The things about men you said there is so very true. Ive been slapped and abused verbal and physically (spelling omg :<) by my mom, and all the boyfriends ive had has beaten me up and always been really mean to me. Ive never had a boyfriend i could goto when i was sad or that i could talk to. Never had someone to feel safe with, and i keep finding guys like that. I should get some sleep aswell. Its 11 am here and im tired. Working nightshifts sucks
Cya tomorrow and thank you for your reply. Take care.
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
WARNING! Looong really stupid'n'silly post :P
Just need to cry my heart out once in a while. sorry
Ok so ive fallen inlove twice. one time when i was 13, you think its love at that age but you realize kindof soon that its just.. i dont know.. something. That guy was 17 and it wasnt very good for me. Bad things happend. One year later i meet this other guy i fall inlove with.. a 22 year old, we stayed together for 3 years. I did everything to make it work, all he did was beat me up and yell at me, making me feel worthless. Ive met alot of men after that. Both good men and bad men but never got close to them. Its been short relationships, one night stands, older men i met online... Just sex pretty much, cause i needed to be close to someone.
Ive had some guys, guys my age who i do think could be good boyfriends, who has fallen inlove with me and all ive done is.. stopped calling, didnt pick up the phone when they called. deleted sms on the phone without replying etc. I ended it quick. I didnt think i needed someone, that i was better off alone. I wont rip my heart out for someone just to see it get abused and crushed. I know im young and that not all men are like that, but i wasnt ready. I didnt get feelings for new people.
So.. i met this guy a year ago from now. We've talked everyday during this year. Every singe day. And i havnt falled inlove with him, hes younger then me.. only 17 (yes legal in sweden!! lol :P) so i didnt even think that he could be.. a possible boyfriend. Hes just been there and been really good to me. Ive been yelling and screaming at him on the phone for no reason at all... And hes just listen to it and tells me to come over so he can hold me and that things will be ok. thats how good he is. I know ive been comming onto him when im drunk, those times when i needed someone really close again. And yet we've never had sex or even kissed! He has just told me to "wait until tomorrow, when you are sober".
My last boyfriend wouldnt even talk to me if i was calm and just needed someone to talk to. Anyways, he is the only support i have now when i try to get sober and stay sober. He saw the way i used alcohol and what kinds of trouble it got me into over and over again. He keeps telling me how good ive been this 2 months.
I think i have feelings for this guy, i didnt even notice before these 2 months, and now its so obvious. I know he really likes me and that he would worship me, for the first time ive met a guy who would love to be with me. Cause he likes who i am! Hes really into me, for who i am.
So what do i do when i realize i have feelings? I push him away, not answering his phonecalles. We talk from time to time when i call him but i just get really mad at him for silly reasons and i know he cant take much more. I make him so sad and it breaks my heart. I know i need to end this or.. i need to do something. I cant stand being this mean to someone i know care for me.
I got so mad yesterday cause he didnt woke me up, he thought i needed the sleep. I have insomnia and doesnt sleep much so i guess hes right. But i was so mad when i woke up and accused him for not wanting to spend time with me. 24 hours later im still mad and told him to **** off and never talk to me again and that he is the reason i will start drink again when he sent me a sms 20 min ago. Can you see how silly that is? I cant believe how f*cking stupid i am!
His reply was "Ok. I want to be close to you, but i rather see you sober and happy. Take care of yourself"
This is just not about him, ive been doing this for 5 years but its the other times are too late anyway and i need to stop hurting this guy. Hes too young to put so much energi into a drunken loser like myself.
Why wont i let people love me? Why wont i allow myself to love? Why am i being so mean? And why cant i end this like i want to? I will call him tonight and he will forgive me and i will hurt him again in a day or two.
So now im sat on my bed with my laptop on my knee crying thinking about how much ive failed in life. Im only 20 years old, but goddamn i fail! I blame people for hurting me so why do i hurt other people now?
I used to spend my time making people feel better and drink my own problems away. I think i prefer that.
Just need to cry my heart out once in a while. sorry
Ok so ive fallen inlove twice. one time when i was 13, you think its love at that age but you realize kindof soon that its just.. i dont know.. something. That guy was 17 and it wasnt very good for me. Bad things happend. One year later i meet this other guy i fall inlove with.. a 22 year old, we stayed together for 3 years. I did everything to make it work, all he did was beat me up and yell at me, making me feel worthless. Ive met alot of men after that. Both good men and bad men but never got close to them. Its been short relationships, one night stands, older men i met online... Just sex pretty much, cause i needed to be close to someone.
Ive had some guys, guys my age who i do think could be good boyfriends, who has fallen inlove with me and all ive done is.. stopped calling, didnt pick up the phone when they called. deleted sms on the phone without replying etc. I ended it quick. I didnt think i needed someone, that i was better off alone. I wont rip my heart out for someone just to see it get abused and crushed. I know im young and that not all men are like that, but i wasnt ready. I didnt get feelings for new people.
So.. i met this guy a year ago from now. We've talked everyday during this year. Every singe day. And i havnt falled inlove with him, hes younger then me.. only 17 (yes legal in sweden!! lol :P) so i didnt even think that he could be.. a possible boyfriend. Hes just been there and been really good to me. Ive been yelling and screaming at him on the phone for no reason at all... And hes just listen to it and tells me to come over so he can hold me and that things will be ok. thats how good he is. I know ive been comming onto him when im drunk, those times when i needed someone really close again. And yet we've never had sex or even kissed! He has just told me to "wait until tomorrow, when you are sober".
My last boyfriend wouldnt even talk to me if i was calm and just needed someone to talk to. Anyways, he is the only support i have now when i try to get sober and stay sober. He saw the way i used alcohol and what kinds of trouble it got me into over and over again. He keeps telling me how good ive been this 2 months.
I think i have feelings for this guy, i didnt even notice before these 2 months, and now its so obvious. I know he really likes me and that he would worship me, for the first time ive met a guy who would love to be with me. Cause he likes who i am! Hes really into me, for who i am.
So what do i do when i realize i have feelings? I push him away, not answering his phonecalles. We talk from time to time when i call him but i just get really mad at him for silly reasons and i know he cant take much more. I make him so sad and it breaks my heart. I know i need to end this or.. i need to do something. I cant stand being this mean to someone i know care for me.
I got so mad yesterday cause he didnt woke me up, he thought i needed the sleep. I have insomnia and doesnt sleep much so i guess hes right. But i was so mad when i woke up and accused him for not wanting to spend time with me. 24 hours later im still mad and told him to **** off and never talk to me again and that he is the reason i will start drink again when he sent me a sms 20 min ago. Can you see how silly that is? I cant believe how f*cking stupid i am!
His reply was "Ok. I want to be close to you, but i rather see you sober and happy. Take care of yourself"
This is just not about him, ive been doing this for 5 years but its the other times are too late anyway and i need to stop hurting this guy. Hes too young to put so much energi into a drunken loser like myself.
Why wont i let people love me? Why wont i allow myself to love? Why am i being so mean? And why cant i end this like i want to? I will call him tonight and he will forgive me and i will hurt him again in a day or two.
So now im sat on my bed with my laptop on my knee crying thinking about how much ive failed in life. Im only 20 years old, but goddamn i fail! I blame people for hurting me so why do i hurt other people now?
I used to spend my time making people feel better and drink my own problems away. I think i prefer that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I posted a long answer to you last night but I don't know what happened to it. Did I put it on another thread? I may have but I keep losing things at the moment. Did you read my reply? Are you OK? Are you there today? Please come to the board.
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Dubsnz - i think i read your post not sure. was it about that my first bf should be in jail? That guy and his friend raped me so he should be in jail for more reasons then one. And no havnt talked to anyone about it. Sure people knew i was with him, but i dunno. My bf when i was 14 was 22 and he stayed togheter for 3 years. kindof disgusting now when i think about it, what does a 22 year old see in a 14 year old girl? If i see a 14 year old now i see a kid and im only 20 lol.
And no im not ok, im feeling way too selfish for even posting here. I cant believe im asking people for help, crying my heart out but im so crap at helping others. I try but really doesnt seem like i have alot to offer. Ive always taken care of myself, not sharing anything. Drowned myself in booze and not hurting anyone else but me, i still prefer that over being sober sometimes.
Yesterday was aweful, woke up and first thought on my mind was alcohol! I felt it in my enitre body. the urge for alcohol. Had the feeling that someone had punched me really hard in the chest and belly like i was struggling to breath normal. And every single part of my body was tickling! And i couldnt think of anything else. I was so close of giving up. I wasnt even thiking "i can handle one glass", i wanted to drink until i couldnt even remember my name. For real. I feel so useless and selfish. All i think about is me. See how long this post is? this is what im talking about. Its so horrible.
Anyways i called this guy i was talking about in my last post. (as i said he forgived me) we went and bought food. I asked/tried to convince him all the way to the store that he wanted something to drink for dinner. He just said no and i was mad at him for a while cause of that, guess i wanted a partner in crime (lol). Im glad hes so calm, he didnt get upset at all even tho i was mad at him for such a silly reason. Anyways i cooked (i love cooking!) and we watched tv and i fell asleep on the sofa. Still sober. But damn it was a close one, closest ive been to drinking.
Thanks for asking if i was ok dubsnz. I was thinking about how you were doing last night when i wasnt here. Dont want to sound all freaky but I feel so connected to you (guess its cause of the mother thing, im sorry for bringing it up) and im so pleased that youre doing such a great job staying sober
And By His Blood. Thank you so much. ive read what you wrote more then once and gave your post some thought, and youre so right. I really appriciate your advice, im glad you took your time to answer me. I will stay out of relationships or atleast not think about it and focus on me. I wont stop seeing him, he really is a good guy. But i will try to keep some distance without being mean to him.
I can stand being alone, i like being alone most of the time. What worries me is that i push people away like i do and that im mean to people that i know cares about me. But i guess its about what you said about not loving myself.
Thank you again for your bumps dubsnz and by his blood. <3 Felt great comming back seeing this. thanks for cheering me up. I felt so aweful thats why i havnt logged on.
And no im not ok, im feeling way too selfish for even posting here. I cant believe im asking people for help, crying my heart out but im so crap at helping others. I try but really doesnt seem like i have alot to offer. Ive always taken care of myself, not sharing anything. Drowned myself in booze and not hurting anyone else but me, i still prefer that over being sober sometimes.
Yesterday was aweful, woke up and first thought on my mind was alcohol! I felt it in my enitre body. the urge for alcohol. Had the feeling that someone had punched me really hard in the chest and belly like i was struggling to breath normal. And every single part of my body was tickling! And i couldnt think of anything else. I was so close of giving up. I wasnt even thiking "i can handle one glass", i wanted to drink until i couldnt even remember my name. For real. I feel so useless and selfish. All i think about is me. See how long this post is? this is what im talking about. Its so horrible.
Anyways i called this guy i was talking about in my last post. (as i said he forgived me) we went and bought food. I asked/tried to convince him all the way to the store that he wanted something to drink for dinner. He just said no and i was mad at him for a while cause of that, guess i wanted a partner in crime (lol). Im glad hes so calm, he didnt get upset at all even tho i was mad at him for such a silly reason. Anyways i cooked (i love cooking!) and we watched tv and i fell asleep on the sofa. Still sober. But damn it was a close one, closest ive been to drinking.
Thanks for asking if i was ok dubsnz. I was thinking about how you were doing last night when i wasnt here. Dont want to sound all freaky but I feel so connected to you (guess its cause of the mother thing, im sorry for bringing it up) and im so pleased that youre doing such a great job staying sober
And By His Blood. Thank you so much. ive read what you wrote more then once and gave your post some thought, and youre so right. I really appriciate your advice, im glad you took your time to answer me. I will stay out of relationships or atleast not think about it and focus on me. I wont stop seeing him, he really is a good guy. But i will try to keep some distance without being mean to him.
I can stand being alone, i like being alone most of the time. What worries me is that i push people away like i do and that im mean to people that i know cares about me. But i guess its about what you said about not loving myself.
Thank you again for your bumps dubsnz and by his blood. <3 Felt great comming back seeing this. thanks for cheering me up. I felt so aweful thats why i havnt logged on.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
Minnie (I see everyone calls you that now), please please please don't stop posting. Your story and courage inspires me, I only wish I had that when I was your age. I can't imagine how hard things are for you and I won't pretend to try. We're all here when you need to talk, don't worry about what you post or how long they are, something you say will definately help someone else.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Don't stay away again hunny. Specially when you are feeling so low. That's just when we need you here.
You have done so well to be sober for so long. This is a dangerous time though. I have read a lot here and it seems to me that the initial excitement wears off and those rats come back to bite us.
I know exactly the feeling of waking up and wanting a drink. And I know what you mean about not just wanting a drink. We want to drink until the pain is gone. We want to be in a coma!!!!! It's the pits.
Keep talking and please please please don't go away again. I am connected to you to and I need you to be here. You don't know how much you have helped me. The pushing away thing is trying to keep your feelings out. You are probably like me and you think that if you let the feelings out of the bag, you will lose control.
Come here when you feel like that. OOOOOO - and I got some good advice from Ed. He told me the danger signs that we have to avoid to make it easier on ourselves. Remember HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Any three of these at one time is enough for us to lose control over how we are feeling. We will want to drink if we get to that stage. So, my darling, eat! sleep! keep that friend around the place (I like the sound of him more and more)! and don;t let anyone or anything interfere with your inner peace and calm. You have a really important job - more important than the President. You have to focus all your energy on it. Staying sober until things improve!! O, and only put music on that you like - not someone else's.
((((((((((((((((((((missinme))))))))))))))))))
You have done so well to be sober for so long. This is a dangerous time though. I have read a lot here and it seems to me that the initial excitement wears off and those rats come back to bite us.
I know exactly the feeling of waking up and wanting a drink. And I know what you mean about not just wanting a drink. We want to drink until the pain is gone. We want to be in a coma!!!!! It's the pits.
Keep talking and please please please don't go away again. I am connected to you to and I need you to be here. You don't know how much you have helped me. The pushing away thing is trying to keep your feelings out. You are probably like me and you think that if you let the feelings out of the bag, you will lose control.
Come here when you feel like that. OOOOOO - and I got some good advice from Ed. He told me the danger signs that we have to avoid to make it easier on ourselves. Remember HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Any three of these at one time is enough for us to lose control over how we are feeling. We will want to drink if we get to that stage. So, my darling, eat! sleep! keep that friend around the place (I like the sound of him more and more)! and don;t let anyone or anything interfere with your inner peace and calm. You have a really important job - more important than the President. You have to focus all your energy on it. Staying sober until things improve!! O, and only put music on that you like - not someone else's.
((((((((((((((((((((missinme))))))))))))))))))
Last edited by Pilgrim; 03-03-2007 at 12:52 PM. Reason: cos
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by Talluleh
Minnie (I see everyone calls you that now), please please please don't stop posting. Your story and courage inspires me, I only wish I had that when I was your age. I can't imagine how hard things are for you and I won't pretend to try. We're all here when you need to talk, don't worry about what you post or how long they are, something you say will definately help someone else.
Ye its thanks to by his blood. and i must say i like it... Minnie.
I feel like i ask for too much when i keep posting this looong loong post about myself. I feel selfish and aweful. I wanna help other! Im not good with giving adivce cause im so caught up in myself as it is, and it makes me sad.
I dont think im in more emotional pain then anyone else. Whatever happens to you and no mather what problems you have its still your problems. And as long as you live with them you have to deal with them. No mather how big/small they are. I just think we handle emotions, pressure, stress etc in diffrent ways.
Thanks for your reply, all your kind answers makes me feel alot better.
Love
// Minnie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
Minnie if people don't want to read they wouldn't but I guarantee they are. We can all see ourselves in each other. You are NOT selfish and most certainly NOT awful. You are kind and smart and I promise you, your words help other people.
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by dubsnz1964
Don't stay away again hunny. Specially when you are feeling so low. That's just when we need you here.
You have done so well to be sober for so long. This is a dangerous time though. I have read a lot here and it seems to me that the initial excitement wears off and those rats come back to bite us.
I know exactly the feeling of waking up and wanting a drink. And I know what you mean about not just wanting a drink. We want to drink until the pain is gone. We want to be in a coma!!!!! It's the pits.
Keep talking and please please please don't go away again. I am connected to you to and I need you to be here. You don't know how much you have helped me. The pushing away thing is trying to keep your feelings out. You are probably like me and you think that if you let the feelings out of the bag, you will lose control.
Come here when you feel like that. OOOOOO - and I got some good advice from Ed. He told me the danger signs that we have to avoid to make it easier on ourselves. Remember HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Any three of these at one time is enough for us to lose control over how we are feeling. We will want to drink if we get to that stage. So, my darling, eat! sleep! keep that friend around the place (I like the sound of him more and more)! and don;t let anyone or anything interfere with your inner peace and calm. You have a really important job - more important than the President. You have to focus all your energy on it. Staying sober until things improve!! O, and only put music on that you like - not someone else's.
((((((((((((((((((((missinme))))))))))))))))))
You have done so well to be sober for so long. This is a dangerous time though. I have read a lot here and it seems to me that the initial excitement wears off and those rats come back to bite us.
I know exactly the feeling of waking up and wanting a drink. And I know what you mean about not just wanting a drink. We want to drink until the pain is gone. We want to be in a coma!!!!! It's the pits.
Keep talking and please please please don't go away again. I am connected to you to and I need you to be here. You don't know how much you have helped me. The pushing away thing is trying to keep your feelings out. You are probably like me and you think that if you let the feelings out of the bag, you will lose control.
Come here when you feel like that. OOOOOO - and I got some good advice from Ed. He told me the danger signs that we have to avoid to make it easier on ourselves. Remember HALT. Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. Any three of these at one time is enough for us to lose control over how we are feeling. We will want to drink if we get to that stage. So, my darling, eat! sleep! keep that friend around the place (I like the sound of him more and more)! and don;t let anyone or anything interfere with your inner peace and calm. You have a really important job - more important than the President. You have to focus all your energy on it. Staying sober until things improve!! O, and only put music on that you like - not someone else's.
((((((((((((((((((((missinme))))))))))))))))))
Im glad you feel connected to me aswell, im reading your posts and i recognize the feelings you have and the things youre going through. And ye im so scared of showing what i feel. People say i never smile. I dont cry either. Or i didnt when i was drinking, i do now. Jesus help me stop crying, and im even smiling reading on this board aswell. Emotions, feelings.. they are out of control now but i hope it will be better soon.
60 days.. 2 months seems like alot of people fall back around those days. Been reading alot here aswell. Atm its just cause i have no alcohol at home and the store is closed, thats why im still sober. These two days have been so hard.
Im glad to be back here tho, your and by his bloods bumps on this thread made me so happy. <3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Those emotions are really hard to deal with and it's like being on a roller coaster ride. But it's not at all fun and it's a dangerous one. I sat at work on Thursday afternoon crying with my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. I was pretty sure I was having a nervous breakdown. About then, I thought that a drink would actually save my life because if I went on without one, I was going to jump out the office window instead. Chris was online and he saved my life. Sent me a PM to come back to the board.
We are depressed. Depression is a different sort of disease that comes from being an alcoholic. Drinking will make the depression worse, not better. Please remember that. If you start drinking now, it would be a really really really really .......BAD thing (not naughty bad). I made an appointment with my counsellor. Just knowing I have got an appointment helped a lot.
What if you focus on the depression for today and try to work out how you could get help for that? Make an appointment to see a doc or a counsellor sweet.
xxxx here with you xxxxxx
We are depressed. Depression is a different sort of disease that comes from being an alcoholic. Drinking will make the depression worse, not better. Please remember that. If you start drinking now, it would be a really really really really .......BAD thing (not naughty bad). I made an appointment with my counsellor. Just knowing I have got an appointment helped a lot.
What if you focus on the depression for today and try to work out how you could get help for that? Make an appointment to see a doc or a counsellor sweet.
xxxx here with you xxxxxx
Bittersweet
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Stockholm
Posts: 165
Originally Posted by dubsnz1964
Those emotions are really hard to deal with and it's like being on a roller coaster ride. But it's not at all fun and it's a dangerous one. I sat at work on Thursday afternoon crying with my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. I was pretty sure I was having a nervous breakdown. About then, I thought that a drink would actually save my life because if I went on without one, I was going to jump out the office window instead. Chris was online and he saved my life. Sent me a PM to come back to the board.
We are depressed. Depression is a different sort of disease that comes from being an alcoholic. Drinking will make the depression worse, not better. Please remember that. If you start drinking now, it would be a really really really really .......BAD thing (not naughty bad). I made an appointment with my counsellor. Just knowing I have got an appointment helped a lot.
What if you focus on the depression for today and try to work out how you could get help for that? Make an appointment to see a doc or a counsellor sweet.
xxxx here with you xxxxxx
We are depressed. Depression is a different sort of disease that comes from being an alcoholic. Drinking will make the depression worse, not better. Please remember that. If you start drinking now, it would be a really really really really .......BAD thing (not naughty bad). I made an appointment with my counsellor. Just knowing I have got an appointment helped a lot.
What if you focus on the depression for today and try to work out how you could get help for that? Make an appointment to see a doc or a counsellor sweet.
xxxx here with you xxxxxx
As i said.. i havnt talked about my feelings and my life with anyone. Noone. I talked to some counsellor in school for like 6 years ago but she called my parents and said that i was suicidal wich i never have been. Never wanted to kill myself. Never had a reason for living, but thats another thing. Dont trust counsellors since then. I didnt open up much to her, what ive told you here is ALOT more then i ever told anyone. I think i have to start here. I dont trust people at all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Missminime
I feel like i ask for too much when i keep posting this looong loong post about myself. I feel selfish and aweful. I wanna help other! Im not good with giving adivce cause im so caught up in myself as it is, and it makes me sad.
Love
// Minnie
Love
// Minnie
Just a word from an old(er) fart who has extensive dealings with young women in your age group...
This place is about YOU, it is not about coming here to help others. There is a lot of generosity of experience and wisdom here: use it! Suck it up, internalize it, learn from it. Ask more questions than you feel comfortable with.
It's great that you want to help others, but can a baby teach a grown athlete how to run? (not to suggest that you are a baby!....just an analogy).
You are allowed to be 20 years old here. You are allowed to admit that you don't have all the answers. I'm in my 40's and I promise that I have more questions than answers.
As suggested above, sobriety must be the first, and foremost, on your list for self-growth. You are strong enough and smart enough to recognize that and you should be damned proud that you are taking that first, very positive step!
The ability to help others comes in strange, usually unsuspected, ways. I guarantee that the simple act of you telling your story here has already helped more people than you know of. Can you not imagine some other 20-something year old woman saying, "That sounds just like me! Maybe I'm NOT so crazy!"?
Stay the course, and I'm glad you found this outlet.
Earl
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
Originally Posted by UncleEarl
(I kinda like the name 'Minnie')
This place is about YOU, it is not about coming here to help others. There is a lot of generosity of experience and wisdom here: use it! Suck it up, internalize it, learn from it. Ask more questions than you feel comfortable with.
Earl
This place is about YOU, it is not about coming here to help others. There is a lot of generosity of experience and wisdom here: use it! Suck it up, internalize it, learn from it. Ask more questions than you feel comfortable with.
Earl
Earl is sooooooo right! You help us just by opening up.
I understand about the counsellors but now you are older they can't do that again. That silly counsellor was probably just doing things by the rule book. Maybe now you are a bit older you could try giving it another go??? Only if it would make you feel better though.
xx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
