zJoe99

Hi Everybody,

Hope you all are doing good. I'm a real mess right now but I have an appointment set up at a local treatment center for Monday. Wish me luck. I have to go in there and make it work. I feel very hopeful but I'm a little nervous too.

I have to swallow my pride and trust these strangers. May not sound like a big deal but it is for me. I'm a complete loner with no friends or family. I had friends 5 years ago but I lost touch with everybody when I started this latest binge. Yep, a 5 year bender.

I quit the good corporate job I held for 12 years after a stupid argument with my manager. Went home and started drinking. Added crack to the mix a few years ago. Anyway, now I'm pretty much a mental and physical wreck. I have 3 arrests under my belt and I'm almost broke. Had a pretty fat stock account when I started. Almost all gone now.

My life used to be pretty good. I don't have a good explanation for why I've destroyed myself. Depression and a nagging feeling of not living up to what I thought I should be? I just don't know. Hard to look back and figure things out now. Everything is smothered in a booze/dope haze. One thing I know.. as bad as I thought things were then, they are certainly far worse now.

Anyway, I'm signed up for that program now. I'm feel a little negative about my chances. Don't see much of a future for me at my age. I have this feeling that my life and time has come and gone. All washed up. Those are the kind of thoughts that keep going through my mind. But, I have this desparate desire to connect to other people. I really want to break out of my isolation and experience human love and friendship again.

Well, I'm new here. I don't know how this reads. Probably pretty stupid. I'm fresh off a drunk/crack jag so please forgive me. Hopefully, my last run. I'll lay up sick this weekend and hit my appointment Monday morning.

Any wisdom, encouragement, advise or love from you guys would be appreciated.

Joe

teej

Hiya Joe!!
So glad you found SR! This place rocks. So much love & understanding.

On the quote above: When your therapy begins, they & we will try to help you understand, so you can move on with a happy, productive life. Welcome to the rest of your life dude ~ glad you're here!!

tj

mikel60

Hey Joe,
Good to hear you. I went on a ten year bender once, just after my last baseball game in college. I didn't even go take my finals. Booze, crack. coke, a little heroin - everything, but mostly booze. It ended with a trip to AA. That journey is still going on. It is awesome and can change your life - for the better. Best of luck, hang in there, and keep posting. There's a lot of wisdom and sobriety here.
Mike in Boston

Astro

Welcome Joe, so glad you're here!

Step 1 in AA is: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Are ya ready?

Your story is not unique, many of us can relate to your experiences. Sobriety is a wonderful journey, and I hope you'll join us.

Scott

Missymae737

Hi Joe and welcome to SR,

You didn't intentionally try to destroy yourself, it was the addiction to the substances you used. You haven't fully destroyed yourself yet, because you have made the right choice in getting help and coming here. You are on your way to recovery!

You can do this!