Moderation??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 5
Moderation??
I'm new to this and admittedly (obviously) still coming to terms with what it might really mean to have an "addiction."
Does everyone here believe that quitting altogether is the only answer? Is it possible to learn to "use" alcohol (my substance of choice) in a more healty and moderate fashion?
I accept that I have all the hallmarks of an addictive personality. But does anyone believe that it might be possible to learn to enjoy one or two glasses of wine/cocktails like a "normal" person? I have a lot of trouble accepting what this is going to do to my social life if I can't drink anymore ever. I have a lot of anxieties about "boring-ness" (which I've heard other people express here too). And I do love the pretty, aesthetic pleasure of a drink - when I can stop it from getting out of hand (this is where I have trouble).
Does it have to be all or nothing???
fastrabbit!!!
Does everyone here believe that quitting altogether is the only answer? Is it possible to learn to "use" alcohol (my substance of choice) in a more healty and moderate fashion?
I accept that I have all the hallmarks of an addictive personality. But does anyone believe that it might be possible to learn to enjoy one or two glasses of wine/cocktails like a "normal" person? I have a lot of trouble accepting what this is going to do to my social life if I can't drink anymore ever. I have a lot of anxieties about "boring-ness" (which I've heard other people express here too). And I do love the pretty, aesthetic pleasure of a drink - when I can stop it from getting out of hand (this is where I have trouble).
Does it have to be all or nothing???
fastrabbit!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 02-18-2007 at 12:41 PM. Reason: Forgot to welcome the newcomer
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I think it's simple. If you're an alcoholic moderation will never work. If you're not, it should work fine. Try stopping drinking completely for a period such a three months and see what happens. If you're not an alcoholic, you should no problem doing this, and moderation will probably work just fine for you.
I should also add that I felt exactly the same loss as you feel. One of my favourite books is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It expresses the feelings of losing a lover when stopping drinking.
I should also add that I felt exactly the same loss as you feel. One of my favourite books is "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It expresses the feelings of losing a lover when stopping drinking.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Hey Fast,
I certainly am not qualified to even label you an alcoholic. Only you can do that. It may have been suggested earlier, but in the BB there are some suggestions on how to determine for yourself if you are. That being said, I do know that if someone is truly an alcoholic, the only way to turn things around is abstinence.
There are a few cases in the BB where folks who are not alcoholics but just "hard drinkers" can cut down or moderate. There also a story about a man, an alcoholic, who knew that if he continued the way he was going he would never be successful. He then quite cold turkey for 30 years. After retiring however, he started drinking again and within four years he was dead.
Many people come into AA believing that they'll "learn how to drink." Unfortunately for the vast majority it just doesn't work. You see, alcohol is but a symptom of a much deeper condition. Many folks can go for some time without drinking, but they are miserable if the are truly alcoholic. I don't know if you've looked at the steps of AA yet, but if you do, you'll notice that the word alcohol is only mentioned twice, once in the 1st step and once in the 12th step. What alcoholics are really dealing with is not knowing how to live. They drink because they like the effect that alcohol has on them. It tends to give them a sense of ease and comfort they can find nowhere else. I've often said that if water had given me the same ease and comfort as alcohol, I would have been a waterholic. What I and others like me did was to discover a way of life that brings me that same ease and comfort that alcohol used to.
I know how you feel about the effect alcoholism might have on your social life. I spent many a night wondering how I was going to enjoy myself without it. How was I going to be the same jovial person if I couldn't drink? Fortunately, the consequences of drinking, the arrests, the fights with my family, the DWI, and many others finally convinced me that I had no choice but to stop. If there had not been any negative consequences I would never have stopped. Unfortunately for an alcoholic, there are always negative consequences that come from drinking. Maybe not every time we drink, but most times.
If you can learn how to drink and be happy, I applaud you.
I certainly am not qualified to even label you an alcoholic. Only you can do that. It may have been suggested earlier, but in the BB there are some suggestions on how to determine for yourself if you are. That being said, I do know that if someone is truly an alcoholic, the only way to turn things around is abstinence.
There are a few cases in the BB where folks who are not alcoholics but just "hard drinkers" can cut down or moderate. There also a story about a man, an alcoholic, who knew that if he continued the way he was going he would never be successful. He then quite cold turkey for 30 years. After retiring however, he started drinking again and within four years he was dead.
Many people come into AA believing that they'll "learn how to drink." Unfortunately for the vast majority it just doesn't work. You see, alcohol is but a symptom of a much deeper condition. Many folks can go for some time without drinking, but they are miserable if the are truly alcoholic. I don't know if you've looked at the steps of AA yet, but if you do, you'll notice that the word alcohol is only mentioned twice, once in the 1st step and once in the 12th step. What alcoholics are really dealing with is not knowing how to live. They drink because they like the effect that alcohol has on them. It tends to give them a sense of ease and comfort they can find nowhere else. I've often said that if water had given me the same ease and comfort as alcohol, I would have been a waterholic. What I and others like me did was to discover a way of life that brings me that same ease and comfort that alcohol used to.
I know how you feel about the effect alcoholism might have on your social life. I spent many a night wondering how I was going to enjoy myself without it. How was I going to be the same jovial person if I couldn't drink? Fortunately, the consequences of drinking, the arrests, the fights with my family, the DWI, and many others finally convinced me that I had no choice but to stop. If there had not been any negative consequences I would never have stopped. Unfortunately for an alcoholic, there are always negative consequences that come from drinking. Maybe not every time we drink, but most times.
If you can learn how to drink and be happy, I applaud you.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: London
Posts: 12
Thinking about being at social gatherings where it is customary to consume alcohol and not drinking was tough for me to think about, as it is for most.
In my experience so far it is possible to enjoy these events without alcohol. When I find myself thinking about drinking I use a little visualisation. One the one hand I could drink, enjoy the brief buzz i'd get and picture myself drunk, uncoordinated, red and swollen faced. On the other hand I can abstain, maintain my appearance and faculties, and enjoy the gathering.
If you find that you are an alcoholic you'll inevitably find there is no such thing as moderation.
In the end, there is no glamour with alcohol, it's another illusion.
In my experience so far it is possible to enjoy these events without alcohol. When I find myself thinking about drinking I use a little visualisation. One the one hand I could drink, enjoy the brief buzz i'd get and picture myself drunk, uncoordinated, red and swollen faced. On the other hand I can abstain, maintain my appearance and faculties, and enjoy the gathering.
If you find that you are an alcoholic you'll inevitably find there is no such thing as moderation.
In the end, there is no glamour with alcohol, it's another illusion.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by 1_day@_a_time 
Lack of power is our dilemma.
If we could "control" our drinking, we already would have........
If we could "control" our drinking, we already would have........
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Hey Nocell..........well, great it helped!
Candidly, that's not my thinking, it's what I've aquired along the path in sobriety.
I strive to give back, what has been so freely been given to me.
Nothing I've got is original.
The journey has hardly begun......hope you get the same being sober!
Tom
Candidly, that's not my thinking, it's what I've aquired along the path in sobriety.
I strive to give back, what has been so freely been given to me.
Nothing I've got is original.
The journey has hardly begun......hope you get the same being sober!
Tom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 5
Thanks for all the responses.
I think that I demonstrate an incidence of moderation every now and again, and I get all hopeful and think - "I can handle this!".
But the much more consistent pattern for me is that one drink is a total downward spiral. It's as if after just one glass, some demonic switch gets flipped in my brain and I just want, and want, and want... that's the kind of devil everyone's saying does not abide moderation, right? I know that devil.
Crap.
f-rabbit
I think that I demonstrate an incidence of moderation every now and again, and I get all hopeful and think - "I can handle this!".
But the much more consistent pattern for me is that one drink is a total downward spiral. It's as if after just one glass, some demonic switch gets flipped in my brain and I just want, and want, and want... that's the kind of devil everyone's saying does not abide moderation, right? I know that devil.
Crap.
f-rabbit
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello fastrabbit -
i have a 22 year old daughter who is 5 months clean and sober from all alcohol and cocaine use.
she tried many times in the past to control/limit her drinking, and was not successful.
she also felt overwhelmed by the idea of "forever" and "never". she learned through aa to just take it one day at a time. when she doesn't get too far ahead in her sobriety - it is managable.
blessings, k
i have a 22 year old daughter who is 5 months clean and sober from all alcohol and cocaine use.
she tried many times in the past to control/limit her drinking, and was not successful.
she also felt overwhelmed by the idea of "forever" and "never". she learned through aa to just take it one day at a time. when she doesn't get too far ahead in her sobriety - it is managable.
blessings, k
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Well...
^*^*^*^*^
Control
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic,
he passes into a state where
the most powerful desire to stop drinking
is of absolutely no avail.
This tragic situation has already arrived
in practically every case long before it is suspected.
c. 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 24
^*^*^*^*^
Thought to Consider . . .
When a person tries to control their drinking
they have already lost control.
^*^*^*^*^
Control
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic,
he passes into a state where
the most powerful desire to stop drinking
is of absolutely no avail.
This tragic situation has already arrived
in practically every case long before it is suspected.
c. 2001 AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 24
^*^*^*^*^
Thought to Consider . . .
When a person tries to control their drinking
they have already lost control.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Yes, Carol is right. We never know when we cross that invisible line. But, there is no going back.
When I spent years trying to moderate, I found that I was obsessing about drinking. All I wanted to think about was when I could next drink, where and what. It was such a relief to stop and clear my mind.
When I spent years trying to moderate, I found that I was obsessing about drinking. All I wanted to think about was when I could next drink, where and what. It was such a relief to stop and clear my mind.
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