New to This
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Arizona USA
Posts: 9
New to This
Hi - I really don't know where to start with this - but I have enjoyed reading
this online - so I became a memeber today. I not not currently in AA and Am not in any type of treatment program. I have tried to find treatment programs in this area - but end up getting bogged down with insurance issues - and waiting for call backs from facilities.. and in the interim - would start drinking again. Well, here I am on day 3.. again - full of anxiety - after this past 3 day binge ended so badly - upsetting my family and children - that i simply have to take control of this somehow. I started this binge on sunday with a few bottles of wine - and promised myself - this would be the last - on monday i went and bought a 1/2 gallon of vodka - and by wednesday - i was totally out of control. In hiding my drinking - and trying not to lead on that i was absolutely drunk out of my mind - i made up a story about having been at the hospital - and that they had given me morphine. I have a blood clot in my leg - so this seemed the most plausible explanation. But - I scared my family to death - I have a daughter in college - out of state- and a teenage son here at home with me. I drove on wednesday to pick him up - and I remember driving with only one eye open to help keep me driving "normal".. I realize the dangers of all of this - and I am mortified and ashamed of my behavior beyond words.
Well, I just needed to share this with someone - and try to get this off my chest and out of my head - in an attempt to kick this once and for all..
thanks for listening
this online - so I became a memeber today. I not not currently in AA and Am not in any type of treatment program. I have tried to find treatment programs in this area - but end up getting bogged down with insurance issues - and waiting for call backs from facilities.. and in the interim - would start drinking again. Well, here I am on day 3.. again - full of anxiety - after this past 3 day binge ended so badly - upsetting my family and children - that i simply have to take control of this somehow. I started this binge on sunday with a few bottles of wine - and promised myself - this would be the last - on monday i went and bought a 1/2 gallon of vodka - and by wednesday - i was totally out of control. In hiding my drinking - and trying not to lead on that i was absolutely drunk out of my mind - i made up a story about having been at the hospital - and that they had given me morphine. I have a blood clot in my leg - so this seemed the most plausible explanation. But - I scared my family to death - I have a daughter in college - out of state- and a teenage son here at home with me. I drove on wednesday to pick him up - and I remember driving with only one eye open to help keep me driving "normal".. I realize the dangers of all of this - and I am mortified and ashamed of my behavior beyond words.
Well, I just needed to share this with someone - and try to get this off my chest and out of my head - in an attempt to kick this once and for all..
thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 401
Hi & welcome! I'm new here too and this is only my second sober day in a row for a long time. I'm sorry you had such a tough week but I hope can do your best to try and get on sober stretch. You sound like you might be going through some guilt right now from the events that have happened lately and for not being truthful. I'm not being judgemental (god knows I should have had about a million DUI's by now and I've lost track of how many times I've lied to others to hide my alcohol problem.). Guilt can be very self-defeating and a vicious cycle for an alcoholic. Try and find strength by getting through the next hour, the next day, and I know you'll get on a role and things won't feel like they're spinning out of control. Take care and keep us updated!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
PrayingLately,
You aren't alone. I can remember the old "one eye on the road" routine. Scared the hell out of me. If you haven't been to AA yet why don't you give that a try? Just open the phone book and look for Alcoholics Anonymous in the yellow pages under alcohol or addiction. Please don't use the insurance issues as an excuse to get drunk. Most of the folks I've run into at AA over the last 20 years have never been to a treatment facility.
In the meantime, keep posting here. You have many friends who are anxious to help.
You aren't alone. I can remember the old "one eye on the road" routine. Scared the hell out of me. If you haven't been to AA yet why don't you give that a try? Just open the phone book and look for Alcoholics Anonymous in the yellow pages under alcohol or addiction. Please don't use the insurance issues as an excuse to get drunk. Most of the folks I've run into at AA over the last 20 years have never been to a treatment facility.
In the meantime, keep posting here. You have many friends who are anxious to help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
PrayingLately,
My heart goes out to you. I know all to well the hopelessness and shame one feels when we TRY to control our addiction. The important thing is you have reached out for help. It is here and there is much useful information shared here. Remember, we are not bad people because we struggle with addiction.
You fell, stand back up and fight. You deserve sobriety.
My heart goes out to you. I know all to well the hopelessness and shame one feels when we TRY to control our addiction. The important thing is you have reached out for help. It is here and there is much useful information shared here. Remember, we are not bad people because we struggle with addiction.
You fell, stand back up and fight. You deserve sobriety.
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