fastrabbit

I'm tired of feeling unhealthy and slavish to my alcohol addiction.

I know that I use alcohol to avoid my feelings and to shut myself off. In my head, I feel like there are ten televisions sets blaring all the time. Drinking shuts them down.

I'm scared of being left to deal with all of this dissonance in my head. I'm scared of being boring (someone else said this today), even though I know that my alcoholism actually makes me dull. I'm scared of having a more balanced and level life because I think I secretly get off on the cycles of self-loathing and promise-of-redemption that this addiction feeds. I'm scared of having to learn how to relax. I'm scared of having to learn how I feel. And I'm scared of failing.

I have enlisted the help of my therapist, but she won't be there when the craving sets in tomorrow around what was formerly known as happy hour.

Thanks for letting me vent...

best

Welcome to SR.
You just happen to be in an area that has lots of support groups available in AA.
If I was able to do it, I am sure you can do it and you won't fail at it.
When we don't try, we have failed already.
You have already taken the first step by reaching out for answers. AA programs use what is called the 12 steps. As we work with the steps, we find growth and strength to seek change with our drinking but it also helps us in all areas of our life at the same time.
You will do good. I believe in you.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome to SR!

Your new "happy Hour" spot can be
an AA meeting.

In AA we often say
"FEAR...face everything and recover"

It's good to see you have a ttherapist,
that can be very beneficial.

Keep posting with us
Read and ask questions.

parentrecovers

welcome, fastrabbit - nice to meet you!

when my daughter quit drinking about 5 months ago, her emotions were all over the place. her counselors at rehab told her to keep it real simple - recognize these feelings at the beginning of each day - glad, sad, afraid, mad, ashamed. deal with them through talking to supportive folks and journaling.

hope this helps and sending you encouragement in your recovery - k

ayla zaire

welcome fastrabbit.....you can do this.....you have already accomplished one of the most difficult parts...admitting to yourself and others that you have a problem.....that takes a great deal of courage...you can make it....so many do every day....and you are doing all the right things to make it possible.....there is happiness and contentment to be found in this life, through sobriety.....it takes time and work, but slowly and surely you can find it.....remember, take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time if you have to.....and reach out for as much support as you can get.....educate yourself on what you will be facing, and keep posting here....you can find an overwhelming ammount of support.....good luck to you.....

newday117

Good luck fastrabbit. Remember this is a process. You didn't develop a problem overnight, so the solution will not come overnight either. One Day at a Time. God Bless you in your journey.

chrisj728

Hi fastrabbit, You have come to the right place to get your questions answered,
if you fall there are people here to pick you up again.
stay strong!
chris

nogard

Welcome to SR