BrandiK

As many know, my schedule is tight. And, me being me, I put myself into school. I did this because my self defeating behavior and idleness at home are triggers for drinking. School creates not only possible self improvment, but also gives me regular night commitments. And, the simple fact of the matter is, my husband can no longer support 3 kids and a wife in the bay area. A second income is needed, so we decided vocational school to be the best option, then I can be working next year. Problem is, it's harder work faster. I'll complete the program in by Halloween

Ok ... on to my point. School starts Tuesday, and from there I will be going to school Mon-Thurs 6-10:30. During the days, I will be homeschooling my oldest (long story there and much step 4 work I am sure, but she needs to continue out this homeschooling year, it would be unfair to put her back in school if possible to keep her out), managing the house, and the two other kiddos. Plus waking early and staying up late (a schedule I have already put myself on and am adjusted to) for homework and additional studies.

My husband will take over dinners, night time duties, and bed times. A schedule he's already been adjusting himself to. Though I am sure I will still be the one who gets up with the kids at night.

Fridays will become the night my spiritual group meets.

AA meetings will be Friday night before group, and 2 more on the weekend. Still looking for meetings with day care I could attend during the days, if I find any it would be a pure blessing and help me tremdously.

I will continue to meet with my sponsor every weekend. Yes, we have been talking much about my impending schedule, and how to function through it. Frankly, I am very excited to be leaving my home every night and I LOVE school and learning.

Seems like a lot, huh? Yup. That's me. I know, it seems crazy. I am scared about how much I have taken on. But honestly, I work best when there is a lot on my plate. Idleness is truely my devil. When time stops, shots or drama starts.

Ok ... now for the reality check. I know, you thought the above was the reality check, huh? Ha! Fooled you!

I also work one day a weekend at a great little shop. I LOVE my job. I love the enviornment, the people, the fact I get out of the house, the things I sell ... everything. It's also right next door to the annonymous place. I make only $240 a month, but seeing as how my husband went back into self employment I am scared to let go of that little bit of money. My original intent was to keep working and apply each check to my student loans.

Now I am feeling like I should not work at all, and that little bit of money will work itself out. The I have only homeschooling and spiritual grou on Fri, and the weekends off (with study time over all).

What do you think? It will mean my loan will accrue more interest and therefore cost more, and I will be sacrificing a bit of money that could be needed for my family, and get to AA meetings I actually like, not just ones that fit my schedule ... but will allow me more time with them. Is that selfish?

Today is 67 days sober - the more I type, the more I think I ought to quit. Bummer, and I do love the job.

WantsOut

Sounds like a lot of stuff. I like to do the same thing. Don't be afraid to drop something if you need to. You're only human.

From way out here in the ether I wonder if money is the thing you should drop tho. No money makes for mucho pressure. It can make things hard and that few bucks can really help. I don't know why you homeschool, you may have the best reasons in the world, but if I were to drop anything I'd consider that. It's a lot of work and you're trying to take the place of a lot of professionals with master's and PH.Ds who are available to your family for free through your public schools.

Just a thought ... and 67 days sober means you rule the planet

BrandiK

My job thought is that same line of thinking ... it's money.

We cant drop homeschooling, and believe me, she's getting more out of her home schooling then in her public school. It's a sad thing, but true. (I don't do it by myself though, we belong to a school, they supply the stuff, we just do it at home, at the pace needed, and suppliment with fun creative ideas from time to time)
We thought about dropping it, talked to her, her therepist, her family and schools, and every one agrees what's best for her is to finish out the year at home.

She and I did talk about my schedule, and how if she does not do the work and aply herself, it will no longer be an option, she will have to go back to public school. She's really stepped up to the plate and challanging herself, it's great to see

janeeyre

Brandi, it sounds like you really know yourself and have your entire family's best interests in mind, too.

If it were me, I'd drop the weekend job and try to tighten up on expenses--but I am the complete opposite of you (I lose my mind *drink* when there's a lot on my plate). It sounds like you do best when you are busy, and as WantsOut said, being crunched for money can be pretty stressful. So why not stick with the job for now? If it turns out to be too much, then you can quit.

Take care!
Jane

GlassPrisoner

That's me too. Especially where money is concerned.

Brandi, remember we alkies have grandiose plans. We tend to be perfectionists and overachievers. Filling your plate this full might just set you up for failing at one or all of these plans.

My suggestion is to put your sobriety first, then your children and income, everything else last.

Anna

Your plan sounds great Brandi, but, if it was me I'd drop the weekend job. I think I would really want to focus on my school work and the family. But, I don't like to be busy all the time. That's how I used to be and I know now that I need time on my own, as a regular thing. It will be a hard choice to make, but it sounds like you're on the right track.

BrandiK

After I post this, of course, the baby wakes up, the toddler throws a fit, chool schedule is totally lost, and oldest has a melt down.

And I think ... yeah ... this is really working.

So, I talk to her about possibly going back to school. We made lists of pros and cons, and she decided she would like to return if we could be sure to stay on top of her homework.

I feel she would not have fallen as far behind had I been sober enough to help with homework, instead of blaming the school for their lack (there was a lack, but I could have helped rather then hindered). Obviously this is a loaded issue for me.

So, I stop by the office while she is in flute (she does music through the school) and I am trying so hard to not personalize anything but it's hard. My daughters dad (my ex) moved, just 2 blocks, and it's in a whole other school district. My daughter is absolutly heart broken. We have to file for a inner district transfer, the lady in the office said there probably was not going to be room (now and possibly next year) and that if my daughter could come back they were planning on sticking her with the same teacher she had such a hard time with.

So, we both got our hopes up and let down within the hour.

I really have to get better at letting my HP guide me a bit more. When I do, everything seems so much easier.

gettingbetter

Besides the money, you love your job, it sounds like you don't want to quit because of the joy it brings. You have so much going on and seem to be very giving. I would keep the job as a reward to yourself for your good behavior. If it starts to be too much, you have to be honest enough with yourself that you will quit. If you worry about taking on too much and putting your sobriety in peril, than quit now. You know your triggers better than anyone. I too, need to be kept busy, idle hands work of the devil!!, Talk it over with your sponser. Good luck to you, it sounds like you have turned your life around.

hope3

Hi Brandik, sounds like you are doing really good, about the school. I'm a TA.
I was wondering if you could ask for a meeting with the school adminastrator regarding your quote, [QUOTE=BrandiK;We have to file for a inner district transfer, the lady in the office said there probably was not going to be room (now and possibly next year) and that if my daughter could come back they were planning on sticking her with the same teacher she had such a hard time with. QUOTE]

sometimes when pushed schools have a way of finding room in another class. Here in NY we have had many students transfer to a different class due to personal conflicts between students and teachers.
I hope things all work out, with the way you are plugging away I'm sure they will, best wishes, hope3.