definitions of words for first time 12 steppers
workin on life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: sudbury ontario canada
Posts: 23
definitions of words for first time 12 steppers
well i just looked them up because im doing the steps by myself and am writing my findings about my research. I looked these words up because sometimes looking at the meaning of the words make it easier to accept them.
words for the day are regarding step one
*powerless- unable to produce an effect on something, someone, or a situation. lacking strength or power. helpless, totally ineffectual.
*unmanageable- difficult or impossible to manage, unable to control, solve, or alleviate
i found the word mismanaged easier to accept than unmanageable dont ask why i just dont have an answer for that yet. heres the definition of that word for those who want to know.
*mismanaged- to mishandle, bungle, botch. to manage badly, carelessly, dishonestly, incompetently
see why i find this word easier to use. as an active addict we are dishonest with ourselves regarding our addictions, careless with our lives and bodies, and while using we are incompetent of manageing our lives effectively
words for the day are regarding step one
*powerless- unable to produce an effect on something, someone, or a situation. lacking strength or power. helpless, totally ineffectual.
*unmanageable- difficult or impossible to manage, unable to control, solve, or alleviate
i found the word mismanaged easier to accept than unmanageable dont ask why i just dont have an answer for that yet. heres the definition of that word for those who want to know.
*mismanaged- to mishandle, bungle, botch. to manage badly, carelessly, dishonestly, incompetently
see why i find this word easier to use. as an active addict we are dishonest with ourselves regarding our addictions, careless with our lives and bodies, and while using we are incompetent of manageing our lives effectively
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Welcome ! Great news you're working the steps.
I'd caution against doing the steps yourself. It's best to have a sponsor walk you through them.
Powerless means we cannot control our drinking after we take the first drink. It also means we have no defense against taking that first drink.
That's a common mis-conception. We have to quit trying to control (manage) everything and everyone around us. That's what the part after the dash in step 1 refers to.
Keep reading, asking questions, and hang out here. Lot's of good info.
Good Luck and God Bless.
I'd caution against doing the steps yourself. It's best to have a sponsor walk you through them.
Powerless means we cannot control our drinking after we take the first drink. It also means we have no defense against taking that first drink.
and while using we are incompetent of manageing our lives effectively
Keep reading, asking questions, and hang out here. Lot's of good info.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
DS, as GP mentioned.. flying solo is like a idiot talking to a fool about a a-hole...
weather AA/NA/RR/SEC as i love to say.. aunt tilly's program... one cant do it alone...
rationalizing, self will, the intilect, and the afliction... will eventualy come to bite us in the ass...
good wishes... xxoo, rz
weather AA/NA/RR/SEC as i love to say.. aunt tilly's program... one cant do it alone...
rationalizing, self will, the intilect, and the afliction... will eventualy come to bite us in the ass...
good wishes... xxoo, rz
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by desperatensober 
im doing the steps by myself
Originally Posted by desperatensober
i found the word mismanaged easier to accept than unmanageable
I don't need easier, softer language in the Steps today. I need honest, accurate language... language that's designed to help me recover from a disease that's trying to kill me.
Originally Posted by desperatensober
as an active addict we are dishonest with ourselves regarding our addictions, careless with our lives and bodies, and while using we are incompetent of manageing our lives effectively
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by desperatensober
im doing the steps by myself
NOCELLPHONE said some very insightful things. By trying to work the steps alone, you are accountable to no one but yourself. Find some whose been in the program for a while and has worked the steps. By be accountable to someone else and discussing your thoughts with them, you may find out that there is no need for "substitutes: as far as the language of the Big Book is concerned.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
hi! please don't get us wrong--you are doing a good thing for yourself by not drinking and turning to the steps. it's just that, once you get into them, they are a lot more complicated than they seem. hard to explain....but that's why it's good to have a mentor with you to help guide you.
and i agree that you need to find outside accountability. it's too easy to give up if you don't.
read as much as you can about alcohol. there's tons on the net. know what you are up against. reach out to others for help.
you are doing good things. keep coming back.
and i agree that you need to find outside accountability. it's too easy to give up if you don't.
read as much as you can about alcohol. there's tons on the net. know what you are up against. reach out to others for help.
you are doing good things. keep coming back.
workin on life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: sudbury ontario canada
Posts: 23
hi all,
well i am working the steps alone because i am not ready to ask anyone to be my sponsor. I have a great doctor and I am in counsiling. as for step 5 when the time comes to do that step I will ask someone i know from recovery to be that person. I do have the support of many people in my area who are in the fellowship. One doesnt need structured recovery and to do it the same as everyone else for it too work. Many a person I happen to know has gotten sober and recovered from their drug and or alcohol use with and without the fellowship. I am not knocking those who are in the program if it works then work it. I have just started NA one meeting last week and going again tommorrow night but as of yet not sure if its right for me. time will tell. all i know is that what im doing is working for me. i havent touched anything for 4 and a half months and doing it my way for me has helped tremendously. im not desperate for myself the desperate part in my name is about my husband who has yet to be ready to stop his drinking. I am the sober part. I thank everyone for your thoughts and feed back. may we all find sobriety the best way we can for ourselves.
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
well i am working the steps alone because i am not ready to ask anyone to be my sponsor. I have a great doctor and I am in counsiling. as for step 5 when the time comes to do that step I will ask someone i know from recovery to be that person. I do have the support of many people in my area who are in the fellowship. One doesnt need structured recovery and to do it the same as everyone else for it too work. Many a person I happen to know has gotten sober and recovered from their drug and or alcohol use with and without the fellowship. I am not knocking those who are in the program if it works then work it. I have just started NA one meeting last week and going again tommorrow night but as of yet not sure if its right for me. time will tell. all i know is that what im doing is working for me. i havent touched anything for 4 and a half months and doing it my way for me has helped tremendously. im not desperate for myself the desperate part in my name is about my husband who has yet to be ready to stop his drinking. I am the sober part. I thank everyone for your thoughts and feed back. may we all find sobriety the best way we can for ourselves.
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
'55 Classic
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Waco, TX
Posts: 637
I hear what you are saying, but I just wanted to share my thoughts on the matter, plus share a little ES&H with you.
Step One says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--our lives had become unmanageable.” I really don’t think the wording was a mistake. The authors of the Big Book wrote most of everything in print for a reason and the same for those who wrote the NA Basic Text. I looked at some of the things you wrote and did a little research of my own. The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines “unmanageable” as follows:
un•man•age•a•ble (ŭn-mān'ĭ-jə-bəl)
adj. Difficult or impossible to manage, as:
a. Not submitting to discipline; unruly: an unmanageable child.
Princton University defines it as such:
unmanageable
adjective
1. difficult to use or handle or manage because of size or weight or shape; "we set about towing the unwieldy structure into the shelter"; "almost dropped the unwieldy parcel" [syn: unwieldy] [ant: wieldy]
2. difficult to manage or control; "a difficult child", "an unmanageable situation" [ant: manageable]
3. difficult to solve or alleviate; "uncontrollable pain" [syn: uncontrollable]
4. incapable of being controlled or managed; "uncontrollable children"; "an uncorrectable habit" [syn: uncontrollable]
From your own description I think that unmanageable is a good word for what you experienced.
And just a thought about working the Steps by yourself—would you trust someone to manage your business the same way you have managed your life? If you are anything like me, my advice is that you hire a new experienced “life” manager and gets some experienced consultants to help you make improvements and stimulate growth.
Just a thought...
Step One says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--our lives had become unmanageable.” I really don’t think the wording was a mistake. The authors of the Big Book wrote most of everything in print for a reason and the same for those who wrote the NA Basic Text. I looked at some of the things you wrote and did a little research of my own. The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines “unmanageable” as follows:
un•man•age•a•ble (ŭn-mān'ĭ-jə-bəl)
adj. Difficult or impossible to manage, as:
a. Not submitting to discipline; unruly: an unmanageable child.
Princton University defines it as such:
unmanageable
adjective
1. difficult to use or handle or manage because of size or weight or shape; "we set about towing the unwieldy structure into the shelter"; "almost dropped the unwieldy parcel" [syn: unwieldy] [ant: wieldy]
2. difficult to manage or control; "a difficult child", "an unmanageable situation" [ant: manageable]
3. difficult to solve or alleviate; "uncontrollable pain" [syn: uncontrollable]
4. incapable of being controlled or managed; "uncontrollable children"; "an uncorrectable habit" [syn: uncontrollable]
From your own description I think that unmanageable is a good word for what you experienced.
And just a thought about working the Steps by yourself—would you trust someone to manage your business the same way you have managed your life? If you are anything like me, my advice is that you hire a new experienced “life” manager and gets some experienced consultants to help you make improvements and stimulate growth.
Just a thought...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: AUSTRALIA
Posts: 18
I should add that the "unmanageable" is a direct consequence of being powerless over alcohol.
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
p24 There is a solution.
"The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
p24 There is a solution.
workin on life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: sudbury ontario canada
Posts: 23
for me though my life wanst completely unmanageable i could have managed it if i had so chosen too but chose not too manage it. when the time came to manage my life again and not just **** it up i stopped using. I didnt stop having physical urges to use but chose to manage my life instead of using. this is why i say my life was mismanaged opposed to unmanageable. im not saying im the norm or that my way of viewing it is right but it is my right to view it how i want as long as the outcome is that im staying sober what should it matter how i do it. thanks again for your feedback it does give me a lot to think about and who knows in time i might change my mind and use the wording that has helped so many but for now im happy ,sober, and living my life in a way that i can be proud of.
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
i felt the way you do, and did for several years into sobriety. i had no need of a sponsor, and my own interpretation of the steps was better than those as written, thank you. i felt i was capable of managing my life and everything in it simply by virtue of stopping drinking.
it takes what it takes and i agree, that everybody will find their own way in sobriety.
but,
what i now see that i did not see before, is how totally much better my life could have been had i surrendered earlier. in retrospect i see how willful and controlling my way was.
but, again, it takes what it takes. it took me a long time to turn everything over and not try to run everything myself.
you sound more openminded than i was. thats good!
bestwishes to you,
mc
it takes what it takes and i agree, that everybody will find their own way in sobriety.
but,
what i now see that i did not see before, is how totally much better my life could have been had i surrendered earlier. in retrospect i see how willful and controlling my way was.
but, again, it takes what it takes. it took me a long time to turn everything over and not try to run everything myself.
you sound more openminded than i was. thats good!
bestwishes to you,
mc
Evolving Addict
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York State
Posts: 3,067
Growing up, as a child, my elders would often say, "Everybody don't tell the same lie!"
It wasn't until I grew up (considerably) that I understood what they meant. Although there are often exceptions to many things, there is more often truth in the words of the majority. It appears that there is an overwhelming agreement in this thread that self-sponsorship is not a good thing. There also appears to be a general agreement that the wording of the 1st Step is accurate and intentional. Desperatensober seems to be demonstrating a resistance to the ES&H offered here and insists on defending her differences. She certainly has the freedom and the right to do so.
I recall numerous instances in my early attemps to recover where I justified and rationalized my intolerance and unwillingness to follow direction. I had so many "not yets" and I couldn't concieve of how I would have to do what others did to get the results they got. I thought I knew what I was doing. Hey, I'm intelligent and articulate...and on top of that, I've stopped using on my own for extended periods plenty of times before!
Sadly, I could never STAY clean & sober. Too many times I focused on my stopping and rarely paid attention (if at all) to my using.
It was only after I surrendered and accepted the 1st Step that recovery became possible for me. This included going to meetings and listening to members with experience in living the program share about how it works. Surrender included getting a sponsor to guide me through the steps instead of trying to do it on my own.
Dictionary definitions are great because they familiarize us with words we may not fully understand. Yet, working the steps alone can lead to minimizing and misinterpretation. We can get caught up in semantics and complicate something that's very simple.
Powerlessness simply means I have 'less' power than I think I have. It means to me that I have restrictions, boundaries and limitations. Unmanageability simply means there are aspects of my life that are beyond my control. Accepting the 1st Step is an exercise in humility. If I couldn't control my using, how can I say I could manage my life? Many of us will admit that we were powerless and unmanageable long before we became addicted (it's probably why we used in the first place) and the same applies in varying degrees with years of recovery. Still powerless and still unmanageable...just a whole lot better than ever before.
It wasn't until I grew up (considerably) that I understood what they meant. Although there are often exceptions to many things, there is more often truth in the words of the majority. It appears that there is an overwhelming agreement in this thread that self-sponsorship is not a good thing. There also appears to be a general agreement that the wording of the 1st Step is accurate and intentional. Desperatensober seems to be demonstrating a resistance to the ES&H offered here and insists on defending her differences. She certainly has the freedom and the right to do so.
I recall numerous instances in my early attemps to recover where I justified and rationalized my intolerance and unwillingness to follow direction. I had so many "not yets" and I couldn't concieve of how I would have to do what others did to get the results they got. I thought I knew what I was doing. Hey, I'm intelligent and articulate...and on top of that, I've stopped using on my own for extended periods plenty of times before!
Sadly, I could never STAY clean & sober. Too many times I focused on my stopping and rarely paid attention (if at all) to my using.
It was only after I surrendered and accepted the 1st Step that recovery became possible for me. This included going to meetings and listening to members with experience in living the program share about how it works. Surrender included getting a sponsor to guide me through the steps instead of trying to do it on my own.
Dictionary definitions are great because they familiarize us with words we may not fully understand. Yet, working the steps alone can lead to minimizing and misinterpretation. We can get caught up in semantics and complicate something that's very simple.
Powerlessness simply means I have 'less' power than I think I have. It means to me that I have restrictions, boundaries and limitations. Unmanageability simply means there are aspects of my life that are beyond my control. Accepting the 1st Step is an exercise in humility. If I couldn't control my using, how can I say I could manage my life? Many of us will admit that we were powerless and unmanageable long before we became addicted (it's probably why we used in the first place) and the same applies in varying degrees with years of recovery. Still powerless and still unmanageable...just a whole lot better than ever before.
workin on life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: sudbury ontario canada
Posts: 23
ok i think i need to make my position a little clearer. I am not turning my back on the many who have followed the steps as written. I have many other issues from my past that were out of my control sexual abuse, father dying, losing two grandparents and a dog within 6 months of my wedding day the dog the day before my wedding, the fact that i have been battling cancer for 12 years. those are the things that i am getting help for , the help of others. just because i dont feel ready for a sponsor doesnt mean im never going to get one or that ill never need one. I have many friends who do go to NA AA and ALANON who are guiding me but agree that i need to do things on my terms and how i feel is best. I am getting to the root of my using not just focusing on abstaining. I have issues with god who hasnt helped me through all the crap I have had to deal with as a very young and innocent child. This is something im talking to others about as well. I said im working the steps by myself never once saying that this is the only time in going to need to do them or that the next time im going to not have a sponsor. I am a health care worker who managed my finances and every other aspect of my life rather well i just turned my back on the crap and drugged it away thats what i mean by mismanaged. it was a choice i made. Please dont get me wrong I have started to attend NA meeting and at the end of the month I have arranged a ride to go to ALANON meetings with 3 other fabulous women. if I am not ready for a sponsor then that is my choice to make. I hope non of you are offended by my views but we are each entitled to see things how we wish. thanks again for you reponses and expressing your views I truely appreciate what each and every one of you is saying.
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
SHANEN
staying sober one day, one minute, one second at a time
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