Well I never......
everything is already ok
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Well I never......
Here is an Aha moment. I spent some time with my ex (been apart for 16 years but are good friends) as we set up our daughters 21st on Sat. It was an eye opener for me that she has issues with relationships that go back before our relationship and include her current realtionship. Then in the evening I met lots of other old friends and realised that they also have relationship issues too!!
Previously I had thought it was my dis ease and addiction that caused them problems. I think I need to go to some Nar-Anon meetings.
Kevin
Previously I had thought it was my dis ease and addiction that caused them problems. I think I need to go to some Nar-Anon meetings.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Box of Chocolates
Posts: 14
Interesting reflection you've had...
Personally, I've got so much guilt due to my drinking that I never think about the fact that those around me may not always be perfect...I always give the benefit of doubt (which is probably wise).
Personally, I've got so much guilt due to my drinking that I never think about the fact that those around me may not always be perfect...I always give the benefit of doubt (which is probably wise).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Murfreesboro, TN
Posts: 595
Originally Posted by Gump 
Interesting reflection you've had...
Personally, I've got so much guilt due to my drinking that I never think about the fact that those around me may not always be perfect...I always give the benefit of doubt (which is probably wise).
Personally, I've got so much guilt due to my drinking that I never think about the fact that those around me may not always be perfect...I always give the benefit of doubt (which is probably wise).
Gump,
We do have much to feel guilty about. Despite our family's problems that are unrelated to our disease, we have done a tremendous amount of damage. If you're new to AA or you're still drinking, it is probably better to give the benefit of the doubt. However, what I found after a many years in AA is that the pendulum had swung completely the other way. I was taking the blame for everything, regardless of whether it was my fault or not. For sure, it's essential for us to examine our motives, our part in any situation. More times than not, I do play a role in the controversy between me and my family.
The best way for me to examine my motives is to ask the "God of my understanding" to help me see myself. Often times when I'm left to judge myself, I offer leniency and let myself off the hook. It's kind of like being the defendent and the prosecution has all the evidence it needs to convict me.
The program of AA is designed to help me see myself, look at the damage I've done, find out the exact nature of why I acted like I did, then make amends to anyone I've hurt. By the time I'm finished with that, and if I've been as honest as I can be, I have a clear conscience. It's only then that I can truly appreciate what a sober life can be like.
If you want to get rid of the guilt and you're ready to be rigorously honest with yourself, you are probably ready to begin. If not, your actions while drinking will hopefully bring you to that point eventually. I can promise you this, you will never regret the decision you make to seek help. May God, your God, be with you.
everything is already ok
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Point is its my realisation and may well not apply to others. I don't and won't use it as another way to feed my dis ease. Its simply something for me top realise not a point of action. Its also not an excuse for me to lean on.
Its also very new and I will be looking for help (offline, probably meetings) with this.
Kevin
Its also very new and I will be looking for help (offline, probably meetings) with this.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 19
Sorry boys ...... I'm on the boards tonight because I feel selfish for just posting for myself but not qualified to be giving advice either but whether it's right or wrong, it's meant with the best of intentions.
I used to blame my partner for all that was wrong. My first serious relationship was with an alcoholic male and I didn't realize till it ended my part in it all. It's easy for your partners to blame you for everything. I feel sooooooo bad now that I was never able to say I was sorry to my ex. I know better now, and hopefully I'm better with my new husband but just wanted to offer that as bad as we feel, it's hard to look at yourself as part of the problem. I've realized the hard way, that the better life comes from being able to say your sorry.
One thing I read that I thought was great was the book called "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" - We're all in there but it gives you tools so you don't get sucked down that road again.
You guys are awesome and thanks for all your replies to me.
I used to blame my partner for all that was wrong. My first serious relationship was with an alcoholic male and I didn't realize till it ended my part in it all. It's easy for your partners to blame you for everything. I feel sooooooo bad now that I was never able to say I was sorry to my ex. I know better now, and hopefully I'm better with my new husband but just wanted to offer that as bad as we feel, it's hard to look at yourself as part of the problem. I've realized the hard way, that the better life comes from being able to say your sorry.
One thing I read that I thought was great was the book called "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship" - We're all in there but it gives you tools so you don't get sucked down that road again.
You guys are awesome and thanks for all your replies to me.
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