Very new here, need a nudge...
 

Long story short : I'm 25, supporting myself for the last 9 years. I work in the entertainment industry in LA, and run a home business for extra income. I started drinking (socially) when I was out of the country at 15. It slowly crept up on me, and at about 22 I started to drink too much. Now I'm at about 1 750 ml of vodka/gin a day, 2 bottles of wine or a 12 pack of beer.

I think I started to drink because I have a very low self esteem and hard personal life (in my opinion). I am supporting my elderly grandmother (ie paying bills and spending 2 days a week with her that, I'm sorry, but I dread...I never liked her) and also helping out my mother. My career and dreams = last on list. There isn't any other family, there is no one I know that I can go to for help because ... even my friends don't believe that I drink too much. Yes, okay, because I can drink a 1/2 bottle of hard liquor in your presence without you noticing. My mother even confronted me once after finding a couple beer bottles in my bag...never to be mentioned again. She was mad that I spent money on that instead of buying something 'useful'. Apart from that, she didn't care.

I am so disgusted with myself, I can't even describe it. I want to work through this, but there is not one person I know in real life who I would be comfortable discussing this with, and apparently I need that. I cannot deal with my life without...something. I really need someone to tell me it's okay and tell me to keep working, I think.

Thank you if you've read this whole rant...please comment. I just need to know I'm not alone. I want to succeed and stay sober SO badly, and all of your thoughts are appreciated. I am planning to cut down slowly to ease myself into it and prevent side effects...no insurance OR time to take away from work.

Wishing all of you a good weekend,
maketracks

your not alone my friend. infact you'll never been alone again know that you've found where you belong.

You are not alone Maketracks. There are many people who have been where you are at right now however, know that if you have the willingness to stop then you never have to go back to that life ever again...

P.S.- *nudge*

maketracks - you sound like a great, intelligent guy who is taking the first step in figuring this out much earlier than many of us did...and amongst chaos that isn't of your own making. you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. there are tons of great people in the rooms of AA that have walked and are walking through exactly what you are dealing with right now. you are in the right place...and I'm in socal...now you know someone who you can share this with. there are TONS of meetings all around L.A...hundreds. check in anytime.

Here are a couple of links to AA meeting or information. AA is also in the phone book. Take care of yourself first or you can help no one.
Please keep posting we have all been where you are marketracks

http://www.waea.org/tech/meetings/Ja...06-for-web.pdf

http://www.step12.com/california.html

hi Maketracks and welcome!

*nudge*

Glad you are here ... Welcome!

welcome home maketracks...

going to work, and self detox'n?... its not recomended...

MT, i did it that way... and all i have to say is...

do your self a favor... if you can... dont!

happy to see, someone your age get'n a grip on the alcoholism...

it does not get better... and i'm ashured.. at least one person will agree...

good wishes MT

xxoo, rz

Hi, Maketracks- Welcome to SR. You will be amazed by all of the love and support here. You are not alone. We will help nudge you all the way.

Welcome Maketracks
 

My addiction also crept up on me , but it took some 20 years for me to realize I had a problem. I found my self drinking 24/7 almost 50 ozs of vodka daily. I tried to de-tox the first time cold turkey, but to no avail, couldn't take withdrawl pain.
Finally went to my doctor and was totally honest with him(first time that happened in awhile lol) He understood about this disease and put me on meds to deduce withdrawl symptons.

It took me 3 days to feel i could go to work again, I took a long wk/end.

Did not lose alot of time at work and people around me accept for my family knew anything.

The meds even w/out ins. are cheap, remember to eat and take vits. also exercise helped me ..

Important :: Start a recovery program as soon as you can , your body only has so many DE-TOX's in it .

Keep Posting and ask questions we have all been through it before.....

Work Hard and Enjoy Life....NED

Wow, thank you ALL for your replies. I'm actually feeling hopeful this morning for the first time in awhile. Made a list of all the stuff I need to pick up (vitamins, some healthy food, etc) and having not drank for...10 hours, I've already drank three tall glasses of water.

Definitely looking into meetings...haven't found one that I can get to yet but I will keep looking.

Now off to keep reading threads here!

Be aware- you are probably going to turn into a sweet fiend for a while- your body will crave the sugars that the alcohol provided.

Fortunately you are in an area with loads of mtg opportunities!! You'll find one that feels like home, I'm sure!

Try to think of things which occupied your mind and body and gave you the same feeling drinking does. That internal "excitement" if you will. Something you looked forward to.

Whatever you put ahead of your sobriety you will lose anyway if you continue the way you are going. May sound harsh but this is what i have been told and it is so true for me. I hope you can make sobriety your number one priority, it sounds like you need to. You are not alone, ever, go to a meeting please, there's a lot of support out there and don't be afraid to ask for help. Best wishes and love, eve

disease
 

Welcome,

what your dealing with is a disease called alcoholism. For me there is only one solution and that has been alcoholics anonymous. you don't have to be alone anymore.