I want my old life back
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
I want my old life back
I have been sober on and off since november and i think i just want my old life back
this one seems to be getting worse by the minute
i just dont care anymore about anything health freedom $ family not a gd thing !!!!! Nothing !!!!!!!!!
wish i could cawl in a hole and die so that i dont have to deal w life like it is for me
i dont want my new job, i dont want to live in a world that there is only issues problems and a bunch of quotes that dont really provide any insight or advise - they are what they are and it seems alot of times they are said wo any real meaning or compassion - just repetition
i want some people in my life that are more healthy and "normal"
but I cant deal w this lonliness, isolation and life sober
doesnt help that @ my job i am alienated and under a serious gun since i had t take time off and today i wailed my dome slipping on someones spilled soda
work would not call an ambulance and no one would give a ride so i called a cab - told them it was on my employer, tipped the dude $5 and got outta the cab (it was all the $ i had)
anyone who happens to be following can see the lovely mess ive created for myself and continuously get dealt
pls no quotes about more than i can handle.....
just let me know someone is out there pls.....
this one seems to be getting worse by the minute
i just dont care anymore about anything health freedom $ family not a gd thing !!!!! Nothing !!!!!!!!!
wish i could cawl in a hole and die so that i dont have to deal w life like it is for me
i dont want my new job, i dont want to live in a world that there is only issues problems and a bunch of quotes that dont really provide any insight or advise - they are what they are and it seems alot of times they are said wo any real meaning or compassion - just repetition
i want some people in my life that are more healthy and "normal"
but I cant deal w this lonliness, isolation and life sober
doesnt help that @ my job i am alienated and under a serious gun since i had t take time off and today i wailed my dome slipping on someones spilled soda
work would not call an ambulance and no one would give a ride so i called a cab - told them it was on my employer, tipped the dude $5 and got outta the cab (it was all the $ i had)
anyone who happens to be following can see the lovely mess ive created for myself and continuously get dealt
pls no quotes about more than i can handle.....
just let me know someone is out there pls.....
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
No quotes
You have two choices...
Continue the climb out of the pit you put yourself in or stay in the pit and watch it get even deeper.
I know it is tough. I know it isn't fun but I also know that it can get better when we work a good program.
Takes time and effort...as does anything that is worth having.
Staying in the pit...nothing changes in a positive area...it just gets worse.
Continue the climb out.
You have two choices...
Continue the climb out of the pit you put yourself in or stay in the pit and watch it get even deeper.
I know it is tough. I know it isn't fun but I also know that it can get better when we work a good program.
Takes time and effort...as does anything that is worth having.
Staying in the pit...nothing changes in a positive area...it just gets worse.
Continue the climb out.
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
hey frstnm I swear I was just thinking about you and went to see if there were any new posts from you. I know it's hard ... from here drinking looks like such a haven, doesn't it? But part of alcoholism is being under the delusion that alcohol is going to make you feel good when it's actually going to make you feel real bad. You are here trying to get sober for a reason - that reason is it sucked being a drunk. You got into lots of trouble and whatnot.
Friends take time. I don't have any that live in the same state anymore lol You're not alone there and it's not just you - lots of adults are in the same boat cause it's so hard to meet new people when you're older.
Everyone, recovering or not, just puts one foot in front of the other and keeps going. We'll both find our way.
Hope you're okay and, yes, someone out here knows you're alive and is thinking of you.
Friends take time. I don't have any that live in the same state anymore lol You're not alone there and it's not just you - lots of adults are in the same boat cause it's so hard to meet new people when you're older.
Everyone, recovering or not, just puts one foot in front of the other and keeps going. We'll both find our way.
Hope you're okay and, yes, someone out here knows you're alive and is thinking of you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 44
Hey frstnm,
Like you, I also lost my license and have to get rides everywhere. It sucks, but I'm a 100% certain that its better than jail. 42 days sober here, and, yeah, some days are better than others. Everythings not peachy keen all the time, but at least the bad days aren't compounded by hangovers. I can relate to how you're feeling though. Sometimes I just want to say sod off to all my obligations: familial, financial, legal, scholastic, or otherwise, and just empty out my meager bank account and take a bus to Key West and work on a fishing boat or play guitar on the street to keep me in whisky. Basically just fade away. But I know that's just the self-centered alcoholic in me that's talking. It really won't solve anything. Eventually I'll get through this rough patch, and I firmly believe I'll have a better life down the road for it. I bet you will too. Don't know if this helps or not, but keep your head up.
Best of luck,
Caladan
Like you, I also lost my license and have to get rides everywhere. It sucks, but I'm a 100% certain that its better than jail. 42 days sober here, and, yeah, some days are better than others. Everythings not peachy keen all the time, but at least the bad days aren't compounded by hangovers. I can relate to how you're feeling though. Sometimes I just want to say sod off to all my obligations: familial, financial, legal, scholastic, or otherwise, and just empty out my meager bank account and take a bus to Key West and work on a fishing boat or play guitar on the street to keep me in whisky. Basically just fade away. But I know that's just the self-centered alcoholic in me that's talking. It really won't solve anything. Eventually I'll get through this rough patch, and I firmly believe I'll have a better life down the road for it. I bet you will too. Don't know if this helps or not, but keep your head up.
Best of luck,
Caladan
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
I'm here. Work a program of recovery and all that will go away. Or remain miserable. Just remember, misery is optional. Early recovery is tough. Stick it out and the rewards will come. Go back out and it will only get worse. Think about it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle Washington
Posts: 50
it does utterly suck that so often things get worse & harder before they become any easier or better.... & that change can be so slow.
can definitely relate to how that can feel.
sorry you're hurting so badly atm
can definitely relate to how that can feel.
sorry you're hurting so badly atm
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Just remember the last Drunk, the temporary fun turns into the next day of feeling 100 times worse then now. If your old life was really all that great, you would not be in AA, unfortunately our minds wish to forget the bad things and we easily go back to our old ways if we do not constantly work hard at retraining ourselves for a life without alcohol and drugs. It is hard as hell but the alternative is harder, DUI, Jail, death etc.......
In the meantime I would, go to meeting at least once a day especially when you do not feel like going. Meet some people at meetings and get some phone numbers, call at least two people a day (especially if you do not feel like it) Find a sponsor, start working the steps (if you have not already)
Remember why it is you quit drinking in the first place and remind yourself when you feel like drinking. Remember we were so used to drinking our problems away, now you have nothing to keep you from your problems so of course it is hard as hell, it takes time to work through it, pat yourself on your back and remember you are sober and that is a great accomplishment!!
In the meantime I would, go to meeting at least once a day especially when you do not feel like going. Meet some people at meetings and get some phone numbers, call at least two people a day (especially if you do not feel like it) Find a sponsor, start working the steps (if you have not already)
Remember why it is you quit drinking in the first place and remind yourself when you feel like drinking. Remember we were so used to drinking our problems away, now you have nothing to keep you from your problems so of course it is hard as hell, it takes time to work through it, pat yourself on your back and remember you are sober and that is a great accomplishment!!
Im not crazy and neither am I
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
thanks all
really needed that pls keep posting
key west is one place i think about but at the same time am afraid of
ive been there and dont think i would live very long down there
trying to get to meetings but after a second oui i apparently have been given the official brush off and rides from my sponsor are not available - he was clear that he wasnt going to give me rides much at all anymore
did manage to get a few #s but work is litterally killing me and sobriety
w stress harassment threats and long hours - havent taken a lunch more than a few times since ive been there for three weeks
really at a loss for hope and I dont think I will get the room i was looking at that is walking distance from the job because i have no valid id to get a background check form notarized w (the guy has kids and doesnt want any psychos..)
really needed that pls keep posting
key west is one place i think about but at the same time am afraid of
ive been there and dont think i would live very long down there
trying to get to meetings but after a second oui i apparently have been given the official brush off and rides from my sponsor are not available - he was clear that he wasnt going to give me rides much at all anymore
did manage to get a few #s but work is litterally killing me and sobriety
w stress harassment threats and long hours - havent taken a lunch more than a few times since ive been there for three weeks
really at a loss for hope and I dont think I will get the room i was looking at that is walking distance from the job because i have no valid id to get a background check form notarized w (the guy has kids and doesnt want any psychos..)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
tube, what worked for me was a emotional re-arangement... give it a shot...
then my reaction to life got better...
too bad you requested no quotes... lol... hang in tube, if ya seek it, you will find it... action...
misery is optional...
good wishes tube...
xxoo, rz
then my reaction to life got better...
too bad you requested no quotes... lol... hang in tube, if ya seek it, you will find it... action...
misery is optional...
good wishes tube...
xxoo, rz
Becoming a Butterfly
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 904
You're getting the brush off from an AA sponsor because you got a second oui? That is one crappy excuse for a sponsor in my opinion. What a *****. If you can get another one (I know, like you need more tasks on your list) please do so. That person plain sucks.
I hope you're feeling a little better today frstnm.
I hope you're feeling a little better today frstnm.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
First nm, just because your sponsor isn't giving you rides doesn't mean he's giving you the brush off.
My sponsor gave me rides to my first 3 or 4 meetings. After that, he "suggested" I start getting to meetings on my own. I'm doing the same with my first sponsee.
A sponsors job is to take you through the steps, not take you to meetings.
My sponsor gave me rides to my first 3 or 4 meetings. After that, he "suggested" I start getting to meetings on my own. I'm doing the same with my first sponsee.
A sponsors job is to take you through the steps, not take you to meetings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
WantsOut, the BB talks about how to sponsor in chapter 12. Being a Codie, you probably realize there's a fine line between helping and enabling. We're never to do for someone what they can do for themselves.
In my case, walking to or riding my bike to meetings in early sobriety evidenced my willingness to work the program, to "go to any length". After about 30 days in AA, my contact with my HP started kicking in and I found a way and the means to fix my car (Which had been sitting broken down for 2 months while I was still actively drinking)
In my case, walking to or riding my bike to meetings in early sobriety evidenced my willingness to work the program, to "go to any length". After about 30 days in AA, my contact with my HP started kicking in and I found a way and the means to fix my car (Which had been sitting broken down for 2 months while I was still actively drinking)
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I has been my expereince when we get sober, we are the same people, now w/o the alcohol.
When drinking, alcohol is the solution. It is what keeps us "sane" if you will.
Since it is the ANSWER, when we no longer drink, we are left with the old character, a disatisfied mind, irritable and discontented.
Often when sober, we end up saying, "Is this all there is.........I thought my life would get better & improve!".
Learning to deal with life, on lifes terms sober, is a complete change.
Alcoholism is a disease, treat it as such.
It's a Mind Powered Disease.
There is a way.
After drinking and using for 25 years, I found it, you can too.
When drinking, alcohol is the solution. It is what keeps us "sane" if you will.
Since it is the ANSWER, when we no longer drink, we are left with the old character, a disatisfied mind, irritable and discontented.
Often when sober, we end up saying, "Is this all there is.........I thought my life would get better & improve!".
Learning to deal with life, on lifes terms sober, is a complete change.
Alcoholism is a disease, treat it as such.
It's a Mind Powered Disease.
There is a way.
After drinking and using for 25 years, I found it, you can too.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by WantsOut 
I guess I shouldn't talk about what I don't know, GP. It just seems like they should help him. Did I mention I'm a codie? lol
Crikey...I'm a card carrying member of AA and I thanked ya for your useful post. GP makes sense...Sponsor is not a taxi.
Did I mention I've only been in AA 2 months...
Diamond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: nville, IL
Posts: 3
[QUOTE=frstnm;1202316] i think i just want my old life back
this one seems to be getting worse by the minute
[QUOTE]
Everyone alwayz thinks of how things shuopld be or couldve been. but if you dwell on it to much your going to hate yourself. I think of my old life everyday and how i ran from it at only 16. I think you are a very strong person and you are doing Great. You'll be in my prayers,
Max.
this one seems to be getting worse by the minute
[QUOTE]
Everyone alwayz thinks of how things shuopld be or couldve been. but if you dwell on it to much your going to hate yourself. I think of my old life everyday and how i ran from it at only 16. I think you are a very strong person and you are doing Great. You'll be in my prayers,
Max.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Hey frstnm,
I can't add much to what everyone's already said, except that I can guarantee you it does get better. Much better. Primo. F'in golden. After two years I really can't see going back to my old life. There are those fleeting moments of wanting to drink, but they pass quickly. Trust me, sobriety is the easier, softer way.
The other guarantee I can make is that if you decide to pick up again you might not make it back. In my two years of sobriety I've seen quite a few people die from this disease, and many who relapse and don't come back. I really hate to see that happen to you.
Scott
I can't add much to what everyone's already said, except that I can guarantee you it does get better. Much better. Primo. F'in golden. After two years I really can't see going back to my old life. There are those fleeting moments of wanting to drink, but they pass quickly. Trust me, sobriety is the easier, softer way.
The other guarantee I can make is that if you decide to pick up again you might not make it back. In my two years of sobriety I've seen quite a few people die from this disease, and many who relapse and don't come back. I really hate to see that happen to you.
Scott
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