Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 13
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 693
Tam, that really sucks about your friend. You're right though, all you can do is be there for her! I hope she is able to realize through all of her pain, she's very lucky to have you in her life...
It's so freakin' cold here! And now we're suppose to get 7" of snow! My house is a disaster. Haven't kept up with the housework since I've been sick.
I had this thought earlier...seems like I've done alot of whining about not being able to drink...the truth is I CAN drink. There's a case of beer in the fridge and several bottles of wine in the rack, so yeah, I can drink. But I'm CHOOSING to not drink and that has really empowered me for some reason. Maybe my mindset has just been wrong. Realizing I'm making that choice makes me feel so much better! Not sure if that makes sense....
Father Time and Mother Nature have finally met face to face inside my body! I've said it before and I'll say it again...menopause sucks!!!
It's so freakin' cold here! And now we're suppose to get 7" of snow! My house is a disaster. Haven't kept up with the housework since I've been sick.
I had this thought earlier...seems like I've done alot of whining about not being able to drink...the truth is I CAN drink. There's a case of beer in the fridge and several bottles of wine in the rack, so yeah, I can drink. But I'm CHOOSING to not drink and that has really empowered me for some reason. Maybe my mindset has just been wrong. Realizing I'm making that choice makes me feel so much better! Not sure if that makes sense....
Father Time and Mother Nature have finally met face to face inside my body! I've said it before and I'll say it again...menopause sucks!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Thanks everyone for your advice, your support, your good thoughts....EVERYTHING. I responded to my sponsors email this morning. I was honest with her, i let her know that it wasn't so much that she didn't return my calls, but how it made me feel, and she acknowledged that she understands my feelings, and was glad i told her, and she was really sorry. I feel better (about that part anyway). My emotions are still all over the place, i took a bunch of sleeping pills last night so i could try to sleep and put everything behind me, and i slept pretty darn good, it's the getting up part that's hard.
Anyways, I have an appt Thursday with my LADC, and an appt Friday with the psychiatrist....hopefully he'll confirm what EVERYONE has been telling me and can get me straightened out. It's hard, i just have never thought of myself as being "depressed" and when i hear "bi-polar" i automatically think "that's not me" but in reality, i don't even know what being "bi-polar" is, what the symptoms are....i just need to get through this week.
I've also applied for a new job, i think i'm just burned out here and it's time for a change.
Thanks Y'all
Love,
ME
Anyways, I have an appt Thursday with my LADC, and an appt Friday with the psychiatrist....hopefully he'll confirm what EVERYONE has been telling me and can get me straightened out. It's hard, i just have never thought of myself as being "depressed" and when i hear "bi-polar" i automatically think "that's not me" but in reality, i don't even know what being "bi-polar" is, what the symptoms are....i just need to get through this week.
I've also applied for a new job, i think i'm just burned out here and it's time for a change.
Thanks Y'all
Love,
ME
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
I am emotional today and reading your post Ig has pretty much just put me over the edge. I'm so proud of you! You must be drained and exhausted- that took a lot for you to confront your sponsor like that- AND make an appt. Good for you!
xoxo
xoxo
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
ok....i'm gonna say hi, because it's taking me all day to read this....aidan has turned into the whine monster, and i can't find that darn duct tape....sigh.....
i don't know what to do.....anyone who says to ignore him has never had a whining 4 year old, you know? he's starting to drive me nutty.....and the endless watching of star wars......want to kill darth vador myself.....and to think i used to love these movies.....
gonna go try to go back and catch up......
i don't know what to do.....anyone who says to ignore him has never had a whining 4 year old, you know? he's starting to drive me nutty.....and the endless watching of star wars......want to kill darth vador myself.....and to think i used to love these movies.....
gonna go try to go back and catch up......
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Hi everyone!
Gosh, what a rough day for some of you yesterday. I hate that you have to go through so much.
Here's that article I mentioned yesterday. It's about dealing with loss. I hope that, somehow, it's helpful.
The Courage To Move On
By Ann Hood
Published: February 4, 2007
The first time I picked up knitting needles was on a beautiful October morning in 2002, six months after my 5-year-old daughter, Grace, died from a virulent form of strep. Learning to knit wasn’t just a way to distract me during the long months of grieving. It also was an attempt to redefine myself. Once Grace was born, I became the mother of a little girl. That meant I combed her fine blond hair and taught her the ABCs; that we lay together on the sofa, singing along to her favorite movie, Oliver! I had a vision of a future in which Grace grew up and my role changed: I would shop with her for lipstick, teach her to ride waves in the ocean and share my favorite books with her. Once, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, Grace said: “I want to write books like my mommy, except I’ll write mine in nail polish.”
When your child dies, that imagined future dies too. Unable to grasp what had happened, I could no longer make sense of words. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t write. I needed to find something new. Yes, for distraction, for meditation, but also to put me on a path that was not all wrapped up in the person I had been. I needed something without Grace’s fingerprints on it.
This is the part of grief that I did not yet know. Like most of us, I knew the common things: how hard each birthday and anniversary would be; how my husband, Lorne, and I might not sleep or eat very much; how we should try to talk about our pain. Grief brings an emptiness with it, like someone punched a hole in you. My arms and my lap ached from the emptiness Grace had left behind.
After the death of someone we love, we are forced to figure out who we are now. It is difficult to reach the point where you realize that moving forward doesn’t mean leaving behind the person you’ve lost. I remember how upset I became when we had to buy a new car shortly after Grace died. A part of me wanted to keep everything exactly as it had been. I even resisted painting the living room. Each small change seemed to make our daughter disappear a little more.
Then, that same October when I learned to knit, my husband began redoing the cracked asphalt sidewalk in front of our house. Every weekend, as the leaves changed from green to gold and then began to fall, he dug and measured and planned an intricate herringbone pattern. When the sidewalk was finished, he began work on the driveway, removing the sharp gravel and replacing it with cobblestones. By the following fall, Lorne had relined our small city yard with beach stones and circular patterns of cobblestone and brick. By the garden, he laid the stones in a heart shape for Grace.
This physical labor distracted him. It helped the long weekends to pass, and he found a new passion. Our yard, our driveway, our front walk—all of it had changed. And it was beautiful. One warm spring evening, I looked around our exquisite yard. When we moved to this house, Grace had dubbed it “our happy house.” That night, I smiled—remembering and believing that, even with changes, it was indeed still our happy house.
How to move on. Part of the work of grieving is to channel our emotions and energy into activities that help us redefine ourselves. Some people turn to creative pursuits. For me, it was knitting. The soft clicking of the needles helped me to relax. Some people reach out and help others by volunteering. And some, recognizing that life is precious and short, fulfill their dreams.
To help yourself heal, do what moves you. Or do what matters. Adopt a cat. Visit Spain. Ride a bike. Help the homeless. Be a mentor. And in each new activity, remember the loved one who brought you there. Then, take those first tentative steps into the rest of your life.
PARADE magazine
Gosh, what a rough day for some of you yesterday. I hate that you have to go through so much.
Here's that article I mentioned yesterday. It's about dealing with loss. I hope that, somehow, it's helpful.
The Courage To Move On
By Ann Hood
Published: February 4, 2007
The first time I picked up knitting needles was on a beautiful October morning in 2002, six months after my 5-year-old daughter, Grace, died from a virulent form of strep. Learning to knit wasn’t just a way to distract me during the long months of grieving. It also was an attempt to redefine myself. Once Grace was born, I became the mother of a little girl. That meant I combed her fine blond hair and taught her the ABCs; that we lay together on the sofa, singing along to her favorite movie, Oliver! I had a vision of a future in which Grace grew up and my role changed: I would shop with her for lipstick, teach her to ride waves in the ocean and share my favorite books with her. Once, when asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, Grace said: “I want to write books like my mommy, except I’ll write mine in nail polish.”
When your child dies, that imagined future dies too. Unable to grasp what had happened, I could no longer make sense of words. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t write. I needed to find something new. Yes, for distraction, for meditation, but also to put me on a path that was not all wrapped up in the person I had been. I needed something without Grace’s fingerprints on it.
This is the part of grief that I did not yet know. Like most of us, I knew the common things: how hard each birthday and anniversary would be; how my husband, Lorne, and I might not sleep or eat very much; how we should try to talk about our pain. Grief brings an emptiness with it, like someone punched a hole in you. My arms and my lap ached from the emptiness Grace had left behind.
After the death of someone we love, we are forced to figure out who we are now. It is difficult to reach the point where you realize that moving forward doesn’t mean leaving behind the person you’ve lost. I remember how upset I became when we had to buy a new car shortly after Grace died. A part of me wanted to keep everything exactly as it had been. I even resisted painting the living room. Each small change seemed to make our daughter disappear a little more.
Then, that same October when I learned to knit, my husband began redoing the cracked asphalt sidewalk in front of our house. Every weekend, as the leaves changed from green to gold and then began to fall, he dug and measured and planned an intricate herringbone pattern. When the sidewalk was finished, he began work on the driveway, removing the sharp gravel and replacing it with cobblestones. By the following fall, Lorne had relined our small city yard with beach stones and circular patterns of cobblestone and brick. By the garden, he laid the stones in a heart shape for Grace.
This physical labor distracted him. It helped the long weekends to pass, and he found a new passion. Our yard, our driveway, our front walk—all of it had changed. And it was beautiful. One warm spring evening, I looked around our exquisite yard. When we moved to this house, Grace had dubbed it “our happy house.” That night, I smiled—remembering and believing that, even with changes, it was indeed still our happy house.
How to move on. Part of the work of grieving is to channel our emotions and energy into activities that help us redefine ourselves. Some people turn to creative pursuits. For me, it was knitting. The soft clicking of the needles helped me to relax. Some people reach out and help others by volunteering. And some, recognizing that life is precious and short, fulfill their dreams.
To help yourself heal, do what moves you. Or do what matters. Adopt a cat. Visit Spain. Ride a bike. Help the homeless. Be a mentor. And in each new activity, remember the loved one who brought you there. Then, take those first tentative steps into the rest of your life.
PARADE magazine
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
jane, that was just beautiful......and i do feel that way, like if i become a different woman from the one she knew, i'll be losing her a little bit.....yesterday was a bad day....i opened her closet for some reason...i've never used it, can't bring myself to....and i saw the only thing i couldn't part with, the suit she wore to my wedding......all alone in the back of the closet.....it was empty...and it made me feel empty and lost.....i sat in her closet and rocked and i've changed this place so much it no longer bears a resemblance to the home i lived in with her....she had never changed it after my grandma died.....sad.....and i couldn't bear doing the same thing....having the ghosts of their lives on the walls and in the closets......so i have gone a long way towards changing everything...and each time i do, while i know it's healthy and the right thing to do, and well past time....it brings up these things, you know.....i'm erasing her from her own home, and it's hard.....
and then last night....i was sorting laundry and just started talking to her....i had one of those soul cleansing cries....the ones that make you feel lighter somehow....and i felt so much better....i don't let it out enough.....
oh, well, i was going to comment on your posts....but my kids are just rotten to the core today......it SUCKS!!!! AHHHHH.....let me outta here!!!!!!!!! if i hear moooooommmmmmmm in a nasal whiny voice one more time, i'm gonna cry myself, and whine for my mommy....lol....
and then last night....i was sorting laundry and just started talking to her....i had one of those soul cleansing cries....the ones that make you feel lighter somehow....and i felt so much better....i don't let it out enough.....
oh, well, i was going to comment on your posts....but my kids are just rotten to the core today......it SUCKS!!!! AHHHHH.....let me outta here!!!!!!!!! if i hear moooooommmmmmmm in a nasal whiny voice one more time, i'm gonna cry myself, and whine for my mommy....lol....
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
(((((((tam))))))) are you doing ok? i'm emotional, today, too.....pretty sure it's the full moon again....wish i could go with it like brandi....but it makes me a nutcase.....doesn't help that i have pms from hell...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: chattanooga, tn.
Posts: 213
Jane...thanks for taking the time to post that....as I was reading it, it felt almost like I became...lost in it. Not the best choice of words. It was written so beautifully and obviously straight from the heart and it made me feel as if I was actually there. I remember feeling some of those same feelings when Olivia died...the garden really reminded me.
It really is a touching story and just puts some of those jumbled up emotions and thoughts I have mor into perspective...a very warm cozy feeling.
It really is a touching story and just puts some of those jumbled up emotions and thoughts I have mor into perspective...a very warm cozy feeling.
Last edited by brynn38; 02-06-2007 at 09:55 AM. Reason: t.m.i.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Jane,
Thanks so much for posting the article. I'm sitting here wiping tears from my eyes. As Brynn said, I too was transported into the story except kept imagining Grace was one of my little girls and that thought almost killed me. I love the message she shares and thank you for sharing it with us.
I'm having a crappy day today. I just cannot concentrate on anything. It's minus-23 with the windchill and my middle gymnast is home with an injured tailbone. Instead of working, I'm browsing the web for treadmills, of all things. Drinking too much coffee and just altogether restless. Focus. FOCUS.
CS
Thanks so much for posting the article. I'm sitting here wiping tears from my eyes. As Brynn said, I too was transported into the story except kept imagining Grace was one of my little girls and that thought almost killed me. I love the message she shares and thank you for sharing it with us.
I'm having a crappy day today. I just cannot concentrate on anything. It's minus-23 with the windchill and my middle gymnast is home with an injured tailbone. Instead of working, I'm browsing the web for treadmills, of all things. Drinking too much coffee and just altogether restless. Focus. FOCUS.
CS
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: home
Posts: 291
wow jane, thanks for that.
ruby i love what you said. i like that so much I am going to steal it! I can drink if i want to but i am going to chose not to drink to today also! thanks!!
OMG how embarrassing - so we have a screen porch off our master bedroom on 2nd floor! i locked myself out on it and little guy was sleeping! thank god i had my cell phone in my pocket so i had to call my neighbor who had to come over and let me out (it was so cold too)
i am going to go get a hidakey for out there today.
eversince i stopped drinking heavily everynight i have fallen apart externally.
- i am better inside but b4, when i was drinking,i put makeup on everyday, did my hair, dressed really cute, obsessively cleaned my house, made dinner every night, etc... No wonder i drank lol.
i had this need before like if shoes were not put in special place the whole world was going to fall apart.. like one thing would throw everything off and i was so messed up i couldn't risk it.
now i don't have this need to be so perfect. i guess the perfect stepford wife thing was to hide the mess i was inside (don't have to be freud to figure that one out) but now that i am not so perfect on the outside and i feel happier (most of the time) but vulnerable. plus i miss my clean house.
and i miss being more perfect (even if was fake)
plus i know my dh is like - where is dinner, why is the house a mess, what are you wearing? actually he probably is not at all. he would rather me sober.
does this make any sense???
is this what normal is ?? i spend my time at the gym, on the computer, watching tv, playing with the kids instead of all that other stuff.
this is better right?
but i miss being perfect....fakely perfect i mean.
yes i miss appearing perfect. that is what it is. (ok i was never perfect but definately looked like i had my sh*t together ) now i am like the lazy sloth wife instead of the stepford wife.
ruby i love what you said. i like that so much I am going to steal it! I can drink if i want to but i am going to chose not to drink to today also! thanks!!
OMG how embarrassing - so we have a screen porch off our master bedroom on 2nd floor! i locked myself out on it and little guy was sleeping! thank god i had my cell phone in my pocket so i had to call my neighbor who had to come over and let me out (it was so cold too)
i am going to go get a hidakey for out there today.
eversince i stopped drinking heavily everynight i have fallen apart externally.
- i am better inside but b4, when i was drinking,i put makeup on everyday, did my hair, dressed really cute, obsessively cleaned my house, made dinner every night, etc... No wonder i drank lol.
i had this need before like if shoes were not put in special place the whole world was going to fall apart.. like one thing would throw everything off and i was so messed up i couldn't risk it.
now i don't have this need to be so perfect. i guess the perfect stepford wife thing was to hide the mess i was inside (don't have to be freud to figure that one out) but now that i am not so perfect on the outside and i feel happier (most of the time) but vulnerable. plus i miss my clean house.
and i miss being more perfect (even if was fake)
plus i know my dh is like - where is dinner, why is the house a mess, what are you wearing? actually he probably is not at all. he would rather me sober.
does this make any sense???
is this what normal is ?? i spend my time at the gym, on the computer, watching tv, playing with the kids instead of all that other stuff.
this is better right?
but i miss being perfect....fakely perfect i mean.
yes i miss appearing perfect. that is what it is. (ok i was never perfect but definately looked like i had my sh*t together ) now i am like the lazy sloth wife instead of the stepford wife.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Curly,
That makes perfect sense to me. You probably are more vulnerable because you're all there. You are playing with kids and interacting and improving yourself rather than hiding behind the charade of the perfect woman. (I love the Stepford wife analogy!)
You were an automaton, focused on appearances and expectations. Now you are a living, breathing WOMAN accountable to herself.
Love you as you.
C
That makes perfect sense to me. You probably are more vulnerable because you're all there. You are playing with kids and interacting and improving yourself rather than hiding behind the charade of the perfect woman. (I love the Stepford wife analogy!)
You were an automaton, focused on appearances and expectations. Now you are a living, breathing WOMAN accountable to herself.
Love you as you.
C
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: home
Posts: 291
Originally Posted by Candy Scratch 
You were an automaton, focused on appearances and expectations. Now you are a living, breathing WOMAN accountable to herself.
Love you as you.
C
Love you as you.
C
just kidding. you are right I am WOMAN hear me roar (even if it is in my dirty sweats lol)
i am going to have to learn how to love me though again i think.
although if this was one of you we were talking about i would love you automatically so maybe i need to love myself automatically too (easier said than done)
candy is your daughter okay?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Originally Posted by curlylocks
candy is your daughter okay?
I think she'll be OK. She originally hurt her tailbone when she was sledding with a friend last week. Then, yesterday, she did a back handspring and something was off and she landed flat on her back on the tumble-track. (Thank God it was on the track and not on the floor!) She had trouble getting up and by the time I came to pick her up, her coach had done some exercises and said she didn't think anything was broken. We iced it and I'm keeping an eye on it. I was tempted to get her x-rayed, but she seems a bit better today, so I'll keep watching. Thanks for asking.
As for appearances -- I do hear you on this. (Hence me seeking treadmills instead of working!) My addled brain is now thinking I have to lose about 40 lbs. before I can *really* start living. WTF? Start living now you yo-yo. Today. Right now.
(I'm not calling you a yo-yo, just me, but ykwim
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: chattanooga, tn.
Posts: 213
Perfect!
Curly...It makes perfect sense to me too....just remembering sstaying up till 3 and 4 still having my "cocktail" after everyone else had gone to sleep and I wouldn't stop till everything was "perfect"..then, I would obsess about my hair, clothes,etc. before leaving the house and going to work, and argue with the kids if their clothes had a wrinkle in them or didn't match..all the while trying to teach them not to worry about what other people thought of them, that it's what's inside that counts...how screwed up is that? I guess it's a classic example of "Do as I say, not as I do". Jonathan could care less how he looks or what people think...almost to a bad extreme, and Alex thinks EVERYTHING has to be perfect...he's 12 and wipes dirt off his shoes when he sees it and if his hair is just a little bit different on one side than the other..he goes ape and has me cut it! They are on opposite ends of the spectrum. did I do that? Maybe I'm bi-polar...been thinking alot about that lately! Gotta Run..still haven't made it out of the house.....9a.m....yeah right!!!! [CO43]
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