Littlemiss30

My entire family drinks,and I have been around it my whole life. My grand dad was an alcohol salesman,my grand mom gets drunk every night,my mom goes to bars several times a week,my step dad drinks almost daily.

I didnt even start drinking until about age 22. Usually every other weekend. Then it became every weekend.

It never seemed to be a problem or interfere with my daily life.

But then bad things started to happen. I began having blackouts. I'd be offensive and not even remember and feel horrible about it after. Sometimes I'd be overly friendly and flirtatious (and I'm married). Sometimes I'd get into arguments with people.


I even got into two bar fights...luckily no one was seriously hurt and I never got in trouble with cops.
Yet i had serious hangovers that seemed to last days. I could never just drink one or two and call it a night.
So many times I'd tell myself I'm NOT going to drink more then two...and I'd have 10.

This past year things got really out of control for me. I made out with some guy I didnt even know during a girls night out. I felt so incredably guilty for doing that to my husband!
I got into an actual physical fight with my mom at my cousin's wedding because she said something really hurtful to me and because we were both drunk it got out of hand.

I also had the worst night of my life in November when I awoke from a night of drinking naked in my bathtub (that was empty,thank GOD)
Freezing,and feeling so sick and sore I couldnt even move. I had no idea how I got there or why. I couldnt remember anything.

My husband said I peed myself and then fell asleep in there.

So,that was the final straw. I cant do it anymore. I hate how alcohol turns me into someone I'm not. Because I would never act like that!

Yet,every single person I know drinks. So I've isolated myself from the world.
Since November I havent seen family or friends cuz I always feel pressured to drink when I'm around them.

I dont want to give in. I'm so fed up with my behavior. I have done things I can never take back! I feel so ashamed and embarrssed...bad for hurting my husband.
No one is being supportive though. They laugh when I tell them I'm an alcoholic and say,"Oh no your not,you just need to learn your limit!"
Well,I'm 30 now,you'd think after 8 years of drinking I'd know it!!!

I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. I never drank that often.But I know when I start I dont stop until I vomit or pass out. Or have a blackout.
I just cant continue like this anymore. This is not who I want to be.

parentrecovers

welcome, littlemiss -

glad you found this site - lots of folks here who share experience and hope, and lend a lot of support. so keep posting!

my daughter was a black out drinker, before she found recovery about 120 days ago. she got sober with rehab, counseling, and a lot of aa meetings. she now lives in a sober living house and has made many new sober friends through daily aa meetings. recovery is possible, and there's a lot of help available for those who ask.

blessings, and good luck in your recovery. blessings, k

CarolD

Welcome!

See if this helps you
Please click
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Blackouts are discussed on #35

AA works great for support and understanding.

Take care

Anna

Welcome Littlemiss,

I'm glad you found us.

If alcohol is causing big problems in your life and you want to stop drinking, you have come to the right place. You can stop drinking but it is hard work and will involve making some changes in your life. We are here to offer lots of support.

Astro

You're not sure? Your behavior when drinking is very similar to mine, and I wasn't sure until I'd lost my wife, home, kids, dogs, etc.

What I've come to learn is that if you think you might have a problem with drinking, chances are that you're an alcoholic. Normal drinkers don't drink until they vomit, blackout, or pass out. And they don't contemplate whether they have an issue with alcohol or not.

You might want to try an AA meeting. Here's a questionare that might give you something to think about http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/....cfm?PageID=71

UncleEarl

Welcome to SR.

Much of your story resonates with some of my past experiences. For years, my now-ex live-in g/f, my friends, and family, would insist that I wasn't an alcoholic: I just had to pace myself better. Of course, they were all drinkers. Like you, I was a blackout drinker and would sometimes find myself in compromising and embarassing places in the morning (e.g. on a floor, with a bathroom floor covered in urine. My ex would say: "You must be stressed, you're sleepwalking).

It has taken me many years, many live-in exes, and many broken hearts , to realize that I am unable to sustain a long term, meaningful, relationship when I'm drinking. My father died from drinking six years ago. I still drank. In fact, I was drunk at his funeral.

I'm not in a position to offer any concrete advice about your situation. You're in a tough spot with those closest to you.

However, you are here, at a recovery site. It's a great first step and this place has worked magic for helping to keep me focused, inspired, and actually excited about sober living. I hope you'll gain some direction and perhaps momentum by reading through the threads here. This place is full of love and unconditional support and I'm sure that several of us have had similar enough experiences to yours to be able to help you to clarify your thoughts.

Keep in touch!

Earl

GlassPrisoner

I experienced the same thing. It's called progression. The disease will continue to progress until you're dead or locked up.

The good news it can be stopped. There are several alternatives. Personally, I found AA and have been sober for almost 100 days. I used to drink like you, and lost just about everything in my life. (House, wife, car, job)

Keep coming back, read the suggestions, and start some sort of recovery program.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Littlemiss30

Thanks so much for responding.

I was never sure because everyone in my life laughs it off like it's nothing. Like,that's what's supposed to happen when you drink.And yes,everyone I know are drinkers.

I havent had a drink since November.I thought about going to AA.I'm kinda a shy person though (which is one reason why I drank to begin with,it helped me be more social) and I'd be kinda embarrassed to go there. Which is why I was glad to find this forum.Glad to know I'm not the only one...although it is a terrible spot to be in.
Thing is,I never really have the urge to drink unless I'm put in a social situation.Then my first instinct is to reach for the alcohol. I have always felt very uncomfortable at parties and stuff when sober. Then I feel worse the next day when i hear about what an a** I was anyways.
Thanks for listening!

meteoroid

I too am a newbie to this, again. Into my third month of sobriety now. I know for myself, if alcohol causes problems in your life, it is a problem. It's not really asking like; is it a cold or the flu? You know what I mean?

Anyway, there seems to be a large group of great people here who are willing to help and share. I wish you all of the best.