nogard

All replases are a mental setback regardless of size, thing to know is we do not lose our eperience of being clean and sober.

Kevin

janeeyre

Oh, I hope I wasn't too offensive by posting that! Actually, I thought it spoke more to how psycho we women can be sometimes.... Really, you guys are GREAT. (I know my DH puts up with all sorts of grief from me!)

Been thinking about Ayla.....sure hope she's OK.

Misti, Pookie's right--there's room for ALL our problems here!

xo
jane

TamTam

Hi-

(((Misti))) Did 1/2 even do anything for you? I'm sorry, Sweetie. You are so remarkable strong. Please don't ever doubt that.

Pookie- I hope you are able to find a mtg you like.

Too many moms haven't checked in today- that's not good.

Sure would like an Ayla update!

Love you all. xoxo

nogard

Hi TamTam,

we can burn a candle, pray or whtever you want to do for those missing.

We can aslo be examples by carrying on with our recovery jorney.

Kevin

TamTam

Deal, Kev- Hopefully everyone is just really busy todaYou are always positive Kevin- thanks for that!

nogard

Its all part of recovery and its all part of life.

I am not always positive, I cry, moan, scream, wish I could get off this merry go round... all the usual, but thats when I use the tools I have gained in recovery, talk to my sponsor, talk to a member, go to a meeting, pray.... thats what its about.

Kevin

jules1973

Good evening everyone.......dinner and homework are finished.....laundry is going on and DH is working late (I tend to get more accomplished when he is not here) and yet I know I will give him a slight attitude when he walks in the door at 8:00 p.m....not that he deserves it......so I am rely going to try to not play the martar here.......but I will vent that I too worked a full day, picked my son up, got home and helped him with his homework while making dinner and so on and so on......DH will walk into a plate of homemade pasta (and sauce) yes...the real thing...with homemade bread and olive oil for dipping.......and I will be ready to pounce on his throat...why is that?

ANYHOOOOOOO......I see that a lot is going on in our little group of ours....
first and foremost......((((MISTI)))) you are admitting to us that you need our support.....you are not weak.....you are so strong. None of us would be here if we did not completely understand what you are going through. The only advice that I can give in this very moment is keep your chin up and ask for what you need......and just know that we love you.

Has anyone heard anything from or about Ayla yet??

brynn38

(((misti)))), I'm not psychic by any means, but you've been on my mind alot lately for some reason. Guess it just seems to me that you haven't been saying much lately. I know it's true what Kevin said about it doesn't matter the amount and I agree, but I also think so often about how in the heck do you do what you do. You have been through so much and have been able to manage so much more than I can imagine. We all have our setbacks and we all see things from different perspectives. I know that some people truly need to take medicines like xanax,etc. I've had anxiety and panic attacks since I can remember and it runs in my family. Most of my childhood was spent "hiding" from people and places because of my fears. I would have panic attacks just thinking about panic attacks! I don't know exactly what's going on right now and know that you will tell us when you feel the time is right. I just want to say that imho, if you needed it and it gave you some much needed relief, please don't beat yourself up for it. It's not like you took a handful and continued to do so...not even a whole one! I hope that things get better for you and I hope that when you feel like talking that one if not all us can help you, I know we all will be here. I love you. How are the kids?

BrandiK

[QUOTE=scootinbabe;1191378]i forgot to post this last night. i watched "the crow" and this line really resonated with me.

"'Mother' is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."


regardless of religious stance, this line certainly puts into perspective the influence we have on our kids.
really gave me pause.
QUOTE]

I am still trying to catch up, been a heck of a day! My goodness, more drama then one could fathom!

I heard in a meeting on Sun "God is like a mother. Everyone's got one, but everyone's is different"

I love that quote from the Crow. Pretty powerful!

nogard

Ah dramas, I found that as I got better they disappeared, I missed them at first until I realised I did not need them and did not need to create them either.

Today, I love the freedom from drugs, booze and all the crap I created while using and drinking.

I can sit here at home, work and listen to Bob sing, "You got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend..." Yeah good riddiance to all that.

Kevin

BrandiK

(((((((((((((((((((Misti)))))))))))))))))))) One baby step sweety. Your still more then loved here. There is always room to vent or share if you need, no matter what else is going on.

Brynn - I am glad it's worked out but sorry about the worry

Ayla - thinking about you dear! I'll keep checking fo rupdates tonight.

My hair ... yes, it was AWESOME! 3 hours of being pampered. It looks just like me, only way better. She enhanced my natural highlights and added some honey color, cut it and gave it some layer and shape, it's just beautiful! I think this is something I could SO get used to, worth every scrap of money (and it was a hecka lot of scraps!)

My friend went right before me, and she hung out while I got my hair done. It was so fun, as I knew the hairdresser well too ... they are both in my group. We sat and gossiped and <gasped> were girls!

i dont think I caught up on everything, but will keep checking in for updates. baby is cryingnow and have yet to clean the house nor cook dinner ... so guess I ought to scoot! What a flipping crazy a$$ day!

TamTam

Yeah, Brandi!!!! It sounds like a wonderful day you had! You SOOOOO deserved it!

nogard

3 Hours, wow I am looking in the mirror, I wonder if I could stretch my next visit to 3 hours.

Kevin

brynn38

also...remembering how awful those feelings were when i was 5,6,7 and on up, even knowing now what I do about anti-anxiety meds...I would go back and take them because I know that my childhood probably wouldn't have been as miserable and I might have become a more emotionally healthy adult. I wouldn't wish those feelings that I had on my worst enemy and have fears everyday that I may have passed it on to my children. when Alex was sick last week, he kept telling me about this "weird feeling" that he kept having and he could'nt describe it. He said it felt like he was holding a big ball and then he felt like his hands were very tiny and then very large.....I immediately started freaking out and thought that he was going to start being "like I was". When I took him to the doctor the next day, I urged Alex to explain to the doctor what he told me and he did, reluctantly, and the doctor gave me the same kind of looks that I remember the doctors giving my mom when I was a kid, then he mumbled something to me about school. I almost said something, but I bit my tongue. I know Alex wasn't trying to get out of going to school, heck he had his backpack with him and wanted to go after going to the doctor, but we had to tell him that he couldn't. He didn't want to mess up his perfect attendence. I know i'm probably taking this a bit far, it's just something I feel strongly about and when someone mentions xanax or something like it, I feel like I have to defend myself and others. I guess i can only speak for myself as far as that goes, but those memories of hiding in my bedroom and hearing those strange sounds that didn't exist and having those strange feelings that noone could understand seemed so cruel for a child to experience. I missed out on so many things as a child because of my fears of having these "feelings" somewhere away from my mother (who couldn't understand either..but she believed me), literally paralyzed me with fear. alex was diagnosed with mild Turet's syndrome a few years ago and seems to be doing better as far as the ticks and other things that he done. He used to bite his tongue till it bled and i remember him asking me once when he was 7 if there was a medicine that kids coud take to help them stop biting their tongues and to stop making sounds that he couldn't help making becausee his tongue was so sore and the sounds were embarrassing at school. That hurts! But like I said, fortunately he has outgrown it mostly and the neurologist that he went to felt that since it wasn't affecting his grades or his social skills at school that we should wait for a little while to see if he did out grow it. He made his first "c" on his last grade card and is being really hard on himself about it. I want him to always do his best , but I fear that if I push him too hard that it might trigger the turret's to come back. They said it could go away and stay and that it could go away and then come back worse. Misti, what all do you know about this? I remember you saying what you mostly worked with, but don't know if that would be the same thing?
I have no idea where all this came from. Maybe it's one of those things that lurks in your brain all the time without you being consiously aware of it at all times, and then something out of the blue just triggers it and you need to get it out in the open. Never really talked to anyone about it. So sorry to ramble on....

any word from Ayla yet? hope she's o.k.

Going to bed to read I think. It's supposed to be in the teens here tonight! I'm soooo ready for warm weather! IT'S EXACTLY 50 DAYS TILL SPRING !....well here in the U.S.A. anyway.

Hope everyone sleeps well and has very peaceful dreams!! I love all of you. That goes for you guys too....in the same way, don't wanna make any of your women mad!hehe!

curlylocks

i hate this, where is word on Ayla...

Misti- where did you get the xanax? (if it was your mom i am going to drive down there myself...)

i don't know what happened, and i don't know a thing about xanax but i do know that **** happens (can i say that???) you have been so great. you must be having a super hard time to have taken it, i wish you would come and vent - it might help just to have a biatch fest and get it all out. this is not a setback - you just need to start over... or continue on. its not a failure..
what is important is what you do now. (((misti))) i am sorry you felt you needed the pills, but its okay. please talk to us, it helps, i promise.

curlylocks

guess i can't say that...

nogard

Yep sharing does help, meanwhile we can focus on us.

Kevin

TamTam

I give up- I'm calling Ayla's house-

mikiglen

thanks for all the support
no, i had found one last week and didn't take it, but didn't throw it away, either.
i am just emotionally and physically drained right now...maybe i will talk about it tomorrow
i cried before i took it, and i am still crying, so no, it didn't help me. i was hoping it would help with the knee pain, too, but no such luck
anyway, moms, i am going to go lay down and stay in bed another 12 hours
maybe tomorrow will be better
nite all

TamTam

They aren't home- I left a message telling her we are all thinking about her, will keep praying for her, and all love her. Hopefully we'll hear something soon!