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need ideas dealing with social life/people

Old 01-27-2007, 01:09 PM
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need ideas dealing with social life/people

hi all,

i stopped drinking on Jan 4th and although it is hard, i am continuing. i haven't made up my mind about whether i will ever drink or not, but for the time being, for various reasons i thoguht complete abstinence would be best.

however this is not without problems as i am having a hard time explaining it. you might think it's because i have surrounded myself with alcoholics.. but this is not the case. i moved to London 6 months ago and i did have a few drinking buddies who i probably won't be hanging out with a whole lot these days. but most people i know are from work or moderrate drinkers. it's the current UK lifestyle! drink is everywhere. lets get drinks, lets meet for drinks.. i find myself in awkward situations...

including at work. every day, but especially on fridays, meetings continue at the pub and i am literally falling "behind". i did go once and did not drink. i did not feel that awkward but people asked why i was not drinking.

ideas? what to say when people overtly ask why you're not drinking? (i've been saying "i'm on a diet and health kick after december" but it won't last too long into the new year will it?) what to do about invitations to pubs/clubs? i do miss having a nightlife. maybe i am lame but i don't think i could go clubbing without alcohol/drugs. but if i keep saying no to people i feel bad. also, what to do about the work socialization that i am missing out on because of the pub setting?

what about fun activities to do at night without drink? my husband and i have been watching lots of movies, cooking and have gone to the opera. but i am looking for more of a group/social/nightlife thing. will i maybe have to give up on this aspect of life? what are your thoughts?

i am sure osme of you have faced similar issues. so i'm all ears.

all the best,

vee.
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Old 01-27-2007, 01:41 PM
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Welcome to SR Early days for me where consumed with recovery so most of time was spent in meetings or with members, still is like that although I spend time with family and normal friends. For me the old places where deadly in the early days as where the drnking buddies so I stay clear. Whats wrong with movies, restaraunts and stuff like that, dancing if you like or are you looking for something more exciting?

Exciting for me is waking up wth a clear head and a clear heart, reading a book, going to a meeting.

Hope you work out what to do and wether your an alcoholic.

Kevin
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Old 01-27-2007, 10:47 PM
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I don't think you need to go into details with
anyone who has the bad manners to ask why
are choosing to not drink.

Just order ??? and pretend you don't hear
the rude question.
If they persist..."I don't want to"

As far as business and alcohol
by staying sober and alert
you will come out better in the end.

My social life is with my various
neighbors and family...they do not drink.
I also rely on my wonderful AA friends.

Just my opinion...Take care
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Old 01-28-2007, 04:50 AM
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hey!!

It is kind of hard for me to relate living in a small town in the south, where there are more Baptist churches then places to buy booze, but there are lots of things to do. Go to an AA meeting, maybe volunteer helping those in need. You mentioned loosing weight. Join a gym. :Weightlif I really can not rationalize why a company would hold meeting while getting hammered, and for those that are pushung the stuff just tell them you do not drink. Heck you may find that there are others that feel the same way you do. Good luck.
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Old 01-28-2007, 05:44 AM
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Im on day 7 and am watching cartoons with my kids on a sunday morn without a hangover! that to me is worth more to me than the taunts of my peers. good luck to you. jon
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Old 01-28-2007, 06:20 AM
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Hi Vee,

I learned that I didn't need to offer any explanation to people who pushed drinks at me. In my opinion, it's not necessary. As Carol said, just ignore them and order Coke or whatever. There are a lot of hard choices to make in early sobriety, but for me, I knew it was much more than not drinking. I had to change many things and it wasn't easy, but so worth it.
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Old 01-28-2007, 07:09 AM
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I'm not an alcoholic. I don't drink at all. When I first met my XABF's friends one of them kept CONSTANTLY asking why I didn't drink. She thought it was so weird that there are actually people out there who don't want to and don't HAVE TO! (She is a cocaine addict and heavy social drinker--not an alcoholic tho'). She finally after about an hour of wondering came out and asked me if I was a recovering alcoholic. I said no, which really got her mind going. To this day every time I see her (which isn't hardly ever since she's really getting bad with her coke addiction) she still can't believe I don't drink. Probably would've been easier to just say YES and make her feel bad for bugging me about it!! Maybe it was just hard for her since I was dating an alcoholic and she didn't see why we were together?? Afterall, she started drinking and doing coke for HER man! Maybe she was just amazed that there are people out there who don't have to "cave" to fit in! If you don't want to drink, then DON'T. If people bug you just tell them you don't want to. Or tell them you are recovering. Maybe someone else will find hope and inspiration in your strength!
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Old 01-28-2007, 07:34 AM
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Welcome !

I haven't really thought that far yet ! Staying sober is my number one priority for the moment.

I have found a lot of new friends through AA, however. I was playing charades New Years eve and I was SOBER ! Simething I never would have done before.
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Old 01-28-2007, 10:42 AM
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Hi and welcome to SR.

In terms of the socialization at work/after work... you have choices... you can go along and not drink, go along and drink, don't go... if you choose to go along have a plan in place for not drinking. To ease the questions, choose a suitable substitute beverage that everyone will think is alcoholic but isn't. For instance, instead of rye and coke, just have coke. Beer is a tuffer one... although in Canada we have non alcoholic beer.

In terms of socialization outside of drink, remember 2/3 of the population doesn't drink, so you just have to reorient your interests to other areas. Musueums, art showings, car shows, etc. where alcohol isn't part of it.

Peace, Levi
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Old 01-28-2007, 05:40 PM
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thanks everyone!

first of all, i really appreciate all your input, no matter how different. i don't have kids to watch cartoons with but just this morning i was thinking how great it is to not have a hangover! it's wonderful.

i think there is something especially hard about the UK. i moved here about 6 months ago and even though iw as already drinking, i was shocked... don't know is this is a new thing but drink is EVERYWHERE AND ALL THE TIME. i am a scientist and we have research meetings weekly at 11:00 am. there was champagne last week because someone got a research grant funded! i am not kidding... and every day at 6:00 90% of people are at the pub.

i think going to the pub after work sometimes and the idea of having sparkling water with lemon etc might be the best. but i will be a pub regular (i already was not...).

my last serious relationship before my husband was with someone who did not drink at all so i actually saw him deal with "the question" for years... but his was a case of never having had a drink. i have no problem saying "i don't really like alcohol" to someone and letting it go. if they ask more, they're rude. the hard thing will be the people who know me, have seen me drink quite a lot, and with gusto... and now suddenly, nothing. those people might ask! i guess i'll keep saying "i don't feel like it" and after a while if they recognise my pattern they may deduce that i quit. nothing wrong with it, right?

i guess this will come as a "luxury" to many of you but i think i will miss the nightlife... maybe this is coming from the fact taht i never hit a rock bottom before i stopped. i just wanted to drink less because it was causing problems and i did not want to hit a bottom. so i don't have that many bad memories to look back on and say "if i drink it gets like XYZ"... i have some but not enough that i also don't linger on a life WITH drink... specifically, this weekend i was preoccupied with this social life stuff. i have many interests and occupy myself well with gym, art, music etc. but i have always enjoyed nightlife and i live in London now where it's really good... but it seems everything revolves around getting drunk though so i haven't really been out since i stopped drinking. am i afraid of not having fun without alcohol? i know i know, it's not a huge loss to not go out for a while. one of my faults is that i am impatient and a perfectionist. so now i want to be in recovery and also be 100% functioning, including a perky nightlife sans-booze! how many people, alcoholic or not, even manage that? ;-)

sorry i went off for a bit there. thanks much for all the input. helps a lot!

vee.
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