Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 11
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: home
Posts: 291
WTF, so as i said i am in a foul mood, very depressed and planned to have a drink later... but now reading all this sh@t - there is no way i can! and what is worse is that i am in a bitchy mood and am not even thankful to you all. i am more pissed off.
so there!!
(although i am sorry and feel guilty about being such a beeetch!)
so there!!
(although i am sorry and feel guilty about being such a beeetch!)
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
I went to a meeting last week, the chair was a kid. 18 years old, been sober a few years I think. I didn;t like seeing him at first, nor all his younger friends, because I first got sober in my teens.
But I stayed and listened to his story. It was the only meeting I would get for a few days.
This kid, what a life. The story was pretty compelling already, but then he got to the gut wrencher. Just over a year of soberity, he witnessed his parents being murders, stabbed to death. Then, later down the road, found it was a family member who did it. And they are going through the court process to convict him.
Kid stayed sober. Still is sober. Could you do that?
Man, that stripped me of any excuse to drink. Ruined it right for me. I cant decide if I hate him or love him for that. But he effected of vast number in that crowed room.
But I stayed and listened to his story. It was the only meeting I would get for a few days.
This kid, what a life. The story was pretty compelling already, but then he got to the gut wrencher. Just over a year of soberity, he witnessed his parents being murders, stabbed to death. Then, later down the road, found it was a family member who did it. And they are going through the court process to convict him.
Kid stayed sober. Still is sober. Could you do that?
Man, that stripped me of any excuse to drink. Ruined it right for me. I cant decide if I hate him or love him for that. But he effected of vast number in that crowed room.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
lol, curly, i love you bitchy!
tam, funny you should tell that story..i look much WORSE now for some reason, lol
a couple of weeks ago, i went to walgreens....i had the boys with me and some weirdo guy said "looks like your 24 hour job is keeping you awake 36"
********
tam, funny you should tell that story..i look much WORSE now for some reason, lol
a couple of weeks ago, i went to walgreens....i had the boys with me and some weirdo guy said "looks like your 24 hour job is keeping you awake 36"
********
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by TamTam 
I don't really care how unthankful and biatchy you are as long as you don't pick up that first da^n drink, curly!!!!!!!
Jules - i am very sorry for your loss....i wish i knew what to say.....i've never been through anything like that so i can't even pretend to know how you're feeling....just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers
Brandi - i think i can honestly say...."NO" i would not be able to stay sober with all that kid has been through.....i think i would feel entitled....that's one tough little kid....if he can stay sober through that, he can stay sober through anything. I guess if HE can stay sober through that, i should be able to stay sober through anything.
Well, back to work...just wanted to jump in for a minute.
TamTam - i made that call, left a message.
Thanks!
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
I had this dream last night, been bugging me. I had this dream my husband and I attended a big personal party at an entertainment park. Our friend had rented this room in the park a for the party. It was dark and like halloween or something. We smoked some pot (never been a big pot smoker) and while everyone was partying, I snuck a few shots. It wasn't tequila, so I figured it was ok. After a few shots and beer (didn;t drink beer either) I realized I had shot 45 days of soberity. I was very open in the dream, very ... erm ... sharing, if you catch my drift. Everyone was and I figured it was ok. A few people asked my husband if I was drinking, and he said so proudly that I had not had a drop. I realized that no one knew. I decided not to tell anyone, because I hadn't got drunk had I? At the end of the dream, I started to sober up, and realize I was coming ou of a black out.
I was determined to keep my drinking secret and could feel it all break up.
Then I woke up to day 46.
I hate those dreams! I was reading up on the first step, sponsor wants a sort of paper on my thoughts on it .. my feeling written down not like an essay or anything. Maybe that dream is a reminder of it?
I was determined to keep my drinking secret and could feel it all break up.
Then I woke up to day 46.
I hate those dreams! I was reading up on the first step, sponsor wants a sort of paper on my thoughts on it .. my feeling written down not like an essay or anything. Maybe that dream is a reminder of it?
Sober and Free
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: bay area CA
Posts: 398
Originally Posted by mikiglen
lol, curly, i love you bitchy!
tam, funny you should tell that story..i look much WORSE now for some reason, lol
a couple of weeks ago, i went to walgreens....i had the boys with me and some weirdo guy said "looks like your 24 hour job is keeping you awake 36"
********
tam, funny you should tell that story..i look much WORSE now for some reason, lol
a couple of weeks ago, i went to walgreens....i had the boys with me and some weirdo guy said "looks like your 24 hour job is keeping you awake 36"
********
hat a F**ker!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
lol, no ****
i use my dreams as a wake up call...those panicky ones where i'm almost out of pills and trying to make them last or figure out how to get more....i wake up and just be grateful it was a dream, and i don't have to do that today
i use my dreams as a wake up call...those panicky ones where i'm almost out of pills and trying to make them last or figure out how to get more....i wake up and just be grateful it was a dream, and i don't have to do that today
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: mommyland
Posts: 324
Jules, I am so very sorry. There are many of us hear that have been through this, and everyone's situation is a little different. I am too new to give advice about wanting to use, but I would like to tell you about my miscarriage.
Mine was relatively early, they had to do a D&C. I never got to hold my baby and say goodbye, this tortured me, i screamed and cried, and they made me stay and go through grief counseling. I hated everyone who tried to talk to me, all those stupid words like"that is nature's way , the baby was not going to be o.k" or "everything happens for a reason" or "you can try again soon", I literally wanted to kill the people that said that stuff to me. This was my baby damm*t , not a thing.
DH was sad, but totally different, he would try and console me and I would push him away, he didn't understand, no one could understand how I felt, empty
Then one day, i was talking to my Grandma(in heaven) and this calm feeling came over me, it was weird, like she was telling me , she would care for my baby until I got there.
After that, Ifelt better, but I will never forget that baby, and I still cry once in awhile, but I will meet him/her one day, I believe that
stay strong, grieve, it might take awhile, but it will get better
I hope that was not too over the top, just feelings I had and wanted to share
Mine was relatively early, they had to do a D&C. I never got to hold my baby and say goodbye, this tortured me, i screamed and cried, and they made me stay and go through grief counseling. I hated everyone who tried to talk to me, all those stupid words like"that is nature's way , the baby was not going to be o.k" or "everything happens for a reason" or "you can try again soon", I literally wanted to kill the people that said that stuff to me. This was my baby damm*t , not a thing.
DH was sad, but totally different, he would try and console me and I would push him away, he didn't understand, no one could understand how I felt, empty
Then one day, i was talking to my Grandma(in heaven) and this calm feeling came over me, it was weird, like she was telling me , she would care for my baby until I got there.
After that, Ifelt better, but I will never forget that baby, and I still cry once in awhile, but I will meet him/her one day, I believe that
stay strong, grieve, it might take awhile, but it will get better
I hope that was not too over the top, just feelings I had and wanted to share
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
i think most everyone reacts the same way. the first one i lost, i was in denial as well...no, look again, she's in there. no, my hcg levels are not coming down, she is fine. i even refused the pill to make me abort (she was still in there)...it took days before i accepted she was dead and took it.
it's heartwrenching, and nothing anyone says will make it feel better. it still hurts but not near as badly now.
you won't ever get over it, but the pain will lessen
it's heartwrenching, and nothing anyone says will make it feel better. it still hurts but not near as badly now.
you won't ever get over it, but the pain will lessen
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Finding out what I have been missing!
Posts: 1,011
It's funny I guess, I noticed some of us seem "depressed" ( I hate that word for short term) or something lately, I been on a bummer since about Sunday. Extra cranky, irritable and blah, I keep thinking how just a couple of shots will perk me right up, haven't felt much like posting but I've been reading.
Laid into hubby last night, he can be so mean to the girls.... He hates the house a mess... he grew up with a non-working mom and a vebally and sometimes physically abusive sperm donor. He has never even spanked the girls but sometimes he is so verbally abusive it's ugly.
Last night he broke thier balance beam because it was in the middle of the den... well it's not like they can use it in the closet... Aho***** .... no he wasn't drunk, maybe a beer or two.
So I told him off, I said just because you were not allowed to be a child when you were growing up doesn't mean your children can't have a childhood... I have no regrets except that I upset the girls... but in one way it's better they know.... It was actually pretty cool, he couldn't ask me "and how much have you had to drink"
He wants they house clean and orderly at all times... but doesn't want to do it... I see his point a little that they need to pick up after themselves... but it's not life or death, he doesn't need to get nasty
My mother died when I was 16 she was 45... Our house was ammaculent, but my mother never went to gymastics competion, sat on my bed and helped me with my math homework or spotted me in a round off back handspring....So who gives a crap that I could eat off the bathroom floor....
Thanks for the vent time, I think I need a good cry......
Laid into hubby last night, he can be so mean to the girls.... He hates the house a mess... he grew up with a non-working mom and a vebally and sometimes physically abusive sperm donor. He has never even spanked the girls but sometimes he is so verbally abusive it's ugly.
Last night he broke thier balance beam because it was in the middle of the den... well it's not like they can use it in the closet... Aho***** .... no he wasn't drunk, maybe a beer or two.
So I told him off, I said just because you were not allowed to be a child when you were growing up doesn't mean your children can't have a childhood... I have no regrets except that I upset the girls... but in one way it's better they know.... It was actually pretty cool, he couldn't ask me "and how much have you had to drink"
He wants they house clean and orderly at all times... but doesn't want to do it... I see his point a little that they need to pick up after themselves... but it's not life or death, he doesn't need to get nasty
My mother died when I was 16 she was 45... Our house was ammaculent, but my mother never went to gymastics competion, sat on my bed and helped me with my math homework or spotted me in a round off back handspring....So who gives a crap that I could eat off the bathroom floor....
Thanks for the vent time, I think I need a good cry......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Somewhere over the Rainbow
Posts: 195
((((AYLA)))) Way to go...you should find a 60's boop!!!
Misti - that is exactly what I had been going through the first few days....denial. I just could not accept that it was all over.....I wanted this baby so badly.....I asked the doctor if he could stop the bleeding and somehow and he just shook his head and said that I had to let my body do what it was naturally doing. I went home on Saturday and just kept my feet hope hoping somehow that would keep the baby inside of me. I think I needed to see the ultrasound yesterday to put closure to the false hopes I was having. Poor DH.....he cannot say anything right.....my hormones are all over the board.....Sunday was the worse because I just wanted to numb out....and we don't keep liquor in the house and CT does not sell liquor on Sundays......I even looked to see if the vanilla extract in the cabinet was immitation or not.....I could not even call the doctor for pills because they won't fill narcotic prescriptions over the phone......believe me....I tried, that is how desperate I was to escape this.....and then I was just angry that I could not escape mentally from it and that I was being forced to go through this sober.....I almost went out of my mind.....I was not rational...AT ALL!!!!! DH kept telling me that we would get through it and that I could do this and I just wanted to reach out and choke him.....all rational thoughts had left and all I could do was lay in bed and sob.
Looking back on that day now, I am somewhat grateful that I could not use or drink because it would not be fair to the baby's spirit.....that its mother could not even mourn its loss or grieve its death.....so as hard as it is....I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
(((CURLY))) - being a sober BEEAATTCH is fine....it is called NORMAL and we have all been there.
Tam - toot away my friend.....you deserve it.....you worked for it so now work it!!!!
Pookie - thank you and it does not matter how much sober time you have - some of the best advice comes from newbies.....because it is so real.....
Smyle and Igfan - I appreciate your concern and your prayers.
I think that today I may have made a window in my wall.....thank you all for helping me do that....now I can peek out and see the people and things that I have been missing for so long.
Misti - that is exactly what I had been going through the first few days....denial. I just could not accept that it was all over.....I wanted this baby so badly.....I asked the doctor if he could stop the bleeding and somehow and he just shook his head and said that I had to let my body do what it was naturally doing. I went home on Saturday and just kept my feet hope hoping somehow that would keep the baby inside of me. I think I needed to see the ultrasound yesterday to put closure to the false hopes I was having. Poor DH.....he cannot say anything right.....my hormones are all over the board.....Sunday was the worse because I just wanted to numb out....and we don't keep liquor in the house and CT does not sell liquor on Sundays......I even looked to see if the vanilla extract in the cabinet was immitation or not.....I could not even call the doctor for pills because they won't fill narcotic prescriptions over the phone......believe me....I tried, that is how desperate I was to escape this.....and then I was just angry that I could not escape mentally from it and that I was being forced to go through this sober.....I almost went out of my mind.....I was not rational...AT ALL!!!!! DH kept telling me that we would get through it and that I could do this and I just wanted to reach out and choke him.....all rational thoughts had left and all I could do was lay in bed and sob.
Looking back on that day now, I am somewhat grateful that I could not use or drink because it would not be fair to the baby's spirit.....that its mother could not even mourn its loss or grieve its death.....so as hard as it is....I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
(((CURLY))) - being a sober BEEAATTCH is fine....it is called NORMAL and we have all been there.
Tam - toot away my friend.....you deserve it.....you worked for it so now work it!!!!
Pookie - thank you and it does not matter how much sober time you have - some of the best advice comes from newbies.....because it is so real.....
Smyle and Igfan - I appreciate your concern and your prayers.
I think that today I may have made a window in my wall.....thank you all for helping me do that....now I can peek out and see the people and things that I have been missing for so long.
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Gosh, Jules. I'm glad you're sharing exactly what was going on in your mind/heart/emotions --how you so desperately wanted to escape those feelings--your last post is so poignant. I can only imagine what it's like for you. I don't know what to say--I just appreciate your sharing this stuff, and I hope your "window" gets bigger all the time. 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
