Mercury-Vapor

I recently had an expereince with a recovering alcoholic wherein she lied on a level that is incomprehensible to me. I was totally convinced of what she said to me. A week later, she acted as though she never said what she said. She said that she could never hurt a human being or be a party to hurting a human being, yet all of her actions were hurtful to me. Is it possible that she seperated me from humanity to justify her actions? I am not an alcoholic, although I've attended a meeting with this same individual. I am stunned at the level of deceit and I am confused about what thinking process would cause such deceit. She will not accept responsibility for ther actions . Any ideas?

GlassPrisoner

Practicing alcoholics lie to cover their drinking. There are probably some that although in recovery, still lie for whatever reason.

I really don't understand your question without specifics.

barb dwyer

wow.

Joe & Charley say 'You can't drink on the truth." So, yeah. An alcoholic will continue to lie when sober.

We all do it.
Maybe not the exact measure that you are talking about *or the situation* (which I'm not sure I picked up on anyhow) but ... yeah. Lies exist.

I'm sorry you had a 'bad go' of it.
This is a 'Program of Rigorous Honesty' - it says right in "How It Works" about honesty being the cornerstone of everything that is AA.

Some alcoholics have never been honest in their lives.
They have no clue the depth dishonesty goes within the personality. The mind. The Self. In Life.
As we progress in the Steps, we learn, bit by bit ... a little more. It goes a little deeper. We realize more and more about ourselves .. and so on and so on.
Some have a 'hobby' relationship with the truth, and others go gonzo and are belligerently honest.

The prayer that comes to mind in this situation is that the person gains insight into their actions, and learns from them, hopefully (if it's HP's will) before someone else is hurt.
Then there is the responsibility of yours to learn as well, you know?

As long as we're learning, we're okay.

hope that helps.
barb

hope3

Thats a loaded question.
My partner answered this question best in her letter to me.

She wrote that in our 17 years together she felt that she trusted me when it came to anything that didn't revolve around alcohol. However if it did, then I was probably lying, and she was right.

For some people I think lying comes easier to them than others, but I think the alcoholic, or addicted mind will do anything, including lie if thats whats between them and their drink.

LOL, best wishes, Hope3.

Anna

Isn't that a contradiction?


I do not agree that an alcoholic will continue to lie when sober. In fact, I know of recovering addicts to whom truth is extremely important and they work very hard to keep life honest.

People are people and some will lie and some will not.

Rusty Zipper

MV for me the key word here is "recovering"... it took a while for me to get the concept of telling the truth...
and after almost four years.. my old behavours can stil pop up... its my "Band of Gypsys" as i call um...

CarolD

Hu Mercury-Vapor
Welcome to SR!

gypsytears

One doesn't have to be an alcoholic to have the capacity for lying IMO.

Mercury-Vapor

Thanks for your replies. I've tried to help this person I refer to for over 34 years. She professes honesty all the time, but has never been honest with me all these years. We love each other, but she is a runner. She's been married three times and has never had a relationship that lasted more than a year and a half (when we lived together in the early 70's.) I don;t know if she is relapsing or not, but her actions indicate she is not healthy. I think she may be so mentally ill that alcohol may only be a part of her problem. I just can't go on any longer with this..it's really killing me.

parentrecovers

sounds like you pretty much figured it out when you said she won't take responsibility for her actions. it's actions, not words that count, i believe, in recovery. if you're doing the next thing, the truth comes easy?

blessings, k