Still here and still sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rockford IL
Posts: 4
Still here and still sober
Hello Everyone,
First of all I want to apologize for joining up and not joining in. I could lie and say that I have been busy or come up with a million different excuses for not coming to this site but to be honest it came down to one thing. I wanted to drink again, I thought I needed to drink again, and I didn't want to hear anything that might make me change my mind. Well I am glad to say I came to myself before I chose to take that first drink and attended some F2F meetings. I did not pick up!! But I did isolate myself thinking someway that would help me get through this. All the isolation did was make things worse. I was miserable, depressed, lonely, and pretty much just nothing nice to be around. I was a mess even if I was a sober one. I don't know why I think I have to do everything on my own instead of asking for help. I just find it so hard to open up and ask for the help I need. I can go to meetings and sit there and never open my mouth but on the inside I am screaming for help. I guess these last few days have been a real good learning experience for me and I am just grateful to be here today and still sober.
Thanks for listening,
Pam A
First of all I want to apologize for joining up and not joining in. I could lie and say that I have been busy or come up with a million different excuses for not coming to this site but to be honest it came down to one thing. I wanted to drink again, I thought I needed to drink again, and I didn't want to hear anything that might make me change my mind. Well I am glad to say I came to myself before I chose to take that first drink and attended some F2F meetings. I did not pick up!! But I did isolate myself thinking someway that would help me get through this. All the isolation did was make things worse. I was miserable, depressed, lonely, and pretty much just nothing nice to be around. I was a mess even if I was a sober one. I don't know why I think I have to do everything on my own instead of asking for help. I just find it so hard to open up and ask for the help I need. I can go to meetings and sit there and never open my mouth but on the inside I am screaming for help. I guess these last few days have been a real good learning experience for me and I am just grateful to be here today and still sober.
Thanks for listening,
Pam A
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Rutland Vermont
Posts: 27
Welcome Pam. I come here every morning and again in the evening most days I just read and somedays I post. In my opinion the people here at SR are all wonderful people from what I've seen. Just being able to come here as helped me so much. Thank you every one.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Thanks for sharing, Pam. You may have thought you wanted to drink again, but obviously you wanted to stay sober more than you wanted to drink.
Glad you made it through another day sober.
Glad you made it through another day sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Pam,
I am glad you posted and have decided to join in. SR is a great outlet and full of support and information. I like to do things on my own too and have trouble asking for help, but SR has been my lifeline.
I am glad you posted and have decided to join in. SR is a great outlet and full of support and information. I like to do things on my own too and have trouble asking for help, but SR has been my lifeline.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Pam welcome to SR, I am Martin an alcoholic.
In the BB it says (paraphrase) that there will come a time when the only thing that comes between one and a drink is a Higher Power (I call mine God), sounds like you did that. Good job! I have a lengthy list of numbers for my network and of course my sponsors phone number.
When I first got into AA I had been drinking for 40 years, I HATED talking on the phone, little lone calling someone "Just to talk". When I got out of de-tox I followed directions and went straight to an AA meeting and got a sponsor, the first thing he told me I had to do was call 3 "drunks" a day and he counted as one. At first I thought "Man what a pain in the butt, I hate talking on the phone!". But I followed directions!
Now a little story that shows that my sponsor was preparing me "for the day". I was about 2 months sober, everything was going great, the urge/need to drink was gone! Well the day started off bad and steadily got worse...... finally I stopped by my wifes job and she told me something that was just the last straw! I got into my truck and headed home, I was fuming, I said out loud "F&*^ it, I am getting some beer!", the second I said it I immediately thought to myself "are you crazy.... 2 months sober and you are going to throw it away?". I started repeating the first line of the serenity prayer over and over again until I got home and called some one on my network.
Wow, it was like instant relief, God my HP got me home and the guy I called chilled me right out, I was good to go after about 2-3 minutes on the phone.
My sponsor knew that alkies do not like to call people and ask for help, but after doing it at least 3 times daily for over 2 months picking up the phone and calling a drunk had become second nature, it saved my sobriety and very well could have saved my life.
In the BB it says (paraphrase) that there will come a time when the only thing that comes between one and a drink is a Higher Power (I call mine God), sounds like you did that. Good job! I have a lengthy list of numbers for my network and of course my sponsors phone number.
When I first got into AA I had been drinking for 40 years, I HATED talking on the phone, little lone calling someone "Just to talk". When I got out of de-tox I followed directions and went straight to an AA meeting and got a sponsor, the first thing he told me I had to do was call 3 "drunks" a day and he counted as one. At first I thought "Man what a pain in the butt, I hate talking on the phone!". But I followed directions!
Now a little story that shows that my sponsor was preparing me "for the day". I was about 2 months sober, everything was going great, the urge/need to drink was gone! Well the day started off bad and steadily got worse...... finally I stopped by my wifes job and she told me something that was just the last straw! I got into my truck and headed home, I was fuming, I said out loud "F&*^ it, I am getting some beer!", the second I said it I immediately thought to myself "are you crazy.... 2 months sober and you are going to throw it away?". I started repeating the first line of the serenity prayer over and over again until I got home and called some one on my network.
Wow, it was like instant relief, God my HP got me home and the guy I called chilled me right out, I was good to go after about 2-3 minutes on the phone.
My sponsor knew that alkies do not like to call people and ask for help, but after doing it at least 3 times daily for over 2 months picking up the phone and calling a drunk had become second nature, it saved my sobriety and very well could have saved my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rockford IL
Posts: 4
Thanks Everyone
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for welcoming me back and sharing with me. I really hate to call people and don't do it as much as I should but I think I will start making it a practice. That way when and if I really do need to reach out it won't be such a daunting step for me. I am just grateful for my sobriety and yes I want sobriety more than I want to drink today. I am looking for a sponsor.....any suggestions on how to find one?? I know I need someone who has some sober time but that's about all I know. I really don't know what to look for.
Thanks again and I will talk to you all soon,
Pam A
Thanks again and I will talk to you all soon,
Pam A
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