Alerica

I have been trying so hard to stay sober - since February 17, 2006. I keep failing and feeling disgusted with myself. I'm looking for some friends to help keep me in line.

Carla

GlassPrisoner

Hi Alercia, Welcome !

*claps*

LettingGo

Hi Alercia,

This is a wonderful place to find out you are not alone and that there is help. Have you ever considered attending some AA meetings? They can be a little different at first however if you go a few times and listen with an open mind, I believe it is a life saver. It has been for me. You have some time under your belt and for that I say Yay! Way to go... It just doesn't have to be so lonly and difficult and that is something I have found at AA. You have come to a great place though so stick around

Jamie

TamTam

Hi Alerica- welcome to sr- glad you found us.

Alerica

Thank you everyone. I have been attending AA meetings and I feel so strong when I do but then when something happens that throws me for a loop I give in and drink. My main problem is learning to deal with issues sober instead of drinking them under the rug.

Carla

TamTam

You might be attending AA, but you need to work it *everyday*. You need to give yourself over to your HP and go from there.

Keep coming back--

Astro

Hi Carla! You'll never be alone here, and I hope you keep posting and reading. SR is a wonderful place to participate in recovery.

Jamie mentioned AA meetings, and I hope you'll consider attending some if you're not doing that already. They're a little different at first, but once you stop looking for the differences and you see the similarities between you and other AA'ers, I can almost guarantee you that your loneliness will vanish. AA has been a lifesaver for me, and I've made more friends there than I ever dreamed of having.

Scott

BrandiK

Hi Carla, and welcome. Congrats on reaching out and making a step forward. Even if it feels like your taking the same step over and over, your not. Your getting a little closer each time. Don't give up!

Attending AA isnt about just not drinking. It's about recovery, learning to live life with out that drink. Yes, it's hard. But it is also rewarding. Being in those meetings and listening is great, it's fantastic. It's a wonderful tool that many of us need, and if it helps you to not drink, it's something you should keep doing! My meetings have brought be back and saved me many times.

Working the steps, however, is the recovery part; learning how to stay sober and to live sober. I see people in meetings and on this board who have faced major life challanges, but they are able to keep their soberity because they are working their soberity program.

I have slipped back into that bottle more times then I could count, and often could not even pull off one day. I have to keep in my program with every thought. It seems so daunting at first ... until you realize how easy it is. It's SO much easier then the trouble of drinking, the wasted feeling, the uselessness, the constant drama ... I feltlike a hopeless case. And yet, here I am, 31 days sober. It's still brand new, but I never thought I would make it past day one, day two, day three. I had to learn to not look towards tomorrow but stay in today.

Keep going to those meetings. Talk at the meetings. If I dont know what to say (which is often, everyone always seems so wise) I simply say something like, "Part of my program and keeping my soberity is speaking up. I need to speak at every meeting. I don't have much to add, but I thank you for being part of my recovery and for your stories, strength, and hope." I do try to say something on the topic, but just putting myself out there is a huge step for me.

Also, get a sponsor. I stalled on this for a bit, but really felt myself slipping. So, I started adding "and I am looking for a sponsor" to the above. I finially asked someone, scared of refusal. You know what? I did get a refusal. But she turned me to her sponsee and said, "but I believe she can!" and now she is my grand sponser. And I have a sponsor all the same.

Lastly, introduce yourself as less then 30 days sober. Seriously. Even if you stay there for 3 months and/or been doing it for 3 months, keep doing it. It makes you part of the meeting, and announces that you are seeking community help.

hope3

Hi alerica, numbing or sweeping problems under the rug seems to be the addicts specialty. You're not alone, thats for sure.

You have found a great place, keep reading posting, and if you feel like a drink, turn on the computer, grab the mouse, post and read some more, best sishes, hope3.

CarolD

Hi and Welcome...

Have you considered theraphy as a way to address your issues?

Just keep trying for sobriety...Hugs

BeamMeUpScotty

I understand completely what you're saying. I first stopped on Dec. 8th, 2005. I went 4 1/2 months sober, then fell off the wagon. Since then my longest time sober is 2 weeks. I'm on day 8 today, and last night I was severely tempted, but I made it by coming here and reading posts.

You can do it as well. Just learn to recognize that when you are feeling the urge, that it is your hand that will bring the drink to your mouth. The alcohol has no power you won't give it--it can't enter your system if you don't let it. For me, recognizing this is key, because it lets me have the power over alcohol, not the other way around.

parentrecovers

Welcome! Lots of caring folks here, you've found a great support group! Blessings, K

michski

You've got that part straight and for me that was the biggest part of remaining sober was to re learn how to deal with emotional pain, disappointment, anger and even happiness without a drink! It's tough to get used to feelings again. Just remember that most of the people in the world in much worse situations than we can even imagine deal with life on life's terms every day without dulling themselves out with booze and/or drugs.

Practice does make perfect.. When you can manage to get some sober time behind you, you'll look back at this post and say to yourself "jeezus, I was so screwed up that I couldn't handle 100th of the stuff that comes so naturally to me now!" Give YOURSELF the time you need. It's JUST a matter of time and everything smoothes out and you'll become part of the world again.

It happens, everyday to one of us here at SR.

Jbh5058

Getting a sponser was a great help in my sobriety. She suggested ways for me to deal with life not drinking. You can do it
Jenn

Stormtooth

Alerca,

Thank you for sharing your troubles. We all have bad days at work, unpaid bills, and disappointments in relationships.

I always wondered how regular people dealt with it. many don't in fact.

I understand what it means to have strong desires for drinks. I am 13 months sober now, and I have urges all the time. However, just like riding a bike or pole vaulting you have to try many times sometimes before you can be confident enough to *know* you can resist the urge to pick up. Plus it comes from knowing to avoid situations.

Like some girls at the super market in line in front of me that wanted me to go back to their place and drink some wine. Lie I would have stood a chance of staying sober there!

I am not like the steel man of the movies who resolves to change his mind and be cured for good without another thought of demon rum. I must conciously every day *choose* to stay sober.