BrandiK

That mindless starting is part of alcohol, it's devilish nature in those of us caught in it's snare. I have found myself walking into a kitchen, pulling out a shot glass, and reaching for a bottle I no longer keep around...without even thinking it. I have no idea if I would have even registered the drink I was taking had there been alcohol in the house. I only snapped to when I noticed the bottle wasnt there.

I don't even walk down the alcohol isle at the store (and REFUSE to go to any liquer stores for anything) because I know, out of habit, if that bottle is on sale (it's always on sale) then I might well buy it with out even a blink of the eye.

I am sorry you had to go through this. But every one is right, now you have to pick up, and start again. You have proof again that it is not controlable. Adjust your sober program for more strength and work, and dive back in. No matter what else happens, what the fall out, dont use it as an excuse to drink. (If your like me, your planing it already somewhere in your brain)

I dont know if you do AA, and not saying you have to (it's the way I know, thus my only referance) but the AA big book has a section on just what you described; drinking for no reason, not even a thought. It is p. 21-27 in my book, the end of "There is a solution". If you go to a meeting, look this part up. If your like me, you'll find yourself in there.

Tazman53

Brother you have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain!

Brandi said a mouthful, there are numerous personal stories and description of different types of alcoholics and of different types of relapses, keep in mind that the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous was written by alcoholics, if you don't find your story in there I will be shocked, I found mine.

albob

put it down to a glitch you managed 4 months befor you can again try and put it behind you and carry on good luck

jooser

Hey folks, I am still hanging in there. I went to work last night and then came home after half a day to see the family. Things are slowly getting back on track around here. Thanks for all the support.

Jooser

I'mready99

Good morning Jooser...

Your signature line says it all!!!

Stay Strong and Positive...

One day at a time.

Steve

Rusty Zipper

hey jooser... please try not to beat the crap out of yourself... we hear ya!... the cops were at your door... sounds like the "Four Horsemen" were too...

new start time...

jooser theirs that by doing "the next right thing" again bit... jooser, your showing, and seeing it works...

good wishes our friend...........

xxoo, rz

Tazman53

jooser glad to hear things are coming back around for you, did you do the AA meeting or call the hotline?

justwantpeace

Thank God it's turning out okay for you. I think it might be wise to talk to someone about this - go to meetings, see a counselor, something. Don't let this mess you up. It doesn't have to be anything more than a very good lesson.

Maybe you should copy, paste and print your posts in this column to read every once in a while. Those feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness will pass, and human nature tends to block the unpleasant. You were scaring me there for a while!

goneriding

Fabulous news. I was very pleased to read that you were able to put this behind you and your neighbors were forgiving. Yep, moving forward is all you can do from here. Keep on posting and we will be here to listen. This site was here for me 5 years ago for my loritab addiction and again in March of 05 for my alcohol abuse. Now, I try to focus on staying busy - picking up old hobbies, etc. When I drank before, I use to think - i am going to get so much done this weekend and get absolutely nothing done, go figure. I, too, have had my ups and downs - fell off a couple of times and dusted my self off. I didn't even realize until today that I had decided to quit drinking in March of 05' - holy camoly that was nearly 2 years ago. Congratulations and keep on keeping on.

jooser

Hey folks, things are better. Not where I need them to be with my wife though. The neighbors were the starting point, and they were much more accomodating than my wife. Of course though, my neighbors haven't lived with me for the last 10 yrs either. I don't know if I can make things right with her. She's done me a favor in that she hasn't kicked me out into the cold, but I can just tell that her feelings for me aren't what they used to be. When I am drunk, I say and do things that I wouldn't when I am sober. I've never cheated on her with another woman, but I think that she views alcohol as my mistress of sorts. These drunken fights have taken a heavy emotional toll on our relationship. I don't know if I should just get it over with and let her get on with her life without me or what. I keep promising her that I won't drink any more, only to let her ((and the kids)) down. I am sick of this guilt. Makes me crazy when I am sober and I think about my weakness. My two sons are ok with me because they're only 9 and 8 respectively and they are too young to understand. They just know that alcohol is bad and that dad sometimes uses it and they want me to stop. My step daughter is 13 and she's hardly speaking to me. We've never had a great relationship, but I've raised her since she was 3 ((when her drug abusing dad abandoned her and her mother and left the state)). I've never treated her any different than I would've one of my own, everything has always been equal, except I know she doesn't like me much. I wish I could find a majic wand and make all this better, but no, I just keep on thinking about it all and I feel like I am going crazy. There's just too much to cope with sometimes.

Well, I am off to work now. I'll write back tomorrow.

jooser

I'mready99

jooser...

Your situation sounds exactly like the situation I have with my wife. I haven't quite gone to the extreme that you did, but each of our alcoholic situations are unique...

If you are serious about quitting, just show her in actions, not just words. I promised my wife I would quit thousands and thousands of times, but finially I showed her I would. Only since 15 November, but our relationship is getting better...

Best of luck to you and your family...

One day at a time.

Steve

nogard

H jooser,

As steve said your signature is good advice for you. Your HP is there and talking to you as has been said here probably through other people just open up and listen.

Usually a slip occurs long before the first drink. You mentioned not taking the Camparal, self medicating is a sign that all is not ok and I am sure that there where other signs. Having a Program like SMART or AA teaches us how to see the signs of change in ourselves and also how to handle them. These programs also give us freedom and friendship.

As you say what have you gt to loose by trying. When we are using and drinking we go to any lengths, so must we to put down the booze and leave it down.

Good luck, your not alone.

Kevin

scootinbabe

**{jooser}}--so sorry to hear your news.
it's that darn powerlessness thing again.

thank you for sharing this. it's a good reminder to all of us how sneaky, cunning and powerful this crazy disease it.

give it up to your hp. all of it. even the family stuff. you've got to take care of yourself first. the rest may follow, but focus on your sobriety. i'm telling myself this too as i'm typing. it's a slippery slope that we live on and i'm sorry you went down. but you are here. you are willing. you can do it.

hang in there.

jooser

Hey everyone. I am back, and 3 days down since my screw up. Things were somewhat better last night for my wife and I. We talked to each other like mates again and it was soothing. I just want to thank everyone here for their support through my difficult time. I also want to confess something that I believe God has been telling me for some time, but I have vainly avoided the message. It's really easy to come here when you're feeling down and depressed and seek help and therapy from people like you all. Where I have failed is that when things were chugging along as planned and I am sober and confident, I neglect to come here and help other poeple who are going through their difficult times. I do not claim to be any great counselor or intellect, but I should be here nonetheless to offer kind support, even if I don't know the answer to what they are going through.

So, in my new found resolve to stay sober, I will commit to be here more often to try and return some of the kindness and support that I have found here. I thank you all, and pray that I can help someone when they are down. I pray for you all and hope that you all stay sober. Perhaps that by trying to be more sensitive to others' needs I can help myself by being there for those people. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan on trying to be any savior, I am much to self centered for that ((another flaw of mine)), but I realize I need to be more proactive in the defeat of this disease. Take care all. God Bless.

jooser