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ok whats wrong with me????

Old 12-28-2006, 08:51 PM
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ok whats wrong with me????

up till yesterday I had nine days of sobriaty( bum I was thinking it was ten) then yesterday bought a bottle .
Today I busied myself took the kids out to spend their christmas money mowed the lawn and well now its 5.45pm and its only now Ive realised I hadnt even thought of booze!! oh please let me have more days like this!!
Ang
day one then you watch me tomorrow its gonna be day two and so on!!
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Old 12-29-2006, 06:05 AM
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Many of us had false starts on our way to sobriety.

Keep in focus..you too can recover!

Blessings to you and your family
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Old 12-29-2006, 06:09 AM
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I'm sure the thought of booze will eventually come back.

Next time try doing something different to keep yourself from getting that bottle.
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Old 12-29-2006, 07:47 AM
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Hang in there angie....

This time of yer is Never easy,...for many ,..!

Welcome honey .....and yep Many of us have fallen backwards a few times But its Pick yourself up and dust it off ya know and back to the World,..!

Have you thought of going to an AA meetin....?
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Old 12-29-2006, 07:50 AM
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Angie,

Nine days are great!

I relapsed many times before I was able to stop drinking, and I have to conciously work at it every day. And I do mean every day. You may have slips. I think you have to realize there are many decision point on the way to putting the bottle in your mouth.

Well I had lost any couth about pouring my liquor into a glass. You must fast forward in time about what will happen if you take that drink, because you are probably telling yourself a few things that deliver you into the store and help you pull the money out of your pocket:

1) I deserve this

2) I'll have just a little bit which won't matter

3) No one will know the difference.

To answer these things:

1) You do not deserve to hurt yourself and make your life unmanagable, and turn your feelings into an emtional roller coaster. The fact is at least half of feeling bad is needing a drink after a bad day, and a good portion of the bad day is the *need* for alcohol, and the bad day is being caused by drinking too much.


2) In my case I really can just have a bit--for a while--but probably within two to three weeks I will have a binge with disasterous consequences, withdrawals, because it is not that I drink too much. It is because I lose control and I do not know how much I will drink at any given time except when I do not drink.


3) One of the things i've been impressed by is how much people *do* notice how alcoholics look and smell. people really do notice. They just never said anything to me. But I hear people talking about other people behind their back, and they are saying plenty!

Do your best. Build on your success, and learn from your failures.
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Old 12-29-2006, 07:56 AM
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My suggestion would be to be prepared for the next time that you feel a craving to buy a bottle. It will happen again and next time you can have a plan in mind - exercise, call a friend, walk the dog, whatever works for you.

Hang in there Ang, it does get easier.
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Old 12-29-2006, 08:17 AM
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Angie except for sheer will power what are you doing to change to help you stop drinking? 9 days by sheer will power is great, but for me sheer will power did not work, I tried quitting for 10 years and my will power was never enough to defeat my disease.
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Old 12-29-2006, 08:37 AM
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Hi Angie,
I find that keeping busy is really helpful as a distraction from drinking, but I find that I also need to "work" at it. By that I mean, coming here and posting on SR, reading books on alcoholism and using strategies that are "out there" (eg/ cost-benefit analysis, listing why drinking for me is worse than not drinking, etc.) Some people get much support from attending AA.
I think it is quite common to slip, especially at the start (I know I did, a few times) but if you're determined and you surround yourself with support and strategies, eventually your days string into months and years. Just one baby step at a time...

Hugs,
CS
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Old 12-29-2006, 08:38 AM
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Ten days is nothing to be upset about, and relapse can be a tricky thing! Keeping a level head will help keep you on the straight and narrow path. Endurance and perseverance is the key Welcome!
Rick
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:14 AM
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CS you mention list, being a person (alcoholic) that likes to take the easier path I would reccommend making a list of everything good that has come about in my life due to drinking! It sure saved me a lot of time and paper in comparison to writing everything bad that has happened to me as a result of drinking! LOL

AA rules when it comes to getting involved in life, both in your own life and in helping others with theirs.
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:21 AM
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One day at a time, one step at a time, baby steps, thats how Im trying to take it on day 8 with the big party day coming up...
_____

I believe in fate and destination, but so much of that lies in our own hands, If you know what you want, just go on out and get it, don't give up, If you want love, you've got to give a little, If you want faith, you just believe a little, If you want peace, turn your cheek a little, you see you've got to give to live! (Van Halen/Sammy Hagar)
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:39 AM
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thankyou all :0)
I did go to two AA meetings but hubby is working later at nights and Ive not being able to go as I cant get a sitter at that time.
I rang a CADS councilour(sp)( Comminity,and Alcohol and drugs) which I am going to ring weekly as with school holidays I would have the children in tow .
(Does it seem Im coming up with excuses?) and I am going to join a online kiwi group for locals end of Jan. I know its a hard road and Im still very scared but wriitng this at 6am ( thanks to a bubbly happy 13 month old little girl who is a early riser) I feel positive. I know I have to change my afternoon routine so thats my plan for the day.
thankyou all again
Ang
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:44 AM
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Ang if AA is anything at all like it is here in the states just take the baby with you, I have been to more then one meeting where there were a few kids in tow because either mom or dad needed a meeting.

Hang in there hon, every day sober is a victory in itself and the more you string together the easier it gets.
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Old 12-29-2006, 09:58 AM
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nine days is fantastic! Keep trying! It took me months to get past 5, then made it to 9, today is day 19. If you fall, get right back up.

I started asking myself why I felt the need to punish myself w/ drinking. It was amazing to find answers there! "Why am I being self defeating?" - "Because the kids keep screaming" "so why drink?" "Because I don't know how to stop it/want to deal with it/can't handle it/am not a good enough mother/loosing the battle anyway.." and on and on and on. Then, I'd ask that alkie voice, "And drinking will help...how?" and consciously bring up the image of having to chase after the kids while drunk, the mess that will be there in the morning, the illness that follows with out doubt for me...and somehow drinking does not seem the easiest answer. But i have to really convience myself, as my alcoholic voice is incredably persuasive.
I guess my long winded point is I have to reason it out and allow myself to not hurt me by drinking.

Good luck! You can do this. Keep working it, keep coming back. It's hard with no day care, I know. But fill your head with the words, the books, the sites, anything.
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Old 12-29-2006, 10:12 AM
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I think any of us who have tried repeatedly to stop drinking on our own have had that urge to stop on the way home for a bottle. I know it's been my downfall in the past, and usually one night of drinking begats another and another. I am 21 days sober today, I have had the urge twice, and even though I have in my pantry an unopened bottle of Rum, Vodka and Whiskey (Christmas gifts ugh) I have not even considered touching them.

What motivates me this time?

I hate the hangovers ... the lingering smell of alcohol on your breath even the next morning, which people CAN and DO smell, even though we are oblivious to it and it's been 8 hours or more and a good sleep since we've touched anything.

The redness in the face, which really is a red flag to others of our alcoholism, it's embarassing to say the least.

The ability to think clearly, no blackouts, no memory loss or motor skills loss, bluriness or the feeling of exhaustion.

I don't miss any of these things, and I guess each time I try to quit I seem to associate these things more and more when I think about reaching for that bottle.

Much luck to you, one day at a time, just keep trying!

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Old 12-29-2006, 10:20 AM
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thats what I love at the moment NO HANGOVER!! I love feeling fresh and with a clear mind. Yes those dam voices or as someone described really well the "drunk" voice telling you its ok go on.... I spose I feel a bit scared to go back to AA yes thats probably my real reason isnt it as I felt like a little kid at their first day at school. I might look at the day AA meetings see if they are "kid" friendly. As I said a while back I knocked off complety when I was carrying Sophie so I can do it , Its purely habbit as well isnt it? Ive also started putting some money aside ( my wine money) so that I can save up and get myself some perfume , ladies its called flowers by Kenzo have you ever smelt it?? its divine!! Also Im camping here the other day when I was getting REALLY bad urges I sat here and read and read the posts here so I could remember why I was here and that everyone here knows what Im going through.
Ang
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Old 12-29-2006, 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by angie9 View Post
that everyone here knows what Im going through.
Yep, we do.

Also remember that there is not one single person here who is any better or stronger than you. If one of us can get through it, we all can.
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Old 12-29-2006, 03:01 PM
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Angie just remember you ARE stronger than the "drunk" that hides inside. Do let it get the best of you.

I wish I had discovered sobritey before my children where old enough to figure out that their Mom was a drunk. It breaks my heart to here my 9 year old retell a story and say things like my Mom was really drunk that day.

So set your goals and go!!!
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