recoveryHopeful

Hello,

I moved to California two years ago and still haven't gotten too comfortable here. I started drinking heavily about 2.5 years ago after the move and went through those years drinking very heavily (daily with occasional breaks, about 1/2 a bottle of 750 ml of 80 proof liquor a day). I'm trying to get off because not only have I rejected invitations for friendships because of the drink, but because I'm distancing from everyone that I currently know and care about including family and old friends. I'm also noticing a decline in my health including weight gain, sluggishness and laziness, lack of concentration which is vital to my job, and frightening dizziness when I don't get enough sleep and vitamins (sometimes I forget to take them before I pass out at night).

I'm a night drinker. Basically, I drive home every night after work, pick up a bottle, drink and watch TV or play videogames. I will usually make excuses to cancel or get out of meeting up with acquaintances and friends.

It is difficult because only a handful of people know the scope of my problem and they are so far away that they cannot be here to intervene whenever I drink.

I lead myself to this because of my rough past childhood, but persevered through college and landed myself a pretty good job that I would like to keep. I think recently, alcohol is making me believe I hate my job and I also feel worthless sometimes. I guess I have alcohol induced depression because there were many times I have seriously considered ending my life, hoping and praying that I would just die in my sleep during one of my crazier binges. I don't contemplate it anymore, but each time I do drink and this emotion comes up, it becomes more tempting and I sometimes "fantasize" about what methods would be the least painful.

After going to church for a while and asking God for help, I realize I want to quit completely. I wish I could talk to someone there but I am ashamed that I cannot get over my addiction. Today is my third day sober. The longest I have gone sober in the past 3 years is about a week.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't have the support in close physical proximity that many of you may have and I hope you can welcome me into your community for support. I will continue to read these forums for inspiration and will try to become an active participant.

Thank you all!

RC

nogard

Welcome to SR RC, great to see you here.

First thing you can do is post here regularly that will give you some support and info. Next thing is to see a Dr and get some help on detoxing. Don't worry about being ashamed, think of it as saving your life as thats what it is. I am sure you would help others so see yourself as someone in need and reach out and help them by reaching out here as your doing and also trying some of the recovey programs like AA and SMART.

I will include you in my daily meditations and wish you only love.

Kevin

Anna

Hi RC,

Welcome and please know that you are not alone. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting. I understand how alcohol can lead you to such despair as you describe. I think I just kept sinking lower and lower and hating myself more and more and had no idea how to stop. I'm glad you found us and you can do this. What worked for me was changing my routines and patterns. Go home from work a different way so you don't pass the same store. Do something different in the evenings - exercise, take a course, anything that will help to take your mind off drinking. And, SR can be a great place to visit.

recoveryHopeful

Thanks for the reply Kevin.

I will make sure to see a doctor about the detox. Do you have any general advice on how to detox yourself effectively? I am taking a daily vitamin and drinking plenty of water. Have many of you experienced weight gain or loss after withdrawing?

GlassPrisoner

Hey RC, I used to pray that I'd die in my sleep too. Didn't happen, but God did get me to AA eventually.

Don't feel ashamed to admit it. One, you have a disease. Two, there's probably a lot of people that know anyway.

Since you seem to have faith in God (Higher Power), AA may work for you . I know it did for me.

Edit: Re: De-tox. See a doctor. Your blood pressure can sky rocket causing stroke or heart failure.

recoveryHopeful

Hi Anna, thanks for the reply!

I'm a very routine type of guy so I never really thought about that. You know, the type that can eat the same thing everyday for months on end before getting tired of it

I'll definitely try the exercise thing to start.

RC

Taking5

Welcome RC. Support is as close as your keyboard. There's lot of support in his forum. Feel free to post, IM or email as needed.

Also LA has probably more AA groups than anywhere I have ever been, and in a town that big being anonymous is not a problem.

I will caution you that if you have a drinking problem, there are most likely several people that know it. Thinking that your drinking is a "secret" is a very common delusion. 10:1 some of your co-workers know or strongly suspect you have a problem. This was the case with me. I could not keep this from my Mother, who was 1500 miles away and who I only saw when sober, and only a few times a year.

At any rate good luck and hang in there.

KathyL

recoveryHopeful - Dude can I tell you, you have been blessed beyond blessing!

You say why? well, I myself got clean & sober there in LA and can I tell you I am envious of you! Know why, there is a meeting every day every hour somewhere there in LA!!! That is the AA HUB I can't even explain you have been dropped into AA Heaven! I live in San Diego Area and the meetings are not around the clock, they don't have late night meetings like they have up there!!! Tell me where you live via Private Message and I can give you the hook ups! I am so excited for you!!! Dude Oh my gosh!!! You will be so stunned there is some hard core Sobriety there!!! You are with the plethera of winners!!! I miss LA just for that reason!@!

KathyL

You could possibly drive on the way home and find a meeting, on the way to work they have meetings at 5 am, 6 am and 7 am before work heck they have meetings at 4 pm, 5pm, 6 pm, 7pm, 8 pm, 9 pm, 10pm, 11 pm, 12 am heck they have noon meetings all over the place at 1,2,3 pm gosh heck they have them 8,9,10, 11 am I am telling you, you will not be alone unless you want to be alone! You are a lucky son of gun

CarolD

Hi RRC...

I suggest you check out the top 2 sticky post here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/

Congratulations on making a decision to quit!
Blessings

leviathon

Hi and Welcome to SR. You will find the support you need here if you really want it.

Thank you for opening up and sharing. It is difficult to take that first step, but you will find it gets easier as you continue to share.

Peace, Levi