brynn38

Hello everyone! Just got back from dinner and movies. we saw "pursuit of happiness" too tired to worry about capitalization tonite. anyway, awesome movie.I cried of course...makes you think what you'vgot and reminded me that there's always somebody that has it worse..but loved it. I just wanted to see the little boy and his dad in their new home at the end. But I saw it on Oprah when Will and the real Chris were on there.

Jane, I can't believe you're reading that! Like I said I just happen to wake up and it was on..so interesting! Reading is my passion and I cant wait to start reading those books. Are they hard to find?

Jules, igfan, sbrgrl...so nice to meet you all! I done the pain pill thing too. and had no pain...till now! When I mixed them with alcohol it was like speed to me too. euphoria! I thought I was so much fun also..and I guess I was, but I was seeing things through those "rose colored glasses", it probably wasn't as fun as I thought. I'm learning a completely new way to live and I can tell that my sons enjoy spending time with me sooo much more. My oldest is 21 and he knows all about what was going on and he doesn't hesitate to tell me so! funny how our own minds try to trick us. I remember when I was a little girl(god my family was so poor), and I used to pray to just be "normal". To me that must have meant having nice things like the other kids and being popular, etc. After growing up I went to cosmetology school,finished, a nursing course..finished. Got my license to practice real estate and was a grocery store manager and a bartender. I don't have the desire to do any of these things. i think I just had to prove that I could make it and have those nice things and be "normal". well, I was popular allright. Invited to all the parties and went to all that I could! I had all the clothes the cars and even bought my own home by myself. I lost myself in all that somewhere though and cant remember exactly when I became addicted to pills and alcohol, but it seemed to define who I was.Needless to say, I was scared as hell that nobody would like me sober, but I'm finding more and more each day that it's not true.I just have to be me. I don't know what normal is and don't think I wanna know! This place has helped me more in the past few weeks than anything else in the past few years! These women are wonderful, strong, caring...oh I could go on and on...but I've already broken my promise to not ramble. I thought it would be o.k. since I haven't posted since this morning!

Thanks Ruby, you made me feel better. I'm still worried that I do go on too much. Guess it's that scared little girl still in me worried what everyone thinks and just wanting to be like everyone else. But thanks to my decision to be sober and for ALL of you just being you...I kinda like myself more than I ever have in my life...and that is something that I wouldn't know how to pay back! I've got something brewing in my strange little brain though. Hope I can pull it off! It's a secret though!

brynn38

And misti, when I get my new printer/scanner/copier/fax...hey I'm goin big time...hooked up, I'm gonna post some more pics if you will help me figure it out? Did you ever get any sleep?

Ayla, glad that you finally got some rest!

scoot, that's so funny(a pile is a pile) Wild that we posted exactly same time about movies..that's the next one on my list!

Tam, sounds like your little guy is a real trooper. glad he's better. I know you will rest better because of it.

And curly, sounds like hell at your house. Gosh, that's just too much at once, huh? will say a special prayer for you guys tonight.

Beezy, I haven't had the pleasure of really "meeting" you much, but just read what you said about your neice and S.I.L. Don't know what to say. Prayers to you. Man, life can be so hard. How are any of us sane?

Hi Kevin, I raised my oldest son without his dad. Just cause you are not female don't stop posting. My son used to give me cards for Father's day as well as Mother's day. He said I was both! Hope to hear from you again. Lots of good caring people here to listen anytime!


((((((((((everyone))))) Good Night!

ayla zaire

sort of like love actually? i love movies that make you feel good...it seems like there is so much money in movies these days that it is hard to find one that's really good...here i am in the middle of the night again...it got to be too late after a little wink wink...hehe...not complainig...dad's supposed to come by tomorrow...with my brothers..i'll believe it when i see it....i'm not feeding them!!! they can kiss my you know what...i am still a little pissy about them standing me up the other day...oh, well...

ayla zaire

good night brynn brandi sbrgrl nyc bungarra jane beezy candy tam ruby scoot c'est alissa liss fred candy magic krys sarajo igfan misti jules kevin curly and whoever i missed...i love you all!!!

scootinbabe

i'm burning midnight oil here too...i adored "love actually" i own that one too. funny story--i lent it to a friend who is very religious and has kids (although they are adolescents). then, i panicked remembering about the porno stand-ins. yikes! totally didn't remember that part--the nudity was so un-sexual that it really didn't register other than the fact that these two naifs were so sweet and working in an industry that was so unsweet. what a wonderful life-affirming and reality-check film that one is.

RubyT

Aw geez! I hate that so many of my mommies are going thru such sickness....either themselves or with the munchkins! Hope everyone feels better soon!

So what's everyone doing for New Years Eve? Well, I know what Ayla is doing...are you serious?? Twelve kids?! Whoa! You are one brave lady, my love! I think we're going out to dinner and then having a quiet peaceful evening at home. I've never been a big NYE person, even back when I was the bionic lush! Plus my oldest daughter is a New Year's baby so I've always had a houseful of family and a big birthday dinner to prepare for. Can't believe she's going to be 19!!!

Jane...did I hear correctly that you guys are going to get MORE snow?!

Smooches to everyone.....I need more coffee!!!!

Smyle

brynn...I have not been posting as much as I did before you got here...just not up to it these days. I always read and should at least welcome the newbies...sorry ....I hope that you are finding the support you need....

we have all been there at one time or another....

~B

BrandiK

Good morning everyone. Coffee is still kicking in... It was so windy last night the wind blow our little apple tree over. It was an older tree too. Small, but good strong trunk. Pretty amazing.
Hope the big ol' palm trees are still strong.

ok...off to down more coffee and read before the kiddos wake up.

jules1973

Good morning everyone! I cannot believe some of you were up at 2:45 a.m.!! Yikes, I remember those sleepless nights...not fun! Today is another day sober...that makes two in a row! The cravings are absolutely killing me....but I am fighting them one minute at a time here.....that is all I can do....just stay focused (as much as I can) at work. With so much going on at home I just want to numb out and listen to the lies that my addiction is telling me......I am just in a fog.....that feeling of being present physically but not mentally....and my thoughts keep going to using because I am only two days sober.....this is tough! This is more than tough...it is hell....but it is a new day...and it is up to me how it pans out!
My prayers are with all of you...
Jules

RubyT

Ooooh, Brandi, just realized you're in the bay area...close to wine country, eh?! That would kill me...I could not live that close to such good vino!!! One of my best friends lives in the area, been out to visit her many times. (Jane, she's the one that looks like you!) and one of my closest friends here is named....you guessed...Brandi...spelled the same way! Weird.

BrandiK

yeah...it's not a good thing. And have a circle of friends that are wine-o's (aka, drunk wine snobs. Drink the good stuff first, then you wont notice the bad lol) Wine EVERYWHERE! I am a talk radio fan (I know, boring, but I love it) and I can not tell you how often shows based on wine are on. Wine as gifts, stories of wine, wine trains, whole sections of the news paper....wine is my drink of choice in certain crowds. And yes, I am a wine-o drunk. I enjoyed the good stuff first...only drink the bad when you're already drunk. blech.

LOL I bought some non-alcoholic merlot the last time I was trying to quit. In case your wondering, it's grape juice. I was so dissapointed, I went and got a real glass of wine. So...prob. not the best thing to attempt. Wont be trying that again.

Jules...keep it up!! Every day sober is a fight we've one!

mikiglen

haven't had a chance to read back yet, hope everyone is doing ok.
just wanted to let everyone know that although i missed a day, i am sober, doing well, and just really, really addicted to that damn super mario brothers 3.
besides work and feeding kids, i play that as much as possible, lol
mis

jules1973

Brandi - I am from CT but I spent three months in Ca for treatment...San Diego area....Cali has a great sober program! But I did notice that must of them were wine snobs! The groub of sober people are a lot different here....not as warm as the CA folks that is for sure! Very clicky...which I hate because hellooooo...we are ALL trying to stay sober so why the clicks? I struggle with that but I try not to use it as an excuse to leave the program.
Anyway...I loved Cali....except for the 3 months I was treatment

janeeyre

GOOD MORNING!!

How are you all this morning? I'm glad everyone in my house is otherwise occupied so I can get on the computer for a bit.

Welcome to Jules! This is the best place--I love the moms here.
(((Curly))) I'm sorry your little one hasn't been well. Hang in there...

Brynn, the library is full of their books! Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, etc. I live to read, too!
I saw that Mtn said alcoholism ran in the Bronte family--I didn't know that. Wow, I'll bet that has a lot to do with why Anne Bronte wrote the book I'm currently reading--it really shows how horrible alcohol can be, and how people thought about it back then. Interesting.

Did you sleep at all last night, Ayla?

I need more coffee--I was up at 5:30 this morning for no apparent reason and it's catching up with me. Ugh.

More snow is on the way--AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! We still haven't dug the mom-mobile out since the last storm. I want to live in Australia where it's summer.

Smyle

I grew up in SoCal....Still have alot of family out there...but they are not wine snobs...they will drink anything..LOL

brynn38

Morning all, THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE BUT CAN I GET SOME ADVICE?
Not much planned here for NYE. I just wanna stay in. It's been years since I stayed home and watched the ball drop. Most NYE's I was so wasted by midnight and the ones that I remember, I always felt like the night was just gettin' started. My house was always the house where the party was when the bars closed(remember, I live in the Bible belt)! Just remembering waking up and lots of people passed out all over the house...some I didn't even know. Good thing I was married then to someone that never got as wasted as me. I would always wake up so damned thirsty that I actually started taking a two liter Dr. Pepper to bed with me. I'd get up and get a big tall glass full of ice and I swear I would drink the whole two litre in about fifteen minutes!(had to wash those two or three hydros down too!) I still love Dr. Pepper, but now a two liter lasts a lot longer! I look back and think what a terrible thing to do to Jonathan by going out drinking on NYE since his dad died in the motorcycle wreck on that night. He was very intoxicated by the way. Now I'm so grateful that he doesn't have to worry about losing his mom the same way... and day he lost his dad.
AND NOW,

Jonathan(21) is weighing heavy on my mind today. Don't know what to do. I hope someone can give me some suggestions or tell me if I'm wrong to feel this way. Jonboy moved back in with me when he and his ex-fiance broke up after a year and a half. We agreed that he would pay half the rent and do his part around the house. He always pays half the rent and maybe I should have made it clear in the beginning that by doing his part didn't mean just paying half the rent. It feels like it did when he was a teenager still at home. God knows what the two of us have been through together and we have a very special bond. He still kisses me on my cheek or the top of my head and we hug and say our I love you's befor one of us leaves or comes home. (weird, he just walked in the door with one of his friend's and said "love you" as they are going to his room). If he only knew what I'm getting ready to say! He doesn't realize what all it takes to keep a household running, or maybe since I'm his mom he just expects things to be the way they always were. Either way, I don't want him to think I just want his money. If I could afford it I'd probably pay for everything knowing it wouldn't be good for him. so anyway, I do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking(don't do alot of that one) and I buy all the groceries, cleaning products and all the other stuff it takes. If I ask him he will help out on some of this but I feel so uncomfortable asking and I have to catch him on payday(he gets paid bi-weekly), because his money burns holes in his pockets. Movies,video games,etc. i've asked him repeatedly if he would like for me to help him set up a budget so his money will last him till next payday but he always refuses. I guess it goes back to the mother/son thing. Maybe he thinks I'm trying to tell him what to do, dont know even though I've explained that it's just to help him. He could save so much money so fast. His grandmother gave him a car so he has no other bills. Got it made and I guess if I was his age I might be doing the same thing. But he never goes anywhere but work. All of his friends usually come over here and they hang out and play those damn games. He won't rent them, he has to buy them and of course he's defeated the game and finished with it in a few days. I rarely have any time alone(he works midnight's). I am glad that he isn't in to drugs and out running the streets but I feel if I continue to let him stay that I'm holding him back from growing...um what's the word, up? I know he needs to learn some responsibility and I've never been good at "tough love". He keeps talking about finding an apartment with one of his buddies from work. They actually looked at one several weeks ago but when they realized how much it was gonna cost initially....well, needless to say, it stopped there. I wouldn't ever kick him out in to the street, but it's really stressing me out. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I know what I should do, but how do I go about it? I've lost so many people close to me and if something happened to him I know I would blame myself and I don't think I could live with that. I guess this problem might not sound major to anyone, but it's eating me alive and I'm afraid it's putting a strain on our relationship, I know I'm holding so much in. when his car was tore up.. he waited nearly a week to even try to do anything about it and my bf offered to have his mechanic fix it for nothing! I drove him to work at 10:30 p.m. a couple of times, 5 minutes away, but his friends from work are coming this way anyway so he just rode with him until I bitched enough and he got it fixed. If it was just a roomate, I would have kicked their ass out long ago, but it's my son! OH WHAT DO I DO? am i making a mountain out of a mole hill? are my feelings justifiable? am I doing him more harm than good? am I being ungrateful? I'm so thankful that he's a wonderful, loving person and is healthy. Am I holding him back from learning the valuable but tough lessons that he must learn, the skills to survive out there in reality land? I guess I might know the answers to most of these questions but from what you all have learned about me and my life on here.....am I being a BAD MOTHER? Look at all we have all gone through and all the loved ones most of us have lost. I think about how much the world has changed since I was his age...but it's gonna keep changing and I could just go on and on. Now I feel guilty thinking about the problems that we've all had and are having. Going in circles again!

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!

ayla zaire

sorry i have been trying to read up for like an hour but my kids won't let me....i'll try to catch up later...just wanted to say hi

BrandiK

Wow. That is a hard one.

I think at some point, your going to have to talk to him about all this like the adult he is. It's easy to fall into that 'mama's here, she'll take care of it' trap. Maybe he just needs a reminder that he's grown up now, and needs to take on more responsibility. Maybe tell him the truth, that you just can't do it anymore, and you need for him to take a more active role. Make a plan together over what you both feel is reasonable.

Finances, he'll probably have to learn on his own. That's how most of us had to learn.

My kids are still very small, so just going from my gut here. Wishing you luck though, that's a tough spot to be in.

TamTam

Hi, everyone-

Brandi, where do you live? Mt 2 best friends are there. (I'm from So Cal) One is in Los Altos Hills and the other in St. Helena. The one in St. Helena is high up in the wine biz. I always travel around the country and meet her at wine dinners... DID travel...

Love to all-

xoxo T

NYCGirl

I spent many there myself oh and the two day hangovers won't be missing that.

Go back and read your own post I took out a coulple of lines for you but for the most part you answered your own question.You know what you need to do you just have to makeup your mind to do it.

If somone was doing your laundry preparing your mealsand picking up after you would you ask themto stop,of course not


I agree you are holdoing him back, a landlord, or the electric company are not going to just accept that "money burns a whole in his pocket"

He is an adult at it is time lives like one. If his job can't make ends meet than he will need to work harder. In the end it will make him a better person.