Jbh5058

I went to a Christmas party with my sister this eveneing. She is 22 and I'm 25. We took her car. When it was time to leave I asked for her keys(she had 3 glasses of wine which would give me a nice buzz). She said she was fine and I told her I was more fine and would like to drive. She got mad and said that just because Im in AA doesn't mean I should judge her. I told her I wasn't judging her and that even when I was drinking, the sister who drank the less drove(i know...I'm lucky I never killed anyone) She freaked out and I let her drive, while she ignored on the way home. I didn't know how to handle the confrontation. I've been sober for 49 days and am finding it difficult to deal with my "normal" friends. I know my sis is sad because we don't spend as much time together and thats where this driving issue came from. She has never had a problem with me driving before AA. I've made alot of effort in asking her to hang out with me in non-drinking situations but she usually bails. Her boyfriend told me she that in her head, I've been absent from her life. I know now, I should ALWAYS drive myself, but what do I do about my sister. She doesn't seem to remember the multiple times I've tried to hang out and I don't want to start any conflict. Talking about why I'm doing in the program doesn't work.

Sobriety has been awesome. I'm on step three and love the idea of letting my HP take over...haha I think that might be part of my answer...Ask my HP for help! I''m just a little confused on what action I should have taken tonight. Any advice on dealing with non-aa loved ones?

Time2Surrender

Do what ever you can to stop her or anyone else from driving after drinking. I had a girlfriend who got behind the wheel after a few drinks. http://www.co.washington.or.us/sheri...a/ftl_1car.htm Sure miss her.

CarolD

I quickly noticed that my drinking friends were
uncomfortable around me when I started sobriety.

I really think it was because they too knew they
needed to quit and were not ready.

Driving was not an issue as we lived in a city
and no one had a car.

Congratulations on your sober time!

hope3

Be true to yourself, I too think she is really just
fearing her own reality, and possibly her drinking problem.

If you two were close and she chooses drinks over spending time
with you--- quote by you: "I've made alot of effort in asking her to hang out with me in non-drinking situations but she usually bails."

That says allot, if you think about it, just a thought.

Keep reading, asking, and posting, I wish you the best HOpe3.

Rusty Zipper

jbh just keep doing what your doing for your growth in sobriety... its up to the loved ones to deal with you... hopefully they will come to understand...theres nothing wrong with being clean and substance free...

as far as the driving issue... its tough enough out there, the road rage and all... add a few belt's in the mix... Yikes!...

BTDT...

good wishes... rz

BigSis

Good advice above about how to deal with your sis. And I would add that I would drive (always) whenever you are going somewhere together. And if she asks, I would be certain to tell her why (without anger or rancor).

I had to do something similar with Mr. Big years ago. He is the MOST distracted driver... not drinking, just distracted. I found that ALL our arguments were about either HOW he drove or WHETHER I would "allow" him to drive.

So I started to refuse to ride with him... anywhere. I did it calmly and consistently. We took two cars to several family functions.

Today, he is a much less distracted driver, and much more clear that about MY rights to be comfortable as a passenger. It took boundary setting. And it was difficult, and he did not "give me permission".

I've had to learn lesson about how to set and keep boundaries many, many times.

I wish you the best.

Jbh5058

Thanks sooooo much y'all! I'm feeling much better and am about to go have an early christmas dinner with her and my dad. She actually called and apologized! She spoke with my mom who is in the program about the situation and I think it helped. Always bring my OWN car