NYCGirl

Hi everyone,

Don't get here much lately, the grad work keeps me soooo busy, my kids hate it sometimes. I'm making sure to give them some quality Christmas season time. After all it is the first Christmas my kids will have a sober mom.

I have gotta admit I've been sweating it a bit lately, a little mouning for the old SKKY. I have come too far to head back down that path. I passed on my party at work most people don't know I gave up drinking and I wasn't in the mood to deal with it, beside the food s***s where they had it, and I couldn't imagine not eating or drinking, what would i do. I'll probally go hang out Friday for the "round two" party, it's a smaller group, most know I'm done drinking and the foods awsome at this place. I can at least eat my money's worth.

I do have a question maybe someone can answer.

When I used to drink, the buzz atleast the early part of it gave me a lift, I'd clean, cook, grade papers basicaly I'd be motavated and I'd get it all done.

Now, I thought I'd have more energy, be more motivated and get more done, but instead I have turned into a slug. Nothing gets done, the house is a mess the laundry piles up and I just can't seem to get it together.

I read up on PAWS but this doesn't seem to come and go.

Any thoughts or suggestions.

30 years of drinking --- almost 6 months sober (January 1st) --- actually I sorta count from June 11th since that when I decided to quit, had a minor couple of drink relaspe June 30th ... anyway>>

Smyle

I did not drink...drugs were my problem...but i am just now feeling like I am coming back around.

My dr did put me on Effexor, but I just started taking that Fri. I have 6 1/2 months and am starting to see things clearly and wake up refreshed.

You have ALOT going on honey, so I understand that you have no desire to do housework...WHO DOES....

Congrats on your 6 months and have fun at your party....

miss you around here....


~B

c'est la vie

It sounds like you made the right choice about the work party, especially if the food isn't good lol.

You're probably feeling worn out because you've got so much on your plate and not really because of the lack of vodka. Keep telling yourself how you'll feel after that inital rush of energy.

I'm glad your hanging in there and checking in once in a while.

scootinbabe

i feel like that too sometimes...my sponsor said that she thinks that she slept more during the first year of sobriety than any other year of her life. her theory is that the body needs to work overtime just to heal itself.

drink lots of water, eat healthily, exercise and sleep.

my theory is: so what if everything goes to heck, at least i'm not going there.

hope that helps and way to go on the 6 months. you're ahead of me there, sista! and an inspiration to boot!

janeeyre

Hi, NYC--it's good to see you!

I agree with the others--you have A LOT going on, and your body is getting itself back together after all the years of alcohol. From what I remember reading in "Beyond the Influence", it'll take several months for your brain chemistry to readjust/recalibrate its serotonin/adrenaline/neurotransmitter balance since it's been used to the alcohol.

Good job on the Christmas parties!

Have a good holiday time!

Take care,
Jane

NYCGirl

."and not really because of the lack of vodka. Keep telling yourself how you'll feel after that inital rush of energy."

...and how I remember I'd drink my self in a "hole" and then tell everyone I had just I couple of beers, who was I kidding.
Nice to see everyone again, I've been reading but not much time to type.

Thanks for the boost.
Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday

Jersey Nonny

Hmmmmn...I have three theories; and, I'm not really sure which one applies (or is the most valid)...maybe they all do/did.

There were times (my daughter still reminds me) when I would work like crazy to get everything done before noon, so that as soon as those hands were straight up on the clock, I could drink until I passed out. Was I rewarding myself?

Then, there were those times (particularly after a serious bender) when I would work doubletime to get caught up on things I had let slide. Was I feeling the guilt?

Then, there were those times (leading up to all the holiday entertaining) when I drank non-stop while I managed the cleaning, baking, cooking, wrapping, decorating, etc., so that I could be the perfect hostess. Did I have to drink to get through it all?

Over the years, I've become less demanding of myself (and others)...I do what I can, and what I can't just doesn't get done. My late-in-life philosophies are, "Life is too short", and "How important is it?"

mcdo1268

I have not heard a single person in any of these threads talk about working the twelve steps or taking anybody through the steps. Try sponsoring people and get over yourself.

Smyle

we have a forum for the 12 steps....sounds like maybe you could benefit more over there....mcdo

~B

ayla zaire

hi, nyc...i've missed you!!!

Jersey Nonny

I see you're very new to this website, so I'll excuse your rudeness. You happened to log into the Newcomers forum, where the length of sobriety may range from one day to several years...the main objective is that we offer support to one another, regardless of what stage of sobriety we happen to be in. In over a year of posting here, I don't think I've ever heard anyone tell another "get over yourself"...IMO, that was uncalled for.

Steve58

Hi NYC, I missed you too, Glad to hear you're OK!

When I get 6 months, I'll let you know how I feel, for now, I wish you the best! Everyone here says it gets better, so I'm sure it will for you!

Take Care,
Steve

Sugah

I saw the title of this thread, and I thought, "Me, too!" I started reading it when it first started, but it quickly got beyond anything I could keep up with.

First Christmas sober, no energy after six months. Here I am at four years, and I'm just beginning to see some benefits from consistent recovery work. I took all that "be gentle with yourself" to extremes. If it meant stress, I didn't do it. And I did get clean/sober through AA (and today, I'm a very active member). If I remember correctly, you have reasons for not choosing that route, and it's not for me to try to convince you otherwise. I will say, however, that one of the most important lessons I learned from stepwork was how to examine my motives for doing or not doing something that needs to be done. Was it laziness? Was it fear? Was it selfishness? Sometimes, the answer was just that it wasn't that important. I've been wanting to sort through my clothes each season for the last two years. I might pitch a bag full of sweaters or get impatient trying to find something in a drawer and pull out stuff I haven't worn in awhile, but they may sit in the corner of my bedroom for another two months before I do anything with them. Bottom line is that I have more useful ways to use my energy, so when (or if) I get around to it, that's when it'll get done. Nobody (well, maybe my husband!) is suffering because I have a messy closet.

On the other hand, if I can't get off the sofa to make my kids dinner, then they suffer. We all suffer. Those are the times that I have to seriously consider whether I'm avoiding responsibility or really not able to follow through without making something else of importance more difficult. Then, if I know that it's not an avoidance, the next part of the plan is to figure out an alternative. Maybe the kids can cook! (I don't know how old yours are, but even my 13 yr old can make a mean grilled cheese with chicken noodle soup) Maybe we can order a pizza.

My kids were 9 & 12 when I got sober, and now I have them 13, 16, 17 & 18. The two oldest are my step-sons, and the oldest is in college, but when he comes home, he's got responsibilities. He's not treated like a guest. After coming out of rehab, we had a series of family meetings to reinforce that in order to be a family, we had to function as one, which meant everyone has responsibilities. Are you kicking yourself for not cleaning up after a child old enough to do it for her or himself? Perhaps they're missing an important lesson in personal responsibility if you are! Even a three year old can pick up toys and put clothes in a hamper or fold towels and washcloths. My kids are given notice when we have a "work weekend" and they know not to make plans that interfere with that.

I can't say that it all functions like a well-oiled machine, and I'm in school, too, so I know what it can be like. My sitting room is decorated for Christmas, and I'm looking over the top of a loveseat right now at my desk behind that's piled high with books and files. Oh, well. My last finals are tomorrow, and I'll be damned if I'm touching the mess until that's over -- and perhaps not even then. I still have some shopping to do & gifts to wrap!

The energy will return, but try to put aside your expectations. You sober is different than you drunk. If you can make a reasonable plan to make small changes and stick with the little ones until they become habit, you'll start to see results. And watch your motives! They can tell you a lot about why some things get done and others don't.

Good luck w/the grad work. I have another year and a half before I start down that road. I'm just hoping I have more energy by then!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

mcdo1268

Getting over yourself is key....Bill W. was, as we now know it, sponsoring and helping another alcoholic his second day sober ..the rest is history. Continously feeling sorry for ourselves sets us up for failure. The quicker you get into the STEPS the quicker you recover. Until then, each day we are dying from the disease of addiction/alcoholism.

NYCGirl

Well exuuuuuussse me!!!


Thanks guys for all the support and thanks for sticking up for me with the AA thing.

I've been missing it here alot, a have a 10 page paper due Wednesday and I'll be back on the board it's a great strees relief I'm so glad to see so many of you are hanging tough with me. I read through your replies and felt the sincere caring and got a bit treary eyed.

UHhh Raerob that weas real scary I could have written every word.

Thank you all sooooooo much!!!


Oh yeah, and mcdo I ammmm notttttt feeling sorry for my self!

janeeyre

(((((NYCGirl)))))) I am proud of you (as are SO MANY of us) and know you aren't feeling sorry for yourself!

"Certain people" (ahem) need to take their own advice and get over THEMselves....
(sorry--sometimes I can't resist putting in my .02)

I was going to say in regard to your first post on this thread, I really relate to this: That's me in a nutshell, too. It really is an adjustment not using alcohol for a crutch. (By the same token, though, the morning after never felt particularly motivated (lol)! I savor the clearheadness of sobriety!)

I hope the paper goes well--look forward to seeing more of you after Wednesday!

Take care,
Jane

TamTam

Hi, NYC- I also have been drinking for 30 years. I thought I would have so much energy after quitting drinking as well. OMG- It's been 32 days and I am so tired! I feel great- it's so nice remembering everything and waking up clear headed...
Congrats on your 6 months and accomplishing everything you have. You were smart to avoid the party- Fri night I was so close to plucking an olive out of someone's martini...
Talk to you soon.

NYCGirl

Congrats on your 32 days I can't say it hasn't been a roller coaster of emotion but its sooo worth it.

read Raerobs 3 theories it ws me to a tee.


Gotta plan a lesson talk soon

Jersey Nonny

You're apparently a firm advocate of AA and the principles of the 12 Step Program, mc do...as I, myself am, after 27 continuous years of sobriety. I don't doubt that you mean well, but, your information is a bit inaccurate, compared to the following taken from The Primary Purpose Website (which is an interesting read for anyone so inclined).

www.aaprimarypurpose.org/cofounders.htm

Quote:

As a soldier, and then as a businessman, Wilson drank to alleviate his depressions and to celebrate his Wall Street success. Married in 1918, he and Lois toured the country on a motorcycle and appeared to be a prosperous, promising young couple. By 1933, however, they were living on charity in her parents' house on Clinton Street in Brooklyn, N.Y. Wilson had become an unemployable drunk who disdained religion and even panhandled for cash.

Inspired by a friend who had stopped drinking, Wilson went to meetings of the Oxford Group, an evangelical society founded in Britain by Pennsylvania Frank Buchman. And as Wilson underwent a barbiturate-and-belladonna cure called "purge and puke," which was state-of-the-art alcoholism treatment at the time, his brain spun with phrases from Oxford Group meetings, Carl Jung and William James' "Varieties of Religious Experience," which he read in the hospital. Five sober months later, Wilson went to Akron, Ohio, on business. The deal fell through, and he wanted a drink. He stood in the lobby of the Mayflower Hotel, entranced by the sounds of the bar across the hall. Suddenly he became convinced that by helping another alcoholic, he could save himself.

Through a series of desperate telephone calls, he found Dr. Robert Smith, a skeptical drunk whose family persuaded him to give Wilson 15 minutes. Their meeting lasted for hours. A month later, Dr. Bob had his last drink, and that date, June 10, 1935, is the official birth date of A.A., which is based on the idea that only an alcoholic can help another alcoholic. "Because of our kinship in suffering," Bill wrote, "our channels of contact have always been charged with the language of the heart."

As you can see, it was at least five months before Bill W. and Dr. Bob got together...not a mere two days.

BTW...I fail to see how anyone is "feeling sorry for ourselves", simply because we share some negative feelings we may be experiencing. Just because we quit drinking...or even are working the steps to the best of our ability...doesn't necessarily mean life is all peachy keen. We still must live life on life's terms..."happily everafter" only happens in fairytales.

NYCGirl

Thanks for the history bit, it made for interesting reading.