I want my son back.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: England
Posts: 3
I want my son back.
Hello everyone,
I'm new here, my son is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, I love him with all my heart but I can't stand watching him destroy himself. I would do anything to help him, spoken like a true enabler, but how do you stand back and watch your child kill himself? The lies are probably one of the worst parts of this illness, they don't trust you, and you doubt everything they say.
Marteens' message to new parents of addicts is so true as is -jons' What addicts do.
They both make perfect sense but how do you stop trying to help when your son or daughter is suffering so?
I just want him to have a life, to see him out of this darkness, he deserves so much more after these years of suffering.
Thanks for listening.
Daisy
I'm new here, my son is an alcoholic and cocaine addict, I love him with all my heart but I can't stand watching him destroy himself. I would do anything to help him, spoken like a true enabler, but how do you stand back and watch your child kill himself? The lies are probably one of the worst parts of this illness, they don't trust you, and you doubt everything they say.
Marteens' message to new parents of addicts is so true as is -jons' What addicts do.
They both make perfect sense but how do you stop trying to help when your son or daughter is suffering so?
I just want him to have a life, to see him out of this darkness, he deserves so much more after these years of suffering.
Thanks for listening.
Daisy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Welcome Daisy,
I usually hang out in the Freinds and Family Substance Abuse section of the site. We'd love to have you stop over for a spell. I can't tell you the strength, love and support Ive witnessed here.
Hope to see you around
(((hugs)))
Cece
I usually hang out in the Freinds and Family Substance Abuse section of the site. We'd love to have you stop over for a spell. I can't tell you the strength, love and support Ive witnessed here.
Hope to see you around
(((hugs)))
Cece
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
hello daisy,
i'm the mom of a recovering alcholic/addict daughter, so i understand your fears and pain. alanon meetings really help me. keep reading and posting, you'll learn and get a lot of support here. take care of yourself, and stay strong. i wish you and your son all the best. blessings - k
i'm the mom of a recovering alcholic/addict daughter, so i understand your fears and pain. alanon meetings really help me. keep reading and posting, you'll learn and get a lot of support here. take care of yourself, and stay strong. i wish you and your son all the best. blessings - k
NAIOU
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Last house on the block.
Posts: 359
It has to be one of the hardest things that a parent has to do is to set back and watch there love ones destroy themselves with drugs and alcohol. It has to be a helpless feeling. My heart goes out to all the people going through this. Prayer seems to be the only real thing that we can do for them and love them from a distance. The hope is that an addict any addict can stop using and find a new way to live. My prayers go out to all the families of addicts and alcoholics that still suffer inside and outside of recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Daisy, My daughter is my addict and yes it is so heartbreaking watching them destroy themselves. I have detached (not an easy or quick thing to do). I did it because I could not take the pain of watching her destroy what once was a beautiful vibrant soul. I have no contact. My love is in my heart but my hands are off the addict. I don't wish to view the chaos anymore. Come over the the Friends and Families of Substance Abuse and post, vent, get support. Lots of kind, loving people there that are going through the same thing. Hugs, Marle
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Originally Posted by marle 
Daisy, My daughter is my addict and yes it is so heartbreaking watching them destroy themselves. I have detached (not an easy or quick thing to do). I did it because I could not take the pain of watching her destroy what once was a beautiful vibrant soul. I have no contact. My love is in my heart but my hands are off the addict. I don't wish to view the chaos anymore. Come over the the Friends and Families of Substance Abuse and post, vent, get support. Lots of kind, loving people there that are going through the same thing. Hugs, Marle
I know detaching yourself from your daughter has to be the toughest thing you have ever done. You are doing the right thing. You cannot and must not be an enabler...
Stay strong and positive and hopefully one day your daughter will realize the insanity of her addiction...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Right here.
Posts: 105
Daisy, I'm so glad you're here.
As a recovering alcoholic myself, I know first hand how all of the people who "helped" me over the years actually just made it possible to feed my addiction that much longer. Even with that first hand experience it is terribly hard to watch my son struggle with his own addiction. I fight every day to resist the urge to be a "good dad" and fix his problems for him.
What I know I must do for him, though, is to always be there and be supportive of any attempts he makes to move his life in the right direction, while at the same time allowing him to feel the burn when he chooses to put his hand on the hot stove.
I know I must allow him to feel the pain caused by his choices, because it is only as a result of that pain that recovery might eventually be sought. I've never met anyone who said "Yeah, my life was so awesome I figured I'd quit drinking and join AA just to make sure I didn't screw anything up".
As a recovering alcoholic myself, I know first hand how all of the people who "helped" me over the years actually just made it possible to feed my addiction that much longer. Even with that first hand experience it is terribly hard to watch my son struggle with his own addiction. I fight every day to resist the urge to be a "good dad" and fix his problems for him.
What I know I must do for him, though, is to always be there and be supportive of any attempts he makes to move his life in the right direction, while at the same time allowing him to feel the burn when he chooses to put his hand on the hot stove.
I know I must allow him to feel the pain caused by his choices, because it is only as a result of that pain that recovery might eventually be sought. I've never met anyone who said "Yeah, my life was so awesome I figured I'd quit drinking and join AA just to make sure I didn't screw anything up".
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