ladybug34

Its been a good day so far,my kids dad called to say he found a job.He took a drug test at probation and past it.been home a month and half,im proud of him.He needs to stay stight for him and noone else.even tho were not together and the way i feel never will,I believe in my heart that he can be sober.you keep busy,get your head up ,and be with people that care and believe in you,you can do it.I say that to all of you that is taking it day by day.somewhere in you,have to believe it,Deep down inside you.15 yrs was a long time to walk away,but i know i did the best thing,i believe i should have done it before my son relized what was going on,i was wrong,i didnt but that is something i will have to live with and pray that he is strong enough to stay away from drugs.He is hurt in all diffent ways,he is learning everyday,he sees his dad every weekend and comes home and says everything will be ok momma.He gives me hugs more now then he ever did before.He understands why i left,i dont think he understands why i stayed so long.For my 6 yr old she knows daddy isnt sopose to drink but he is,she knows more then i sometimes do.they know whats going on when we dont,i have people to help me get trough this.I met this guy about 15 yrs ago he was friends with us,we all lost contact since we were living in the drug world,he showed up for some reason out of the blue.I BELIEVE GOD sent him to me,i dont know why,dont know about the timing ,he got married ,had a boy,and they are not together anymore.But he asked me out about 5 mths ago,weve been close,but we both have steped back some,im taking it day by day.But i believe he was sent to me,right out of the blue.I cant live in the past,it would be easy for me to go back,going to see rog in jail,pay his drug bills or even go looking for the pills,to keep him happy,that was my life for 15yrs,but im gonna stay on this road im on to see what happens,as long as im keeping my kids safe,and the are happy,thats all i want.I WILL ALWAYS HELP Rog anyway i can,as long as hes helping hisself first!