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Old 12-04-2006, 09:14 AM
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Help Please

OK so I am scared, confused, and unsure of what to do.My BF had been in recovery for almost 7 months. My God he was doing so well. Going to his meetings, working his program, even chaired a few meetings. He got me to start going to meetings for both NA and AA. I was so proud of him, He got a good job making decient money. We got our own place. I have been in a recovering addict/alcoholic for almost 10 months. THen he had got hurt at work. Lost part of his finger. Was let go. But within a week had another decient job, again making decient money. BUt then the depression hit, the meetings started being missed, started missing work. Then he called me at work one night. He stated he had gotten loaded. My world came crashing down on me. He claims he ha only used once. He choice of drug has been and was this last time Meth. Ugh I hate it. He says he only used 2 lines but yet he was up for 4 days. I have a hard time believing it. Then the paranoia starts in. He went to a meeting the next day and confessed about what he had done. which at that time made me think he was serious about restarting his program. He claimed he wanted to do an outpatient recovery program and start attending meetings everyday. None of which happened. Promised he was gonna go back to work and still hasn't gone. ALthough it's only been a week. I don't know maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I shouldn't. I don't know what to do or how to encourage him to get a new program started or to do anything else. I am trying to be supportive and letting him know "ok you screwed up but you can do this you can get over this hill." I feel like I am not doing anything right adn I feel like I am the one to blame. PLease any advice or ideas please give them.
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Old 12-04-2006, 10:00 AM
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You feel like you're the one to blame? Please, remember that above all the only one responsible for your BF's sobriety is him, not you or anyone else. In sobriety we are given the power of choice, and his choice was to use again. We're also freely given the gift of the Steps, Fellowship, and a life beyond our wildest dreams, but we have to work a good program for it, and again he made the conscious decision not to do the work.

It's not too late now for him to go back, although he might feel afraid or ashamed to start over. Still, only he has the power to make the choice to return to meetings and work a program.

If I had any suggestion it would be to pray for him, and if he approaches you for advice, be supportive and encourage him to try the program again.

Scott
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Old 12-06-2006, 10:54 AM
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Scott, Thank you for the much needed advice. I have been praying for him and trying to be as encouraging and supportive as I can. I would like to walk up to him shake him and ask him what his problem is. I love the man that's for sure. But Thank God he went to work finally tues and again today. YAY. ANd he is going to a mens only meeting this sat. I hope he starts doing what he needs to do and go above and beyond where he was. Melissa
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Old 12-06-2006, 12:12 PM
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Hi Melissa,

I am sorry that your BF had this relapse happen, but it is important that you take care of you. Praying for his Higher Power to open his eyes and heart can have a benefit for you too.

Its really painful to stay involved at the micro-managerial level with an addict or alcoholic who is active. It can divert a person's attention away from taking care of herself.

I pray that you take care of your needs and stay true to yourself while he sorts himself out. You also might benefit from posting this over at Friends and Family forum.

Wishing you much light ((())))
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Old 12-06-2006, 03:12 PM
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Originally Posted by dazednconfuseed View Post
I would like to walk up to him shake him and ask him what his problem is.
Melissa, the woman I was married to shook me up countless times in our 12 year marriage. She's gone now and it rips my heart out at times to be away from my children on non-custody nights, but I have to accept that for 27 years it was MY decision to pick up a drink. Most of us would love to drink normally, but I can now say that I'll never be able to drink safely again. For me, to drink is to die. When I pray, I'm thankful for the gift of sobriety that God's given me, and for the beautiful life that I have.

Do you go to meetings? You might consider an Al-Anon meeting. The comfort we can find in others with similar experiences can be truly amazing.
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Old 12-07-2006, 11:19 AM
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Yeah I go to meeting but I go to AA meetings. I too have a huge i mean huge problem with alcohol. It is my demon. Saturday my BF is going to the "friends of Jimmie K" meeting. SO I hope he keeps it up. I have been praying for him. I wish he would pray also adn ask for deliverance from his addiction. I guess all I can do is continue to be supportive and continue to pray for him.
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