laurience

I guess I know the answer to that but it is hard to believe that it will ever get easier.

I have 76 days sober and now all the Holiday parties are starting. I have 2 tomorrow and one next weekend. I associate the Holidays with drinking BIG TIME and it will be rough.

I will be so envious of all those normal drinkers tomorrow and throughout the Holidays.. I hate the fact that I can't be one of them. Sooo wish I could.
I so miss my wine and voka..

I will breathe and get through the holidays, I HOPE..
Joanne

laurience

Listen to me, my wine and vodka.. that is pretty pathetic.

aasharon90

Thanks Joanne for sharing....I don't think id feel
comfortable amongst all those that drink at those
kinds of parties.

I was told in early recovery that if i decide
to go to make sure i made a meeting....then
have a plan in place. An escape plan....Think
of a reason to leave if u have to or if u feel
uncomfortable. Make an appearance if u have
to then use ur excuse to leave and go. Take
ur own car so u wont have to depend on
a ride. That way u r in charge of what u do.

I dont hang around folks that drink anymore
like i use to. Those that r drinking are not
on the same plane as i so to speak....

Meaning...im sober, wide eyed, vibrant...
then the one that drinks is under the
influence of a substance and therefore is
not themselves....they will be tipsy, and
well u know how we felt when we drank.

I cant have a logical conversation with
someone that is under the influence.

So i dont place myself in a position as
being at a party i know will make me
feel uncomfortable.

Also in early recovery it was suggested
to not hang with people that drank
or drugged because it would be to
much of an temptation on me...it would
be dangerous to my recovery....

That was just a few things to think about
before u decide to go to that party.

Arm urself with ur program to guard against
temptations.

Anna

I didn't spend time around people who were drinking when I was first sober either. I tried it once and felt miserable and just decided it wasn't worth the anxiety I was causing myself. Now, I still don't spend much time around people who are drinking. I think as part of my recovery, I have become very aware of choices and what it was that I really wanted to do. And, I don't really enjoy spending time around people who are drinking.

gypsytears

I agree. We'll be skipping my husbands Christmas party. It's at a beautiful inn in a beautiful town but there's a cocktail hour and then an open bar. On the menu is rigatoni all vodka and chicken in white wine sauce among the other choices. I told him he can go w/o me because I don't feel up to being surrounded by that so early in my sobriety. He understands and is fine with it.

Why put yourself in such a position while you're vunerable?

Midas

I have 4 years sober & the holidays still suck. But, then again, that's probably just me.
:andy:

laurience

Thanks for your responses. I know I will be fine if I go, it won't be easy but I know I will not drink. I am just bitter. I think I would be bitter if I missed out on all the parties too.. lol.. Not making much sense tonight am I? I think what I will do is go to both parties for no more than an hour or so. If I do feel uncomfortable than off I go. I have already planned a gift exchange for the one party. One of my best friends is hosting the other party and it is a cocktail party. Maybe I will make a nice mixed non-alcoholic contraption and bring it with me.. I want to get myself a nice fancy glass for the holidays and try different juices and stuff.. Thanks for listening all..

barb dwyer

if our party here for work were to serve alcohol, I wouldn't be able to go, either. I'm just too new to this sobriety thing to go slippy - slopin' ... took too much to get me back in AA.

I'm going to have a hard enough time working New Year's eve...*sigh*

totally understand, laurience!

best

I found that going to a party and not drinking opened my eyes greatly.
By seeing how others drink and behaviors...me sober so I could see clearly...I learned a lot and built up a resolve that said...yup good choice not drinking.

The tuff part wasn't the holidays... it was that one or two people who don't take know for an answer. I stood my ground and just said no thank you (once I needed say it about 5 times) but most people will respect your wishes when you say no. Hold strong and stay the course. You will see yourself grow in wisdom so much by doing so.

Kellye C

JoAnne, I can relate to how you're feeling. I sobered up in August and had to deal with the company party at Christmas. It felt weird, I won't lie. Last year wasn't nearly as weird and our party is tonight and I really don't expect it to be too much of an issue. For me it has gotten better. I follow the steps in Sharon's "escape plan" any time I go somewhere where there is alcohol. My escape plan goes like this:

1. If possible I go with either another sober alcoholic or where people know I'm sober and why. It gives me that extra measure of accountability.

2. I talk to another sober alcoholic (preferably my sponsor) beforehand and afterwards. I have been known to call her in the middle of a function too.

3. I pray and I assess how spiritually fit I feel. If I'm "off" then I don't need to be around alcohol and I won't go.

4. I have an understanding with whoever I'm there with that if things get too uncomfortable I'm out of there, no questions asked.

5. I have my own transportation and a ready excuse of why I need to leave.

It can be done if it is a function that you must attend. I have found myself people watching and the ones that are getting really lit and possibly making fools of themselves serve as a reminder to me of why I stopped. Also I sit back and think of how awful they are going to feel the next morning while I will wake up feeling great, fully functional and knowing everything I did and said the night before.

There but for the grace of God go I.................................

Hugs,
Kellye

Jersey Nonny

Not mixed together, I hope...that really would be pathetic!

You've gotten a lot of very good suggestions here...there's only one thing I would add:

Fix/pour your own non-alcoholic drink...hang on to the glass...if you have to put it down and walk away from it for any reason, fix/pour a fresh one. It's very easy to pick up someone else's glass in a crowded setting...also, you'd be surprised how many well-meaning friends might feel you can't possibly be enjoying yourself not drinking, and decide to add a little something to your unattended drink. Constant vigilance pays off.

Good luck, and Happy Holidays.

jmhs002

Yes they get easier. Hang in there.

chicago

im so looking forward to christmas/NYE being over. my reasoning is a little different. when i got sober i changed friends, my phone number, residence, etc so i literally have no ties to my old life. so i wont find myself in a situation being around booze.

that said....if christmas/NYE is anything like thanksgiving i will find myself home alone. i felt extremely lonely over thanksgiving. yeah i went to a meeting or two everyday during those 4 days off but alot of my friends at the meeting spots werent there (home for the break, with family, etc). i got through just fine, but i still was filled with anxiety. i consider myself a newcomer also with 10+ months. just glad im in AA and i can always go to a meeting to not feel so alone.

im with you laurience....

Wii

But it does and Will get easier. This will be my 14th Holiday Season without being smashed and forgetting everything that happened.

I sort of have a funny story about how I was forced to drink once. If anyone is interested.

Lbad

I have four years and the holidays are still a difficult time. What has gotten easier is my ability to use the tools I have learned to deal with the stress and avoid certain situations.

CarolD

I quit going to any place that makes me uncomfortable.

Works very well for me.

Jersey Nonny

I hear you, Chicago...nothing worse than feeling alone on the holidays. I spent three days preparing a complete TDay dinner (with the help of a neighbor, since I'm in a wheelchair now).

My sick addict son came home past 7:00 p.m., after promising he'd be back (from his drug run) by 3:00 for dinner. The turkey was still in the oven because I couldn't lift it out, and my neighbor had long since gone to have dinner with her own family. Unfortunately, I couldn't even go to a meeting. So, I made the best of a bad situation...a bit of turkey carved off the oven-bound bird, some stuffing, and sweet potatoes (the only veggie that was fit to eat by that time). When you think about it, it sounds like a really bad sit-com on tv.

Quote:

What has gotten easier is my ability to use the tools I have learned to deal with the stress and avoid certain situations.

Uh, Huh! I'm planning on ordering pizza delivery for Christmas Eve, and Chinese for Christmas Day. I'll have my holiday meals with or without him...I'm determined not to let myself feel lonely, even though I may be alone. Something I should have remembered from my very first holiday season, since I quit drinking just a week before Thanksgiving.

It is what it is...but, it can also be what I make of it.

Wii

Don't you hate it when people tell you it'll get easier?

Wii

Just thought of something that helps. On the Holidays I only do what I WANT to do and Nothing that needs doing or I feel I should do. That makes the day go down a little easier. Oh and screw the diet, just eat whatever the hell you want, screw everything. Just act irresponsible.

Jersey Nonny

I agree with everything but the last three words. I'm hoping you meant, "Just act responsible."