Any moms out there keeping sane while not using - Part 4
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
((((Alissa))))) No road is smooth and straight the whole way. You've reached a bend or twist, but not a dead end. Don't give up. I think I read somewhere that the first year or two after quitting addiction is hard, but then the hard work really begins.
As you say, you stopped developing as a "normal" person at age 15. You have to learn all of that stuff that you missed now. I feel the same way about myself, especially in terms of relating to other people. For years and years I could never *really* get close (FEEL close enough to bare my soul) to anyone unless I was drunk. I have to learn how to get close now without anything to distort my self-image. And it's hard. It makes me think of the serenity prayer because I'm starting to understand what it means to have the courage to change the things I can.
Shoot, now I'm starting to ramble. I can just "think out loud" for hours!! LOL!
Hugs going out to you, sweet.
As you say, you stopped developing as a "normal" person at age 15. You have to learn all of that stuff that you missed now. I feel the same way about myself, especially in terms of relating to other people. For years and years I could never *really* get close (FEEL close enough to bare my soul) to anyone unless I was drunk. I have to learn how to get close now without anything to distort my self-image. And it's hard. It makes me think of the serenity prayer because I'm starting to understand what it means to have the courage to change the things I can.
Shoot, now I'm starting to ramble. I can just "think out loud" for hours!! LOL!
Hugs going out to you, sweet.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
[QUOTE=Candy Scratch;1120320 As you say, you stopped developing as a "normal" person at age 15. You have to learn all of that stuff that you missed now.
This is so true and my biggest fear. Will I be fun on my own, how do I re-learn how to do things having to rly on just me?
Very, very scary.
My hands are big enough. We'll make one big love chain!
This is so true and my biggest fear. Will I be fun on my own, how do I re-learn how to do things having to rly on just me?
Very, very scary.
My hands are big enough. We'll make one big love chain!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
Tam I too am relearning how to be again...It is hard but as the months pass I see I am funny and people invite me to get coffee...i am slowly learning the skills...just give yourself time....2 weeks is awesome...try not to think to far ahead...you will just stress yourself out....
I am very proud of you......
Codi--you doing alright ???
love ya all
~Beezy
I am very proud of you......
Codi--you doing alright ???
love ya all
~Beezy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
bonjour ladies it's me Lise Joanne aka laurience's sis
i'm the one who wass sober over 3 moonhs and smoke free over 2! me and the hubby split up cause i'm codependant and i carry his but financially and he's totally emotionally immature . he used and drank for years but has been sober 18 months now i find out he's doing pills possible perks so me and my sister talk everyday and she always thought i could do better, we have an 18 motnh old together whom i love dearly, i have a great job, beautiful house but i'm so scared without him i'll fail and drink and smoke. so tommorow i quit smoking again, cause i want to be around for my daughter. why am i so scared??/wju do i feel so bad for him, why am i so scared, i'm trying to live in the moment, minute by minute, day by day????
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by codi32574 
Good morning everyone.
I had the most ****ed up night of my life last night. My husband is in jail, and I put him there for throwing a glass at me, some of which is still stuck in my back. I WILL NOT put up with that crap any longer!!!
To make a long story short, he decided we couldn't afford my sub any more (I told him I wanted to go back on for a small bit to detox off it slower), we got in a huge fight about it, and he ended up picking up a glass and chucking it at me, I was about 2 feet away from him. Luckily, my kids were in bed. This is not the first time something like this has happened, but it's definately the last. I am not meant to be on this earth to be someone's punching bag, emotionally or otherwise!! I'm sooo mad at the whole situation. I'm not getting his but out either! I'm sure he'll see the judge today, I have no idea who or if he called anyone last night, because his parents are out of town. He'll probably be released on his own, a PR bond today (his first offense of any kind), but we'll see.
Add to that the stupid heart thing, and no sleep.....its going to be a VERY long day!!!
Why is my life so f***** up even more now that I've stopped using? It's just not fair.
I'll check in later....hope everyone had a much better night than I.
--Codi--
I had the most ****ed up night of my life last night. My husband is in jail, and I put him there for throwing a glass at me, some of which is still stuck in my back. I WILL NOT put up with that crap any longer!!!
To make a long story short, he decided we couldn't afford my sub any more (I told him I wanted to go back on for a small bit to detox off it slower), we got in a huge fight about it, and he ended up picking up a glass and chucking it at me, I was about 2 feet away from him. Luckily, my kids were in bed. This is not the first time something like this has happened, but it's definately the last. I am not meant to be on this earth to be someone's punching bag, emotionally or otherwise!! I'm sooo mad at the whole situation. I'm not getting his but out either! I'm sure he'll see the judge today, I have no idea who or if he called anyone last night, because his parents are out of town. He'll probably be released on his own, a PR bond today (his first offense of any kind), but we'll see.
Add to that the stupid heart thing, and no sleep.....its going to be a VERY long day!!!
Why is my life so f***** up even more now that I've stopped using? It's just not fair.
I'll check in later....hope everyone had a much better night than I.
--Codi--
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
i can't be the woman i was before i used. she is gone. she died when i took my first pill for "fun". i am a new woman now. i don't always like her, yet, she seems to make more mistakes than the old me, but in time i will learn to love her...she has flaws, she is overweight, she has oily skin and an attitude problem...but i like her more than the woman who was high all of the time, everyone i love has flaws, so why not me? why not love me in spite of or because of my flaws...i am a work in progress...i am a new woman each day...today i am sick...tomorrow i may be well and supermom...the next day i may be the mom who screams at her kids for no reason...and cries out for the drugs she is craving...and the next day i will forgive myself for not being perfect...i can learn from my mistakes...i can start over...i can be whoever i want...except for the woman i was before i used...she is gone...but i can be the woman i was meant to be...now all i have to do is figure out who the hell that is...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: niagara falls, ontario
Posts: 173
AYLA you don't want to be the woman you were before, you are NEW AND IMPROVED, EVERYONE has flaws and i find the most beautiful women are the ones who are beautiful inside. i've met the prettiest women (in society's eyes) talk to them for 10 minutes and though eeekk and then met the most normal looking women and men (society's standards) and thought wow they are so beautiful, beauty DOES come from within, but the biggest thing is confidence and love yourself, we all think you are purrrrrrrrfect
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
alissa, i'm sure you know what i'm going through right now. go read my thread and remember how it was for you
it's not worth it, i promise
hang in there
ayla, i think you're beautiful
misti
it's not worth it, i promise
hang in there
ayla, i think you're beautiful
misti
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
holding out my hands too !
or should i say grasping out to you for help keepng my sobriety and sanity....?
good posts today... especially related to yours candy. i don't know who i am anymore if i ever did and need to find her again.
loved --i think it was ruby's post--about liking the person you see in the miirror again. how cool!
bbl--bedtime here and middle one just threw up all over...god, does it ever end?
or should i say grasping out to you for help keepng my sobriety and sanity....?
good posts today... especially related to yours candy. i don't know who i am anymore if i ever did and need to find her again.
loved --i think it was ruby's post--about liking the person you see in the miirror again. how cool!
bbl--bedtime here and middle one just threw up all over...god, does it ever end?
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
(((((Alissa))))) I'm so glad you spilled your guts about what's in your mind now. You WILL get through it, and you'll do it clean. We're here, sweetie.
Liiise, I saw your other thread--HI! Glad you're here! Laurience, it is so cool that you two sisters are here, in it together. It just makes me smile.
Hi, Delta--what's up? Tell us about yourself!
(((C'est))), I'm sorry you're feeling cruddy about yelling at the kids. I did that the other day to my daughter. (sigh) My mom did it to me, I think moms have been doing it since the beginning of time. Doesn't make it right, but we're all working on being better people and NOT hollering at them anymore. You'll get better! We all will.
Ruby, I loved your story about brunette hair again. You didn't overanalyze--you made so much sense.
Ayla, I don't know anything about the old you, but I sure do love the current you.
Heck, I love all of the current you's you all are.
And now I'm gonna go cry because I'm so glad to know you.
Liiise, I saw your other thread--HI! Glad you're here! Laurience, it is so cool that you two sisters are here, in it together. It just makes me smile.
Hi, Delta--what's up? Tell us about yourself!
(((C'est))), I'm sorry you're feeling cruddy about yelling at the kids. I did that the other day to my daughter. (sigh) My mom did it to me, I think moms have been doing it since the beginning of time. Doesn't make it right, but we're all working on being better people and NOT hollering at them anymore. You'll get better!
We all will.Ruby, I loved your story about brunette hair again. You didn't overanalyze--you made so much sense.
Ayla, I don't know anything about the old you, but I sure do love the current you.
Heck, I love all of the current you's you all are.
And now I'm gonna go cry because I'm so glad to know you.
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Real quick:
Daughter cracked me up in the car today. I was driving her home from basketball practice when she piped up all indignantly, "Look at that guy--he's butt-driving!"
(Huh?? Should I be covering your eyes, dear daughter??)
Turns out she meant he was TAILGATING the car in front of him!
Daughter cracked me up in the car today. I was driving her home from basketball practice when she piped up all indignantly, "Look at that guy--he's butt-driving!"
(Huh?? Should I be covering your eyes, dear daughter??)
Turns out she meant he was TAILGATING the car in front of him!
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
jane, you are such a joy..that description of your trip to school was beautiful...
misti...sounds like things are calming down a bit...you should go back to my sept. 12 +13th posts..(you can search for my posts...) and you will see that i know exactly what you are going through...i've even been a single mother, raising my brother and my son...it is so hard, but things always work out...
I FEEL BETTER!!!! thanks for caring all...it really helped..
codi...i'm thinking of you, babe....call me if you need me...
misti...sounds like things are calming down a bit...you should go back to my sept. 12 +13th posts..(you can search for my posts...) and you will see that i know exactly what you are going through...i've even been a single mother, raising my brother and my son...it is so hard, but things always work out...
I FEEL BETTER!!!! thanks for caring all...it really helped..
codi...i'm thinking of you, babe....call me if you need me...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
cravings!!! damn, they suck....i want a pill pretty bad right now...but i don't have any...and i'm so glad of that...this must really be the time of year...it seems like we are all struggling with this more...or maybe we are just opening up about it...
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