A Junkie Dies
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
A Junkie Dies A Junkie Dies
It is harder to deal with the sudden death of a loved one than a death that gives warning. It may seem odd or even cruel to say that prolonged deaths like those from certain kinds of cancer are a "good" way to die. For the survivor, however, it is true, and there is one very obvious reason why it is so: prolonged deaths allow everyone involved to say all those things that we rarely say on ordinary days--things like, "I love you", "I forgive you", "I'm sorry". In other words, it is possible (even likely) that you will reach some kind of closure in your relationship with the dying loved one.
Unpredictable Death
When a heroin user dies as a result of his use (1), much is left un-said, because there is nothing that can predict the death (other than the obvious fact that one who doesn't use heroin will not die as a result of using it). To make matters worse, surviving loved ones fall into one of two categories, both bad:
There is nothing that I, or anyone else, can say that will do much to ease the sorrow of a heroin-related sudden death. The one thing I think I can do is put the death into perspective. Such a death is kind of a combination of a suicide death and an accidental death, even though in all cases it is solely one of the two. Some heroin users choose to end their lives and they use heroin to do it. Based upon my own experience, however, most heroin related sudden deaths are accidents: mis-judging the purity of drugs being used, carelessly combining heroin with other drugs such as alcohol, or any number of other things that can go wrong.
As I have written many, many times, using heroin is a dangerous hobby. I have never met a user who was not aware of that fact--for many, it is part of the thrill of doing the drug. But leaving how dangerous a hobby heroin use is, it is still just that: a hobby. Heroin use is a recreational choice that some people make. You have no control over such choices made by other people.
You Can't Make Decisions for Others
When a person dies for a reason related to his heroin use, you must stop all thoughts that you could have gotten him to stop using. Doing so would have been as effective as trying to stop a hang-gliding enthusiast to "ground" himself. He made his decision, and although the results were tragic, you are not to blame in any way.
Ways to Keep Perspective
Below is a list of things to keep in mind when you are thinking of a deceased heroin user who you cared about.
Those Using Heroin Know What They Are Doing There are a lot of people who could be blamed for a heroin related sudden death: the dealer, the government, the user's parents. All of this is bunk. The user knew that what he was doing could kill him. He made the choice anyway, because he thought the good things (the way the drug made him feel) out-weighed the bad things (jail, death). When a heroin user dies in this way, it is his fault. This doesn't mean we can't still feel sorry for him. A lot of things conspired against him; he would have led a very different life in the 19th century, for example. Heroin Use Does Not Imply an Unhappy Life Contrary to popular belief, heroin users use their drug of choice because it makes them feel good. I've met plenty of junkies who had near-perfect childhoods. They weren't using heroin to rid themselves of painful childhood memories. Doing heroin (at least at first) was fun. No one questions the motivations of people who ride rollercoasters; no one should question the motivations of heroin users. Heroin Use Has a Positive Impact on Society Most heroin users are rebellious. We should revoice that our heroin using loved one pushed the limits of our social conventions--in a manner that didn't harm others. They may have also done bad things, but their form of social protest was strong and noble and certainly out-weighed those "wrongs". Great Joy is Experience by Heroin Users Most heroin users have experienced the greatest joy of which their bodies were capable. They might also have lived through some difficult times, but before they left this world they got to experience the best life has to offer. Sudden Death is Painless Sudden death comes to heroin users in many forms. Some simply drift off into sleep while others foam at the mouth and have seizures. Regardless of how it looks on the outside, the heroin user feels no pain. My one experience with this caused my body to go into grand mal seizures--scaring all those around me terribly. But all I felt was the warm flush of heroin followed by no feeling at all. If I got to choose how I would die, that would be it. (2) Things to do Before a Death Occurs
If the heroin user you love is still alive, there are a number of things that will make sudden death easier to handle (I would give the same advice to the loved ones of anyone who has a dangerous hobby.)
Be honest Don't let important things go un-stated, because there may not be a tomorrow to do so. This is similar to some of the advice I gave in Encouraging Junkies to "Clean Up", but it is even more important here. If you want, think of your heroin-using loved one as having cancer which may cause him to die any day. Keep the danger in perspective Heroin use is not as dangerous as driving a taxicab for a living. Remind him of tolerance Many heroin related sudden deaths are the result of brief withdrawal periods (usually due to a day or two in jail) followed by the user doing his usual amount which is now much too high a dose for him. Remind him of the tolerance problem. Remind him of drug mixing The easiest way to kill yourself with heroin is to get really drunk and then do a moderate amount of heroin. (3) There are many bad drug combinations, but heroin and alcohol are the most common and the most deadly. Don't isolate him In most cases, a heroin user's death could have been prevented if someone had been around to call for help when the event took place. The less you isolate a heroin user, the less likely he will be to use alone. Relationships with Heroin Users
It is hard to be the loved one of a heroin user in today's political climate. Nowhere is this seen so clearly as when a heroin user dies suddenly. If you know that a loved one is a heroin user, remember that he has a greater risk of death than other people in your life. Use this information: keep your relationship up to date; say the things there may not be time to say later.
If the loved one is already gone, keep the loss in perspective. Hopefully, you were on good and open terms with him. If not, you have information to use in your next relationship with a heroin user.
Notes
1 You will note that I do not use the term "overdose". This is because the term is misused; and it is almost never the case that a heroin user dies of an overdose (defined here as simply using too much heroin in too short a period of time). In almost all cases, the true cause was the mixing of heroin with some other drug (either deliberately, as when a user does a speedball--a combination of heroin and cocaine, or accidentally, as when the heroin itself is cut with some drug such as quinine). "Overdose" is a convenient shorthand for "heroin related death", but it gives users and non-users alike, the wrong idea. The misuse of the term "overdose" perpetuates ignorance of the danger of mixing heroin and alcohol, for example. This is responsible for the deaths of untold numbers of heroin users each year.
2 Clearly, I didn't stay dead. Paramedics were called who injected me with narcan. But I was, by the common (but not technical) definition, dead: my heart had stopped beating and I was not breathing. What I was experiencing was not actually a heroin overdose. At that time and place, much of what was being sold as heroin was really morphine. Large doses of morphine can cause histamine reactions which in turn, can cause seizures and death. This is another case of a drug's illegality making an accidental death far more likely. No pharmacist would given morphine to a person asking for heroin. Morphine (and much more so) codeine are more toxic than heroin
3 Note how the media almost always attributes such deaths heroin overdose. The fact that the deceased had near toxic levels of alcohol in his blood is rarely mentioned and never blamed.
by Dr. H © 2002
Last Modified: 8 January 2004
HeroinHelper . com
Shalom!
It is harder to deal with the sudden death of a loved one than a death that gives warning. It may seem odd or even cruel to say that prolonged deaths like those from certain kinds of cancer are a "good" way to die. For the survivor, however, it is true, and there is one very obvious reason why it is so: prolonged deaths allow everyone involved to say all those things that we rarely say on ordinary days--things like, "I love you", "I forgive you", "I'm sorry". In other words, it is possible (even likely) that you will reach some kind of closure in your relationship with the dying loved one.
Unpredictable Death
When a heroin user dies as a result of his use (1), much is left un-said, because there is nothing that can predict the death (other than the obvious fact that one who doesn't use heroin will not die as a result of using it). To make matters worse, surviving loved ones fall into one of two categories, both bad:
- They were unaware that their loved one used heroin. This situation inevitably leads to thoughts such as, "I should have been more involved with his life".
- They were aware. This situation is even worse with thoughts such as, "I should have done whatever was necessary to get him to stop using--not just wait for this to happen."
There is nothing that I, or anyone else, can say that will do much to ease the sorrow of a heroin-related sudden death. The one thing I think I can do is put the death into perspective. Such a death is kind of a combination of a suicide death and an accidental death, even though in all cases it is solely one of the two. Some heroin users choose to end their lives and they use heroin to do it. Based upon my own experience, however, most heroin related sudden deaths are accidents: mis-judging the purity of drugs being used, carelessly combining heroin with other drugs such as alcohol, or any number of other things that can go wrong.
As I have written many, many times, using heroin is a dangerous hobby. I have never met a user who was not aware of that fact--for many, it is part of the thrill of doing the drug. But leaving how dangerous a hobby heroin use is, it is still just that: a hobby. Heroin use is a recreational choice that some people make. You have no control over such choices made by other people.
You Can't Make Decisions for Others
When a person dies for a reason related to his heroin use, you must stop all thoughts that you could have gotten him to stop using. Doing so would have been as effective as trying to stop a hang-gliding enthusiast to "ground" himself. He made his decision, and although the results were tragic, you are not to blame in any way.
Ways to Keep Perspective
Below is a list of things to keep in mind when you are thinking of a deceased heroin user who you cared about.
Those Using Heroin Know What They Are Doing There are a lot of people who could be blamed for a heroin related sudden death: the dealer, the government, the user's parents. All of this is bunk. The user knew that what he was doing could kill him. He made the choice anyway, because he thought the good things (the way the drug made him feel) out-weighed the bad things (jail, death). When a heroin user dies in this way, it is his fault. This doesn't mean we can't still feel sorry for him. A lot of things conspired against him; he would have led a very different life in the 19th century, for example. Heroin Use Does Not Imply an Unhappy Life Contrary to popular belief, heroin users use their drug of choice because it makes them feel good. I've met plenty of junkies who had near-perfect childhoods. They weren't using heroin to rid themselves of painful childhood memories. Doing heroin (at least at first) was fun. No one questions the motivations of people who ride rollercoasters; no one should question the motivations of heroin users. Heroin Use Has a Positive Impact on Society Most heroin users are rebellious. We should revoice that our heroin using loved one pushed the limits of our social conventions--in a manner that didn't harm others. They may have also done bad things, but their form of social protest was strong and noble and certainly out-weighed those "wrongs". Great Joy is Experience by Heroin Users Most heroin users have experienced the greatest joy of which their bodies were capable. They might also have lived through some difficult times, but before they left this world they got to experience the best life has to offer. Sudden Death is Painless Sudden death comes to heroin users in many forms. Some simply drift off into sleep while others foam at the mouth and have seizures. Regardless of how it looks on the outside, the heroin user feels no pain. My one experience with this caused my body to go into grand mal seizures--scaring all those around me terribly. But all I felt was the warm flush of heroin followed by no feeling at all. If I got to choose how I would die, that would be it. (2) Things to do Before a Death Occurs
If the heroin user you love is still alive, there are a number of things that will make sudden death easier to handle (I would give the same advice to the loved ones of anyone who has a dangerous hobby.)
Be honest Don't let important things go un-stated, because there may not be a tomorrow to do so. This is similar to some of the advice I gave in Encouraging Junkies to "Clean Up", but it is even more important here. If you want, think of your heroin-using loved one as having cancer which may cause him to die any day. Keep the danger in perspective Heroin use is not as dangerous as driving a taxicab for a living. Remind him of tolerance Many heroin related sudden deaths are the result of brief withdrawal periods (usually due to a day or two in jail) followed by the user doing his usual amount which is now much too high a dose for him. Remind him of the tolerance problem. Remind him of drug mixing The easiest way to kill yourself with heroin is to get really drunk and then do a moderate amount of heroin. (3) There are many bad drug combinations, but heroin and alcohol are the most common and the most deadly. Don't isolate him In most cases, a heroin user's death could have been prevented if someone had been around to call for help when the event took place. The less you isolate a heroin user, the less likely he will be to use alone. Relationships with Heroin Users
It is hard to be the loved one of a heroin user in today's political climate. Nowhere is this seen so clearly as when a heroin user dies suddenly. If you know that a loved one is a heroin user, remember that he has a greater risk of death than other people in your life. Use this information: keep your relationship up to date; say the things there may not be time to say later.
If the loved one is already gone, keep the loss in perspective. Hopefully, you were on good and open terms with him. If not, you have information to use in your next relationship with a heroin user.
Notes
1 You will note that I do not use the term "overdose". This is because the term is misused; and it is almost never the case that a heroin user dies of an overdose (defined here as simply using too much heroin in too short a period of time). In almost all cases, the true cause was the mixing of heroin with some other drug (either deliberately, as when a user does a speedball--a combination of heroin and cocaine, or accidentally, as when the heroin itself is cut with some drug such as quinine). "Overdose" is a convenient shorthand for "heroin related death", but it gives users and non-users alike, the wrong idea. The misuse of the term "overdose" perpetuates ignorance of the danger of mixing heroin and alcohol, for example. This is responsible for the deaths of untold numbers of heroin users each year.
2 Clearly, I didn't stay dead. Paramedics were called who injected me with narcan. But I was, by the common (but not technical) definition, dead: my heart had stopped beating and I was not breathing. What I was experiencing was not actually a heroin overdose. At that time and place, much of what was being sold as heroin was really morphine. Large doses of morphine can cause histamine reactions which in turn, can cause seizures and death. This is another case of a drug's illegality making an accidental death far more likely. No pharmacist would given morphine to a person asking for heroin. Morphine (and much more so) codeine are more toxic than heroin
3 Note how the media almost always attributes such deaths heroin overdose. The fact that the deceased had near toxic levels of alcohol in his blood is rarely mentioned and never blamed.
by Dr. H © 2002
Last Modified: 8 January 2004
HeroinHelper . com
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
I think I'll have to re-read this article and see if I missed the punch line. It almost sounds like advice for how to do heroin without dying (unless of course that's the goal and he even gives tips on the best way). And how to have a "healthy" relationship with a heroin user and leave them alone about their "hobby". It sounds as if it's our responsibility to make sure the death is not perceived as unpredictable and that we can take measures to reach closure while they're still alive.
Am I missing something?
Am I missing something?
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Well, I see this article as one of acceptance.
I've had to face the very real possibility of my son's death. He, like the author, has died and been revived. I know it's only a matter of time, if he doesn't stop.
This author is giving me some valuable advice on how to continue to love my son; to keep our relationship alive, even as I deplore his "hobby." And it tells a valid truth about our loved ones. They LIKE what they are doing! It's a choice!
And it's a choice I cannot make for him, as much as I would prefer to have the reigns on the universe. It's his choice alone.
But, I can be sure that my side of the street is clean. I can make sure that my heart is alwys open to him. ANd that I don't have to regret not saying, "I love you, Trevor."
I can't make his choices for him.
But, I can make good ones for me.
Shalom!
I've had to face the very real possibility of my son's death. He, like the author, has died and been revived. I know it's only a matter of time, if he doesn't stop.
This author is giving me some valuable advice on how to continue to love my son; to keep our relationship alive, even as I deplore his "hobby." And it tells a valid truth about our loved ones. They LIKE what they are doing! It's a choice!
And it's a choice I cannot make for him, as much as I would prefer to have the reigns on the universe. It's his choice alone.
But, I can be sure that my side of the street is clean. I can make sure that my heart is alwys open to him. ANd that I don't have to regret not saying, "I love you, Trevor."
I can't make his choices for him.
But, I can make good ones for me.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Is it really a choice? I thought that someone in the grips of addiction was doing the only thing they knew to do. I can see your point about accepting the person despite hating the "hobby", but I don't see using heroin the same as bungee jumping for thrills. I'm not a heroin addict, nor have I ever known one, but isn't there anything you can do to help them help themselves?
I'm scared of my kids growing up.
I'm scared of my kids growing up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
wow, this is a good share. Whether or not one loves an addict or an alcoholic or not, we all need to keep our relationships "up to date", for our own benefit as well as the other person's. I know that I feel better when I come from my heart, and extend that love more.
Its easy to get really negative with painfilled relationships and to do ourselves more harm than good by, for instance, rejecting the person because we want to reject the reality they are choosing.
thanks Debbie. Much love to you and Trevor~
Its easy to get really negative with painfilled relationships and to do ourselves more harm than good by, for instance, rejecting the person because we want to reject the reality they are choosing.
thanks Debbie. Much love to you and Trevor~
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
I got half-way through this and had to stop reading because it was just too painful! I finally finished; and, unfortunately, I do get the punchline...loud and clear.
To paraphrase: "You're a better man than I am, historyteach." After 25+ years of my son's "hobby" (the last ten while living with me), several incarcerations, countless detoxes (at home and in hospital)...the last one about a month ago (he made it through two days), thousands of dollars stolen out of my checking account, I'm ashamed to say I've reached the point where I can no longer "hate the sin, love the sinner."
I don't see how things could get much worse...right now, sudden death (his or mine) would be a blessing. If that sounds callous, so be it. There was a time that I would lie awake until he came home late at night from his 12 - 14 hour drug run...dreading that phone call or visit from the police. Now, I pray that God would take one or the other of us...put us out of our misery. (My vision is clouded with tears as I type this.)
My once handsome oldest child should turn 51 next week...he looks much older...hasn't shaved or showered in months...I can't even tell when he changed clothes last. He's so thin his clothes are hanging off of him..."heroin chic" is such an ugly term...and, I can no longer look at him without cringing.
The first step is very real to me...I've accepted my powerlessness over his addiction...and only God knows how truly unmanageable our lives are. But, my heart has become hardened and I'm finding it more and more difficult to extend my love for him.
BTW...I take exception to heroin use being referred to as a "hobby"...it is a "curse", as anyone who has lived with it for any length of time will tell you. And, I believe there comes a time for many heroin addicts when it is no longer a choice, but a vicious cycle they lack the physical and/or psychological fortitude to break.
This author is giving me some valuable advice on how to continue to love my son; to keep our relationship alive, even as I deplore his "hobby." And it tells a valid truth about our loved ones. They LIKE what they are doing! It's a choice!
I don't see how things could get much worse...right now, sudden death (his or mine) would be a blessing. If that sounds callous, so be it. There was a time that I would lie awake until he came home late at night from his 12 - 14 hour drug run...dreading that phone call or visit from the police. Now, I pray that God would take one or the other of us...put us out of our misery. (My vision is clouded with tears as I type this.)
My once handsome oldest child should turn 51 next week...he looks much older...hasn't shaved or showered in months...I can't even tell when he changed clothes last. He's so thin his clothes are hanging off of him..."heroin chic" is such an ugly term...and, I can no longer look at him without cringing.
Well, I see this article as one of acceptance.
I've had to face the very real possibility of my son's death...I know it's only a matter of time, if he doesn't stop.
I've had to face the very real possibility of my son's death...I know it's only a matter of time, if he doesn't stop.
BTW...I take exception to heroin use being referred to as a "hobby"...it is a "curse", as anyone who has lived with it for any length of time will tell you. And, I believe there comes a time for many heroin addicts when it is no longer a choice, but a vicious cycle they lack the physical and/or psychological fortitude to break.
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
((((Raerob))))
I hear your pain...and I'm so very sorry...
I once argued that Trevor had no choice. Today, I believe I was wrong.
It's true, as a 14 year old, when he started, he didn't understand the consequences of his choice. Thus, we could argue if it was a valid choice to start his addiction. But, he's been clean enough times since to know he's making a choice when he does heroin today. And he does LIKE the feel it gives him. That much of the article, I heard from Trevor myself. He LIKES what it makes him feel like! That's why he does it! It IS a choice. One I don't like, but it's his alone to make. I don't get to make it.
Raerob, the author of this article has stated elsewhere not to allow the addict to use/abuse us. I fully agree with that statement too. I will NOT let Trevor live with me. He's 26 and he has a responsibility to take care of himself. (Well, he's in prison now, but, he will NOT be coming home to stay with me.) I have allowed a night or so. Even more if he's clean and doing work for me. A job, yes, for which he gets paid.
When he robs me, and he has multiple times, he gets arrested. Period. That's why he's in prison now. I won't allow him to abuse me. Neither should you.
There's choices on each of our parts. If what you're doing is causing you such pain, why continue? I did the same once. I stopped doing it. It hurt too much to continue!
I know your mother's heart loves him. That's the cause of your pain evident in your post. You do not sound callous at all. But, you do sound depressed, and with good cause. Have you spoken to your doctor about it?
I sincerely hope you do not take offense. It is not my intent.
Remember to take what you need and leave the rest.
And that we care...
For me,
I hear your pain...and I'm so very sorry...
I once argued that Trevor had no choice. Today, I believe I was wrong.
It's true, as a 14 year old, when he started, he didn't understand the consequences of his choice. Thus, we could argue if it was a valid choice to start his addiction. But, he's been clean enough times since to know he's making a choice when he does heroin today. And he does LIKE the feel it gives him. That much of the article, I heard from Trevor myself. He LIKES what it makes him feel like! That's why he does it! It IS a choice. One I don't like, but it's his alone to make. I don't get to make it.
Raerob, the author of this article has stated elsewhere not to allow the addict to use/abuse us. I fully agree with that statement too. I will NOT let Trevor live with me. He's 26 and he has a responsibility to take care of himself. (Well, he's in prison now, but, he will NOT be coming home to stay with me.) I have allowed a night or so. Even more if he's clean and doing work for me. A job, yes, for which he gets paid.
When he robs me, and he has multiple times, he gets arrested. Period. That's why he's in prison now. I won't allow him to abuse me. Neither should you.
There's choices on each of our parts. If what you're doing is causing you such pain, why continue? I did the same once. I stopped doing it. It hurt too much to continue!
I know your mother's heart loves him. That's the cause of your pain evident in your post. You do not sound callous at all. But, you do sound depressed, and with good cause. Have you spoken to your doctor about it?
I sincerely hope you do not take offense. It is not my intent.
Remember to take what you need and leave the rest.
And that we care...
For me,
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
There's choices on each of our parts. If what you're doing is causing you such pain, why continue? I did the same once. I stopped doing it. It hurt too much to continue!
My son and I are co-dependents of the very worst kind...he is my primary...no, make that my only caretaker...as sick as he is, he "takes care" of me in ways that are humiliating to me. And, so I try to turn a blind eye to his drug use...we may all have choices, but often we are forced to choose the lesser of evils.
Of course, should he be incarcerated again, or die due to the addiction, I will have no choice but to be forced/committed into a nursing home. Believe me, I've searched in vain for other options, and right now I have none.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Houston area
Posts: 56
Heroin Use Has a Positive Impact on Society Most heroin users are rebellious. We should revoice that our heroin using loved one pushed the limits of our social conventions--in a manner that didn't harm others. They may have also done bad things, but their form of social protest was strong and noble and certainly out-weighed those "wrongs".
I empathize with anyone here suffering their child's addiction, and I understand the need for a person to cling to solace, but to romanticize addictive drug abuse is dangerous and intolerable.
I have lost many family members to death and estrangement due to alcoholism and drug abuse and I don't need this distorted and patently false view of addiction to help me with my "acceptance" of it. I'm not trying to be rude to the poster of this article, and please don't take this personally, but the author needs a reality check.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I get why you posted this, Teach... though I doubt we can ever truly prepare for such a thing as the death of our child.
In most ways, though I don't I agree with the author... I also believe addiction is not a recreational choice, nor is it bad behavior, or a moral dillemma. I think it is a condition, and I don't mind using the term "disease" in the same way as diabetes, heart disease or mental illness are conditions listed as "disease".
I cannot imagine what you are going through Rae Rob, and I wish you had in your area some of the assisted living options we have here in Washington State. For FAR less than the cost of a nursing home, a person can enter into a graduated living arrangement that gives them a private apartment until they step up gradually to what they need. Additional options are group boarding homes - usually with a livein caregiver and hired staff... also much less than a nursing home and less institutional. You are in my prayers.
As is Teach and Trevor .... ((((hugs)))))
In most ways, though I don't I agree with the author... I also believe addiction is not a recreational choice, nor is it bad behavior, or a moral dillemma. I think it is a condition, and I don't mind using the term "disease" in the same way as diabetes, heart disease or mental illness are conditions listed as "disease".
I cannot imagine what you are going through Rae Rob, and I wish you had in your area some of the assisted living options we have here in Washington State. For FAR less than the cost of a nursing home, a person can enter into a graduated living arrangement that gives them a private apartment until they step up gradually to what they need. Additional options are group boarding homes - usually with a livein caregiver and hired staff... also much less than a nursing home and less institutional. You are in my prayers.
As is Teach and Trevor .... ((((hugs)))))
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Thanks for the prayers, BigSis...can't have enough of those.
We probably have much the same type of accommodations here...at least from all the information I've gathered. Part of my problem is that I fall between the cracks, in that my income is too high to qualify for Medicaid, and too low to pay out-of-pocket. In this country, you either have to be very poor or very wealthy...those in the middle are forced to live in $1100./mo apartments + over-priced utilities.
I could get into a nursing home (no problem), except that I would have to divest myself of everything, my pension and retirement checks would go directly to Medicaid, and I would be given $35/month "spending money"...what the heck can you do with $35...which is why (unless they have family) most nursing home patients don't have the rented tv service or phones. They sit in wheelchairs, lined up in the hallways, because they have nothing else to do...very depressing!
There aren't enough Senior Living complexes for all of us living so much longer...the waiting lists are 2+ years long...literally waiting for someone to die so your name comes up to the top of the list (that's if they're even taking applications, which most are not).
My sister (who is the caregiver for our 95-year-old alzheimer's stricken Mom) tried to find me a place near her. Unfortunately, they required a credit check; and, I already knew before the info came through that I would never pass. So, that idea was quickly shot down.
Right now, I'm just taking it ODAT while I tread water and make the best of a bad situation. But, I do appreciate your concern.
For FAR less than the cost of a nursing home, a person can enter into a graduated living arrangement that gives them a private apartment until they step up gradually to what they need. Additional options are group boarding homes - usually with a livein caregiver and hired staff... also much less than a nursing home and less institutional.
I could get into a nursing home (no problem), except that I would have to divest myself of everything, my pension and retirement checks would go directly to Medicaid, and I would be given $35/month "spending money"...what the heck can you do with $35...which is why (unless they have family) most nursing home patients don't have the rented tv service or phones. They sit in wheelchairs, lined up in the hallways, because they have nothing else to do...very depressing!
There aren't enough Senior Living complexes for all of us living so much longer...the waiting lists are 2+ years long...literally waiting for someone to die so your name comes up to the top of the list (that's if they're even taking applications, which most are not).
My sister (who is the caregiver for our 95-year-old alzheimer's stricken Mom) tried to find me a place near her. Unfortunately, they required a credit check; and, I already knew before the info came through that I would never pass. So, that idea was quickly shot down.
Right now, I'm just taking it ODAT while I tread water and make the best of a bad situation. But, I do appreciate your concern.
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