Stopping the family legacy for my me and my kids

Old 11-26-2006, 04:54 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Westchester, NY
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Stopping the family legacy for my kids sake

I grew up with an alcoholic father. He died a year and a half ago of illnesses that were related to his destructive lifestyle - he was only 69 years old. His father died young as well and had similar issues. When my dad passed away, I knew I needed to stop handing down this thing called alcoholism NOW. My kids are too important to me and don't deserve to have a selfish parent ignore their opportunity to be productive members of a properly functioning family and society.

It is funny how these things are handed down to generations. Although we are born with our own personalities, environment and our role models have a huge impact on who we become as people. Men learn from their dads - this is what I did, I am a very good learner. I grew up in bars. My dad would take my sister and I whenever he wanted to hang out with his friends. My mom did not know the extent of it, but she had a clue since she would sometimes come and pull us out of the bar bringing us back home. My mom had the right idea - she divorced my dad when I was very young to create a more predictable environment for us kids. My dad lived and worked within blocks so was always still around. I remember vividly those days in the bar. Everyone appeared to be having a great time. The guys buying each other drinks demonstrated by each of them having several coasters in front of them on the bar. The kids got whatever we wanted - soda (mom would not let us have that at home) and chips. The men bet on horses and seemed to have a blast. At the time, I had no idea that this was not a normal part of life. I thought it was what men did. I also had no idea that most were avoiding all of their responsibilities at both home and work. This is how I will interact with my friends in the future... Ah, the start of my misconceptions on life.


(Part II later...)

Last edited by DavidV13; 11-26-2006 at 05:31 AM.
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Old 11-26-2006, 10:01 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
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I knew I needed to stop handing down this thing called alcoholism NOW.
You're wise to stop the cycle now, if you can. You'll find a lot of controversy here and elsewhere as to whether alcoholism is a disease of nature or nurture...or, perhaps a combination of the two.

My mother divorced my dad when I was very young; so, I don't know whether he had a drinking problem or not. Although there were some "heavy hitters" on my mother's side of the family, I know my mother has always been a true "social drinker" highball, and she's done.

I started drinking at the age of 16...continued for the next 32 years through two failed marriages. My second husband and I were "drinking partners"; and, our three children started with alcohol, graduating to pot and other street drugs. No doubt they were influenced by having two alcoholic parents; but, I believe they were genetically predisposed to alcoholism/addiction...JMHO (and, I know there will be many who disagree here).

For myself, I came to the conclusion 27 years ago that I am an alcoholic, and have been sober that long through AA. All three of my children have reached the same conclusion for themselves; but, only one is in recovery. I still hope and pray for the other two. I repeat, "You're wise to stop the cycle now, if you can."
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