Emily2002

It's taken a few years, but it's become more and more evident that I seriously need to accept the truth that I shouldn't drink. I've read so many books -- hoping to fit into the moderate, social drinker mold -- always wondering IF I really fit the descriptions of a true alcoholic. I am, though, because I keep wrestling over and over again with problem drinking. I see myself becoming something I'm not proud of, and I need to change.

I'm afraid, though. I grew up in a household where both parents talked over their days over martinis -- realizing as I grew older that Mom had a problem, Dad didn't. I never wanted to be like my Mom, at least in that way. I loved everything about her except for that.

My husband's parents also consider 5:00 PM cocktail hour. My husband now greets his first moments in the door after work with a martini himself. Over the past three or four years, I've begun to join him. I've become my mother.

My big problem is drinking at home. Settling in after a long tough day, working, running four kids around, volunteering, etc. I get that "it's my time to relax" mentality, and I have trouble just having one. The second one too often leads to a third. And then I eat. Not a good thing after having gained almost 25 pounds since starting an antidepressant. When my husband makes his drink, I can't help but give in and join him.

Drinking is a part of every family social occasion, too. Funny thing is, I find it easier to limit my intake in public. I can easily have one or two when I set my mind to it. This is why I kept (keep) looking for books that say drinking in moderation is doable...

How do I stop when everyone around me drinks. How do you all handle the outside influences?

Hoping for change. Thanks, in advance, for your insight!!!!

GlassPrisoner

Straight from the Big Book of AA. You're not alone on this one, trust me

If you question whether or not you're an alcoholic, try these two simple tests:

1. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once.
2. Try leaving liquor alone for one year.

I'm an advocate of the 12 step program. I've seen it work, and it's working with me. Perhaps you should check into it.

best

Welcome to SR

Know that your not alone. You have support all around you...just need know where it is located. Here at SR is one place. Local meetings of AA is a great place to gather support and info as well.

A good place to start for clearing the air so to say... Have a talk with your husband and explain that you would like to stop. He doesn't need stop with you that would be his choice to do if he so likes. Just explain that you wish to stop.
From there and with time, you will learn many things on how to deal with others who offer and maybe try to push drinks on you.

There are answers and solutions... your not alone.

Could also read the posts above the blue line that say sticky beside them on the different forums. The sticky posts have a lot of info in them.

hector

Welcome to SR, NewLeaf. Glad you're here. I'm also glad you have the self-awareness and experience to see that you might have a problem. Many don't.

I suggest you try AA. Your husband could try Al-Anon. Two million alkies can't be wrong. All we try to do is stay away from one drink - the first one - for one day - today. On Monday, if I make it that far, I'll have done it for eighteen years. It can be done, one day at a time.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

hoeboe

Newleaf I know exactly what you feel like. I myself have had the parental influence of drinking all my life. My Dad for as long as I can remember and my Mom for at least the last 15 years. I'm absolutely sure that hey both have a problem too but far be it from me to tell them. They will find out on their own. I am only 3 days sober myself and have a lot of learning and healing to do myself. Hell I haven't even told my parents yet about all the things I've told this group of people. When I sit down to tell them I am sure that the guilt of conscience may just waver in my favour and at least Mom might join me in sobriety. Again. That will be their decision.

If you never have an introspective look on yourself you will never grow. You have definately had that look and didn't like what you saw and made the first step of admitting it and are DOING something about it! Be proud of YOU and only YOU at the moment. You are awesome for being brave and taking your "real" life back. (one day at a time)

NO FEAR!
Hoeboe

TamTam

Welcome to SR. When I was growing up grown ups were always drinking. It was like fun and alcohol went hand in hand. I relate to everything you wrote. After today I will have 2 weekends and a holiday without alcohol. This site has helped me tremendously! Please keep coming back. If you get tempted to have that cocktail- come here instead. Just breathe and post.

Emily2002

HoeBoe -- Sounds like the two of us are in similar situations. Actually, from reading many of these posts -- it appears that we truly aren't alone in this. Thanks to people like you and TamTam (newbies like myself), GlassPrisoner, best and hector (a bit further down the road) -- I feel a bit more prepared to tackle this. Starting today again -- only made it three days over the holiday weekend. Got home last night after a day at one daughter's riding event and another daughter's soccer competition. The turkey meal my husband had prepared (soccer daughter was out of state due to soccer and missed it) smelled so good I just HAD to sit down and relax with two martinis and a glass of wine... I should post tonight when I get the urge...

CarolD

Welcome to SR!!


Blessings

angie9

wow the first post sounds just like me!!
That is my excuse that I have now,
Being stuck at home all day with a young baby having the older kids coming home then fighting! trying to convince myself that it was my reward for doing the house I could go on. So being a newie here Im going to read as most posts as I can so that I dont feel so alone anymore,
Ang

TamTam

Definitely!

Anna

I think you have found a great place for support.

Stopping drinking is the first step in living a sober life. But, I also needed to make changes in my life, in my attitudes. I realized that I had some people in my life who were a negative influence and I removed them. I used to drink at home too and knew I was going to have to change my routines and daily habits if I was going to stay sober. So, I made plans to be doing other things at the time of day I'd be drinking. It's not easy and change is always hard. But, you can do this.

splendra

((((NewLeaf))))

Welcome!

I am the only straight person in my family of crack addicts and alcoholics. I used to drink quite a bit. At first I stayed away from all situations where drinking was involved and as I got stronger I could handle my family in small doses. Family gatherings are still not a safe place for me to linger very long after 21 years sober! I do the prefuntionary appearance and split when I start to feel uncomfortable.

You do not owe them an explanation. The one you owe is yourself. You owe it to yourself to be gentle with you and do what you have to do to stay sober.

Emily2002

Thanks, everybody!!!! Made it through last night. Another day #1 -- BUT a Day #1 with conviction... I feel so much stronger than any other time I've tried to attempt this. I also sat down with my husband last night over dinner (without the four kids) and told him that I need to stop drinking for good. We'd touched upon this in the past, but I don't think he really understood the extent of my feelings. I'd go a few days without, and he'd come home with a bottle of good wine on the weekend. I think he just assumed (and I wanted to believe) I could be a weekend or social drinker. Problem is -- moderation for me is hit or miss -- all depending on my state of mind when I take that first drink. I also told him about this board. He's supportive, so between all of us -- I'm hoping to get even stronger. THANK YOU!!!!!

Liz

PS. TamTam -- can you tell I checked in last night when I got that urge?

Emily2002

Tonight's my second night without a drink and I'm really having a tough time here. I've virtually thought of nothing else since my drive home from work!!!!! Thank God I had kids to drive all over the place for the majority of the evening...

I've told my husband, my dad, and all four kids I'm doing it this time. I figured that would hold me more accountable. I've gone from feeling relieved to feeling angry to feeling depressed to feeling simply on edge... the list goes on and on.

I'm also extremely irritable. I hope I can do this.

Anna

Your emotions are 'normal' and to be expected. It's scary to think of dealing with life and all its ups and downs without the alcohol. When I first stopped drinking I was scared and angry at myself and the world and depressed about the mess I'd gotten myself into. If you hang in there, you'll learn how to deal with all the emotions without alcohol. It's a journey!

I'mready99

Good evening NewLeaf...

Tomorrow, I'll be two weeks sober. I thought at first, how can I do this. My world revolved around the 12 oz bottle. But you have to put your priorities in order. You have kids to think about. Alcoholism is progressive, it will only get worse...

I know the first days and weeks are tough, but that is the same with all of us. We are all in the same boat...

Best of luck with your sobriety. Stay strong and positive about your conviction to give up drinking...

Best of luck to you...

One day at a time.

Steve

Emily2002

Thanks, 51Anna and I'm Ready for your words/advice. I want SO much to do this. Thanks for the reassurance that this is normal. I feel like I'm screaming inside, just trying to hold it all together. The kids are wonderful, but they're at tough ages and they all expect so much. The progression of this insidious disease is exactly what has me concerned. I truly don't want to go there....

Thanks for being there.

TamTam

I'm so glad you came back! This afternoon I was driving around thinking to myself, "Man, a glass of wine would be so good tonight!" Something that really helps the craving is limeaid. (courtesy of scootinbabe) I add club soda and pomagranite/tangerine jc. The tart really helps. I also drink hot peppermint tea at night. I just try to keep reminding myself why I don't want to drink..
Breathe and post...

Emily2002

Thanks, TamTam. Didn't sleep well last night, but on my way to the gym with a neighbor. (These trips early a.m. shold be a lot easier without the hangover) I'm definitely going for the "scootonbabe" this evening... Good luck to you today, too. Man, I'm glad you're all here.

TamTam

We've actually named our drink the 'sobrito". I teach fitness classes at the gym. HOW have I managed to do that after 1-2 bottles of wine the night before?.. consistently. I taught a spin class yesterday after 12 days of no alcohol- I kicked butt! It was awesome. The class was looking at me like, "What the h*** did you have for breakfast??"
Have a great day!
xoxo T

!!Congrats Steve on 2 wks! I'm there tomorrow!!