Mike1977

hi all. So, I've made it to 6 and a half weeks of sobriety so far but have made no progress on finding a sponsor. I just don't even know where to start. It seems so presumptious to just go up to someone and ask for that kind of commitment. I am a shy person by nature, and am in treatment for social anxiety and bipolar depression on top of my alcohol/drug dependence, so I have a hard time meeting people and talking before/after meetings. Anyone have any tips? I'm in the metro detroit area, does anyone in that area know someone I could talk to?

thanks in advance

eire rose

Hi Mike,



Congratulations on your sober time, I too am very shy, it helped me to join a group and start making the coffee, it gave me a reason to be there and made it easier to be around people and eventually I got more comfortable and was able to talk to others.

I took me a few months to find a sponsor, I did have a interim sponsor to check in with, ask your higher power to help you find a sponsor, listen at meetings to people and so with someone that you like what they have to say.

Don't be scared to ask, its an honor to do sponsorship work, we have to give it away to keep our sobriety.

Its normal to feel the way you are, I don't think anyone getting sober has great social skills, its something that gets better the longer we are sober.

Love, Rose

Kellye C

Congratulations on your sober time and you decision to look for a sponsor. I know how hard it is to reach out and ask someone for help and that is all part of the process. It's not easy for many of us (if any of us) to do that.

Rose has some great suggestions to help you feel more a part of the group you are attending. Go a little early, stay a little bit late, make coffee, set out or pick up the books. Anything to get you involved and more relaxed.

While in the meetings pay attention to the people in the rooms with you. Listen to what they share and watch how they act before, during and after the meeting. Look for someone who really hits home with you when they speak and who has something that you want in the way of recovery. Pray about it. Approach that person and engage them in some type of conversation and see how that feels. You can ease into it if that is better for you.

Please know that having someone ask you to sponsor them is an honor and it helps the person sponsoring as much if not more than the new person so you won't be imposing by asking someone to sponsor you. Also know that if they can't sponsor you for whatever reason that it is not a rejection of you but may not be the person your HP would have you work with.

Case in point. My first sponsor got me through the first 6 months and then went back out. Another lady in the group offered to be my temporary sponsor because I had just finished my 4th step and needed to do the 5th step. This lady scared the crap out of me so I didn't immediately say yes. I asked another lady to sponsor me. She said no because she had too much on her plate at the moment. I ended up with the other lady and she has been such a blessing. There is NOTHING scary about her (other than her ability to know me so well LOL!) and I feel that she is the one who was meant to lead me through the remainder of the steps.

Finally, know that you can ask someone to be your temporary sponsor to get you started on the steps while you have a chance to watch and pray for the person who would be your main sponsor. It may turn out to be the temporary or it may be someone different but it gives you a chance to get going.

Best of luck to you on finding your sponsor!
Kellye

Mike1977

thanks for the tips. I think this temporary sponsor idea sounds like a good one. I have a 4 regular meetings that I've been going to, so I am starting to get to know some of the people a little better. AA has been good for me, thus far, in that the meetings are keeping me sober, but I think I really need to start working the steps beyond the first one.

Lbad

When I was new and having a hard time finding a sponsor someone suggested that I pray about it.
I was way to embarrassed, angry and defiant to ask anyone.
So I prayed because I had a little bit of willingness and in a week or two a situation presented itself that offered me a sponsor. She is still my sponsor four years later.
Good luck!!!!!

splendra

My sponcer God bless her I am sure was hand picked by my HP. She was the one who called me back when I called Alanon and left a message...She also made me go to AA with her. She did not really make me but if I wanted her to be my sponcer she said I had to go to AA as well. The AA group is a "step study" group they were working on the 11th step when I joined. I asked if it didn't seem that I was out of order by starting on the 11th she said draw my own conclusion about the order. Soon enough we were on the 1st step though. Actually since I had formerly been a heavy drinker probally I was at the 11th step in my ability to cope with my drinking issues but when we got back to the first step that's when I started working on my codie issues. It was really really cool though and 6 years later she is still my sponcer....

odatrose

I have had a few sponsers in the time I've been around and I really liked them all. The one I have now is a keeper. I love her Keep it simple attitude and the way we interact with each other. I think finding a sponser has been like everything else in each of my days sober, A REAL GOD THING. I actually thought Id be too much of a peice of work for any one person, and well my sponser has proved to me Im not unique, lol. I still have problems with anxiety around people and Im a GSR for a cluster of groups. I like the coffee sugg. I did that one, it gave me something to do instead of sitting in a chair feeling early recovery weird. Oh buddy this trip to happy destiny is something to talk about so just having someone to talk to on a personal level is good. As far as temp. sponsers Im not a big fan because when you start your step work there is lots of reading and getting to know each other time with someone. So if there is a temp you'll have to do it all over again with a perm. , well I guess it can be good practice. Oh by the way the temp thing really means someone else isn't so sure about the next indicated thing to do either. Keep up the willing spirit, you help me to keep up mine.