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Does everyone need a support group?

Old 11-24-2006, 07:41 AM
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Does everyone need a support group?

I am not sure why I am asking this question, but I guess it is since I am not in love with the idea of AA. I have always thought of myself as someone that can accomplish anything by myself. I have overcome a lot of adversity throughout my 40 years of living and mostly due to simple persiverance. I have managed to overcome a difficult and very modest childhood and now live a completely different life. My life is much more predictable - I grew up with an alcoholic dad and my mom was impacted by this as you can expect, not to mention the entire family. My family (wife & kids) is loving and does not want to anything. The only (or so I think) big elephant in the room is my drinking which is unpredicatable. I am now addressing that, but the question is should I do it alone.

I realize that most out here are part of some kind of support group (in addition to this site which serves as one as well) so I thought I would pose the question. Can some people change their lifestyle on their own or does everybody need some kind of support group? I realize that my lifestyle needs big changes. Am I trying to fool myself into thinking that I am different than everyone else? Perhaps, this is part of being newly sober. I would love other's perspective on this.

Thanks,
David.
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Old 11-24-2006, 07:47 AM
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Hi David,

I'm not an AA person either, but I do think people need some sort of support.

The first three years I was sober, I was on my own and used books as my support system. Then, I found SR and I've been here for over 3 years and this is now my lifeline. I have learned an enormous amount here and grown a lot. I have learned how to let go of the guilt and shame and how to leave a peaceful and serene life.
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Old 11-24-2006, 07:49 AM
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You might be able to? Question is, do you WANT to????

I am a social creature. I like people. I am also very self-sufficient and had a real problem admitting that I couldn't control my drinking. I didn't want to walk into a room and announce that alcohol had won. I did though about 2.5 years ago. In addition to the support of a room of people who understand what I'm going through I have found numerous friendships that I wouldn't have found otherwise. I have a second family now. That support, for me, is invaluable. I have people who know me and can tell when I am "off" or who will call me on my stuff. Alone I can justify and rationalize anything but it's not so easy to do when you have people just like you who know what you're doing LOL! My alcoholism wants me to isolate. It waits patiently for me to go into my head alone. A face to face support system as well as the one here is my protection from that.

Could I do it alone? I don't think so. Do I WANT to do it alone? No way!

Hugs,
Kellye
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:02 AM
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i tried to do it alone for many years. the difference was this last time when i reached out for help. so far, it's been my longest bout of sobriety.

i don't know if you can do it alone. but why?

think of it like networking. you'll gain resources, advice, references, and support by talking to others. you don't create your own "luck" in the workplace by holing up on your own. you can do your own research, but it takes twice as long as meeting someone who's already done the research and learning from them.

the decision is yours and you will find the right answer for you. you are on the right track by coming here and by seeking answers to your questions.

keep coming back!
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:09 AM
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I was a binge/blackout drinker - had been drinking like that from age 15 to about age 26. What I wanted in life was to be a mom and wife. I got married and Mr. Big said - married people don't party. I agreed with that, so we both just quit.

Were we each others' support? I don't know. I do know I was pretty early in the progression of my disease. I was blacking out regularly, but was not yet drinking daily, or alone... though I was starting to drink more often during the week, and had an occassional "predrink" before going out... I drank that one alone.

I don't know if even 6 months later, my desire to be a mom and wife and my strong willed husband would have been enough "incentive" for me to be sober. I am glad I will never know.

Here's the kicker... 20 years later, I HAD to join a 12-step program to save my life. I got all obsessive and crazy over MY kids' addictions. Since then, I've learned that "alcoholism" is far bigger than just drinking... I have or had obsessions in many areas... work, pills, exercise, perfectionism... eating.

Imagine that... I didn't "fix" anything at all 20 years ago. But today, I do believe I am working on the "core" problem..... me.

So I guess my answer is "no" - lots of folks get sober without a program or social support. But in my mind, "true sobriety" and the serenity that comes with it DO require changes that are easier to implement through some sort of a program.

I wish you well.
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:11 AM
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Hi...Congratulations for looking for sobriety!
Very

This link is over in our Alcoholism forum

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I suggest you check it out for interesting info.

To answer your question..
AA is such a positive force for me
I will never give it up.

There are other ways to get support..
They are also listed in Alcoholism.

Blessings..
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:32 AM
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I guess the one way to find out is to try it. If you're restless, irritable, and discontent even without alcohol, or you find that despite your best intentions, you end up drunk, the support will still be there. I tried AA at age nineteen, and surprise, surprise! it was still there fifteen years later when I came to my own conclusions.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 11-24-2006, 08:55 AM
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David,

I would say that not all people need a support group, but I do believe that all people need support.

In my opinion, just being able to verbalize my thoughts and feelings out loud to another person (even if just one person) will help the mechanism in my brain that figures out problems "all by myself" to start up.

And, having those other perspectives is so valuable to me, because I am one who tends to shame myself, and believe that what I'm thinking or feeling is crazy and unhealthy. It feels so good for people to tell me that I'm growing, changing for the better, and that my thoughts and/or feelings are not "bad"!!

PS - (Sugah--I love that you are from Punxatawney..."Groundhog Day" is one of my all-time favorite movies!!)


(sorry that this is not an exact quote):
"If you strike me down, I wil become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Let go of that which you most fear losing
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Old 11-24-2006, 10:06 AM
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Am I trying to fool myself into thinking that I am different than everyone else?
David...I've heard it said that there are folks who suffer from "terminal uniqueness"...also, that there is no one too stupid to "get the program", but there are some who are too smart to get it. Maybe they outsmart themselves into thinking they are so self-sufficient they can "do it alone".

I drank for 32 years, and quit drinking at least once a week for all that time...I knew how to stop, but I never learned how to stay stopped until I started to go to AA meetings. I, personally, wouldn't suggest trying to do it without a support group; and, I, personally, consider AA to be the best. JMHO...to all those whose opinions and methods of staying sober may differ from mine.
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Old 11-24-2006, 10:18 AM
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Some people find their Higher Power or a God of
their understanding and never return to the
drink or drug.....I have my HP and my faith to
guide me and give me strength but im no holy
roly.....

Im also not a people person either.....not
completely....At my job im soooo into people....
I love my customers.....I love the hugs, smiles, the
reward of my service work i do with people....

Yet at home im totally different....i isolate....i like
being by myself.....i enjoy being on my own....
making my own choices...i like being my own
boss.....and yet ive been married for 24 yrs
with 2 college kids...none of them are recovery
people....JUST ME....

Do i feel alone there YES.....Do I need
AA Support... YES..... Very much....

And u know what....my AA support,
family is back in Baton Rouge....

Not here in Houston....of course
that is of my own making.....

I guess it took all of 6 yrs to finally
bond with my AA group back home that
after moving here to Houston, I didnt have
the drive to start over again.....however....

Im here in SR....and I LOVE IT..! However....

It doesnt take the place of one on one...
face to face....that interaction of other
human beings.....to hear the voices....
to feel the touch of anothers hand
or arm in a hug....

I dont get the support in and from my family
that i soooo desperately need here in AA .

Hi Im Sharon and Im an alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR i havent had a
drink of alcohol since 8-11-90. For
that im truely grateful.

Thanks for letting me share.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:14 AM
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Thanks to everyone for your honest perspective. I appreciate it.

The funny thing is that I am a people person. I love people. I am good at interacting with people. I am in sales so need to be I guess that is the ironic part. Perhaps, I am too ashamed of my addiction to discuss something that real with relative strangers. I don't know. Somehow it seems more uncomfortable to do that in person than here on the forum. I do appreciate other's thoughts and look forward to reading other's comments on this forum.

I definitely do not want to compromise my sobriety (of 10 days) by being overconfident. At the same time, going to AA and admitting I am powerless seems very uncomfortable. I am guessing that most out here would look at me as a very new to sobriety, figuring out my way and therefore naive to the traps. That seems like a reasonable argument to me especially since those with that opinion have much more sobriety and experience than I do. Again, the whole powerless thing does not seem to be a fit for me. I have overcome some fairly big obstacles in my life. To those that find AA as the answer, please do not take my comments as critical. I am just trying to find my own way and very much appreciate the perspective I am receiving in this thread. Perhaps, I will change my mind. I did try AA about 2 years ago and did not have a very good experience. What other support groups are available? In addition to this forum, I have almost every book out on alchoholism. My personal need for a face-to-face support group is my real question.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:28 AM
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Question

I looked into AA after a year and a half of drinking. That's when I was 23. I had to go through so much hassle at home to GET to meetings, I just gave up. I had a husband who was controlling and possessive and didn't want me to have any sort of life away from him or the house. So I just stayed home after much fighting and threats and continued to drink for many more years.

I NEEDED support away from him for my problem. I may not have wanted it but I sure did NEED it. I guess he was my enabeler. Everything was just fine with him as long as I was right where he left me.
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:37 AM
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David,

This is a list of Recovery Programs from CarolD's Sticky in Alcoholism:

Alcoholics Anonymous
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash

LifeRing Secular Recovery
http://www.unhooked.com

SMART
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

SOS - Secular Organisations for Sobriety
http://www.secularsobriety.org

Women for Sobriety
http://womenforsobriety.org/


Information and analysis about addiction treatment and harm reduction:

http://www.peele.net/

A useful AA reference:
Online AA resources (not official AA):
http://www.recovery.org/aa/

Moderation Management, the one group that deals with moderate drinking; useful for the guidelines:
http://moderation.org/

Some variations on 12 Step:

Agnostics AA:
http://agnosticaa.org/

Alcoholics Victorious (Christian 12 step):
http://www.alcoholicsvictorious.org/12-steps.html

Pagan approach to 12 steps:
http://members.aol.com/JehanaS/recovery.html

Another Christian recovery site:
http://www.celebraterecovery.com/message.asp

Rabbi Twerski's interpretation of the 12 Steps from a Jewish perspective:
http://www.a-1associates.com/AA/jacs_journal_2.htm
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Old 11-24-2006, 11:41 AM
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Hi David, glad you're here and congrats on your 10 days.

Personally, I believe there as many paths to recovery as there are recovering addicts. I do find tons of support on forums like this, and am able to discuss my issues with good friends.

Here's a link to various recovery programs available:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Try one if you like, or try 'em all.

Good luck to you and keep well

Ron

OOps. I see Anna beat me by a hair. That link is the same as the above info'
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Old 11-24-2006, 02:58 PM
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I'm not sure whether everyone needs a support group, but it's hard for me to find a downside to having one around.

There's something very comforting for me in being around people who have been where I've been and have wisdom to impart that I may apply to my personal recovery. After all, my best thinking got me to the point whre I needed recovery in the first place. Going it alone, for this person, is clearly not the best idea...

I sometimes think of AA/NA/OA/Triple-A/Frickin' A/Al-Anon/Nar-Anon/and so on-anon as Near-Death Experience Survivors groups. If you're alcoholic/addicted or have lived with the disease of alcoholism/addiction, you've had a near-death experience. Simply put, you've lived near death. It helps to hear others' experience, strength and hope on such subjects.

Books are fine... but books can't hug.
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Old 11-24-2006, 03:24 PM
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Books are fine... but books can't hug.
Uh, Huh...nothing beats the hug from another AA...I have to make do with SR hugs now; but, that's OK, too.
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Old 11-24-2006, 03:39 PM
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maybe you should just go to a few meetings and find out if it is right for you...you do not have to speak...just say you are there to observe...and maybe you will find that you need more support than you think...i can understand being embarrassed to admit in public that you have a problem...but my point is that you don't have to speak at first...and it would not hurt to see if you find someplace that you fit in and are comfortable with...good luck and i hope everything works out for you...
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Old 11-24-2006, 03:42 PM
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Hi David,

I quit using without any support stayed clean for 20 years and never realised I was tottaly mad (dry drunk) I obessed about everything instead of drinking and using and eventually picked up a drink.

So if you want an answer Yes we do need support but as has been said here you need to discover that on your own, dip your feet in the water of support in recovery

For me AA and NA rocks but hey that just me.

Kevin
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Old 11-24-2006, 04:34 PM
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Thumbs down

After your Sober for a while you can spot a Dry-Drunk a mile off. They do raise Hell with your sobiety though so it's best to stay away from them. If you can't get away from them just use them as a power of example of how NOT to be. Oh, praying doesn't hurt either.
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Old 11-24-2006, 06:52 PM
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For the newcomer who isn't familiar with the expression "dry drunk"...it's when you don't drink, but have all the attitude with accompanying behavior of an active alcoholic...it isn't fun (for you or anyone around you).

Dry as dust, and twice as useless.
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