Back at it again and again and again....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Searching my way thru this journey called life..
Posts: 149
Back at it again and again and again....
Well today is back to day one. Im not doing very well at this and the past six months have been the worse of all. I have to try to do this for myself and my wife (who is about to kick me out) and my baby son. I make such stupid mistakes when Im drinking then feel so bad afterwards that drinking seems to be the only way to numb the pain. Stupid cycle I know... Im at the end of my rope, I have to get this taken care of. I guess Im just here for support and friendship as I really dont have any friends that understand...
Thanks for listening....
Thanks for listening....
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,051
You can keep coming back as many times as you'd like, but you can also end the cycle now.
I wish I could've seen past my alcoholism and done it for my kids when they were babies. My daughter fell off the changing table a few times while I was busy taking my next drink, and my son's nose was broken when I fell while carrying him on my shoulders. But even those things didn't stop me from drinking. (crying on the keyboard remembering those events)
In sobriety, I'm the father I always dreamed of being, but in my dreams I was never a single parent. My kids and I love our time together on the days when I have custody, but their mother is getting remarried next year to someone else. That life that we had together as a family is gone. I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, but sometimes that doesn't take the pain away.
You'll get all the love and support than you could ever want here, but do yourself a favor and get to AA if you can. I can tell you from experience that there comes a time when no amount of drinking will numb the pain.
I wish I could've seen past my alcoholism and done it for my kids when they were babies. My daughter fell off the changing table a few times while I was busy taking my next drink, and my son's nose was broken when I fell while carrying him on my shoulders. But even those things didn't stop me from drinking. (crying on the keyboard remembering those events)
In sobriety, I'm the father I always dreamed of being, but in my dreams I was never a single parent. My kids and I love our time together on the days when I have custody, but their mother is getting remarried next year to someone else. That life that we had together as a family is gone. I know that I'm right where I'm supposed to be, but sometimes that doesn't take the pain away.
You'll get all the love and support than you could ever want here, but do yourself a favor and get to AA if you can. I can tell you from experience that there comes a time when no amount of drinking will numb the pain.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Medina Ohio
Posts: 5
I am new here, and I am not even sure how I am supposed to respond in a politically correct manner....I am a daily drinker myself, screwing up my whole life.
I am thinking the right and correct approach is to send cyber hugs and wish you well, but as a lifetime party guy, and a guy who has been around....I am compelled to tell you this.....the moment you had a child, you honestly need to know....everthing you do will effect his life...my problems now are directly related to my dads drinking when I was a kid...my dads drinking destroyed my family, and sent me on a very long downward spiral....this is not unique and you know it.
I think my best advice to you from one guy screwing up to another, is that you need to really understand that although you may find it hard to care enough about yourself to stop....you now have the option of ruining another persons life.... your son. I don't know how these forums work, but my instincts tell me to tell it to you straight as I saw it in my own life....I, like most kids, looked at my dad like he was the toughest dad in town...like he was a hero or something....I remember this feeling like it was yesterday ....he showed me how to mow the lawn.....loved it.....fast forward....he drank too much, lost his job, left us, didn't pay child support, and never really worked again....I in turn never recovered and I am now here needing help myself....the damage my dad did by letting me down has not ceased even 20 years later...this is reality.....my advice may seem harsh, but it is almost common sense....
My friend, I was once that baby with my dad having issues....my dad did not understand or care enough about what his decisions would do to me....he failed and drinks still although we haven't talked for about 15 years only 30 minutes apart.....man, I say this with all my heart, I do not want you whether stranger or not, to fail to understand your actions effect on your son....you literally are making choices right now that will either give him a life full of possibilities, or a life of misery maybe a lot of us who came here lived....
My advice is to take a bit of time each day to just look at your baby son and think about what damage you could do, and then think about the obvious fact that if you do NOT fail, and you realize how important your actions this day are, that your son will have a chance at a beautiful life.....if you fail, there is no doubt in my mind that you will bring the misery that you and I feel on your son.....it's harsh, but it's true....don't fail man...don't....don't do to your kid what my dad did to me.....
I am thinking the right and correct approach is to send cyber hugs and wish you well, but as a lifetime party guy, and a guy who has been around....I am compelled to tell you this.....the moment you had a child, you honestly need to know....everthing you do will effect his life...my problems now are directly related to my dads drinking when I was a kid...my dads drinking destroyed my family, and sent me on a very long downward spiral....this is not unique and you know it.
I think my best advice to you from one guy screwing up to another, is that you need to really understand that although you may find it hard to care enough about yourself to stop....you now have the option of ruining another persons life.... your son. I don't know how these forums work, but my instincts tell me to tell it to you straight as I saw it in my own life....I, like most kids, looked at my dad like he was the toughest dad in town...like he was a hero or something....I remember this feeling like it was yesterday ....he showed me how to mow the lawn.....loved it.....fast forward....he drank too much, lost his job, left us, didn't pay child support, and never really worked again....I in turn never recovered and I am now here needing help myself....the damage my dad did by letting me down has not ceased even 20 years later...this is reality.....my advice may seem harsh, but it is almost common sense....
My friend, I was once that baby with my dad having issues....my dad did not understand or care enough about what his decisions would do to me....he failed and drinks still although we haven't talked for about 15 years only 30 minutes apart.....man, I say this with all my heart, I do not want you whether stranger or not, to fail to understand your actions effect on your son....you literally are making choices right now that will either give him a life full of possibilities, or a life of misery maybe a lot of us who came here lived....
My advice is to take a bit of time each day to just look at your baby son and think about what damage you could do, and then think about the obvious fact that if you do NOT fail, and you realize how important your actions this day are, that your son will have a chance at a beautiful life.....if you fail, there is no doubt in my mind that you will bring the misery that you and I feel on your son.....it's harsh, but it's true....don't fail man...don't....don't do to your kid what my dad did to me.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Searching my way thru this journey called life..
Posts: 149
thanks all for your response's its just what I've been needing. Wrath I to grew up around drinking, my whole family drank and every holiday would end in a drunk fest. My biggest fear in my life is becoming my dad, you see we too are on the outs and have been for close to 15 years. Both my parents drank when I was little and my father was never there for me, I think he made one sporting event in all my years of school. Then my father left my mom and my little brothers for a younger woman and we have hardly talked since. I want to thank you for your words of wisdom and for being truthful and heartfelt, they are much appreciated...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Hi Searching, I can relate. I slipped up and fell on my face... yet again. I started over yesterday. On the upside, today is a sober day and I am back on track.
I am looking at the causes of my fall, mostly it was my belief that life was going great and that I could "control" my drinking... guess what, I CANNOT.
It all started because things were going really well with a new special person in my life, hanging out with her and friends. Everyone having a few. I figured sure, I can do it just socially. That seemed to work ... at first. Then of course things became stressful as life will and I found myself slipping back into the old patterns and routines again. Drinking, drinking, drinking.
I then exercised some will power and stopped, but again I thought just a drink no big deal, WRONG, it is a HUGE deal for me. I CANNOT drink EVER.
It brings out the cravings and desires big time. I am a compulsive drinker, once I start, I cannot stop readily. I drink until I am sick and then sober up for a period of time before doing it all over again. In short, I am an addict and I cannot open myself up to my drug of choice ... booze... because it is just way to powerful for me.
Good luck with your struggle and never give up.
Peace, Levi
I am looking at the causes of my fall, mostly it was my belief that life was going great and that I could "control" my drinking... guess what, I CANNOT.
It all started because things were going really well with a new special person in my life, hanging out with her and friends. Everyone having a few. I figured sure, I can do it just socially. That seemed to work ... at first. Then of course things became stressful as life will and I found myself slipping back into the old patterns and routines again. Drinking, drinking, drinking.
I then exercised some will power and stopped, but again I thought just a drink no big deal, WRONG, it is a HUGE deal for me. I CANNOT drink EVER.
It brings out the cravings and desires big time. I am a compulsive drinker, once I start, I cannot stop readily. I drink until I am sick and then sober up for a period of time before doing it all over again. In short, I am an addict and I cannot open myself up to my drug of choice ... booze... because it is just way to powerful for me.
Good luck with your struggle and never give up.
Peace, Levi
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