daydreamer

I relapsed on day 7 (pissed off at dr and cc company) and bought a bottle. I`m completely out of pills (ativan, thioridazine etc) so I`m kind of hanging in the wind. Anyway I went to the store tonight - the same store I went to every day when I was drinking - and they refused to serve me - said I was slurring my words too much. I walked out, said nothing felt shame. Probably a good thing because I have a job thing/film to do in the morning but still...that has never happened to me before.

CarolD

Just begin again....many of us had false starts
before we won over alcohol.

Anna

Daydreamer,

You don't have to go through the shame and embarassment again.

You can begin to recover again and move forward.

adore79

daydreamer, you will remember this for way longer than they will. Besides, they have their own problems/issues to deal with. Use this as another reason to get sober, if you do, your embarrassment becomes your life saver. The fact is, you need to get better, and that is all that matters. Good luck tommorrow.

Surlyredhead

AMEN to that!!!

Rella927

Daydreamer Agreed-begin again! This was possibly a sign that you need to "begin again" and win this battle! You can do this

Lots of luck tomorrow!

Eclipse

I do get so tired of those ultimate embarrassments. Each time I vow never to do it again, but somehow another one sneaks in. The thing that scares me is that the ultimate embarrassment turn into an ultimate catastophe that I cannot live with, such as a DUI or something happening to one of my kids because of my lack of soberness. We need to think before we drink...I say this after I have had my 3rd glass of wine for the night....

TTOSBT

Eclipse, my ultimate embarrassment involved a wrecked car, a DUI, my child (unhurt thank god)and every available sheriff in flippin town in seemed. Have I told you all how much I love sobriety?

Aysha

Just keep trying.

SelfSeeking

Daydreamer, I've been at this site for about 3 weeks, haven't met you yet but I KNOW the sum of you is so much more than this one embarrassing moment at the store. Can you try to bring up a memory of a time when you felt proud of yourself? Hold onto that feeling... you'll have it again, you can be someone you feel good about. *hug*

Captain Kirk

[QUOTE=felly79;1888272] your embarrassment becomes your life saver.[QUOTE]

i'd never thought of that, but that is just so true!
i had to stop because i was so embaressed and ashamed of the things i used to do.
i didn't know it at the time, despite many "warnings" but if i had of continued it was only a question of time before i would have ended up dead.

Captain Kirk

a DUI is catastrophic?! that's probably a blessing in disguise.
how would you feel if you didn't get a DUI and killed or hurt someone instead?

(just to make sure we're on the same frequency: DUI is driving under the influence, isn't it??)

doorknob

Great Post!

Hi Dreamer, here's some song lyrics along those lines:

Moments

-Emerson Drive

I was coming to the end of a long long walk
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box
Under the E. Street Bridge
Followed me on to it
I went out halfway across
With that homeless shadow tagging along
So I dug for some change
Wouldn't need it anyway
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that plane ride coming home from the war
That summer my son was born
And memories like a coat so warm
A cold wind can't get through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve
Wondering if a single soul on Earth
Would care at all
Miss me when I'm gone
That old man just kept hanging around
Lookin' at me, lookin' down
I think he recognized
That look in my eyes
Standing with him there I felt ashamed
I said, You know, I haven't always felt this way

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like the day I walked away from the wine
For a woman who became my wife
And a love that, when it was right,
Could always see me through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight
That old man tells his story one more time
He says

I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge
When a young man almost ended it
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit
And I helped to pull him through
Lookin' at me now you might not know it
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it
But I've had my moments

DK

least

STart over with today. Don't drink today!

:ghug3

dancinggirl

doorknob: i love that song!

daydreamer: the important thing here is that you ARE still trying!!! And sweetie, you absolutely CAN do this!!! I'm glad that they refused to serve you...even though the embarrasment was hard, I'm sure....I would hate to think what could have happened if you'd gotten more. We have NO knowledge of when "just one more" WILL kill us...but it eventually will. I'd much rather you be embarrased than dead. We can always keep trying...but we can't come back from "dead". Thinking of you today, for sure.

doorknob

((((((Daydreamer))))))