Why do I keep going back to booze?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 39
Why do I keep going back to booze?
Hi
Each time I "quit for good" and go 4,5,6 or even 10 days without drinking and think I finally have this thing whipped, I always find myself "making up for it" by going on a 2-3 day drinking binge.
Anyone else find themselves going through this same endless pattern and feeling like it's hopeless?.
It feels so good to be sober. Why do I keep doing this to myself?. Why does my brain keep tricking me into going back to the bottle when deep down inside, I really don't want to drink?.
Last night was a disaster. I don't even remember everything. I think I held my room mate "hostage" with a can of bug spray and then butted his door and left a hole in it...I can't even think straight right now. Dizzy...out-of-it...so sick of this but yet I can't go to AA for a variety of reasons. Campral and Naltrexone work very well but my brain always tricks me into not taking them because "I'd rather drink" instead.
This morning my room mate said "good morning" to me and I just said "yeah". It's never a good morning when you try so hard to stay sober, only to end up a hopeless drunk again. I want to make something in the crock-pot today but I feel so wobbly and hungover, I don't even think I can do it.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
- Nofuninsuds
Each time I "quit for good" and go 4,5,6 or even 10 days without drinking and think I finally have this thing whipped, I always find myself "making up for it" by going on a 2-3 day drinking binge.
Anyone else find themselves going through this same endless pattern and feeling like it's hopeless?.
It feels so good to be sober. Why do I keep doing this to myself?. Why does my brain keep tricking me into going back to the bottle when deep down inside, I really don't want to drink?.
Last night was a disaster. I don't even remember everything. I think I held my room mate "hostage" with a can of bug spray and then butted his door and left a hole in it...I can't even think straight right now. Dizzy...out-of-it...so sick of this but yet I can't go to AA for a variety of reasons. Campral and Naltrexone work very well but my brain always tricks me into not taking them because "I'd rather drink" instead.
This morning my room mate said "good morning" to me and I just said "yeah". It's never a good morning when you try so hard to stay sober, only to end up a hopeless drunk again. I want to make something in the crock-pot today but I feel so wobbly and hungover, I don't even think I can do it.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
- Nofuninsuds
Last edited by nofuninsuds; 11-19-2006 at 05:47 AM.
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Good morning nofuninsuds...
I think we have all been there and done that...
Alcoholism is a revolving door if we let it be. It is cunning and baffleing. Just pick yourself up and start again. You get to feeling good after a few days sober and your brain tricks you into drinking again. If you keep doing what your doing...You will keep getting what your getting...
Best of luck to you...
One day at a time.
Steve
I think we have all been there and done that...
Alcoholism is a revolving door if we let it be. It is cunning and baffleing. Just pick yourself up and start again. You get to feeling good after a few days sober and your brain tricks you into drinking again. If you keep doing what your doing...You will keep getting what your getting...
Best of luck to you...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Why does your brain keep trying to convince you that you can drink successfully? Because you have a disease that centers in the mind. You have a disease which is cunning, baffling and powerful (as well as patient I might add). Without help it is too much for us. You say AA isn't for you. I don't know your reasons for this. I know that it literally saved my life but there are other methods out there. Bottom line is you don't have to do this alone and I wouldn't suggest trying.
You are feeling the guilt, shame and remorse right now that come with drinking and now might be a good time to list on paper the benefits of continuing to drink versus not continuing to drink. You might want to try writing out your drinking history, start to finish, to get out in black and white how you are where you are today. It's great to refer to when that disease starts that damn whispering. I personally talk out loud to my disease and have been known to tell it to f*ck off when it tries to tell me that this time will be different. I know better. I know that today there is nothing in my life that a drink won't make worse.
Once you have had enough and are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired then grab onto some support and some tools to help you in sobriety and then go for it! Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
I'm glad you're here and hope we hear lots more from you!
You are feeling the guilt, shame and remorse right now that come with drinking and now might be a good time to list on paper the benefits of continuing to drink versus not continuing to drink. You might want to try writing out your drinking history, start to finish, to get out in black and white how you are where you are today. It's great to refer to when that disease starts that damn whispering. I personally talk out loud to my disease and have been known to tell it to f*ck off when it tries to tell me that this time will be different. I know better. I know that today there is nothing in my life that a drink won't make worse.
Once you have had enough and are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired then grab onto some support and some tools to help you in sobriety and then go for it! Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
I'm glad you're here and hope we hear lots more from you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi,
Yes, I did the same thing for most of a year. Every time I quit for a few days I would start to feel good. I didn't relate to feeling good. I was far more comfortable feeling bad. I was used to it and it felt safe. Feeling good was uncharted territory for me, and I'd continuously sabotage myself. It took a bit of perspective and a big step out of the vicious cycle to move forward.
Yes, I did the same thing for most of a year. Every time I quit for a few days I would start to feel good. I didn't relate to feeling good. I was far more comfortable feeling bad. I was used to it and it felt safe. Feeling good was uncharted territory for me, and I'd continuously sabotage myself. It took a bit of perspective and a big step out of the vicious cycle to move forward.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by nofuninsuds
Hi
Each time I "quit for good" and go 4,5,6 or even 10 days without drinking and think I finally have this thing whipped, I always find myself "making up for it" by going on a 2-3 day drinking binge.
Anyone else find themselves going through this same endless pattern and feeling like it's hopeless?.
It feels so good to be sober. Why do I keep doing this to myself?. Why does my brain keep tricking me into going back to the bottle when deep down inside, I really don't want to drink?.
Last night was a disaster. I don't even remember everything. I think I held my room mate "hostage" with a can of bug spray and then butted his door and left a hole in it...I can't even think straight right now. Dizzy...out-of-it...so sick of this but yet I can't go to AA for a variety of reasons. Campral and Naltrexone work very well but my brain always tricks me into not taking them because "I'd rather drink" instead.
This morning my room mate said "good morning" to me and I just said "yeah". It's never a good morning when you try so hard to stay sober, only to end up a hopeless drunk again. I want to make something in the crock-pot today but I feel so wobbly and hungover, I don't even think I can do it.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
- Nofuninsuds
Each time I "quit for good" and go 4,5,6 or even 10 days without drinking and think I finally have this thing whipped, I always find myself "making up for it" by going on a 2-3 day drinking binge.
Anyone else find themselves going through this same endless pattern and feeling like it's hopeless?.
It feels so good to be sober. Why do I keep doing this to myself?. Why does my brain keep tricking me into going back to the bottle when deep down inside, I really don't want to drink?.
Last night was a disaster. I don't even remember everything. I think I held my room mate "hostage" with a can of bug spray and then butted his door and left a hole in it...I can't even think straight right now. Dizzy...out-of-it...so sick of this but yet I can't go to AA for a variety of reasons. Campral and Naltrexone work very well but my brain always tricks me into not taking them because "I'd rather drink" instead.
This morning my room mate said "good morning" to me and I just said "yeah". It's never a good morning when you try so hard to stay sober, only to end up a hopeless drunk again. I want to make something in the crock-pot today but I feel so wobbly and hungover, I don't even think I can do it.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
- Nofuninsuds
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
First of all i do not attend AA, also for a variety of reasons, though I admitedly only went to meetings at one location, and was warned of similar things at another location. Transportation at the moment is also a problem.
So there are reasons.
However, I was an outpatient for almost a year, and regularily kept up with that.
The next thing is 10 days is not enough time to see any real changes in your life. I would guess, and this is at least my own experience, it was not until at least 40 days when I started to see *any* real change in my life, just in terms of not feeling so bad and depressed and scared of life.
If that ideas really bothers you, you probably need it more than you think.
From whta you have written, you have a problem that will get worse and you are lucky not to have room mates who will get violent with that kind of situation, or even call the police.
Even though I have not gone to AA, I have gotten help and I could not stay sober by myself. So check out some meetings and look for any other resources.
So there are reasons.
However, I was an outpatient for almost a year, and regularily kept up with that.
The next thing is 10 days is not enough time to see any real changes in your life. I would guess, and this is at least my own experience, it was not until at least 40 days when I started to see *any* real change in my life, just in terms of not feeling so bad and depressed and scared of life.
If that ideas really bothers you, you probably need it more than you think.
From whta you have written, you have a problem that will get worse and you are lucky not to have room mates who will get violent with that kind of situation, or even call the police.
Even though I have not gone to AA, I have gotten help and I could not stay sober by myself. So check out some meetings and look for any other resources.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Stormtooth
First of all i do not attend AA, also for a variety of reasons, though I admitedly only went to meetings at one location, and was warned of similar things at another location. Transportation at the moment is also a problem.
So there are reasons.
However, I was an outpatient for almost a year, and regularily kept up with that.
The next thing is 10 days is not enough time to see any real changes in your life. I would guess, and this is at least my own experience, it was not until at least 40 days when I started to see *any* real change in my life, just in terms of not feeling so bad and depressed and scared of life.
If that ideas really bothers you, you probably need it more than you think.
From whta you have written, you have a problem that will get worse and you are lucky not to have room mates who will get violent with that kind of situation, or even call the police.
Even though I have not gone to AA, I have gotten help and I could not stay sober by myself. So check out some meetings and look for any other resources.
So there are reasons.
However, I was an outpatient for almost a year, and regularily kept up with that.
The next thing is 10 days is not enough time to see any real changes in your life. I would guess, and this is at least my own experience, it was not until at least 40 days when I started to see *any* real change in my life, just in terms of not feeling so bad and depressed and scared of life.
If that ideas really bothers you, you probably need it more than you think.
From whta you have written, you have a problem that will get worse and you are lucky not to have room mates who will get violent with that kind of situation, or even call the police.
Even though I have not gone to AA, I have gotten help and I could not stay sober by myself. So check out some meetings and look for any other resources.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Before I finally did quit..
I needed to understand WHY I drank when I detested the drunk me.
Here are excerpts from the book that opened my eyes
I have not had a drink since I read it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep trying..you too can recover!
I needed to understand WHY I drank when I detested the drunk me.
Here are excerpts from the book that opened my eyes
I have not had a drink since I read it.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Keep trying..you too can recover!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
If you look at the words to the 12 steps there's hints to Y .lol
Many of us have been there.
You can't do this alone....mmm and why would you want to ?
We need help and surport and the only requirement for membership
is a DESIRE to stop drinking.
I didn't go to AA after I got sober,
I got sober after I attended AA.
I'm also a recoverying perfectionist too.lol
I didn't get it right the first,second,or third time.
I kept coming back no matter what , thou.
Those peaple love me too, I guess they must have had love me
to put up with my crap.lol
You know..... I started feeling some feelings and I didn't know how to
go about getting emotional and stuff.
Then an old timer gave me a riddle to decifer "hang on to your ass ".
The AA Big Book is great. It gave me many, many answers.
They could have easily replace my name with whats in the book.
It took me over 90 days of being sober to get around to reading it thou.lol
Procress, procress....not perfection.
Many of us have been there.
You can't do this alone....mmm and why would you want to ?
We need help and surport and the only requirement for membership
is a DESIRE to stop drinking.
I didn't go to AA after I got sober,
I got sober after I attended AA.
I'm also a recoverying perfectionist too.lol
I didn't get it right the first,second,or third time.
I kept coming back no matter what , thou.
Those peaple love me too, I guess they must have had love me
to put up with my crap.lol
You know..... I started feeling some feelings and I didn't know how to
go about getting emotional and stuff.
Then an old timer gave me a riddle to decifer "hang on to your ass ".
The AA Big Book is great. It gave me many, many answers.
They could have easily replace my name with whats in the book.
It took me over 90 days of being sober to get around to reading it thou.lol
Procress, procress....not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I've fell into this pattern and I just did again recently. I was over confident and thought I could drink normally just for one second b/c I got cocky.... that was it, I slipped and drank, then I started over at scratch.
How did it happen? I wasn't attending here regularly. I was around high risk situations (others drinking around me) and I wasn't taking care to deal with my stressors. I will be more conscientious and I will not beat up on myself either.
Peace, Levi
How did it happen? I wasn't attending here regularly. I was around high risk situations (others drinking around me) and I wasn't taking care to deal with my stressors. I will be more conscientious and I will not beat up on myself either.
Peace, Levi
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 39
First, thank you all for the fantastic help and support.
You know, I never really did any serious reading on these forums but after "quitting" again for 2 days, last night I drank about 10 beers and it is now 2:00AM here and I feel absolutely smashed so I have just spent some time reading other peoples stories and I swear it's like looking in a mirror.
For example, I have read that a lot of people have false starts and stops just like me where they are able to quit for several days or weeks, only to go back to the bottle again and wake up the following morning hungover and riddled with guilt. I so much envy those who have stayed sober for years. I need to get to that point myself. I keep trying but as we all know, it can be difficult (more so for some than others).
I have also read (and I am finding this to be true with myself) that the longer you drink, the more you drink and the older you get, the worse the hangovers and the harder it can be to quit. When I wake up after a night of drinking, I feel absolutely horrible for at least a day or two afterwards. When I am sober and wake up, I feel wonderful and the longer I stay sober the better I feel each morning. 4-5 days out seems to be the magic number for detoxing for me as well as others from what I'm reading and have experienced myself.
I've read stories about people who have had long-time relationships destroyed over alcohol.
I got quite an education here and have come to realize that there are a lot more people going through exactly the same thing as myself in their struggle with alcoholism.
Anyway, I can't thhink of too much else to say except that today presents itself with a whole new opportunity to quit - one day at a time.
- Regards, Nofuninsuds
You know, I never really did any serious reading on these forums but after "quitting" again for 2 days, last night I drank about 10 beers and it is now 2:00AM here and I feel absolutely smashed so I have just spent some time reading other peoples stories and I swear it's like looking in a mirror.
For example, I have read that a lot of people have false starts and stops just like me where they are able to quit for several days or weeks, only to go back to the bottle again and wake up the following morning hungover and riddled with guilt. I so much envy those who have stayed sober for years. I need to get to that point myself. I keep trying but as we all know, it can be difficult (more so for some than others).
I have also read (and I am finding this to be true with myself) that the longer you drink, the more you drink and the older you get, the worse the hangovers and the harder it can be to quit. When I wake up after a night of drinking, I feel absolutely horrible for at least a day or two afterwards. When I am sober and wake up, I feel wonderful and the longer I stay sober the better I feel each morning. 4-5 days out seems to be the magic number for detoxing for me as well as others from what I'm reading and have experienced myself.
I've read stories about people who have had long-time relationships destroyed over alcohol.
I got quite an education here and have come to realize that there are a lot more people going through exactly the same thing as myself in their struggle with alcoholism.
Anyway, I can't thhink of too much else to say except that today presents itself with a whole new opportunity to quit - one day at a time.
- Regards, Nofuninsuds
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi,
No, you are far from alone. I, also, have learned so much being here. One thing is I am not alone, another is that it can be done. So I keep trying. I could have told you long ago about the hangovers hurting more, drinking more, etc but now I know why, and it scares me to death sometimes.
Guess I'm about where you are, the fun is out of it.
Best of luck on your new day 1, we'll get it right sooner or later!
Happy Holidays,
S
No, you are far from alone. I, also, have learned so much being here. One thing is I am not alone, another is that it can be done. So I keep trying. I could have told you long ago about the hangovers hurting more, drinking more, etc but now I know why, and it scares me to death sometimes.
Guess I'm about where you are, the fun is out of it.
Best of luck on your new day 1, we'll get it right sooner or later!
Happy Holidays,
S
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Funny, I find the hangovers, the longer I go without drinking and then slip, are far more difficult than before. What I used to get up from and go to work with now seems almost debilitating.
I also feel the depression more and I get frustrated by my failure. I started over yesterday after getting to the point where life was really good and no booze was good booze... then I got too busy, didn't come here, didn't share and got cocky enough to actually think one or two wouldn't hurt. They didn't, it was the onset of the obsessive thinking that hurt and led to the full out slip.
Peace, Levi
I also feel the depression more and I get frustrated by my failure. I started over yesterday after getting to the point where life was really good and no booze was good booze... then I got too busy, didn't come here, didn't share and got cocky enough to actually think one or two wouldn't hurt. They didn't, it was the onset of the obsessive thinking that hurt and led to the full out slip.
Peace, Levi
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
Sometimes it's not the locamotive that kills ya... it's the kaboos.
It's progressive and it dosn't happened overnite, that's part of the
cunning .Then you get baffle after the sheit hits the fan.
An analogy would be;
You can't trun a pickle back into a cucumber
What would you excpect if you pump depressent into your system ?
Something about being numb out of our freaken mind.lol
An end of a relationship ???
The thought of leaving your bestfreind, lover, couseler behind
is out of the question. Hell....what would we do without a drink.
How would we live or function ?
The definition of INSANITY is
Doing the samething over and over again and excpect different results
It's beyound my logic and i can never think my way into recovery
Honestly...I didn't want to stop drinking
It just stopped working for me.
It's progressive and it dosn't happened overnite, that's part of the
cunning .Then you get baffle after the sheit hits the fan.
An analogy would be;
You can't trun a pickle back into a cucumber
What would you excpect if you pump depressent into your system ?
Something about being numb out of our freaken mind.lol
An end of a relationship ???
The thought of leaving your bestfreind, lover, couseler behind
is out of the question. Hell....what would we do without a drink.
How would we live or function ?
The definition of INSANITY is
Doing the samething over and over again and excpect different results
It's beyound my logic and i can never think my way into recovery
Honestly...I didn't want to stop drinking
It just stopped working for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: long island,ny
Posts: 190
brush myself off and get back on.......
after 35 days of sobriety.....i slipped too....in looking back at it,i know now that i was doing for all the wrong reasons.....i quit to reconcile with my best friend......and with my daughter...they both told me my drinking was destroying our relationships.....and,after 35 days of sobriety,i looked around,and these people were nowhere in sight.....i was alone in this.....and i didn't/couldn't do it just for me....and the depression set in.....and has been here ever since.....i've been informed that i have to want to be sober for MYSELF......for no other person but me.....but right now,i'm not feeling like it's or I'm worth it......if noone cares whether i drink or not.....why not drink? i know....all lousey excuses.....i plan to begin next week sober,with a new attitude.....my doc and my therapist are working together for me now.....maybe if i work on this depression,with meds and more therapy,i won't feel the need to drink...i felt so much better physically when i wasn't drinking every night....
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