eire rose

I thought the first year of sobriety was tough??? I want to drink more now than I ever did, depressed, angry, lonely...not hungry thats for sure, eating like a horse...

This sucks...I don't know how to make it any better or accept this, its like I have slipped into a deep dark hole and I can't see a way to get myself out of it. I don't know what to do...I am slipping.... part of me doesn't even care if I do drink, I just don't think there is enough alcohol in the world to numb the pain right now.

Been to meetings and they just aren't doing it for me....I don't have any peace or serenity at the moment, well since earlier this week and I can't pinpoint any reason...

Rose

laurie6781

I would suggest you see your Dr Eire Rose and describe the symtoms you just described here.

To me, and I am no doctor, however, have sponsored many over the years, this sounds like Chronic Depression, and there is medication that will relieve this and allow you to function and work and play and go to meetings and work the 12 step program without the BIG BLACK CLOUD over your head. The medication will also bring you out of the abyss you are in, if indeed it is
depression. Only your doctor can help with this.

And yes, the BB of AA does tell us that sometimes we need professional help.

So.....................please go see your Doctor.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

chicago

well i can kinda indetify with your feelings. im just at about 10 months sober and the pink cloud is gone. i go to alot of meetings and did a 4th/5th step with my sponser...who i talk to frequently. but lately ive truely been living one day at time. i slip in and out of hopelessness...but i just know i cant go through the pain of using again right now. i am 100% certain that using will make my life worse and i just cant go through that now. my life has improved alot but its still completely unmanageable. i have to remember that i was sleeping on the floor of a shooting gallery when i turned to AA because i had nowhere else to turn.

barb dwyer

from what I understand, it's normal to get that letdown at the first year, I think some of it is cuz we're so intent on getting there, when we're suddenly there ... it's like *looking round ... blinking* -'now what?'

In just the three months I've been back 'in', I've seen it in our home group with alomst every single person. I hope it's to show me what might happen to me, and learn from you guys what to do, what works, so that I cna keep on track when My own time comes.

Please hang in there - people like me need to know what to do when it's time.

eire rose

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I am trying to figure out what on earth is going on, I have day at maybe a week where I feel good, content about sobriety and then I crash, its not sobriety related, I would rather not drink, but its as Barb said "now what?"

Few good days or a week and then a drop into a dark hole, I don't ever feel really happy, I just cope a bit better with life, I guess I thought I might have some happiness in sobriety but I don't have any, I can't remeber the last time I felt good for any length of time?

I have been single for a long time and I can't see me ever being able to have a relationship, I just can't get it together long enough, I can barely make it to the gym most days I just check out on my sofa.

This is tough, maybe I do need meds? Laurie, I never wanted to have to take meds but maybe I really need them, I am scared of being on medication for the rest of my life, why can't I cope with life like everyone else?

Rose

CarolD

You might want to....
See a therapist
Find a hobby..one where you meet men..Flying is great!
Have a physical
Complete your AA Steps
Start to Sponsor
Adopt a pet

Just thinking aloud..Blessings

MNGirlyGirl

((Rose))
I can relate. I have to remind myself that just because I stop drinking doesn't mean everything is going to be better. After all, my drinking increased because I was using it as a fix for something that wasn't going right in my life. I am now trying to create a new better life. I just got out of a bad slump that lasted a couple of months. I finally have the energy and motivation to pick myself up and move forward. I just pray it lasts and that by acting on it today, while I feel good, I will keep the momentum moving forward. Don't give up before the miracle happens!!!
Peace.

eire rose

Carol,

I have a sponsor
I have an amazing therapist
I have 2 golden labs
I don't have energy for much else

Thanks for the tips, I need to get some energy for life, I seem to have lost it, I would be afraid to sponsor anyone, I am barely holding it together for my own sobriety,

Mngirlygirl,

I know what your saying, I too try to have the momentum to carry me forward, lasts a few days then bang I am back down again, something like a stressful day at work and I am in the pits again.

I just can't get any lasting periods of energy or relief

Rose

FriendofBill

have you honestly worked the steps thoroughly and experienced the spiritual awakening the big book talks about?

If not...the problem may lie in that.

good luck.

Midas

I've been single a while too, even before I got sober. When I reached my first anniversary, I felt like I was coming unglued too. I think in my case, I had AA burn-out. So, I took a respite. The difficulties just don't let up sometimes. I knew I had to stay sober for myself and nobody else. The first two years can be ruthless. Hang in there!

Kellye C

Rose, I agree with Laurie, it sounds like it could be depression. I would definitely seek medical council from someone who is familiar with addictions. I understand not wanting to take meds but if you have a chemical imbalance then meds are probably what you need. If you had diabetes and had to take insulin would you do that? After a few nasty episodes I bet you would. To me, taking meds to correct a chemical imbalance in the brain is no different than taking insulin, high blood pressure meds etc.

It is quite possible that it is a temporary thing related to the 1 year let-down as well. I don't know which is why I once again urge you to seek professional help.

For me, I struggled at the 1 year mark. My disease went nuts telling me that because I hadn't drank in a year that I wasn't really alcoholic. I focused on that 1 year and then when it was over there was a definite let-down. I have a friend who just got a year on Monday and I see her struggling with it as well. I feel quite sure it is normal. It was at that point that I found SR and I threw myself into this site to help others, remind myself of where I came from and where I didn't want to go back to and to seek help or just vent when I needed to but didn't feel like sharing it around the tables of AA.

I remember standing at the front of my group receiving my one year chip and saying how I thought things would get easier now. I remember a member shaking his head at me and how pissed off I got. When I went up in August to get my two year chip this same man was there and I had to acknowledge that he was right and that year two was rough. I was told that the first year is a gift and then the work starts. I was also told that you spend the first year learning about the steps and subsequent years learning to live them. I have found that to be the case.

Hang in there and seriously consider going to a doctor. There is life after alcohol and it can be filled with lots of joy and laughter. I'd like to see that for you but you may need help getting to that point.

Hugs,

rose petals

i have 9 mos this month and im totally trippin so man i just hold it together best i can and i have to ignore my head half the time or id be totally insane--yeah i wonder if i m crazy but if i wonder about that too much id go crazy--seriously this is where im at--lol
laura

eire rose

Thanks everyone,

Its seem like the first year of sobriety is just not picking up a drink, now its all feelings, and man there are many...

It could be depression, but its just so up and down, I am thinking depression would be mostly down..I can get really good days, maybe a week then a day or two of just complete meltdown...I think managing stress is a big issue...my old stress management technique is no longer available.. so its like "now what"?

I am working the steps and have gone as far as I can with that right now, I never believed it when people talked about anniversaries being tough and the second year being sometimes harder that the first....too cynical for my own good...lol

I don't want to drink, its just times when I think life was easier then..I didn't have to deal with anything then, how stupid is that?



Love, Rose

1_day@_a_time

It's been my experience, many get a year, maybe 2-4 yrs of sobriety, then say........

IS THIS ALL THERE IS?

It's because it's a MIND POWERED DISEASE.

It's all in our thinking.

If I don't take a drink, and not much else has changed, except no alcohol, then I'm the same crazy person, nuts, now sober.

I have to build a WHOLE NEW CHARACTER!

Hanzade

Thank you very much for sharing Rose, it is great learning from others' experiences. I am new at this, will have been sober for 2 weeks exactly on Monday.

Hang in there. And lots of loving hugs coming your way.

chicago

im noticing for me the weekends are tough. during the week i work all day and do my meeting at night. thats good structure. during the weekends its an hour at a meeting a day then too much free time. my network isnt built up enough. i really really need to work on my network. im lonely sometimes.

kellydodson

Congratulations on your sobriety! Yeah!

ajangel

Just to let you know, this post is 5 years old. I am sure they appreciate the congratulations though