Hey I'm new! Its only been A WEEK!! ROAR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Auckland
Posts: 3
Hey I'm new! Its only been A WEEK!! ROAR!
Hey peoples!
I discovered this site in a desperation to find other people out there who were going through the same thing as me... so here I am... and here's my story if you have the patience to read... I'll just feel better writing it down.
The day I turned 13 and started high school my ambission in life was to misbehave as much as I possibly could. This included trying anything I could get my hands on that would make me feel different.
It started out with alcohol and marijuana, then when that got boring it progressed to mandrax with the marijuana.
By the time I was 15 I was taking acid, speed and ecstacy. I even remember me and my friends taking acid at school once and thinking we were soooo cool... whateva! Anyway, it eventually got to cocaine for a while but I never really got addicted. My friends and social circle were always doing drugs and they were so easily available.
By the time I was 17 I stated getting serious panic attacks, which lasted for 9 years. The panic attacks kinda helped me stop using cocaine as much which is why I think I actually never got addicted.
At the same time as all of this I had been stealing my mothers sleeping pills which I have been taking for the last 9 years.
When we moved to New Zealand about 2 years ago, it was the only time I've ever had to get away from the drugs. I was still getting serious panic attacks so I went to the doctor and I was perscribed Fluoxitine... with...wait for it... sleeping pills! Whooohooo! My long sad story about how I really battle to sleep scored me a perscription to zopiclone. I was thrilled!
So instead of drugs I started drinking... really heavily! Everything revolved around drinking but not only that... a drink was not the same without combining it with a couple of sleeping pills.
Often I would wake up in the morning... in fact every time I drank.... and not know what had happened the night before. Then slowly memories would come to me or someone would remind me of what I did or said... and it just was totally out of control.
Sometimes I'd get so drunk that I would end up taking about 6 sleeping tablets while drinking and do the most ridiculous things.
I think to me it was like being on real drugs, but you wouldn't really consider them drugs.
Sleeping pills and alcohol became my life. I remember even popping a few at work. They just helped me to relax again and feel comfortable with who I am.
So up until a week ago I have stopped drining completely along with the sleeping pills. I was really motivated a week ago but my mind is starting to wander. It feels like I'm making a big thing out of nothing and I should just start drinking again coz its fun! But then I look at my husband and how proud he is of me and I know I'm doing the right thing... we've only been married for a month, so I just want to do things right.
Although I was always the ring leader and the popular one back in the day, I've always felt uncomfortable with who I am and admire people who are confident... I WISH I was confident!
The only time I really feel myself is when I'm either drunk or high in some form... ROAR! So that's why I'm here...to get get get get get get over it!:uzi2:
I discovered this site in a desperation to find other people out there who were going through the same thing as me... so here I am... and here's my story if you have the patience to read... I'll just feel better writing it down.
The day I turned 13 and started high school my ambission in life was to misbehave as much as I possibly could. This included trying anything I could get my hands on that would make me feel different.
It started out with alcohol and marijuana, then when that got boring it progressed to mandrax with the marijuana.
By the time I was 15 I was taking acid, speed and ecstacy. I even remember me and my friends taking acid at school once and thinking we were soooo cool... whateva! Anyway, it eventually got to cocaine for a while but I never really got addicted. My friends and social circle were always doing drugs and they were so easily available.
By the time I was 17 I stated getting serious panic attacks, which lasted for 9 years. The panic attacks kinda helped me stop using cocaine as much which is why I think I actually never got addicted.
At the same time as all of this I had been stealing my mothers sleeping pills which I have been taking for the last 9 years.
When we moved to New Zealand about 2 years ago, it was the only time I've ever had to get away from the drugs. I was still getting serious panic attacks so I went to the doctor and I was perscribed Fluoxitine... with...wait for it... sleeping pills! Whooohooo! My long sad story about how I really battle to sleep scored me a perscription to zopiclone. I was thrilled!
So instead of drugs I started drinking... really heavily! Everything revolved around drinking but not only that... a drink was not the same without combining it with a couple of sleeping pills.
Often I would wake up in the morning... in fact every time I drank.... and not know what had happened the night before. Then slowly memories would come to me or someone would remind me of what I did or said... and it just was totally out of control.
Sometimes I'd get so drunk that I would end up taking about 6 sleeping tablets while drinking and do the most ridiculous things.
I think to me it was like being on real drugs, but you wouldn't really consider them drugs.
Sleeping pills and alcohol became my life. I remember even popping a few at work. They just helped me to relax again and feel comfortable with who I am.
So up until a week ago I have stopped drining completely along with the sleeping pills. I was really motivated a week ago but my mind is starting to wander. It feels like I'm making a big thing out of nothing and I should just start drinking again coz its fun! But then I look at my husband and how proud he is of me and I know I'm doing the right thing... we've only been married for a month, so I just want to do things right.
Although I was always the ring leader and the popular one back in the day, I've always felt uncomfortable with who I am and admire people who are confident... I WISH I was confident!
The only time I really feel myself is when I'm either drunk or high in some form... ROAR! So that's why I'm here...to get get get get get get over it!:uzi2:
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
Hi and Welcome,
You are definitely not alone!
I thought the only time I felt like myself was when I was drinking too. I was so wrong. Now, I am myself. That is the disease talking to you and messing with your mind giving you another reason to keep on drinking.
One thing I would say is that, if you want to stop drinking/drugs, you need to do it for yourself. It is really hard and takes a lot of work and I don't think you can do it for someone else.
There is lots of inspiration and support here, so I hope you keep posting.
You are definitely not alone!
I thought the only time I felt like myself was when I was drinking too. I was so wrong. Now, I am myself. That is the disease talking to you and messing with your mind giving you another reason to keep on drinking.
One thing I would say is that, if you want to stop drinking/drugs, you need to do it for yourself. It is really hard and takes a lot of work and I don't think you can do it for someone else.
There is lots of inspiration and support here, so I hope you keep posting.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi and Welcome!
Well done on your cleam and sober time!
Please read this link. The infomation there is super!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Blessings
Well done on your cleam and sober time!
Please read this link. The infomation there is super!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Blessings
KEEP ON KEEPING ON
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 6
I Thank You Are An Insperation..i Just Started Coming Here And Your The First One I Read About ...i Feel Unable To Stop My Pot Smoking And Other Thangs I Should Not Be Doing...but After I Read About Your Confidence To Step Out On Faith And Try,will Im Ok For Now..one Step At A Time..one Second At A Time..one Minute At A Time...one Day At A Time...thank You Who Ever You Are...you Have Helped Me On My First Step Of My Thousand Mile Jurney...god Bless
Jackson.....
Jackson.....
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