It is helpful to visualize the healing process in recovery from addiction
or codependency as occurring in stages.

Stage I recovery is when the alcoholic first stops drinking or when the
codependent starts focusing on themselves rather than others. This is the
beginning of the long journey out of hiding and secrecy. This newcomer starts
depending on others, sharing secrets, and for some, finding a Higher
Power. Many attend 12-Step meetings. They begin to feel their feelings
again. This stage brings about first-order change, that is, the alcoholic is no
longer drinking and the codependent is no longer enabling the addictive
behaviors of a family member.

Stage I recovery is often a profound experience. It may entail breaking a
multi-generational family cycle of addiction and codependency. Friendships
are frequently formed with other recovering 12-Step members that will last a
lifetime. The joy of helping others through vulnerable sharing or by doing
service work is an exhilarating discovery. Hope and optimism about coping
with the future also returns. Some individuals may find over time that they
have exchanged one compulsion for another compulsion. For example, the
addict has ceased using drugs, but another type of cyclic behavior such as
workaholism emerges. To some extent, this exchange is predictable and
normal for Stage I recovery. However, in later recovery, new compulsions
may take on life-threatening or compromising characteristics. New compulsive
behaviors such as gambling, shopping, promiscuity, over or under eating and
self-mutilation may threaten recovery.

Second-order change is a deep kind of healing that further diminishes
compulsivity. In Stage II, the process of “uncovery” begins. This stage
involves family of origin examination and original pain work. This is the stage
where the individual further differentiates from the family identity and/or
roles, and symbolically leaves home.

Original pain work includes grieving unresolved grief from the family of origin,
finding the authentic self within the family system and tracing painful conflicts
at their source. In this stage, individuals learn to recognize and value their
needs and feelings and they undertake corrective work to address
developmental deficiencies. People in Stage II make decisions to self-love
unconditionally and begin or reinforce a type of reprogramming of the inner
“tapes” or messages. Individuals also commit to protect and assert
themselves in Stage II.

This work leads the person in recovery to Stage III “discovery.” Having
made peace with the self and the past, a higher type of consciousness
continues to emerge. This is often described as spiritual awakening. Having
reestablished intimacy with self and others, the individual further expands
through intimacy with their Higher Power. A deeper sense of letting go and
recognizing grace awakens. Imagination and creativity flourish, as does
artistic creativity. Risks are more freely taken by knowing and reaching for
what is wanted and needed and joy and peace are realized.

Individuals show a true desire to share the gifts of recovery. Service and
generativity become important needs. People in this stage of recovery are
sometimes heard saying that they wouldn’t change anything that has
occurred in their lives because each step was necessary to get them to this
stage.

Psychotherapy can be a helpful and useful tool in a recovery program. It can
provide a safe place to assess the stage of recovery you are in and to assist
in the journey ahead. This type of work can be accomplished through
individual and/or group therapy.

by Stuart Maynard, Ph.D.