Should I be pissed off or am I sliding? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 11-08-2006, 05:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Should I be pissed off or am I sliding?


I'm sick and tired of my sponsor. But I don't know if it's really that I should be pissed off or if it's just an ego trip of mine not wanting to do "as he says"

Well anyways. He told me to call these guys who are getting in recovery so we could ALL meet tonight before a meeting. First point do I have to be calling them or does he have to do it? He's always like: do this, do that, call the hotel and book a room, blah blah.

So I called the guys and setup to meet. I called him left him a voicemail. He left me a voicemail saying that he did his 12 step work for the week so he won't be able to meet with us, and I'm supposed to guide the kids through the steps, something that I have never done and don't know where to start.

He says he's my "friend". At first I thought he was. But I think friends call each other to hang out, plus he knows I'm new and I have difficulty making friends. So he never calls. So I said. F*ck it then, I won't even count on him for plans. He does stuff with other AA people and never includes me. So I really don't care about that anymore, then I just started to be cold with him as he is with me. Not trying to please him, or do anything to be accepted, which I think it's fair for me to do.

The other day I was having lunch, he gets close to me. I'm eating, OK, and I'm not being friendly as I used to be, why the heck should I be? I'm just being polite, saying hi, etc. So I'm eating but I don't pay much attention to him. He then says something like "well if you don't want me to be around you then I will leave". Then I say pissed off something like this "HEY, I haven't said anything".

I really don't know if I'm f*cking up, or he's not right for me as a sponsor. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

F*ck, I'm starting to hate these AA Nazis and their cliques within AA.
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Old 11-08-2006, 07:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Indigo, I do believe this is something you should discuss with your sponsor. Clear the air so to speak.

You might want to print out what you posted here, so it is easier to discuss with him.

J M H O

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Old 11-08-2006, 07:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IndigoNA

F*ck, I'm starting to hate these AA Nazis and their cliques within AA.
All I can say is that I understand!
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Old 11-09-2006, 06:28 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
But I think friends call each other to hang out...
First of all...He's not your friend...he's your sponsor; and, I was always taught it's up to the person being sponsored to call the sponsor. He/she may be sponsoring more than one person, all of whom will be calling at different times and expecting undivided attention.

Quote:
I'm supposed to guide the kids through the steps, something that I have never done and don't know where to start.
From what you've described...I have no idea how he operates, or whether this type of exercise is an NA thing. It seems as though he's passing off responsibilities to you that should be his. And, I don't understand how you would be expected to do step work with newcomers.

Quote:
I won't even count on him for plans. He does stuff with other AA people and never includes me.
In his defense...remember that he is in recovery, too...and needs to have his own program of recovery that doesn't have to include you.

Perhaps it's time for you to cultivate your own circle of friends within the rooms. We always went in a large group to a local diner after the meetings. Sometimes the best meetings are after the meetings. We would also get together to go bowling, to program dances, camping, conventions, etc.

We alcoholics/addicts tend to be a bit sensitive...I actually seem to remember a story in the Big Book about "King Baby". I'm sure, with continued sobriety, you'll develop a thicker skin and not take your sponsor's behavior too personally.

I'm not saying I agree with his approach to sponsorship; but, it just happens to be his way of doing things. Without being too specific, or bad-mouthing him, you might casually check around with others to see if this is standard procedure among the sponsors in your area.

Hope this is of some help to you.
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Old 11-09-2006, 06:40 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Indigo...I just checked another thread you had posted about your sponsor trying to convince you to stop taking your prescribed anti-depressant!

Since you seem to have multiple issues with his methods...when are you going to move on and find yourself another sponsor!?! You two are definitely not a relationship made in NA heaven. Time to "detach with love", I would say.
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