Relax

hello. I am new and have been trying to find my way around the site. Joined yesterday. I chose Relax because that is what I am trying to do. Been with an addict on/off for 15 years, no marriage, no kids, glad about that. Went through a major hurricane and lost everything. Had a chance to break away completely after the storm, but was weak and brought him back in. Lives with me in a new quiet town where I thought we could both grow and start over. Did OK for awhile, working out, trying to be healthy. Well, he still wanted pot and drank alochol and I thought at least it not the harder stuff and he is working now. Of course things got questionable, he kept getting off work early. Works in the restaurant business and parties "were canceling" His big sister visted us here thought he was "doing great" gave him $1,000 to clear up his deal with his driver's liscense. I go out of town to come back to find hidden straws, little baggies and bottles of liquor. He had been pretending to work for 2-3 weeks, lying to me, drained his account, bounced a check for the cell phone on me and ran up my pay per view bill $264 on porn. I am now responsible for these bills or I go in collections. I have tried so hard to save money. He has been "detoxing" in my apt. for the past week but continues to lie and say he will have money for me. I am furious at myself b/c I have gone through this before and the horrible memories are flooding back. I have a disease too, an enabler. I have sought help now at Alanon, of course he makes fun of me, I don't care, it's for me. I am trying to hold it together at my job. I am so furious at him and myself, I can't smile, it's hard to fake it to the outside world. I am now in my late thirties and think how I have wasted so much time on him, it seems as though he is heartless and blames me, of course. We don't even have a romantic relationship now a long time due to resentment, he is like my teenage kid and he is soon to be 39. I know there is hope though for ME, b/c I want help SO much. I know he needs to leave but I have learned not to make threats I can't keep, yet. Thanks.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm sorry for your situation and I'm glad you found us.

You might like to check out the Friends and Families forum on this board where you'll find lots of support.

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we are glad you found us.

Yea, been there and done that... But Im really glad to hear your going to Al-anon, I think I would have never really "gotten it" without that program. There is not much you can do about him, but you can certainly make your life a heck of a lot better.

Come on down to Friends and Family, you will find many other people that really understand. You dont have to do this alone.