So much has happened
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
So much has happened
just since last week since i was on here. I said last week that I was leaving my AH. I spoke with my pastor last Saturday night for a long time and we discussed things that I should do. I had Saturday night the best sleep I have had in a long time. I slept all trhough the night and have since then.
I got my license back Thursay and the poop hit the fan with my AH. I am not a good morning person and we got into a fight and many hurtful things were said on both our sides.
I said that things had to change and he said oh yeah, they will. I said you are right I am filing for child support and he stated that he was leaving. I said really hurtful things to him. I said that I was sorry that he is so unhappy but that he never lets the past go. I said I was sorry that his daddy didnt love him and that I was sorry that his mom was and is a drug addict but that these are all things that he has to get over to let himself be happier. I stated that we are a burden on my mother and he told me that I have been a burden to her since I was born. At this point I broke down and called her at 7::00 in the morning sobbing my eyes out.
He called into work and said he was packing his stuff up and leaving me. I went to take the car to get legal with my license and he said that if I took the car he would report it stolen. I told him if he did that he might as well move back to KY because that would be the only family he would ever see again.
My best friends (a couple) in Gainbesville told me that if he left me and I had no car in which to get around that I could use my best friends' car until I got back on my feet. HOW AWESOME si that?? They are such good friend's.
Anyways my H sat on the couch the whole day and ignored me. I went to a meeting that night and felt so much better. I cried when I shared because the piece we read about was on dependency and I have become so dependent on him and it kills me. If you told me 10 years ago I would be in a relationship like this I never would have believed it.
The next day I took him to work so I could take my little one to play time at gymnastics. I went to pick him up to go to the bank and we started talking. Not the best place to alk in the car, but it worked. He wanted to know why we always go through this at the holidays. I said that we just cant live together and be happy and didnt he ever want to be happy? We had a really productive converstion and agreed to work on things until our lease is up, at that point if we havent made things better then we will go separate ways.
I told him that we need a lot of work on communication and on understanding each others' problems. Like maybe I dont completely understand how much pain is he is daily and he also doesnt understand how bad my depression gets some days. I am doing everything I can to be a better person and to change my life for the better, he needs to contribute some to that also.
I am going to get a full time job to get some of the pressure off of him. With his alcoholic behavior when things are too much he makes them worse. He cant pay all the bills so he goes to the bar. which we all know doesnt help. I am putting our youngest in daycare and getting after care for my oldest and will work full time again. Hopefully, he will help me share the house stuff if I am helping with the bills.
I am just so afraid that we cant love each other anymore. I love him, but half the time I dont even want to be around him. We havent had a sexual relationship in a long time.
I let him know I was afraid he was doing other drugs, he let me know today that he is not. He smokes weed and takes pills for pain, but I was thinking he was doing coke and it scared me to death.
We are going to take it one day at a time. As far as his drinking I am hoping to address that issue, but I can not force him to stop. I will be happier with just doing things as a family for once.
I was kinda happy when I thought he was leaving even though it would have been so hard for me, but at least the negativity would be gone. If he can work on that maybe we still have a fighting chance.
I highly doubt anyone has made throught this horribly long BLOB but if you have thank you.
We really loved each other once upon a time, I hope that we can find it again; if not we have to have the strength and courage to part.
God bless you all, I hope all are well.
Star
PS. HOW HAPPY am I to have my license back?!?!? no hardship no restricted. COMPLETE operator's license. WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!
I got my license back Thursay and the poop hit the fan with my AH. I am not a good morning person and we got into a fight and many hurtful things were said on both our sides.
I said that things had to change and he said oh yeah, they will. I said you are right I am filing for child support and he stated that he was leaving. I said really hurtful things to him. I said that I was sorry that he is so unhappy but that he never lets the past go. I said I was sorry that his daddy didnt love him and that I was sorry that his mom was and is a drug addict but that these are all things that he has to get over to let himself be happier. I stated that we are a burden on my mother and he told me that I have been a burden to her since I was born. At this point I broke down and called her at 7::00 in the morning sobbing my eyes out.
He called into work and said he was packing his stuff up and leaving me. I went to take the car to get legal with my license and he said that if I took the car he would report it stolen. I told him if he did that he might as well move back to KY because that would be the only family he would ever see again.
My best friends (a couple) in Gainbesville told me that if he left me and I had no car in which to get around that I could use my best friends' car until I got back on my feet. HOW AWESOME si that?? They are such good friend's.
Anyways my H sat on the couch the whole day and ignored me. I went to a meeting that night and felt so much better. I cried when I shared because the piece we read about was on dependency and I have become so dependent on him and it kills me. If you told me 10 years ago I would be in a relationship like this I never would have believed it.
The next day I took him to work so I could take my little one to play time at gymnastics. I went to pick him up to go to the bank and we started talking. Not the best place to alk in the car, but it worked. He wanted to know why we always go through this at the holidays. I said that we just cant live together and be happy and didnt he ever want to be happy? We had a really productive converstion and agreed to work on things until our lease is up, at that point if we havent made things better then we will go separate ways.
I told him that we need a lot of work on communication and on understanding each others' problems. Like maybe I dont completely understand how much pain is he is daily and he also doesnt understand how bad my depression gets some days. I am doing everything I can to be a better person and to change my life for the better, he needs to contribute some to that also.
I am going to get a full time job to get some of the pressure off of him. With his alcoholic behavior when things are too much he makes them worse. He cant pay all the bills so he goes to the bar. which we all know doesnt help. I am putting our youngest in daycare and getting after care for my oldest and will work full time again. Hopefully, he will help me share the house stuff if I am helping with the bills.
I am just so afraid that we cant love each other anymore. I love him, but half the time I dont even want to be around him. We havent had a sexual relationship in a long time.
I let him know I was afraid he was doing other drugs, he let me know today that he is not. He smokes weed and takes pills for pain, but I was thinking he was doing coke and it scared me to death.
We are going to take it one day at a time. As far as his drinking I am hoping to address that issue, but I can not force him to stop. I will be happier with just doing things as a family for once.
I was kinda happy when I thought he was leaving even though it would have been so hard for me, but at least the negativity would be gone. If he can work on that maybe we still have a fighting chance.
I highly doubt anyone has made throught this horribly long BLOB but if you have thank you.
We really loved each other once upon a time, I hope that we can find it again; if not we have to have the strength and courage to part.
God bless you all, I hope all are well.
Star
PS. HOW HAPPY am I to have my license back?!?!? no hardship no restricted. COMPLETE operator's license. WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
Hi,
You have been through a lot and it sounds like you are feeling better about things already. I'm sorry that your relationship changed so much and became so full of negativity. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your children.
It won't be an easy road, but you will be ok and there's lots of support here so keep posting.
You have been through a lot and it sounds like you are feeling better about things already. I'm sorry that your relationship changed so much and became so full of negativity. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your children.
It won't be an easy road, but you will be ok and there's lots of support here so keep posting.
...!!!
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