A long road ahead
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
Storm,
I am doing ok, thanks for asking..really depressed right now, but that is nothing new at this point. I think that is what brought last night on. And I did not handle it very well at all. Trying to get sober while having famly issues at the same time is nto easy, it almost seems insurmountable sometimes. But i know that my responsibility is to myself first.
Like you i now think that i am physically addicted to it. I thought about it, and i rarely ate on days that i drank. And now I don't have much of an appetite, and am tired all the time, but can't sleep. I also have the family issues ongoing, and really have noone to talk to about it. I have friends, but they still drink, so I have been trying to avoid that situation, and not put myself in that position.
I will get through it somehow. I have to. At this point, everything depends on it. I know there will be bumps in the road, I can only hope and pray that they are alot smaller than last nights...
I am doing ok, thanks for asking..really depressed right now, but that is nothing new at this point. I think that is what brought last night on. And I did not handle it very well at all. Trying to get sober while having famly issues at the same time is nto easy, it almost seems insurmountable sometimes. But i know that my responsibility is to myself first.
Like you i now think that i am physically addicted to it. I thought about it, and i rarely ate on days that i drank. And now I don't have much of an appetite, and am tired all the time, but can't sleep. I also have the family issues ongoing, and really have noone to talk to about it. I have friends, but they still drink, so I have been trying to avoid that situation, and not put myself in that position.
I will get through it somehow. I have to. At this point, everything depends on it. I know there will be bumps in the road, I can only hope and pray that they are alot smaller than last nights...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Shawn, many of us come here because we don't have other people to talk to about our addiction. Your mother's reaction is because she doesn't understand addcition and how difficult it is to stop. My family didn't understand either and though they were supportive at the beginning, before long they gave up on me. I had to do it for myself. That's what you have to do. Things look bleak right now, but drinking will absolutely make them worse. Your life, from here on, may not work out exactly the way you had hoped. That's something that you will find out in time. Right now, the only things you can do are not drink and work on your family relations.
There is lots of understanding here Shawn, so don't feel alone.
There is lots of understanding here Shawn, so don't feel alone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by ShawnOK
And the wife just told me that she knew i wasn't serious about getting sober, even though i spent 2 weeks by myslef trying.
Shawn, hang in there! You're here for a reason and you have taken the first step to confront that reason!
I wish you all the best, and I hope to keep seeing you on this forum.
The meetings will help you too. Keep attending!
David
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
I am going in this morning for an assesment by a state doctor, to see if they think inpatient treatment is adviseable. This weekend really did me in. Scared the hell outta me. I don't know if I can do this by myself, so i guess it is better to find out. I don't know how this will affect my employment, relationship with the wife or anything...but i must get myself together first. I don't think anything is going to work if i don't. in fact i know it won't. Ill let ya know what they say
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: sterling va
Posts: 1
Hey there!
New here. Been sober (done with that Pot!) since '04. Wife (soon to be X-Wife) and mother to our two boys (one 9, one 11) is in complete denial regarding her "heavy marijuana use" issues. She went through recovery about 20 years ago (primarily alcohol "AA" topics... "drinking and drugging", etc.) 30 days and she did "Get It!" I was right there in the "slide" which re-opened closed doors. Could have - should have stood my ground and said: Not An Option! This Will Kill Our Relationship - and all that... But, instead, I went right along with it, as the pot smoking became a regular thing. About 5 years ago she said that she's going to start drinking again and I told her that I didn't agree with her decision, but that it was Her Decision. Again, I was right there as we slid further down the drain.
January 1, 2004 she told me she still Loved me - but that she was no longer "In Love" and I used this as a jumping off point - quit all pot use. I might drink a beer or two a few times a week - but I quit alcohol as well, just to see if I had a drinking problem that I was unaware of. All physical intimacy was put on "hold."
By August of '04 she said she had to move out in order to sort things out. Didn't want to be gone long. Wanted to work her way back to me. Wanted "Us" again and had to find her own way. I didn't argue with this - in fact I encouraged it if she was serious about finding and fixing problems. I offered my help and, I think correctly, was asked to give her "time and space" to do it herself. I strongly urged her to quit the pot smoking - that it was like putting sand in the oil and there was now way she could possibly get to any solutions if she wouldn't first address the substance abuse... she said that it was Her choice - and to Back Off on that point.
So here I am. I finally had to look out for myself and started dating (a year of celibacy and self discovery was good for me - beyond that, I started feeling like a victim, and that sucks!). Made many, many good friends and I eventually found someone very special last Spring.
We had "the talk" and I got specific verification that my wife wanted a divorce - wasn't going to work on recovery (relationship recovery - or - substance abuse recovery.) We talked with the boys (very sad) and they both agreed that sitting in "limbo" wasn't a good thing if it went on too long. We're currently working on all the paperwork and divorce issues right now.
The primary custody of the kids will go to me. She will continue to take them home with her couple times a week and every other weekend. We'll divide up the "stuff" and the finances and all that. I will Love her forever and very much want to have a "quality" relationship with her as the Mother of our kids. Nothing else. Don't want to pal around or any of that stuff.
Here's where I think I need some help: I have so much trouble with her continued pot abuse. She said she isn't smoking pot anymore, yet I can see it in her eyes. I've known her for over 30 years and it's pretty easy to see the signs. Coming across as hypocritical (it used to be OK - right?) is unavoidable. To me, pot smoking is not a "nothing." I used to view it in that light, but not anymore. I'm not so much worried about my kid’s safety as I am about their potential for confusion and dissolution. Hey, they're smart kids!
I could use a little perspective here. I'm reaching out. Thanks, -T
New here. Been sober (done with that Pot!) since '04. Wife (soon to be X-Wife) and mother to our two boys (one 9, one 11) is in complete denial regarding her "heavy marijuana use" issues. She went through recovery about 20 years ago (primarily alcohol "AA" topics... "drinking and drugging", etc.) 30 days and she did "Get It!" I was right there in the "slide" which re-opened closed doors. Could have - should have stood my ground and said: Not An Option! This Will Kill Our Relationship - and all that... But, instead, I went right along with it, as the pot smoking became a regular thing. About 5 years ago she said that she's going to start drinking again and I told her that I didn't agree with her decision, but that it was Her Decision. Again, I was right there as we slid further down the drain.
January 1, 2004 she told me she still Loved me - but that she was no longer "In Love" and I used this as a jumping off point - quit all pot use. I might drink a beer or two a few times a week - but I quit alcohol as well, just to see if I had a drinking problem that I was unaware of. All physical intimacy was put on "hold."
By August of '04 she said she had to move out in order to sort things out. Didn't want to be gone long. Wanted to work her way back to me. Wanted "Us" again and had to find her own way. I didn't argue with this - in fact I encouraged it if she was serious about finding and fixing problems. I offered my help and, I think correctly, was asked to give her "time and space" to do it herself. I strongly urged her to quit the pot smoking - that it was like putting sand in the oil and there was now way she could possibly get to any solutions if she wouldn't first address the substance abuse... she said that it was Her choice - and to Back Off on that point.
So here I am. I finally had to look out for myself and started dating (a year of celibacy and self discovery was good for me - beyond that, I started feeling like a victim, and that sucks!). Made many, many good friends and I eventually found someone very special last Spring.
We had "the talk" and I got specific verification that my wife wanted a divorce - wasn't going to work on recovery (relationship recovery - or - substance abuse recovery.) We talked with the boys (very sad) and they both agreed that sitting in "limbo" wasn't a good thing if it went on too long. We're currently working on all the paperwork and divorce issues right now.
The primary custody of the kids will go to me. She will continue to take them home with her couple times a week and every other weekend. We'll divide up the "stuff" and the finances and all that. I will Love her forever and very much want to have a "quality" relationship with her as the Mother of our kids. Nothing else. Don't want to pal around or any of that stuff.
Here's where I think I need some help: I have so much trouble with her continued pot abuse. She said she isn't smoking pot anymore, yet I can see it in her eyes. I've known her for over 30 years and it's pretty easy to see the signs. Coming across as hypocritical (it used to be OK - right?) is unavoidable. To me, pot smoking is not a "nothing." I used to view it in that light, but not anymore. I'm not so much worried about my kid’s safety as I am about their potential for confusion and dissolution. Hey, they're smart kids!
I could use a little perspective here. I'm reaching out. Thanks, -T
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by ToTheTop
... To me, pot smoking is not a "nothing." I used to view it in that light, but not anymore. I'm not so much worried about my kid’s safety as I am about their potential for confusion and dissolution. Hey, they're smart kids!
I could use a little perspective here. I'm reaching out. Thanks, -T
I could use a little perspective here. I'm reaching out. Thanks, -T
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by German69
Well, I'm worried about my kids and truly pray it is not too late for their healing from my years of alcohol abuse. I never abused my kids BUT I know my addiction had to do a number on them. I abused my husband, mostly verbally while drunk and the kids had to listen to my tirades. I'm so ashamed of that fact and it's something I can't turn the time back on...So far, my oldest son, who is 16, has no desire to ever drink (most likely because he witnessed what it did to me). So, you have a right to worry about the environment your kids are in.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by ShawnOK
Well, made it 2 weeks, and no I've screwed it up... I fell into it again..I am drinking now. Wnet out to the Bro-in-Laws house this weekend, cause he invited me...and did not drink a thing. We shot his .22 rifle, hung out, had a pretty good time. His wife, and my wife's other sister were there, and we just had a pretty good time.
Got back and the wife found out I went there, and she got pissed. Said it was "odd" that i would go out there given our situation..Bro-in-law told her that he had known me for as long as he had known her, and her sister told her that I was always welcome there...and now she is giving me hell. And i fell for it, and got ticked, and started drinking again, 2 weeks shot to hell..
And if she finds out I drank again, that will probably be the end of it...she won't even answer the fone now, so i can tell my kids goodnite, gues i really did it this time..hell..
Got back and the wife found out I went there, and she got pissed. Said it was "odd" that i would go out there given our situation..Bro-in-law told her that he had known me for as long as he had known her, and her sister told her that I was always welcome there...and now she is giving me hell. And i fell for it, and got ticked, and started drinking again, 2 weeks shot to hell..
And if she finds out I drank again, that will probably be the end of it...she won't even answer the fone now, so i can tell my kids goodnite, gues i really did it this time..hell..
This is what drinking does for alcoholics. Was that fun? Was drinking worth it? Alcoholics have this "I'll show you,.....I'll hurt me" way of thinking. We chug along in recovery for a while,...doing great,....then we get into a fight or argument or whatever with someone we care about in our lives,.....our drinking always hurt them,...so what do we do?......we say,...Ill show you,....Ill hurt me. Then we go drink. But it only destroys OUR lives.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Shawn..........words words, words.......in my expereince, we have the best of intentions, but people don't see our intentions. They see our actions.
To say they will never see you that way again, I have learned the hard way, are cheap words.
And NO, I can't do it alone.
This is a disease.
If you treat it like a DISEASE, your odds will increase.
For me, this includes formal recovery, taking direction, being coachable, listening, working with a sponsor, working the 12 steps, applying them in my live and doing EVERYTHING differently.
It's a process.
Most alcoholics are stubborn, defiant, (me too) and want to do it all THEIR WAY.....
Odd isn't it, as OUR WAY is what got us here in the first place.
My last drink was in May 2001, last joint, July 2002.
I used & abused for over 25 yrs.
It CAN be done. BUT, NOT MY WAY!
How are YOU going to do it differently?
Have you REALLY hit your bottom?
To say they will never see you that way again, I have learned the hard way, are cheap words.
And NO, I can't do it alone.
This is a disease.
If you treat it like a DISEASE, your odds will increase.
For me, this includes formal recovery, taking direction, being coachable, listening, working with a sponsor, working the 12 steps, applying them in my live and doing EVERYTHING differently.
It's a process.
Most alcoholics are stubborn, defiant, (me too) and want to do it all THEIR WAY.....
Odd isn't it, as OUR WAY is what got us here in the first place.
My last drink was in May 2001, last joint, July 2002.
I used & abused for over 25 yrs.
It CAN be done. BUT, NOT MY WAY!
How are YOU going to do it differently?
Have you REALLY hit your bottom?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
Well, got back from the evaluation a few minutes ago. They said that they did not think that inpatient treatment was necessary, but we are going to start outpatient treatment immediantly. Which is good, I think it will really help me. Along with the continued AA meetings, i think it will be a great thing, because i can't do it on my own. i realize that.
As far as hitting my bottom, i have. but have i hit rock bottom, no, because i still have people who care, i have children who love me, a wife who is still in the picture after all i have put her through, and some friends that i haven't talked to in a long time. And i still have me, and i am going to get through this, with help, because i have to for myself.
Shawn
As far as hitting my bottom, i have. but have i hit rock bottom, no, because i still have people who care, i have children who love me, a wife who is still in the picture after all i have put her through, and some friends that i haven't talked to in a long time. And i still have me, and i am going to get through this, with help, because i have to for myself.
Shawn
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Shawn, it takes great courage to take the steps you have!!!
You only fail when you quit.
It has been my experience with those I have sponsored thru the yrs, if they allow their thinking and old character to prevail, it does not work.
This is a disease.
If you treat it like a DISEASE, your odds will increase.
For me, this includes formal recovery, taking direction, being coachable, listening, working with a sponsor, working the 12 steps, applying them in my life and doing EVERYTHING differently.
It's a process.
Hope you will take some direction.
You only fail when you quit.
It has been my experience with those I have sponsored thru the yrs, if they allow their thinking and old character to prevail, it does not work.
This is a disease.
If you treat it like a DISEASE, your odds will increase.
For me, this includes formal recovery, taking direction, being coachable, listening, working with a sponsor, working the 12 steps, applying them in my life and doing EVERYTHING differently.
It's a process.
Hope you will take some direction.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
im all about taking direction now, at first i think that i thought i could do it on my own. But i have realized it would be like having any other disease, and trying to beat it on my own...just isn't gonna work. So i am going the route i should have from the begining. I should not have trusted in just myself from the begining, but at least it only took 1 relapse to make me realize it. With God's help, and AA, and the outpatient treatment, i might have a chance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
I just realized something this morning, it sure does feel different to wake up and not have that first urge to hit the fridge for the first drink of the day..and to not have that hangover hanging over you..hopefully i can get used to this feeling, and not the other ones..
Off to outpaitient treatment, then to the marriage counselor this afternoon..ill post more when get back
Off to outpaitient treatment, then to the marriage counselor this afternoon..ill post more when get back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
well the outpatient treatment went ok, but the marriage counseling was hell..found out alot of stuff that i probably didn't want to, but needed to. Its gonna be a long haul on that front, and have no idea how it will turn out. After yesterday, it doesn't look good, but i guess you never know..She is however wary of the sobriety thing. Which i understand because i have told her before that i was done..and i wasn't..So i totally understand where she is coming from there. Guess it will just be wait and see
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Edmond, Oklahoma
Posts: 39
24th day is here....Physically i feel great, mentally im depressed as hell. The situation with the wife is taking its toll...Finding out stuff from my daughter that is very painfull to hear, and heartbreaking...but I made it this far, and there is no turning back now.
And i bought the book "Under the Influence"....VERY good book
And i bought the book "Under the Influence"....VERY good book
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
It's very hard to be patient Shawn. I remember so well, wanting everything to be instantly 'fixed', once I had decided to stop drinking. It was the hardest lesson to learn, but it wasn't going to happen as quickly as I wanted. The only thing you can do is to stay focused.
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Shawn, I haven't read your whole thread but I'm going back to catch up. I just started outpatient last night, went to 2 and plan on more AA meetings and have already scheduled a session to resume our marriage counseling. It sounds like we're doing some of the same things. I also read Under The Influence. I bought it Friday and couldn't put it down until I finished. It's a very informative book.
No advice here, but I'm pulling for you & me both
.
No advice here, but I'm pulling for you & me both
.
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