Corey

I am crying while writing this. I do not want to be in AA, I don't want to be an alcholic but the truth hurts. I hate this. I don't want to not be able to have a drink. I hate this. My mom is in AA and my younger brother is in NA, Im scared if I admit I have a prob then say in a year or two want to drink, they will be dissapointed in me. I know I need help, I'm scared, I'm scared to go to a meeting Im scared, I keep posting messages and no one writes me back, not here but other sites. I'm scared, I'm scared of myself, I think life wont be fun anymore I'm scared I wont be able to unwind...when I go to a party and theres a couple that do not drink I think oh they cant have fun, they are too uptight, I want to live my life, not like this everything depends on when Im going to drink, I hate it, I hate it, you would think I could call my fanily but I cant, I just cant, I lvoe them I adire the life my brotgher lives I wish I could, but I dont understand he was a heroine addict I love to drink, it's sick why can t I just be normal... i just want to be normal and be able to have one or two....why why why

Morning Glory

Welcome Kristy.

I think you will find a lot of support here. Keep checking back. Sometimes it takes a little time for others to reply.

I know you can get through this.

Hugs,
MG

Anna

It just is that way for some of us. We are addicts and that's it.

I was scared too, really scared. I had no idea what to expect and I couldn't imagine life without being able to numb myself. But, I had to stop drinking or I would die. And, it's worth it. You will have fun again, you will enjoy life and you will move forward.

chicago

i identify with what your saying. its very scary going to your first meeting. major changes in life are very scary in general. i used to be afraid to give up my old life, even though i was a heroin addiction who was barely still alive. now life is great. try not focus on whats going to happen a year from now, just focus on today and worry about tommorow when it gets here.

we're with you. your one of us and we will love you because we're the same as you.

Corey

No, I don't want to be an addict my brother he was the addict, I don't want to do this I want someone to talk to I don't want to be me. I don't want to b e an addict, Im scared to go to a meeting but Im scared for my husband and my sonI hate this I hate me I hate it I don't want anyone to know Im scared and Im mad Im mad I'm no strong I'm disgusting

CarolD

Welcome to SR!


Of course you are upset...none of us planned to be alcoholics.
I too wanted to drink normally.
And I wanted to be tall and beautiful
but that is also not the case.

There is hope and healing... you too can win over alcohol.

Let us know how you are doing..we do understand

Midas

Hiya Kristy. Being normal...It's the dream alcoholics have and can rarely ever attain. We can't have just one or two and be fine. When I drink one, it's too late. I want another, and another. And soon, I would be too drunk to even stand up.

You don't have to drink. You can live a sober life. It's not easy sometimes. But it can be done. I was afraid to be a member of AA too. I thought AA was just a seclusive club for old, burnt out shriners who couldn't hold their liquor. Then one day I became a part of that fellowship. I wouldn't dare go back and change it now! I'm nearly 4 years sober. And I'm far from normal!!

Hang in there!

MNGirlyGirl

Hi Kristy,
You've taken the first step in admitting you have a problem and that you want help. I'm glad you have reached out for help. many of us have been exactly where you are right now. You can reclaim your life. You need to stop picking up. If you can't do it by yourself, you may want to consider going inpatient. You should talk frankly with your husband. It's time to give up all the secrets. It is scary, but you will be freeing yourself. Best wishes.

need2

Hi Kristy.. i replied to your other post - You can do this.. I'm starting now too.. we both can.

laurience

Hi!
I can so relate to what your saying. I sometimes feel very angry that I can't be a normal drinker. I so so so wished I could but then I came to realize that I am not and never will be. Once a cucumber becomes a pickle they can never be a cucumber again. The reality of it sucks but I have to accept it. I tried to stop focusing on what I thought I was losing and start thinking of everything I was gaining. Self-worth, self respect, genuine happiness, the ability to cope with life without drinking, never having that hungover paranoid feeling again etc..
Joanne