cnfzedbhavr

Hello All, I am a daughter of an acoa, and a wife of one, I see a lot of simialarities in myself and family. I gave my husband the list of 13 characteristics and he was offended. I felt bad and did not know what to say he does not have all of them but he does have some. He asked me if that was how I saw him I just wanted to help him his mother has been in recovery for about a month, I asked him if it was ok if I went on the net and found info on how he can help his mother stay in recovery he said it was fine. NOT He does not talk about his mothers substance abuse and he and his family are/were enablers. I feel like if he accepts the facts and learns to talk about his feeling we will have better communication. I see a pattern with him when things get to personal or if we are about to argue/arguing he shuts down and when I am unable to reach him I get mad and holler fuss and fight with him and sometimes threaten divorce. I feel bad afterward but the truth of the matter is he will not respond a lot of times until I get mad and holler. I want to stop this pattern. help Meanwhile my mother has a lot of the guilt feelings of an child of an acoc and she does not like to see any of her children hurt or anyone else for that matter. She is the best person in the world gives good advice and help when its needed and when its not how do I stop her from giving so much, she had breakthrough as we were talking and (she resents her mother for being an alchoholic her mother has passed) she said she didnt realize her mother was a functioning alchoholic she just thought her as an alchoholic. WHEW I WANT TO HELP MY FAMILY AND MYSELF

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you found us.

My suggestion would be to focus on yourself and what you can do to take care of yourself. You will have a very hard time if you work on trying to change your husband and your mother. Take care of you.

There is an forum on this board for Adult 'Children of Alcoholics. You might want to check it out.

shockozulu

Anna is right, there is a great forum for ACOA here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...en-alcoholics/

I post over at nar-anon and the one lesson I learned is that I can only control and change myself. It is hard to practice, but then when I see others change I really appreciate how hard it was for them as well!

Wolfchild