Krys_wyo

I do want to drink sometimes but most of the time it is out of anger at my husband, i havent drank in 4 months and he doesnt seem to care, he doest say god job or im proud the only time he ever really says something is when i say I want a drink or I should go get drunk, then he goes instantly on the defensive.
I feel I have made a huge change in my life and he has done nothing, I mean nothing at all he doest help or pick up around the house or even after his ownself and he has isolated my kids, he hasnt acted like a husband or a father in months.
He treats other kids better then he does our own, he hasnt said 10 words to either of them in weeks. He did speak to the nine yr old only when he was spanking her for what i dont know.
He comes home and sits on the computer on all his "fantasy" teams or else he plays poker online, when the computer is occupied he plays yu-gi-oh on the gameboy, like he has to do something to avoid interaction with anyone.
I love him but I am really done having a roommate, I want my husband and the kids father back.
Does anyone else feel alone sometimes, I know I cant be the only one in this kind of prediciment.
Maybe im just being selfish and needy but sometimes I think I deserve to be.

Thanks for letting me vent.

earlybird

I understand completely. I didnt have the exact same dynamic as you, but, the feelings were very similar. I went into a treatment center in late march of 2004. Upon discharge, I moved back into my parents home and out of my apartment. My doctor told me that living on my own would be a danger to my sobriety in the beginning. I was amazed at how different everyone in my family were acting. In my mind,...I had done something extraordinary. Something that was incredibly hard. I had drank for over 16 years non-stop with heartache and hardship thrown in and now I had finally stopped and I wasnt getting my ticker-tape parade. One day, during one of my many many all-out verbals with my brother at my parents house, he said, "You expect a F*&!! medal for doing what normal people do." That hit home with me. I will never forget that. He was right. My sponsor and alot of other AA members with good sober time also told me that I was placing all my sobrieties bearings on how others viewed it. I was doing it for them,....not me. And when I wasnt getting my accolades I felt I should, my sobrieties purpose began to wither. Once I began doing it for me and me only, I was happy. It didnt matter any longer what my Mom or Dad or brothers thought of me or my sobriety. In fact,...since doing so, my relationships within my family are 10 times better. People relate alot better with people who are happy with themselves. My sponsor also told me that its NEVER healthy for someone in early or late sobriety to associate with people who are emotionally unavailable. Now, I understand that you just cant stop associating with your kids or husband. But, you can stop basing so much of how you feel about you and your recovery on how others feel about you or it. As long as you do that, you are always at the mercy of others.

Anna

Hi Krys,

It seems that, often our families have no idea what we go through to stop drinking and how hard it is. My husband and children never have said a word to me about my sobriety either. It used to bother me, but I no longer focus on it. They just wanted me to be better. That's it.

You are making changes in your life and it is bound to affect those close to you. All you can do is to not drink and be the best person you can be. You can try to talk to your husband, or suggest marriage counselling, but you cannot change him unless he wants to change.

I hope that you continue to stay sober for you and for your children. It is so worth it.

Lollipop

Krys...

Oh sugar, how I can relate.....be it gamboy, nintendo, sports, EVE Online, TFC, you name it, I can relate!!!! And I get so sick of it, yet when I invite him to spend an afternoon with the kids and I at the park, go to the zoo (we have a membership that HE has never used) or just plain doing ANYTHING... I am looked at as if I have a 3rd eyeball...BUT......mention a drink or two and depending on his mood....he either snaps and calls me names for being "weak" or says...."Hell yeah lets do it" ..... I dont but the point is there!!!! I am so lonely, and I feel your pain, please stay strong!!!!!!

Love Liss

CarolD

While it is not the same as a strong partnership bond...
there are so many new friends waiting to be met.

That is where the fellowship part of AA kicks in!

Congratulations on your sober time!!

RubyT

Krys...I understand exactly how you feel! I felt so isolated from my husband. We were two people existing in the same house. Since he didn't care if I was there or not, I went out. I partied with my friends. I met someone and had an affair. I don't know how and I don't know when, but it all turned around. Today I love my husband more than I ever thought possible. I'm happy, our relationship is healthy.....

I know there's not a lot of advise here, but maybe some encouragement that things do get better.