wiscgirl30

Here I am again. Two days after a binge and still feeling like crap and sore. Went for "happy hour" supposed to be from 4 till 7....well....7 turned into about 12:30 and I was so drunk, falling off bar stools, getting "cut off." Falling flat on my face on the sidewalk, falling down my back steps. I currently have a abrasions on my knee, wrist, and knuckles. HUGE bruises over both knees, my hip, my back, my arm, my armPIT, and my shins. This does not feel good! I know I am killing myself! My son saw me falling down like that. It is so embarrassing. I was 3 hours late for work. Why cant I just STOP? I want to but I dont. UGH. I make such an a** out of myself all the time. This is a neverending cycle. I know that I have so much to live for - my kids, my pets, which I should be happy enough with, but yet I choose to drink to the point of blackout at LEAST once a week...its disgusting. I wonder if I will ever be free....

Anna

Hi Wiscgirl,

I think your words say it all - 'I want to but I don't.' Getting sober and staying sober is really hard and it takes a lot of motivation. You need to really want to do it for yourself above all, then for your family. For me, I found this so hard because, while I cared for my family and friends, I never cared for myself.

Take time to value yourself as a person and know that you can do this.

Krys_wyo

Print that out and always keep it with you laminate if you have to, and then the next time you go to "happy Hour" or go to take a drink READ IT.

The times that I want to drink I think of all the next day regrets, the embarresment from what i did or said and the looks of disappoinment on my childrens faces that helps me say NO!

wiscgirl30

Anna, I think you have a good point. I guess I never really thought about it that way. I dont value myself, in fact, I hate myself right now. I know that I need to learn to love myself....it makes me cringe to even say that...I feel like "whats to love - ick!" it sounds so lame...but I know it is true. You guys are great....

RubyT

I've wondered several times how you were doing. Welcome back!

CarolD

I do hope you can find answers to your drinking.

Sobriety is way

nocellphone

Sounds like UNhappy hour to me...

...and several unhappy days following.

Sorry to hear that you're suffering, but sobriety and a wonderful life are available when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired...

drew_61

Hi wiscgirl...
If you can't quit drinking for yourself, well then, do it for your son. I sincerely doubt that you want your falling down drunk incidents and words to be the memories of his youth. Even if you tell yourself that he is not that affected by your drinking...you're wrong- and he'll be an adult sooner than you think. He will at some point understand that he did not know what a normal life was until he moved out of your house. Suppose he has children and cannot leave them with you because you can't be entrusted with their care due to your drinking? Worse, what if something happens to you while you are wasted and he loses you forever? Please think of him before you hit your next happy hour.

wiscgirl30

Back to day 2 of being sober...
Did I ever tell you guys of a guy I know... , was in his 20s when he got so drunk he blacked out and got in a fight with his girlfriend. Woke up in the morning to find her dead - he had strangled her to death. I realized lately - that could be a situation I could wake up in. Those of us who black out know that anything could happen. I am llucky that hasn't happened to me - yet... One more reason to keep sober. I am finally coming to terms with the fact that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Even if I only go out twice a week. If I wasnt an alcoholic, I would be able to cut that part of my life out way more easily than I am doing so far. Woke up again 2 hours late for work yesterday. I am finally realizing this is NOT normal. NOT NORMAL. Normal, nonalcoholic people, do not miss work once a week because of being hungover. Normal people dont have to bring their kids to school late cuz they were too drunk to get them up on time. Normal people are able to throw that bottle in the freezer away and not go buy another one 2 days later when they are feeling better. Normal people dont run their car into their garage door and wonder how the heck that big dent got there the next day. Normal people dont want to cry at the thought of never having a drink again...

CarolD

My life is so much better sober..so can yours be!

Candy Scratch

((((Wiscgirl)))) I feel your pain. It's so hard to face up to the reality of the situation you find yourself in. It's SO painful to admit that you simply cannot drink like "normal" people. The thing that I try to think about is not that I won't have a drink forever, but that I won't have a drink just for today. If I really want one tomorrow, then fine. TODAY I won't drink. Tiny little baby steps. Think of how good your body will feel. Think of how proud you can be of yourself. Think of how relieved your son will be to have his Mom fully "there" for him.
((((Big hugs and strength to you))))

CS

wiscgirl30

Thank you very much Candy....