Any Moms Out There Keeping Sane While Not Using Part 2
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I don't even know!
Posts: 323
I am not alone, I can do this... I am not alone, I can do this...
Yeah, I like the sound of that!
Thank you sbrgrl!
I Hope you get the babies down for a knap at the same time, so you can back!
Peace and Love,
Alissa
Yeah, I like the sound of that!
Thank you sbrgrl!
I Hope you get the babies down for a knap at the same time, so you can back!
Peace and Love,
Alissa
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: I don't even know!
Posts: 323
OMG yall!
I was just sitting at my desk looking at the calendar, and Guess what? Monday is my birthday! It snuk up on me! I mean I knew it was coming, but it's like just yesterday I was thinking "Oh, it's in 2 wks"! Wow! My birthday!
I was just sitting at my desk looking at the calendar, and Guess what? Monday is my birthday! It snuk up on me! I mean I knew it was coming, but it's like just yesterday I was thinking "Oh, it's in 2 wks"! Wow! My birthday!
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Simplysweet,
Though I haven't gone to meetings, they sound like an excellent option. What helped me out most at first was reading here at SR, and posting, too. When I'd crave a drink, I'd come on here and force myself to focus on posting--that helps a lot. Also, I immersed myself in books on the subject of recovery. (I'd be happy to list some if you're interested
) Just knowing that other people (especially other moms) out there actually had the same stuff running through their minds as I did was amazing. We're not alone in our struggle, and we can help each other through it....
Hugs,
Jane
Though I haven't gone to meetings, they sound like an excellent option. What helped me out most at first was reading here at SR, and posting, too. When I'd crave a drink, I'd come on here and force myself to focus on posting--that helps a lot. Also, I immersed myself in books on the subject of recovery. (I'd be happy to list some if you're interested
) Just knowing that other people (especially other moms) out there actually had the same stuff running through their minds as I did was amazing. We're not alone in our struggle, and we can help each other through it....Hugs,
Jane
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
Thought this was a jumpstart to good conversation...
Cosmopolitan Moms
By STACY LU, The New York Times
Come 4 o’clock on most Fridays, a group of eight mothers in Chestnut Hill, an affluent neighborhood in Philadelphia, gathers for drinks.
They have been following the rules all week, dutifully potty-training, wiping noses and transporting their progeny to schools, classes and doctors. As their young children play nearby, the women said, they sit around in one of their yards or living rooms, drink glasses of Cavit pinot grigio or cups of Yuengling lager, and unload. They talk of problems at the pediatrician’s or at school. They dole out pizza or cook hot dogs. Sometimes, they dance with the children.
“You just automatically relax,” said Kelley Ann Mansfield, a mother of two who founded the Friday group five years ago. “It’s before you take the first sip, as soon as your hand touches the bottle. It’s like, ‘Man, I’ve gone through the day, I need to treat myself.’ ”
Happy-hour play dates are here. Between runs to soccer and ballet classes, fund-raisers and homework projects, some stay-at-home mothers are sipping cocktails at afternoon spa parties, drinking bloody marys at play groups and toting wine and wine coolers to parks and friends’ decks while their children frolic nearby.
These women are not out to get drunk, they say. And they insist they are not drinking out of need. Rather, they are looking for a small break from the conventions of mommy-hood — a way to hold on to a part of their lives that existed before they had children and to bond over a shared disdain for the almost sadistically stressful world of modern parenting.
They know they will be criticized. They live, after all, in an age when many parents are so protective, they hire consultants to childproof their homes. Most acknowledge there can be a fine line between social and problem drinking and that the mix of children and alcohol is a dangerous one. And women who are pregnant keep away from the bar.
But some women are almost defiant in their defense of the afternoon group “momtini,” as one blogger calls it, and they speak out on the Web, in books and in interviews. The mothers do not know how many like-minded women are out there — there is no real way to quantify it — but they sense a change.
Some say the mother get-togethers are a throwback to the 1950s, when adults had more time to themselves and children were not always the center of attention. Martinis were in vogue; today’s obsessive, hard-driving, Harvard-or-bust parenting scene was not.
Teresa Klauber of Greenwood, S.C., wrote that she much prefers the cocktail play groups she has attended to other play groups, “where it seems like everyone is trying to compare their child to everyone else’s.”
“Too competitive,” she added, in an e-mail message. “This is much more social and well, friendly.”
Christie Mellor, in her book “The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting” — one of a spate of books over the last few years that urge parents to ease up — advised mothers to mix a few martinis during an afternoon play date. If the parents of your child’s new preschool friend are shocked, she says, they probably are no fun, anyway.“This is a surefire method of separating the wheat from the chaff, the cream from the nondairy soy alternative,” she writes.
But Ms. Mellor said her book, which spawned a bulletin board of the same name on iVillage, the women’s Web site, has a larger message, advocating practical, non-obsessive parenting. The drinking part, Ms. Mellor said, “was meant to be a metaphor for having more fun in your life, and having a grown-up life.”
That is what many defenders of wine-cooler get-togethers say they are seeking. They love their children, they’re happy to be mothers, but they would like their world to be larger than a Little Tikes mini-kitchen.
“Crayons, cartoons and toys are in no way a part of that drink,” said Lene Proenza, a mother of two in North Plainfield, N.J., in an e-mail message. “My kids can’t have any of it. It is entirely and completely mine! And it doesn’t take anything away from my kids for me to have that one rare indulgence.”
Sandra May of South Amboy, N.J., who has a business holding in-home spa parties, says her clients want a taste of the pampering and party time they had while single, even if that means letting a 2-year-old splash in a foot bath or serving virgin cosmopolitans to little girls while their mothers have the real thing.
“Hey, we do what we have to do to have a fun night with our friends,” she said.
Melissa Summers of Royal Oak, Mich., frequently mentions her bloody mary play groups on her blog, Suburbanbliss.net, to the dismay of some readers. The site’s logo is what Ms. Summers calls the momtini, a pacifier garnishing a half-full martini glass. Ms. Summers says the logo represents a need for balance.
“It is saying mothering will look however I want it to,” Ms. Summers said. “It might just be a way of weeding out the mothers who are righteously indignant about what other people do. I know I don’t need more mothering guilt or mothering judgment in my life.”
Ms. Summers said many readers of her site, which has 4,000 to 5,000 unique visitors a day, are also looking for a way to connect. “What are they going to do, chitchat about the kids for an hour?” Ms. Summers said. “As long as you’re being responsible, I mean, have a glass of wine. When would you need it more than when there’s 40 screaming kids running around?”
Copyright © 2006 The New York Times Company
Cosmopolitan Moms
By STACY LU, The New York Times
Come 4 o’clock on most Fridays, a group of eight mothers in Chestnut Hill, an affluent neighborhood in Philadelphia, gathers for drinks.
They have been following the rules all week, dutifully potty-training, wiping noses and transporting their progeny to schools, classes and doctors. As their young children play nearby, the women said, they sit around in one of their yards or living rooms, drink glasses of Cavit pinot grigio or cups of Yuengling lager, and unload. They talk of problems at the pediatrician’s or at school. They dole out pizza or cook hot dogs. Sometimes, they dance with the children.
“You just automatically relax,” said Kelley Ann Mansfield, a mother of two who founded the Friday group five years ago. “It’s before you take the first sip, as soon as your hand touches the bottle. It’s like, ‘Man, I’ve gone through the day, I need to treat myself.’ ”
Happy-hour play dates are here. Between runs to soccer and ballet classes, fund-raisers and homework projects, some stay-at-home mothers are sipping cocktails at afternoon spa parties, drinking bloody marys at play groups and toting wine and wine coolers to parks and friends’ decks while their children frolic nearby.
These women are not out to get drunk, they say. And they insist they are not drinking out of need. Rather, they are looking for a small break from the conventions of mommy-hood — a way to hold on to a part of their lives that existed before they had children and to bond over a shared disdain for the almost sadistically stressful world of modern parenting.
They know they will be criticized. They live, after all, in an age when many parents are so protective, they hire consultants to childproof their homes. Most acknowledge there can be a fine line between social and problem drinking and that the mix of children and alcohol is a dangerous one. And women who are pregnant keep away from the bar.
But some women are almost defiant in their defense of the afternoon group “momtini,” as one blogger calls it, and they speak out on the Web, in books and in interviews. The mothers do not know how many like-minded women are out there — there is no real way to quantify it — but they sense a change.
Some say the mother get-togethers are a throwback to the 1950s, when adults had more time to themselves and children were not always the center of attention. Martinis were in vogue; today’s obsessive, hard-driving, Harvard-or-bust parenting scene was not.
Teresa Klauber of Greenwood, S.C., wrote that she much prefers the cocktail play groups she has attended to other play groups, “where it seems like everyone is trying to compare their child to everyone else’s.”
“Too competitive,” she added, in an e-mail message. “This is much more social and well, friendly.”
Christie Mellor, in her book “The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting” — one of a spate of books over the last few years that urge parents to ease up — advised mothers to mix a few martinis during an afternoon play date. If the parents of your child’s new preschool friend are shocked, she says, they probably are no fun, anyway.“This is a surefire method of separating the wheat from the chaff, the cream from the nondairy soy alternative,” she writes.
But Ms. Mellor said her book, which spawned a bulletin board of the same name on iVillage, the women’s Web site, has a larger message, advocating practical, non-obsessive parenting. The drinking part, Ms. Mellor said, “was meant to be a metaphor for having more fun in your life, and having a grown-up life.”
That is what many defenders of wine-cooler get-togethers say they are seeking. They love their children, they’re happy to be mothers, but they would like their world to be larger than a Little Tikes mini-kitchen.
“Crayons, cartoons and toys are in no way a part of that drink,” said Lene Proenza, a mother of two in North Plainfield, N.J., in an e-mail message. “My kids can’t have any of it. It is entirely and completely mine! And it doesn’t take anything away from my kids for me to have that one rare indulgence.”
Sandra May of South Amboy, N.J., who has a business holding in-home spa parties, says her clients want a taste of the pampering and party time they had while single, even if that means letting a 2-year-old splash in a foot bath or serving virgin cosmopolitans to little girls while their mothers have the real thing.
“Hey, we do what we have to do to have a fun night with our friends,” she said.
Melissa Summers of Royal Oak, Mich., frequently mentions her bloody mary play groups on her blog, Suburbanbliss.net, to the dismay of some readers. The site’s logo is what Ms. Summers calls the momtini, a pacifier garnishing a half-full martini glass. Ms. Summers says the logo represents a need for balance.
“It is saying mothering will look however I want it to,” Ms. Summers said. “It might just be a way of weeding out the mothers who are righteously indignant about what other people do. I know I don’t need more mothering guilt or mothering judgment in my life.”
Ms. Summers said many readers of her site, which has 4,000 to 5,000 unique visitors a day, are also looking for a way to connect. “What are they going to do, chitchat about the kids for an hour?” Ms. Summers said. “As long as you’re being responsible, I mean, have a glass of wine. When would you need it more than when there’s 40 screaming kids running around?”
Copyright © 2006 The New York Times Company
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
Think we can start one of these happy hour playdates with diet limeade instead of cosmos?
yikes about serving little girls virgin cosmos! how do you make a virgin cosmo anyway since it's nearly all booze?
hmm. what do you call a virgin martini?
--an olive!
yikes about serving little girls virgin cosmos! how do you make a virgin cosmo anyway since it's nearly all booze?
hmm. what do you call a virgin martini?
--an olive!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bellevue WA
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Alissa
I am not alone, I can do this... I am not alone, I can do this...
Yeah, I like the sound of that!
Thank you sbrgrl!
I Hope you get the babies down for a knap at the same time, so you can back!
Peace and Love,
Alissa
Yeah, I like the sound of that!
Thank you sbrgrl!
I Hope you get the babies down for a knap at the same time, so you can back!
Peace and Love,
Alissa
lol Alissa it is now 11pm just got back from a meeting and they are both still up!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Bellevue WA
Posts: 61
Wow Scootin! That reminds me of the first time I read The Yaya Sisterhood.... I was drinking back then and it made me think "yeah this is normal" or so I tried to tell myself. Have you seen in the movie all the moms on the beach with there coolers filled with drinks? The kids all spashing in the water? I wanted that so bad. Now only 10 months sober I am glad I can look at that picture in my head and follow it thru.... what would really happen... My son could jump into the water not being able to swim.... I wouldn't be able help him... and if that didn't happen I would at the least wake up some time the next morning spittin out sand... not knowing where I was... I once went to a bar and woke up 2 days later in California...
Crud I was going to get to my thoughts on the article but my baby need his momma! LOL
one last thought.... We all need meetings....knowledge from books about our disease is great but it is not going to make us better... I tried! You need the support of other women.
You all rock
Crud I was going to get to my thoughts on the article but my baby need his momma! LOL
one last thought.... We all need meetings....knowledge from books about our disease is great but it is not going to make us better... I tried! You need the support of other women.
You all rock
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
yay fred!!!! i'm so proud of you, sugar!!! man,,,weekends aren't the same 'cause i can't check on my sistas....
scoot...i hope your friend is improving...i know it's such a slow and difficult process...but any improvement is a wonderful thing...
beezy...let us know how you are when you can, i think of you and your family every day, and of course you are still in my prayers...i wish there were some way to ease your pain, but i've learned that you have to face it to come out the other side...i know that after a while i got annoyed with people telling me they were sorry...but i'll say it to you one more time...i'm so sorry, sweet barbara, my heart hurts for you...look to your children for strength...that is how i make it through each day...this will be another thing you have to take one day, one minute at a time...but you are so strong...and you have us when you need us...hugs and love to you...
i can't wait until tomorrow to catch up with my ladies...i saw my baby nephew today, he is three weeks old and 11lbs...omg he is a little monster!!!he is so cute...he looks just like my brother, which means he looks just like me...he looks more like me than my own babies did...he is a doll!!!his mommy is supposed to go back to work this week so i will have my hands full!!!(and a back ache from lugging that fat baby!!!) don't you just love chubby babies? so i will have 5 kids...sometimes 6...but my niece and nephews are really well behaved...
oh! i almost forgot...sophie gave herself another lovely haircut today...she cut her bangs in half...(meaning half of her forehead is bald...) and took a large chunk out the top of her head...almost all the way to her scalp...(daddy was "watching" her...but we all know how sneaky a two year old can be...) oh, man...she has so much pretty hair...and now it is mangled...it'll take years for it to look normal...i gave her a comb-over today like a bald man...
all in all i had a great weekend...it was dreary and cold so yesterday the kids and i were snuggled on the couch for hours reading and watching the wizard of oz....it was great...i love it when we are all cozy in a pile like puppies...and tonight we watched football with my dad and brothers...i love being in a room full of the giant men in my family...it feels so safe...and of course they are all hilarious...so we laugh nonstop when we are together...i love that we have a close family...and the one thing about the loss of my mom is that it made me feel much closer to my brothers...it's really nice being friends with them, we have never been very close...
i am in such a good, content mood right now...i hope you all feel that way too...it is a great feeling...and so rare i am enjoying it very much....
scoot...i hope your friend is improving...i know it's such a slow and difficult process...but any improvement is a wonderful thing...
beezy...let us know how you are when you can, i think of you and your family every day, and of course you are still in my prayers...i wish there were some way to ease your pain, but i've learned that you have to face it to come out the other side...i know that after a while i got annoyed with people telling me they were sorry...but i'll say it to you one more time...i'm so sorry, sweet barbara, my heart hurts for you...look to your children for strength...that is how i make it through each day...this will be another thing you have to take one day, one minute at a time...but you are so strong...and you have us when you need us...hugs and love to you...
i can't wait until tomorrow to catch up with my ladies...i saw my baby nephew today, he is three weeks old and 11lbs...omg he is a little monster!!!he is so cute...he looks just like my brother, which means he looks just like me...he looks more like me than my own babies did...he is a doll!!!his mommy is supposed to go back to work this week so i will have my hands full!!!(and a back ache from lugging that fat baby!!!) don't you just love chubby babies? so i will have 5 kids...sometimes 6...but my niece and nephews are really well behaved...
oh! i almost forgot...sophie gave herself another lovely haircut today...she cut her bangs in half...(meaning half of her forehead is bald...) and took a large chunk out the top of her head...almost all the way to her scalp...(daddy was "watching" her...but we all know how sneaky a two year old can be...) oh, man...she has so much pretty hair...and now it is mangled...it'll take years for it to look normal...i gave her a comb-over today like a bald man...
all in all i had a great weekend...it was dreary and cold so yesterday the kids and i were snuggled on the couch for hours reading and watching the wizard of oz....it was great...i love it when we are all cozy in a pile like puppies...and tonight we watched football with my dad and brothers...i love being in a room full of the giant men in my family...it feels so safe...and of course they are all hilarious...so we laugh nonstop when we are together...i love that we have a close family...and the one thing about the loss of my mom is that it made me feel much closer to my brothers...it's really nice being friends with them, we have never been very close...
i am in such a good, content mood right now...i hope you all feel that way too...it is a great feeling...and so rare i am enjoying it very much....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
“... as soon as your hand touches the bottle. It’s like, ‘Man, I’ve gone through the day, I need to treat myself.’ ”
And they insist they are not drinking out of need.
"When would you need it more than when there’s 40 screaming kids running around?”
Most acknowledge there can be a fine line between social and problem drinking.
And they insist they are not drinking out of need.
"When would you need it more than when there’s 40 screaming kids running around?”
Most acknowledge there can be a fine line between social and problem drinking.
But some women are almost defiant in their defense of the afternoon group “momtini,”.
“Hey, we do what we have to do to have a fun night with our friends,” she said.
But Ms. Mellor said her book has a larger message, advocating practical, non-obsessive parenting. The drinking part, Ms. Mellor said, “was meant to be a metaphor for having more fun in your life, and having a grown-up life.”
“Hey, we do what we have to do to have a fun night with our friends,” she said.
But Ms. Mellor said her book has a larger message, advocating practical, non-obsessive parenting. The drinking part, Ms. Mellor said, “was meant to be a metaphor for having more fun in your life, and having a grown-up life.”
Christie Mellor advised mothers to mix a few martinis during an afternoon play date. If the parents of your child’s new preschool friend are shocked, she says, they probably are no fun, anyway.“This is a surefire method of separating the wheat from the chaff, the cream from the nondairy soy alternative,” she writes.
“It might just be a way of weeding out the mothers who are righteously indignant about what other people do. I know I don’t need more mothering guilt or mothering judgment in my life.”
“It might just be a way of weeding out the mothers who are righteously indignant about what other people do. I know I don’t need more mothering guilt or mothering judgment in my life.”
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This thread is now closed because of its size.
You can find Part 3 of the Moms thread here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
You can find Part 3 of the Moms thread here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-3-a.html
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